You’re the poor bastard who climbed the ladder just high enough that nobody shoots you, but everybody dumps their shit on your desk. Whole galaxy is rotting, planets choking on smog, priests screaming about purity, and you’re in a cramped office where the lights buzz like insects while you decide if some mining colony gets air filters or “thoughts and prayers.” And right in the middle of that, you keep tripping over women who want to fuck you, argue with you, manipulate you, or all three at once. Not because you’re some chosen hero, but because your signature can save their lives or destroy their whole world, and in this empire, pussy is just another kind of paperwork.

You start as this awkward virgin clerk who suddenly has real power, and the game never lets you forget how weird that is. One moment you’re reading a report about famine on a frozen shithole planet, next moment a bored noble MILF is sitting too close on your couch, pretending she’s worried about “trade quotas” while her hand creeps up your thigh. She’s old enough to have kids in the guard, tits poured into some ridiculous formal dress, and she’s treating your office like it’s a private bedroom. You can push her away and grill her about corruption, or you grab her hair and she drops on her knees between your legs and starts sucking like this is the only way she remembers how to negotiate. The game is blunt about it: she wants a better result on your decision, and she’s ready to slobber on your cock for it, lipstick smeared, eyes watering, trying to moan around your dick while you skim her file. And it’s fucked up, because while she’s gagging on you, you’re also actually reading the numbers and thinking, “yeah, this planet is screwed.”

That’s kind of how the whole thing feels: serious and horny at the same time, like someone mashed a grim sci fi bureaucracy sim with a porn VN and just didn’t apologize. There’s this cute junior scribe who brings you data slates and looks like she’s gonna burst from stress, and if you’re gentle, she slowly cracks, starts opening up about how terrified she is of getting reassigned to some nightmare warzone. First time you manage to calm her down, she leaves… but if you keep backing her, she eventually turns up in your room, shutting the door, cheeks red, hands shaking as she offers herself like she’s filing a desperate last-minute request. She’s still technically the one begging, but you KNOW the power is in your hands when she climbs into your lap and whispers that she’s never done this before, then winces as you push inside her, tight and wet and clinging to your shirt so hard the fabric creaks. And right after you finish, there’s this short, shitty silence, like “ok, cool, now you both work in the same office tomorrow.” No magic romance fade-out, just sticky thighs and a stack of forms on the desk you still have to sign.

What caught me was how your traits twist those scenes. Pick paranoid and you’re double-checking everyone, even when some guardwoman with arms thicker than your waist is riding your dick in a barracks bunk, using you like a toy because she’s lonely and half drunk, and your brain is still going “is she trying to get a transfer out of that meat grinder of a front line?” Go empath and it actually stings when a woman offers her body like it’s the last thing she has left to bargain with. You can still grab her by the hips and fuck her raw over your office table, her moans mixing with the quiet hum of cogitators, but it hits different when you realize her whole world literally hangs on the word you’re going to stamp on that form after you pull out and she’s dripping on your paperwork. The art has that rough AI feel sometimes, but every now and then a scene lands just right: a milf with tired eyes but a hungry mouth, a scared virgin biting her lip while you push in slowly, a smirking manipulator who’s clearly enjoying the game more than you are. It’s messy, it’s not “nice,” and it leans into the idea that in this empire, romance, lust, fear, and red tape are all the same fucking language. Dare to play it alone, or invite company?

City looks almost normal from far away, but when you drop into this game and see that alley, with the corpse still fresh and those glowing symbols scratching the walls, it feels like you just walked backstage into the wrong show. You’re Detective Hart, sure, big coat, serious face, typical noir guy, but the story flips so fast. The ritual doesn’t stop with the dead body, it kind of slides under your skin instead. One minute you click on a weird relic to “inspect evidence”, next minute you’re flat on your back with some smug milf in shredded cosplay heels grinding her huge ass over your chest, explaining “arcane marks” while her tits are basically screaming in your face. The whole point & click thing becomes this slow tease: every hotspot you explore is like someone putting a thumb on your zipper, not pulling yet, just testing the tension.

Artifacts in this city don’t just give power, they pick their toys, and they really like you. There’s this one scene in a run-down club, all neon purple reflections and sticky floor. You’re supposed to interrogate a suspect, female dom vibe from the start, tight latex corset, fake demon horns, that smug ahegao half-smile like she already knows how you taste. You click on her boots first, because of course you do, and suddenly the POV drops right to the floor. She pins your wrists with one heel, toes sliding over your crotch, slow, lazy footjob while she “questions” you about the Queen. Every question is an order. Every answer you get wrong, she speeds up a little. And you kind of want to get them wrong. The game doesn’t shout at you about choices, it just lets you click, react, and then you realize that one tiny decision in a dialogue tree means the next CG is a rough titfuck against a wall instead of a soft blowjob on the couch.

Best part is how messy the sex is with the magic stuff. These cursed relics keep warping scenes. Like, you pick up this small, innocent looking amulet in an antique shop, and when you come back to your motel, the milf landlord is waiting in the hallway in a “just a towel” cosplay that never existed before. You see it in POV, her big tits dripping water, towel half-open, and she starts “helping” you relax from the case. Handjob at first, slow, almost too gentle, then she uses those huge breasts and spits on your shaft, pushing them together, fucking you between them while the amulet pulses somewhere on the nightstand. If you click on her eyes instead of her chest, she suddenly goes full ritual mode, climbs on top, rides you raw, big ass bouncing in your lap while she whispers about the trapped Queen and how your cum is part of the key. She holds you inside when you start to twitch, no choice to pull out, you feel that creampie vibe in the CG, her stomach slightly tense, that satisfied, filthy ahegao like “yeah, that one counted”.

