Vault Wanderer is one of those horny little parody projects that feels like it started as a shitpost between friends on Discord and somehow became an actual game. You play this guy who crawls out of a comfy underground vault into a wasteland that is less about radiation and more about who is fucking who, and with what. The whole thing mixes classic turn based RPG combat with stupid jokes and very explicit scenes that just kind of slam into you out of nowhere. One second you are clicking through some goofy dialogue about bottle caps, the next you are watching a futa raider get her dick sucked in a surprisingly long animated loop while your character pretends he is not into it. The game loves voyeurism like crazy. Almost every location has some “oops I walked in on them” moment, except it is never really an accident and everybody is cool with you standing in the corner jerking off. Or pretending to “research.” The writing knows exactly what it is doing: it makes fun of the wasteland clichés, then uses the same clichés to justify a harem route where every big tits, big ass, wrong-race-for-this-town waifu somehow ends up in your camp.

What surprised me most is how messy but confident the sandbox structure is. You are just dropped on the surface with this point and click map and told to explore, and the game absolutely does not care if you go straight to a lesbian futa bar and stall your “main quest” for two hours doing nothing except footjobs and blowjobs in different outfits. There is real RPG stuff happening in the background: stats, turn based fights, random encounters that sometimes end in actual combat and sometimes turn straight into oral sex scenes if you pick the horny dialogue option. I lost one fight because I was too distracted watching the enemy’s boobs bounce in the attack animation, which is a stupid reason to reload, but here we are. The art is simple 2D CG but the animations have just enough motion to make the scenes feel alive without turning into weird rubber people. Some of the interracial setups are actually hot, then the game drops a joke so bad it short circuits the mood and you kind of hate it for ten seconds, until the next harem scene where three girls are roleplaying “capturing” you and you forget you were mad. The mobile support is oddly good too; I tried it on my phone while half-slouching on the couch with Chrome open and it ran smoother than some serious games on Steam. Sometimes the text spacing gets fucked on smaller screens and nobody bothered to fix it, which annoyed me for like a full minute while I was trying to read a masturbation scene and the last line wrapped in a stupid way, and then I clicked next and forgot. That is basically the whole vibe here: horny, rough around edges, a little broken, but when the wasteland mommy with huge boobs kneels down for oral and the camera zooms in just right, your brain stops caring about polish completely.

Office VPN says I'm doing “market research”, which is exactly what this game feels like: research on how far you can push a dude with a boring life until he decides, screw it, I’m going full villain for pussy. You start as this regular guy stuck in routine, same tiny wins, same weak porn on your phone before sleep, and the game basically looks at you and goes: what if you actually tried? Not in a motivational LinkedIn way. More like, what if you stop pretending you’re a good person and start pulling strings to get that thick, curvy beach goddess to suck you off behind the bar while the waves hit the sand in the background. It frames it like “choices” and “romance”, but man, some of those choices are straight up corruption, no sugar on top. You push her, you guide her, you break her limits, and the story keeps acting like this is a logical career progression.

What surprised me, from my nerd side, is how the pacing feels like a weird growth chart. Early game is flat line. You sit through a lot of “normal life” talk, texting, little flirty moments that feel almost too pure. You’re at the beach, they’re in swimsuits, tits obviously front and center, but the game teases more than it gives. Then suddenly one decision spikes the curve like a crypto pump. You go from a shy hug to having this “good mom” type wrapped around your dick, breasts pressing on your chest while she tries to convince herself she’s still a decent person. The AI-made images actually lean into that: you get these scenes where the milf’s ass fills half the screen, swimsuit riding up, expression kind of guilty, kind of hungry. Sometimes the faces look a little off and I got distracted counting the fingers like some data QA freak, but then the next CG drops and now she’s on her knees, drool on her lips, and I forget to complain. It sells the fantasy that you’re the one driving her from romantic cuddles to full-on obedient plaything. Even when the dialogue gets a bit awkward, like Google Translate had a stroke, the mood stays hot because the game leans hard on tension and slow burn. A hand on her thigh at sunset. Her pretending she’s just “helping you relax”. The way her huge tits strain against that already too-tight top. Then you click one aggressive option and boom, you’re grabbing her hair, guiding her mouth, and she lets you, because by then you’ve already nudged her down that slope click by click.

If you want to squeeze the most juice out of this thing, don’t speedrun the lewd stuff like a horny raccoon. Take the “nice” options sometimes, build that fake romance, then flip to the more controlling choices when she’s already half in love and confused. Let her think you’re her safe place while you’re the one pushing her into dirtier scenes. The payoff hits way harder when you’ve seen her in the cute beach dates and late-night talks first, then watch her end up with cum on her tongue, looking up at you like she can’t believe what she’s doing and still wants more.

