Connor Brandt needs to get laid. For a grade.

That's the whole setup and honestly it's beautiful in its simplicity. This twink shows up at some arts college with his notebook and zero experience, and his professor basically says "write what you know, but like, sexually." The game doesn't pretend to be deep about it. Connor's awkward as hell, the dialogue has that stilted translation quality where someone clearly cared but English wasn't their first language, and somehow it works. The jank becomes the charm.

The art is... inconsistent. Some CGs hit with that glossy yaoi polish where sweat looks like body oil and abs have impossible definition. Other scenes look like they were sketched during lunch break. But when it works? The locker room scene with the basketball player. You know the one. That moment where the choice wheel pops up and you realize you can either be sweet about it or just go full degenerate. I picked degenerate obviously. The sound design is basically nonexistent except for this one looping ambient track that sounds like elevator music from a department store that's going out of business. It's terrible. I left it on for three hours.

The weird thing is the game has moments of genuine writing. Connor's internal monologue about wanting connection versus just wanting dick, the way some routes acknowledge the loneliness underneath the horny. Then five minutes later you're picking dialogue options like "touch his bulge" with the subtlety of a brick. The roleplay elements are thin but the choices actually branch in ways that surprised me. Got rejected once because I moved too fast. Felt weirdly realistic for a game where everyone's apparently bisexual and perpetually available.

The college setting is basically just hallways and bedrooms with different wallpaper. Don't expect immersion. Do expect a lot of very direct, very explicit scenes that don't waste your time with buildup.

The CG gallery in Triple Ex is a mess. Not the art itself, that's fine, standard hentai stuff with the exaggerated proportions you'd expect from the big tits tag. No, the problem is how you unlock it. I spent maybe twenty minutes clicking through dialogue about Jake's lost job and his strained relationship with his wife, waiting for something, anything, to happen. The writing keeps hammering on about his dignity and his freedom like it's a philosophy thesis instead of a porn game. Then suddenly his stepdaughter walks in wearing basically nothing and the scene just... starts. No buildup. No tension. Just a hard cut from moping to fucking.

And look, I get it. The cheating tag is right there. The whole point is taboo family dynamics falling apart. But the game seems confused about whether it wants me to feel bad for Jake or get off on his terrible decisions. There's this one scene where he's going at it with his wife's sister, and the text box is still going on about how much he loves his family. My brother in Christ, you are literally inside her. The emotional whiplash is unreal. I kept thinking about that one Twitter meme where the guy is crying while doing the thumbs up. That's Jake. That's the whole game.

The relationship system, if you can call it that, feels like it was designed by someone who's only ever seen human interaction described in a wikiHow article. You pick dialogue options that are either "sad dad" or "horny dad" and the story lurches forward regardless. I wish the game would just commit to being trashy. Stop trying to make me care about his career. Nobody is clicking on a visual novel tagged family and cheating for the nuanced portrayal of unemployment. We're here for the messy, awful, CG hentai scenes. And those are... fine. The stepdaughter has a scene where she's bent over a kitchen counter that's genuinely hot if you can ignore the three paragraphs of guilt monologue preceding it. Which you can't, because the game won't let you skip text you haven't read before. A sin. An actual sin.

The stopwatch mechanic is what got me, not the firefighter backstory. Guy's a drunk loser looking for his missing buddy, fine, whatever. But then he finds this watch that freezes everything and the first thing you do with it is decide whether to grope some chick on the street or just steal her purse. I picked the obvious option. The corruption meter ticks up and suddenly the whole game shifts tone, like the protagonist stops pretending he's a good guy and just leans into being a piece of shit with god powers.

The CG hentai scenes are rough around the edges, deliberately unpolished in a way that almost feels like a stylistic choice but probably isn't. Some frames look like they were drawn by two different people who never spoke to each other. The domination routes get dark fast, and the stop time scenarios escalate from petty theft to full on mind break territory. There's a choice system but it's mostly an illusion, you either go deeper into the corruption or you stall the plot for a few screens.

I wish the missing friend subplot mattered more. It's there, then it's not, then the game forgets about it for long stretches while you're busy freezing time to mess with some nurse or office lady. The visual novel pacing is weird too, some scenes drag forever on minor dialogue while the actual sex scenes cut off right when they get interesting. Reminds me of those old flash games on Newgrounds where the creator ran out of budget halfway through. Still, for what it is, the stop time fantasy hits different when the protagonist is already a failure. No redemption arc, just a broken man with a cheat code and zero self control. That part feels honest.

Fred’s house on Halloween and the door’s already open, like a bad omen. Velma’s glasses are fogged up, Daphne’s holding a flashlight like it’s a dildo she doesn’t know what to do with, and Scooby’s sniffing the carpet where Fred should’ve been. This isn’t a mystery, it’s a setup for the horniest detective work since I accidentally clicked a rule34 tag at work.

