This thing calls itself “Life is Vanilla” but it’s really that messy, horny, half-true story everyone swears they’ll never tell in public, then dumps in a group chat after three beers. You’re in control of this awkward 18-year-old guy who talks big, watches way too much porn on his phone, and still loses eye contact whenever a girl actually pulls her top halfway up. It has that vibe of early uni convention season, where you’re juggling class, cheap weed, cosplay plans and wondering how the hell other people are already fucking in bathroom stalls while you’re arguing about Marvel canon. The tone jumps a lot: one moment it’s goofy jokes and dumb memes, then suddenly you’re watching your character get his first handjob in a cramped room and the camera just stays there, way too intimate, like you accidentally opened someone’s private Snapchat. It’s all 3D styled in a way that sometimes looks hot as hell and sometimes looks like everyone got slightly too much botox, but somehow that kinda fits the awkward sex energy. And yes, there is a lot of focus on big tits and big asses, not “tasteful” or subtle, more like the game knows exactly why most people click it.

What actually works for me is how it treats virginity and cheating in the same universe without pretending to be moral about it. Early on you’re still a clueless virgin who freaks out when a girl starts slow teasing, grinding on your lap while still fully dressed, just her shirt riding up and your brain short-circuits. Then later, you’re in these situations where some girl who absolutely should not be touching you is doing it anyway, like a “I have a boyfriend but he’s boring” type, sliding her hand into your pants while she keeps talking about totally normal stuff so no one notices. The game doesn’t pause to judge her, it just lets you enjoy the fucked up thrill. There is a scene in a shared apartment kitchen that really stuck with me, the kind of fake-casual exhibitionism where she “accidentally” bends over a bit too far, no panties, pretending to search a lower cabinet while the MC is desperately hiding his boner behind a cereal box. It makes group sex later on feel like a natural train wreck of all the small bad decisions. Of course there’s oral, creampies, clothes coming off in the worst possible order, that thing where a girl spits on your cock first and smiles like she just discovered a cheat code. Weirdly, the only thing that really annoyed me was one shirt texture on a side girl’s outfit that looked cheap as hell. I kept staring at it every time she stripped, which is the most unsexy complaint to have, but it just pulled me out of it and then I’d forget what line I was even reading in the scene. Anyway, it all plays like someone’s overconfident memory of their youth, mixed with shit that obviously didn’t happen, and that chaotic mix is kind of the whole charm, even when it’s trying way too hard and somehow not trying at all at the same time.

Guy gets flattened by discount Truck-kun, respawns in horny Narnia, and the first thing the gods hand him is not wisdom or justice, it’s a cock and plot armor. That’s basically the energy here. You start as this broke college grad who literally failed at life, then wake up in Evenralm where everyone has either massive tits, a perfect ass, pointy ears, horns, or some combo of all three, and nobody owns a bra that actually fits. The world looks like one of those fantasy gacha ads where you pretend you’re there for “story” while one-handed scrolling on your phone. Except here you’re the main character, not the guy who dies in the prologue to motivate someone else. You walk into a random village and every girl talks to you like you’re the only male protagonist on the server. Which, to be fair, you kinda are.

It sells itself as Harem King journey, but the real plot is “how many girls can I accidentally seduce while pretending I’m saving the world from the Demon Lord”. You go from “I can’t pay rent” to “I guess I have to share a campfire with elf mage with big tits and dragon girl with stupidly big ass, oh no, what a tragedy”. Routes feel like scuffed dating sim logic: give wrong answer, girl still blushes, give right answer, she blushes harder and suddenly you’re getting a blowjob behind a tavern after some “training” quest. The animated scenes are the kind where the dev definitely paused a lot of JAV to get angles right. Mouths actually move on oral scenes, hips grind properly during vaginal, thighs jiggle in that “the physics are almost too honest” way. Sometimes the MC talks in the middle of sex and you’re like “shut up dude, nobody came here for your motivational speech”, but then the camera pulls in on an elf riding you like she’s trying to erase your spine and your brain forgives everything again. There’s this one camp scene where half your party is asleep and one of the girls sneaks into your bed, climbs on top, and the only sound is her wet squelch and those tiny gasps, and I swear the text box could have been blank and it still would work. The funny part is I kept telling myself “I’ll just check one more event” and three boss fights later I’m min-maxing affection points like some horny accountant. If you want the good stuff, be weirdly nice in dialog, always pick the slightly pervy joke, and never skip “optional” side quests, because that’s where the thickest scenes hide. Treat every fetch quest like foreplay and every camp chat like a chance to unlock another girl sitting on your face. Do that and the game basically rewards you for being a patient little degenerate.

Guy bails from the safe engineering grind and sneaks into the art class instead, and from that moment the whole thing feels like watching a horny college slice-of-life slowly losing its mind in the best way. You start as this slightly awkward dude who pretends to be normal, but his sketchbook is full of horny ideas he will absolutely end up acting out. The game really loves that feeling when you know you’re doing something you shouldn’t, like hiding porn in your Google Drive and hoping nobody opens the “taxes_final_final2” folder. First scenes are pretty chill: chatting, classes, some teasing, your childhood friend texting you, the usual VN stuff. Then you see how the art stuff becomes excuse for everything. “I need to study anatomy” turns into “let me grope you while I pretend I’m just checking proportions”. Drawing practice turns into handjobs in the empty studio, paint-stained fingers wrapped around your cock. You can be playful or kind of a bastard, and the game actually responds instead of just pretending.