This one hits that weird spot between horny soap opera and shady crime story, and somehow it works way better than it should. You’re playing this nice-on-surface Yamaguchi husband, but honestly he’s a total piece of shit in the best hentai way. Two families, both freaking out about babies, one guy shooting blanks, one woman with issues, and instead of just going to a clinic like normal people they cook up this “share the dick, share the kid” plan. It sounds dumb when you say it out loud, but inside the game it feels like those old VHS hentai plots where everyone is pretending to be noble while thinking only about who they want to fuck next. The whole “be the wife’s boyfriend” idea is pushed hard: you’re not just knocking up some random MILF, you’re creeping into her daily life, her bed, her phone, her head. One moment she’s a polite housewife pouring tea, next moment she’s choking on your cock, drool on those perfect fake-ahegao lips, and you realize, ah, ok, that’s why this is a mobile game and not on Google Play.

What I like is that the story actually tries. It’s not just click, boob, click, pussy. You get text messages, late-night calls, that slow corruption feeling. She starts off stiff and formal, then the outfits get tighter, the eye contact lasts longer, she “accidentally” brushes your thigh, and before you know it she’s riding you in the room next to her sleeping husband, whispering “don’t make noise” while clearly trying to make you blow in her raw. The 3D CG is that specific horny-asset-store style: big boobs with gravity that kinda makes sense but kinda doesn’t, thick asses tailor-made for doggystyle close-ups, and faces that go full ahegao in a way that would be cringe in anime but here just feels filthy. Scenes don’t stop at vanilla either. There’s a proper femdom mood sometimes, especially when she flips from shy to controlling, sits on your face, presses her foot on your chest, makes you lick her toes clean before even letting you touch her nipples. Footjobs, handjobs under the table, sloppy oral with deepthroat gag sounds, those “I’m married, this is wrong” lines while she’s begging you to cum inside, all that classic pixel-brain porn logic. You even get those interracial vibes when they throw in darker-skinned characters and treat you like the dangerous outsider, which fits the whole blackmail angle that quietly builds in the background. Netori fans will grin, because you’re not getting cucked here, you’re the one screwing up the other guy’s life, taking his wife, maybe his future child, and somehow the game still pretends there might be a happy ending. Plot keeps teasing thriller stuff, like people getting suspicious, doors almost opening during a blowjob, messages from unknown numbers, the kind of tension that makes you keep one hand on the mouse and one on your dick, then forget which one was supposed to be doing what. It’s messy, horny, sometimes stupid, sometimes weirdly emotional, and feels exactly like something you’d hide behind other apps on your phone and swear you only play “for the story” while her big tits bounce on screen for the tenth time in a row.

You start as this ex–special forces guy who suddenly feels completely useless, which is kind of funny because he’s ripped, trained, all that macho stuff, and then some slime girl with tits bigger than his head just shrugs off rifle fire like it’s nothing. The world is getting chewed up by these dungeons that keep popping open like zits, monsters spilling out, magic everywhere, normal logic out the window. Then the whole “Awakened” thing kicks in, and he basically goes from soldier to magic freak with a hard-on, trying to clean up the mess in a way the army never trained him for. It’s not a heroic story in the usual sense, more like: “okay, the planet is screwed, might as well fuck my way through the problem while I’m at it.” The game leans into that. You go from room to room in these dungeons, talking to girls who really should be your enemies, but somehow they’re all stacked like hentai convention mascots and have faces that melt into ahegao the second your clothes come off.

The tone is weirdly calm at first. There’s this slow pace where you wander around the hub, poke different events, check who’s hanging out where, and it feels like a chill fantasy sandbox with magic and politics and people coping with monsters at the door. Then you stumble into a chamber and you’re suddenly pinning a demoness with wings and a ridiculous ass against a wall, stuffing her full until she’s moaning with that over-the-top tongue-out expression. The scenes are animated just enough, with these 3D-style CGs that loop and shift angles, and the dev is clearly horny for big breasts because every woman looks like gravity is just a suggestion. I like how the dungeon itself is part of the story, not just a corridor to spam fights. You discover weird rules, like doors that only open if you “satisfy” the guardian, or a cursed room that turns a regular battle into a domination scene where she tries to ride you into submission, then ends up getting creampied so hard the magic seal breaks. It’s stupid, but in a good way. And the facial detail when they hit that ahegao point? Uncomfortably good.

The slow-burn parts shine the most. Talking to a monster girl you fought last time and now she’s in your base, pretending she’s there against her will, while clearly waiting for you to take charge again. You learn bits of how their world connects to ours: some of them were human, some were born from the dungeon itself, and everybody’s sort of stuck in this war where sex and power are completely tangled. Couple of times I wished the UI didn’t hide the damn interaction spots in the hub because I spent like ten minutes circling around a tavern just to trigger one scene with a sorceress whose robe doesn’t even pretend to close over her boobs. That annoyed me and then I forgot because the next thing was her bent over a magic circle, gasping while you pump her full, white dripping all over the glowing runes. The domination angle is nice too, since you can play the protagonist as someone who enjoys having control in bed, even when the girl is technically a monster who could snap him in half. The writing isn’t “high literature”, but honestly it fits. Feels like reading a horny webnovel where the author really likes describing asses, and bodies, and that moment right after the creampie where her belly twitches and she pants and stares at you like “again?” and you’re like, yeah, obviously.