The puzzle bits are simple, click around, match clues, get a little animation of Velma bending over a desk. Her skirt rides up, no panties, obviously. The hentai art style is rough, like someone traced a screenshot from the old cartoon then went wild with the shading. Daphne’s tits look like they’re trying to escape her purple top every time she gasps. There’s a scene where you find Fred’s belt and Velma sniffs it. I don’t know why that made me laugh and get hard at the same time.

One weird mechanic: you can replay clue scenes to see different angles. I spent way too long on the library scene where Velma loses her glasses and ends up face down on a stack of books. The dialogue is terrible, like a non-native speaker wrote it while horny, which honestly fits the parody. Fred’s disappearance is just an excuse to get the girls alone in spooky rooms with creaky doors.

The Halloween vibe is there, pumpkins and cobwebs, but the real horror is how fast the plot forgets Fred exists. You’re supposed to care about him, but then Daphne’s on her knees looking for a clue under the couch and suddenly Scooby’s not the only one with a bone. No real ending, just a loop of scenes and a text box saying “to be continued” which is bullshit. But I kept clicking. The detective tag is a lie, it’s a visual novel with extra steps and less clothing.

The soundtrack in Old Friends and Public Transport is doing something weird to my brain. It's this lo-fi beat thing that sounds like it was recorded in someone's bathroom, all muffled bass and these little synth stabs that come in at the wrong moments. During the bus scene where James first spots his mom's old friend, the music just... stops. Dead silence for like four seconds while she's adjusting her blouse. Then this single piano note drops and I swear I felt it in my teeth. Not in a good way either, more like when you bite aluminum foil by accident. The whole audio mix is kinda fucked honestly, levels jumping around like the dev just dragged sliders randomly. But here's the thing, it works for the horny parts. When they're back at her place and she's pouring wine, there's this bassline that's way too loud and it vibrates through my shitty laptop speakers in a way that made me check if someone was actually knocking. The sex scenes have these breathy vocal samples that are probably from some free sound pack, you know the ones, where the actress is clearly just reading lines in a booth. "Oh James, your mother can never know about this" delivered with all the passion of someone ordering a sandwich. But the reverb on it is so excessive it becomes this ghostly echo that hangs around way after the line ends. I keep thinking about that one track during the kitchen scene, the one with the weird flute thing. It's supposed to be seductive I guess but it sounds more like a ringtone from 2006. Can't get it out of my head though. Been humming it at work. People stare. The whole OST is like eight tracks total and three of them are just variations on the same melody but pitched differently. Lazy as hell but I've definitely heard worse in these VN games. At least it's not the same thirty second loop for two hours like that one game about the demon girls and the... wait what was I talking about. Right, the milf. She's got these absolutely ridiculous proportions, like her back must be made of titanium or something. The CG art is actually pretty decent when it finally shows up, which takes forever because the game really wants you to read every single line of dialogue about bus schedules and apartment hunting. James is boring as fuck obviously, just a blank slate with a dick, but the friend's mom character has this one expression where she bites her lip and looks away that the artist clearly spent way more time on than anything else. Respect the priorities. Wish there was a gallery mode though, having to replay the whole thing just to see the one scene where she's bent over the couch is annoying. The writing is whatever, typical "oh no I'm so lonely in this new city" setup that exists purely to get to the part where she answers the door in a robe. But that one CG where her tits are basically defying several laws of physics? Worth the twenty minutes of clicking through text about James's boring job. The jiggle animation is so over the top it loops back around to being hypnotic. Like watching jello in an earthquake. I don't know man, the game knows what it is. The audio is a mess, the pacing is glacial, but when it finally delivers the goods it's like... yeah okay fine. Just fix the volume mixing next time. My ears are still ringing from that one transition.

So the furry thing. It shows up and suddenly you're not just some burger flipper anymore, you're like, a guy with a destiny? Maybe? The game is called Burger Boy and it's got this weird energy where you're working the grill, grease popping onto your apron, and then this little creature just... appears. Changes everything. The description says "fluffy and unpleasant companion" but honestly it's more of a chaotic gremlin vibe. Think of that one coworker who always "forgets" to clean the fryer but somehow makes the shift bearable.

The restaurant setting is perfect for the kind of slow burn nonsense that happens. You've got the milfs coming in, big tits practically spilling over the counter while they order extra pickles, and the whole visual novel thing means you're clicking through dialogue that ranges from painfully relatable kitchen humor to straight up "wait, did she just say that?" moments. The CG hentai scenes hit different when you've been flipping patties for six in game hours and suddenly your manager bends over to check the inventory. There's this one scene with the health inspector that I won't spoil but let's just say she's very thorough with her temperature checks. Very thorough.

The art style is deliberately rough around the edges, like someone drew it on napkins between orders. But that's the charm, right? It's not trying to be some polished triple A hentai experience. It's greasy and messy and sometimes the dialogue options make zero sense. Like why can I ask about the secret menu when there's clearly no secret menu? The game never explains that. And the furry companion, I still don't fully understand if it's helping or making everything worse. Sometimes it steals fries right off a customer's plate and you just have to watch. No consequences. No resolution. Just... stolen fries. Anyway the big boobed regular who always sits in booth three, she's got this whole backstory that I thought was going somewhere but then the game just moves on to a different plot thread about the walk in freezer. Classic.