Later, when the anal scenes start showing up, it’s not just random kink. It’s like every time you press too deep into this cursed world, the women press too deep into you. There’s this alleyway callback, where a cosplaying cultist pins you to the hood of a car. She’s in some fake nun outfit that would get you banned from half of Twitch, and she uses your own tie to bind your hands. You think it’s just another blowjob, her lips working up and down, spit glistening, her hand twisting your shaft, but the relic under her garter flares and suddenly she turns around, spreads her big ass, and just sinks down on you in one brutal move. No slow prep, just that one hot, painful-good thrust, her ass swallowing your cock while she looks over her shoulder making full ahegao, tongue out, eyes rolled, like the demon queen is watching through her. And yes, I know I said my favorite was the tender motel titfuck, but I lied, this rough car-hood anal owns my brain now. The teasing in this game is cruel in a fun way: they let you hover right at that edge with a foot sliding along your shaft, or a tongue circling just the tip, then slam you deep into a scene that ends with a messy creampie and a little note somewhere in the UI that another artifact “accepts your offering”. It’s horny, clumsy in spots, the AI CG sometimes makes a thigh too thick or a hand slightly weird, but honestly that makes it hotter, like a dirty sketchbook instead of some perfect poster. Every new scene feels like fuel for a different burlesque number in my head, lots of slow reveals, big ass turns, lipstick marks on detective badges, and a city that moans back when you touch it in the right place.

You know that feeling when your calendar hits “International Talk Like A Pirate Day” and you kinda want a game that actually leans into it, but also rails you into next week? Lusty Buccaneers is exactly in that stupidly specific overlap. It pretends to be about treasure and adventure, but after the first ten minutes it’s very clear the real loot is ass and humiliation. You’re this rookie pirate, supposedly “future legend of the seas”, and the first thing you actually do is get bullied by a captain with tits that should honestly have their own wanted poster. She talks like a mix of dominatrix and HR manager from hell, tells you to kneel, calls you useless, then gives you a “private examination” in her cabin that somehow involves a strap-on, your ass, and the word “crew discipline” said way too sweet. Loved it. Hated it. Still clicked every option that made her more cruel.

What I enjoyed most is how the game keeps pretending it’s wholesome shounen pirate adventure. You get this big world map, little sandbox vibe, random ports, “mystery islands”, new crewmates, some goofy parody of famous anime pirates with names just close enough to make you snort. Then the scenes hit. One moment you negotiate with a monster girl who looks like someone mashed a mermaid, a cowgirl milf and your search history from xVideos. Next moment you’re handcuffed to the mast, covered in milk and cum, while your captain makes you watch her get double stuffed by a pair of huge black pirates you “accidentally” recruited. It calls itself romance in the menu, but yeah, good luck staying pure. The corruption route is way too fun. I tried to be loyal, I really did, then the game throws a futa swordswoman at you with abs, a massive dick and footplay options and suddenly your “honor” is at the bottom of the ocean.

The multiple endings thing actually works here, even if half of them just feel like different flavors of “you turned into a perverted slave mascot for an all-girl crew.” Got a soft spot for the one where your pirate harem looks normal on the surface, but in reality every girl is sleeping with everyone behind your back and the game keeps dropping little voyeur scenes if you click the wrong cabin at night. There is this one early moment I keep thinking about, when you catch two crew girls in the storage room, one in full crossdressing outfit, giving a sloppy blowjob while the other milks her and laughs about how they’re going to “share you next.” You can walk away like a virgin idiot or stay and watch from a barrel. I left the first time, because I am dumb. Regretted it the entire session. Also the mobile version works suspiciously well, which is a blessing and a curse, because playing a POV anal scene with a corrupted student-turned-pirate on the train while pretending you are checking Spotify is absolutely a new low. In a good way. Sort of. I still think the crew management is shallow and the cuckold bits sometimes go a bit too hard, then again I click every NTR flag I find, so maybe that’s on me. Anyway, it’s the kind of filthy vacation island porn game where you promise to just “check it quickly” for stream planning and then suddenly you’re debating which futa captain you want to knock you up.

It’s weird how this one got under my skin. I opened *Deck of Hearts* expecting another lazy click‑through with the same recycled bodies, but the writing kept pulling me back. It’s just text and cards, right? Except the cards don’t feel like props - they’re little traps for your decisions. You draw one and suddenly you’re in a room that smells like perfume and bad ideas, staring at a redhead who looks like she knows exactly how far you’ll go before folding. The game doesn’t even try to hide its filth; it leans into it like it’s proud of being shameless. And honestly, good. The MC’s voice is messy, horny, insecure, sometimes cruel, which feels way more real than those perfect hero types.

There’s this scene - I won’t spoil too much - but the moment the blonde leans over the table, teasing about “luck,” you realize the cards aren’t random at all. They’re judging you. It’s not subtle, but it works. I laughed when I shouldn’t have, mostly because the dialogue feels like something you’d overhear in a bar where everyone’s pretending not to listen. The corruption angle hits harder than expected; it’s slow, sticky, uncomfortable in the best way. I caught myself clicking slower, reading every line twice, like the words might change if I stared long enough. Sometimes they do. Maybe that’s just me projecting.

If there was an award for “Most Unnecessary Grope That Still Made Sense,” this game wins it. The AI CGs look almost too clean for the dirt they’re showing, like someone tried to polish sin. The MILF character - yeah, you’ll know her when she shows up - has this smug smile that makes the whole plot bend around her. I kinda wish the teen character had more agency, but maybe that’s the point: everyone’s trapped in their own deck. Also, whoever wrote the card descriptions must’ve been drunk or a poet. Hard to tell which. Anyway, I closed the tab and immediately reopened it. That probably says enough.