Vault 69 feels like somebody took a Fallout parody, spilled a full Pornhub search history on it, and then said “yeah ok, this is the plot now”. You play as the only useful dick in an underground vault that ran out of common sense and condoms at the same time. The Overseer basically pats you on the shoulder and says “go breed, champ”, while the whole place is full of desperate, half-broken, half-horny people that somehow still find time to argue about rations and power supply. It’s not subtle. It’s not trying to be smart. It just throws you into a post-apoc mess where your cock is both resource and weapon. You walk around the vault, talk to girls who are clearly one bad day from snapping, and every choice is like a weird mix of dating sim and HR management, if HR was about who gets to swallow and who only gets it up the ass.

What I liked is that the game doesn’t pretend sex is soft or romantic. It’s rough, dirty, and sometimes a little fucked up in the head. You’ve got big-titted slaves, “volunteers” that are clearly not okay, raiders topside who think “negotiation” means forcing the protagonist to prove his value by breaking in new captives. One scene had me trying a pickup line like “Let’s save humanity together” and the girl actually laughed at me before forcing me to go down on her as “practice” for future breeding candidates. Another time I tried a more aggressive line, something like “Bend over the desk, I’m tired of talking”, and she just locked the door and went full dom on me instead, using my face on the chair and calling it “evaluation”. The game loves flipping your expectations like that. Sometimes your cheesy line works and opens a new hardcore scene, sometimes it gets you punched, sometimes it triggers a weird management event about population stress where you’re suddenly filling forms after filling holes. And yeah, those stupid little stat prompts that pop up on screen, they feel like Excel sheet made horny. I hated it. I also kind of liked it. I don’t know.

Outside the vault it gets nastier and funnier at the same time. You meet wasteland chicks who are way more dangerous than the gun they’re holding, and somehow the dialogue still makes room for cringe pickup attempts. Had a moment where I tried to be smooth with a raider girl, something like “You look like trouble, I like trouble”, and she just put a boot on my chest and told me I’ll “earn the pussy” by bringing her slaves to trade. Next thing I know, I’m back in the vault doing this awkward loop of cold resource management and hot, brutal sex, trying to decide who gets treated like a person and who gets used like equipment. The violence can be a bit much sometimes, honestly, but the world is so broken it weirdly fits. I wish there were more soft scenes where characters just fuck for fun, not duty, but this setting is not really about cozy cuddling anyway. It’s about mouths full, asses sore, power plays everywhere, and you stuck in the middle pretending your shitty pickup lines are actually saving civilization. At least when I alt-tabbed to check Discord after a particularly harsh anal scene, my brain needed a second to remember that in real life, people don’t usually ask “What’s your breeding quota today?” so I guess the immersion works a little too well.

This thing starts with a goddess basically catfishing you. She gives you the whole “save the world from titans” story, all dramatic and holy, but from the first few clicks it’s obvious she mostly wants to throw you into a horny parody universe where plot is just a polite excuse to make the Attack on Titan girls open their legs for you. You play Takashi, this totally average guy who reacts to getting isekai’d with just the right amount of “holy shit” and “ok but where are the tits.” The tone swings between goofy and shamelessly filthy, and it kind of works. One minute they’re talking about humanity’s last hope, next minute Mikasa is on her knees, hair messy, with that dead-serious face still on while she’s choking on your cock like it’s part of the military training. It feels wrong in exactly the way you came here for.

The “multiverse” thing is really just an excuse: different scenes, different setups, same target. You pop around this twisted version of the walls and barracks, and all the familiar locations are slightly off, like a porn parody that forgot to be subtle. There’s banter, there are stupid jokes at all the right times, like the goddess nagging you that if you keep choosing the lewd options the timeline is fucked, while the game itself keeps rewarding you for going full degener*te. At one point I picked a “heroic” dialogue choice by mistake and the scene turned almost sweet for a moment, which felt more illegal than the actual sex. Then the next click had Mikasa grinding on you, riding you with this cold, focused look, like she’s trying to break a training dummy, except it’s your dick. The CG style fits the anime vibe enough so your brain instantly goes “oh, that’s her,” and then it drops the panties and the illusion of canon in the same second. It’s crude, sometimes lazy, sometimes weirdly on point. I hated how the text occasionally repeats the same teasing line, but my hand apparently did not care.

The best bits are when the game remembers it’s supposed to be funny and horny at the same time. Like when the goddess complains you’re corrupting every timeline and then quietly adds a new “nasty” option to the menu. Or when Takashi pretends he’s trying to save humanity while obviously aiming for “save my balls from being full.” If you want to squeeze the most juice out of it, don’t just skip straight to the money shots. Click the sillier choices, let the scenes breathe, piss off the goddess a bit, and take your time watching Mikasa slowly go from stoic soldier to dick-drunk mess. That’s where the game actually feels like a lewd fan letter to the anime, written by someone who watched way too many “what if she sat on my face” TikToks and finally snapped.