So I’m poking around this visual novel, right, and the leveling system here isn’t stats or skill trees. It’s a mess of pure, uncut hentai logic. Your experience bar fills up based on who you manage to cram your tongue down next. The former classmate setup feels less like a nostalgic meetup and more like a psychosexual battle royale where the only loot drop is complicated feelings and bodily fluids.

The big tit selection here is generous, almost comedically so, like the character designer got paid per cup size. But then they throw in a femboy who completely derails my carefully planned "straight route." I clicked a choice that seemed innocent, something about sharing an umbrella, and suddenly the game pelts me with a CG scene that redefines "soaking wet." And I don't hate it? The bisexual pandering feels genuine, not just a checkmark. My dick’s confused but my save file is full. The dialogue reads like it was translated by a horny ghost, phrases that don’t quite land but somehow make the porn hit harder. "Your skin is like moonlight," she says, while her tits clip through her school uniform because the rendering gave up.

The choice mechanic is a liar. There’s this one decision where you pick between coffee or tea and it branches into a threesome scenario that made me choke on my own spit. I still don’t understand the correlation. Maybe hydration is a love language. The relationship tags promise deep connections, but it’s really a scramble to unlock the next jiggling, over-animated CG gallery entry. I got stuck on a loop trying to trigger the femboy’s ending, a detail that consumed way too much of my mental bandwidth, and the sound of the looping moan track is now fused to my hippocampus. That specific high pitched panting will haunt me.

The phone interface where you text the characters is slow as molasses. I tapped so many times my screen got warm. The story tries this weird guilt trip about breaking a relationship for a quick fuck, but a paragraph later someone’s nipple is being stretched like taffy, so the emotional weight kind of evaporates.

That opening where Lillie trips and her skirt flips up. I restarted three times. Not because I missed dialogue, but because the CG angle changes slightly depending on if you help her up or just stare. The game knows what it is.

It's this weird Pokemon parody set in Alola, except all the characters are basically horny teenagers and somehow the "trainer" Moon keeps walking in on them changing or "accidentally" grabbing things. The writing is deliberately jank in places, like someone translated it through Google then back again, but honestly that adds to the charm. Mallow's scene in the kitchen, the whole "taste testing" thing, that's going to live in my head rent free. The way she licks the spoon. You know exactly what I mean.

The humor lands maybe 60% of the time. Some of the quest descriptions made me snort, others... well, you can tell they're trying to reference old internet memes that were already dead when this was made. I wish there was more actual interactivity during the adult scenes instead of just clicking through dialogue trees that all lead to approximately the same CG with slightly different grunts. The professor's aide character, what's her name, Wicke, her route is the only one where choices genuinely branch the intimate moments and that's frustrating. Why build a whole choice system just to ignore it for everyone else? Also the teen tag is doing a lot of heavy lifting here, these "young women" look and act like they're in some ambiguous anime age zone that's never quite comfortable. But then Lana makes a joke about "Magikarp length" and I'm laughing against my better judgment. The parody tag means you can't take any of it seriously, which is probably the point.

The voice acting in this one is a weird beast. You got D.Va, right, but she sounds like she's doing ASMR in a bathroom with a fan running. There's this one scene where she's supposed to be whispering something dirty into your ear, and I swear I heard a chair squeak in the background. Like, the sound engineer just left the mic live and went for a smoke. But then, her moans during the more explicit CG hentai parts? Actually pretty good. It's inconsistent as hell. One minute it's a professional studio take, next minute it's a Discord call with a bad headset. The parody angle means you already know the character, so half the work is done for you. The petite frame is rendered okay, nothing groundbreaking, but the expressions during the lewd scenes carry it.

The plot is basically your standard visual novel setup. You're the boyfriend, you get a mysterious mail, and suddenly you're trying to spice things up while some dark plan brews underground. The pacing is like a microwave meal. First two minutes are frozen solid with boring dialogue about being a teammate, then it's suddenly boiling hot with a blowjob scene that comes out of nowhere. No build up, no tension. Just bam, here's her tits. I guess that's what some people want, but for a game that tries to have a story about Gwishin disappearing, it forgets that plot for long stretches. You'll be reading about some evil plan, then suddenly you're picking dialogue options to finger her in a mech hangar. The tonal whiplash is real.

If you're gonna play this, turn your volume up for the sex scenes and down for everything else. The voice actress clearly had more fun with the moaning than the exposition. Don't expect a coherent story. Just treat it like a fap roulette. Click through the boring parts, save before every choice, and enjoy the CG hentai when it hits. The D.Va fans will get the most out of it, especially if you like that petite body type. Just don't think too hard about why the enemy vanished or what the mail actually said. Nobody's here for that.