The real fun starts when the game drops the brakes and goes full perv with the cast. You think “ok, classic college girls”, then boom: futa teacher with a smug face pinning you to the desk, her cock pressing against your ass while she criticizes your shitty shading. One route I went too deep into has this femboy model that joins the class, slim body, soft face, skirt way too short. First time you pose him you try to be “professional”, second time you are sucking his dick behind the curtain while the rest of the class paints with headphones on. There is a trap character who looks more girly than half the girls, and there is a whole humiliation-exhibition thread with him that basically turns the art club into your private porn studio. You can push him to pose in only a collar, make him bend over the table, and even have him walk out into the corridor with cum dripping down his thighs while people almost catch him. Oral scenes are everywhere: kneeling in the bathroom, under the desk in the computer room, backstage during an art show with people right outside. Sometimes you control the pace and choke them, sometimes a dom girl just grabs your hair and fucks your mouth until you’re gagging, calls you her “brush holder” like that’s a normal insult. Anal shows up in both directions too: you pounding a shy classmate over a stack of canvases, or that futa teacher deciding you need “corrective training” and pushing in slowly while you grip the edge of the table and pretend you’re still in control. There is BDSM flavor mixed with college vibe: rope marks over pale skin, clothespins on nipples while someone tries to keep quiet in the dorm, the kind of hand around the neck that is almost gentle but not really. The animated bits give the sex scenes a lot of weight, especially the small stuff like balls slapping, subtle hip movement, the way bodies grind together. It looks good enough to be hot, but still a bit rough in places, like weird angles or awkward faces in some loops, and that actually fits the whole “student art” theme. I still hate that one looping moan that sounds like a Telegram notification in the background, it drives me crazy every time and I keep checking my phone for nothing. The game lets you be both the bully and the toy, and switching between male domination and being dragged around by a scary calm girl or a cocky futa makes the routes feel different, even when it reuses locations. Exhibitionism hits hard: half-open doors, windows with people outside, phones recording. At one point I had the MC getting jerked off with paint-covered hands in the middle of the empty classroom while the sunset light hits the glass, and it felt so filthy and kind of beautiful at the same time, like someone mixed porn and an Instagram art reel. Then the same scene replayable later with different choices turned into a cruel humiliation, where he is forced to cum on the floor and lick it up while the dom laughs and snaps pics. It is messy, horny, sometimes clumsy, but it absolutely knows why you are here.

Caelus here is not the soft idiot from canon. The game basically asks, "What if the Trailblazer actually used all that cosmic bullshit to do the one thing everyone writes in fanfic but Hoyoverse pretends doesn’t exist?" and then never pulls back. Nanook is not some gloomy destruction god, he is straight up horny cosmic troll, like a drunk Archive of Our Own tag come to life. Plot is thin in a good way: every excuse to bend another Star Rail girl, and sometimes literally, into whatever shape your pervy little brain asked for the first time you saw her on a limited banner and thought “yeah I’d roll on that.”

What works weirdly well is how the game treats the whole “canon vs fanon” thing. Half the scenes feel like they were ripped straight from those long smut fics where the author clearly has a spreadsheet for everyone’s kinks. You know those 70k word monsters that start “slow burn” and then chapter 3 is already double penetration and mind control? Same energy here. One minute you are talking about Aeons and Paths, next minute Nanook just snaps reality and suddenly a proud Valkyrie type is on her knees giving this messy, noisy blowjob that would get a Twitch VOD nuked on sight. Then the scene pretends like nothing happened and jumps back to sci fi chatter. It feels wrong in a fun way. Or maybe in a stupid way. I liked it anyway.

The sex itself hits pretty much every checkbox people keep sneaking into tags: sloppy oral that really leans into the sounds, handjobs with way too much focus on fingers and precum, anal scenes where the camera insists on hanging on that first push a bit too long, and then stuff like footjobs that come out of nowhere. I mean it, you are casually abusing some broken mind controlled girl for exhibition in a public corridor, and suddenly she is using her feet like it is the most natural thing in the galaxy, with Nanook commenting in your head like a hentai Reddit thread. It is over the top and sometimes kind of dumb, but in a charming “this is clearly made by a guy who knows every Honkai subtag on Rule34.xxx” sort of way. The harem idea is full power, too. Caelus walks around like the universe itself is his brothel, and the girls, even when they resist at first, end up folded into this obedient, fucked-out collection entirely under his control. The mind control is not subtle. He rewrites them to love being toys, to show off outside with clothes barely hanging on, to beg him to use every hole in the worst moments, during missions, in front of cameras, whatever. And yet in the middle of all that excess, I got really annoyed that one small VFX on a cumshot looked like cheap soap. It bothered me the whole time and yeah, the game never fixes it.

What surprised me is how casually the game mixes sci fi nonsense and raw filth. You get “superpowers” here but not for saving worlds. Caelus uses cosmic energy to freeze time just to keep a girl’s mouth wrapped around his cock at the perfect angle, or to hold her asshole open while he decides if he wants to go back to her pussy or not. Sometimes reality bends so hard two girls exist in the same “moment” giving alternate versions of the same scene, one obedient, one still fighting, and you can flip your attention back and forth like changing tabs in Chrome. It sounds fancy, but in practice you are just clicking through dialogue while the game finds new ways to show spit, tears, ruined makeup and gaping. There is this one exhibition bit where a character is pretended to be fully in charge in front of a crowd, proper captain pose, and then in the next “layer” she is actually riding Caelus, forced to keep a perfect public speech while getting filled and emptied again and again. It is clever. Or maybe it is trash. Kind of both. Fantasy fans will notice half the lore is slightly off too. Some names are wrong, affiliations twisted, like the developer half remembered wiki pages and then said “eh, who cares, she is naked now.” Honestly, they were right.

If you ever read a “what if the Stellaron messed with their libido instead of destiny” fic and thought the author chickened out before the real filth, this is that same story but the brakes got removed, burned, and then fucked.