Chicago has never looked this filthy and I mean that as a compliment and also a threat. You’re not just some random thug in a hat, baby, you’re the hungry little bastard in a cheap suit trying to claw your way up while the city smells like smoke, cheap liquor, and bad decisions. One second you’re in a backroom with your dick in your hand because some animated bombshell just whispered the right thing in your ear, the next you’re choosing whether to sell someone out to the cops or shove them in the trunk. It’s very “suck a cock, shoot a snitch, light a cigarette” in that order, and the game really does not care about your moral panic. I went in for the porn, I stayed because suddenly I was like, “hold up, did I just talk my way out of a massacre and into a blowjob on a dusty office desk?”

What kills me is how it flips from horny to tense without asking permission. You’re staring at this older lady, right, she’s got that full MILF vibe, dress hugging her hips, voice smooth like old jazz on a bad speaker, and she’s talking about money, territory, respect. She’s also clearly checking you out. I picked one flirty line just for fun, expecting the usual “haha, maybe later” and instead my character is on his knees in some smoky lounge, tongue working, her hand tangled in his hair while she talks business like this is a normal Wednesday. And the camera does not shy away. Mouth, spit, lipstick a little ruined, that slow head movement, the way she uses you like a toy while deciding who gets shot tomorrow. If you’re into oral, the game understands you at a real spiritual level. It’s not just “he puts it in mouth, scene over.” They linger on it. Rhythm, control, humiliation, praise, all in one sloppy little loop. And yes, I replayed that scene with different choices. For research. Obviously.

But under all the cum and crime, there’s actually this weird feeling that your choices matter more than usual porn junk. Sometimes you go in thinking, “yeah yeah, I’ll pick the rude options, I’m the big bad gangster, rawr,” and suddenly some side character remembers that you threatened them three scenes ago and now the meeting goes sideways. Or that hot married MILF who teased you earlier? She might push you down on the sofa and ride you just because you backed her against her husband, or she might ignore you completely if you played the loyal nice guy. And it stings when she ignores you, I won’t lie, I sat there like a clown. Also, little detail that got stuck in my brain for no reason: there’s this one moment where you’re jerking off alone, tension high as hell, looking out over the city through a dirty window, and it actually feels pathetic in a good way. Like, you’re this “big” criminal, yet you’re still just a horny idiot with your hand on your cock, trying to forget that half the city wants you dead. That mix of sleaze and anxiety is kind of the whole mood. The story doesn’t always hit perfectly, some scenes feel like they fast forward just when it’s getting spicy, and the pacing is a tiny bit drunk, but honestly that also kinda fits. Gangster life. Messy, horny, badly timed, full of guilt and spit.

This thing pretends to be some big space opera, but it feels more like a horny guy got lost between Mass Effect and a bad hentai doujin and just went “yeah ok, I live here now”. You play a bounty hunter flying around the galaxy, hunting “dangerous women” who just happen to all be hot, stacked and very allergic to clothes. It starts pretty normal: small mission brief, you land on some weird alien station, there is a milf elf captain who already looks like she wants to ride you instead of arrest you. One dialog choice later, you are pinning her to the command table, and the “space justice” is literally you fucking her until her makeup is ruined and she is begging you to cum inside. Story “progression” is usually: find target, argue a bit, she underestimates you, then it is blowjob, rough sex, creampie, some quick joke, next system. Very subtle like a sledgehammer, but it weirdly works.

What I liked is how touch control actually feels natural for fapping, not like some Ren’Py game where you just tap next and pray the text auto goes faster. Here you are dragging dialogue choices with your thumb while your other hand is kind of busy, sliding up to speed through boring lines, tapping small icons to switch from oral to vaginal, or to push her head deeper on your cock when she is “pretending” to resist. There is this scene with an AI-driven ship interface, looks like some hologram milf with glowing tattoos, where you can just keep forcing her to “optimize your stress levels” by sucking you off in different camera angles, and the game lets you loop that instead of pushing you forward. I kept replaying that one with screen rotation off on my phone so I can jerk with the other hand. It plays nice on touch like FapNinja or Nutaku’s browser games, but this one is more direct, less grind, more “here is a monster girl with three tongues, figure out where to put your dick”.

Humor hits and misses. Sometimes it is pretty funny, like when some elf milf crime boss talks big about honor, then two lines later she is riding you, screaming that she is your property and that you better fill her up or she will kill you. Other times the jokes feel like someone watched too much Marvel and tried to copy that, and you just want them to shut up and get back on their knees. There is light parody of all the usual sci fi: you get star fleets, some evil federation, dumb AI assistants who act like they are above everything while literally simulating pussy for you. The hentai logic is strong: every enemy milf, monster girl, alien queen, they all secretly want your cock, and the “male domination” vibe is full on. You grab hair, you make them choke on it, you decide if you cum on their face or deep in their pussy and watch the creampie drip. Sometimes there is a bit of masturbation scene where the “evil” woman pretends she hates you but she is rubbing herself watching you, and you get this stupid grin because it is so trashy but also hot. It is not deep, and sometimes the dialog feels like it was written on a phone in a bus, but when you are lying on your bed with one hand scrolling and one hand stroking, it kind of hits exactly the dirty brain level it aims for.