I didn’t expect to laugh this much during what’s basically a porn game about rebuilding civilization with your dick, but here we are. “Dickcare” doesn’t even pretend to have subtlety, which somehow makes it better. It’s like the dev looked at every crossover hentai fantasy - Velma squinting behind foggy glasses, Raven pretending she’s not into it, Tatsumaki rolling her eyes while secretly moaning - and said, yeah, let’s just throw them all in one ruined world and call it salvation. The writing’s half self-aware and half deranged sincerity; the voice lines swing between awkwardly horny and genuinely funny. There’s one scene with Frankie in a busted gym locker room that made me pause, not because it was hot (though it is), but because she calls you “hero” in this weird soft tone right before things get messy. It stays in your head longer than expected.

What’s wild is how much *sound* adds to everything. You can tell someone cared about the way a zipper slides down or the slap echoing off concrete walls. The sandbox part? Looser than it sounds. You wander, talk, get distracted by some zombie side plot that doesn’t matter, and suddenly Velma’s stuck halfway through a ventilation shaft. It’s ridiculous, yeah, but also... kind of perfect. There’s no grind, no fake moral choice. Just dirty, absurd freedom. Though, I swear one moaning loop cuts off too early - it’s such a small glitch but now I obsess over it. Maybe that’s the point: perfection would ruin the charm.

It’s funny how a game full of cum jokes and cartoon parodies ends up feeling more alive than most serious stuff. Maybe because it doesn’t care if you take it seriously. One minute you’re saving humanity, next you’re wiping something off Raven’s cape while she pretends not to blush. If there were awards for “Most Unnecessarily Emotional Cum Scene,” this one wins without competition.

HornyCraft is one of those games that looks like a stupid dick joke at first glance and then suddenly you’ve spent half the evening making a milky sex farm in a world made of blocks. You play as this guy, Steve, classic cubic idiot with a pickaxe, stuck in a place where every cave and house and forest has something horny lurking in it. It keeps the basic survival and crafting backbone, but everything is twisted toward porn logic. You chop wood, smash some stone, craft a bed, then realize you’re not really building a base, you’re building a fuck hub where monster girls just wander in and turn your “storage room” into a breeding corner. I liked how the first time you meet a busty creeper girl it feels like a horror game for one second, she’s coming at you with those weird sounds, and then the animation kicks in and suddenly you’re watching this shaky blowjob scene with green slime dripping off her tits while you’re still trying to remember which hotkey opens inventory.

What sticks out for me, as someone who actually cares how BDSM and power stuff is shown, is that it’s messy but not totally brain dead. You get this mix of goofy parody and real kink. Like, you’re tying up a monster milf in a stone cellar you crafted yourself, torchlight flickering, and the scene plays with her trying to bargain, teasing you, and you choosing whether you fuck her mouth or make her drink her own milk from those massive tits. The game likes lactation a lot, sometimes too much, it will throw milk on screen like a busted faucet, and then just move on like nothing happened. One second you’re milking a futa spider girl you lured in with crafted web traps, handjob plus oral at the same time, very animated, all that twitchy leg motion, and right after that Steve is cutting trees again like some boring worker in a mobile idle game. It breaks the mood, but in a weird way it also works, because it feels like porn slapped on top of a grindy sandbox instead of pretending to be some deep story. Lesbian scenes pop up here and there too, like when two monster girls start going at each other in a small wooden shack you built for storage, and the game just lets you stand in the doorway and watch, or jump in, or shove one of them on her knees. Some of the horror bits try to be serious, dark caves, creepy moans, that kind of stuff, but you know it is all just foreplay to another blowjob animation or a stacked milf villager riding Steve on a crafting table like it is nothing special. I do wish the UI didn’t feel like a half-finished mobile port and that the text didn’t look like someone typed it in a hurry on WhatsApp, but whatever, the important part is that when a huge-titted zombie girl crawls out of a hole you accidentally mined into and pins Steve to a wall, the game actually lets the scene breathe, gives you a bit of control, a bit of roughness, and does not pretend it is vanilla. It is stupid, horny, and clumsy, but I kept remembering small things like the sound of milk dripping on wooden planks or the way a shy slime girl slowly wraps around Steve’s cock after you “help” her with a crafting ingredient, which tells me the dev understands at least one thing very well: people are here to get off, not to be impressed.

This thing is basically Sarada’s brain going completely horny-mode over Hinata, and the whole “story” is just an excuse to throw them together and see how far it can go. It starts kind of harmless, just Hinata being her usual soft, awkward self and Sarada staring way too long at her tits like she’s pretending to talk about training but her eyes are glued to the cleavage. The game doesn’t even try to hide it. One second you’re just watching them chat about Naruto being busy, next second, Sarada’s already popped that freaky futa bulge that looks like it should have its own chakra nature. It’s honestly funny how big they made it. It’s not just big, it’s stupid big, like “who the hell drew this and said yeah that’s fine” big. And yet it kinda works, because Hinata acts so shy at first, then starts riding it like she’s been waiting her whole life for Naruto to leave the house and never come back.

What I actually liked, weirdly, is how they let you pace the action a bit. You’re not just sitting there watching a single looping scene, you click through the stages and it’s like Sarada is leveling up her corruption every step. Slow grinding, then faster, then full on “hokage’s wife getting pounded by her son’s teammate” like this is the most normal village activity. Some animations are janky as hell though. There’s a part where Hinata’s boobs jiggle like they’re trying to escape her chest and fly out of the screen, and the lip sync is basically non-existent, but then you get a close-up angle and everything suddenly feels way more polished, like they spent 3 days on that one shot and 3 minutes on the previous one. Controls are simple, just clicking your way through positions, changing speed, letting Sarada go from awkward teen to full on sex monster. At one moment you’re cheering for Sarada, “yeah, get it, queen,” and next second you’re like, “girl, calm down, you’re going to destroy her spine with that thing.” The lesbian energy between them is actually hotter than the cock half, which is wild in a futa game, but the devs clearly knew what they were doing with all the eye contact and Hinata blushing while still begging for more. There’s that classic flash-game jank, the kind of thing that makes you go “ugh whatever” and still keep clicking, because by the time Hinata’s moaning Naruto’s name while Sarada is the one rearranging her insides, you already forgot you were going to stop after “just one more scene.”

Nami and Robin on a sunny little island “vacation” with zero supervision already sounds like fanfiction that escaped from someone's secret Discord folder, and this thing basically leans all the way into that. No plot armor, no long speeches about friendship, just two pirates who are bored, horny, and way too comfortable with each other. Luffy and the rest of the idiots are off-screen doing whatever shonen boys do, and Robin just looks at Nami like, yeah, we’re not wasting this silence. The whole setup is incredibly simple: beach, water, boobs that look like they’re breaking several laws of physics, and a “hey, what if I just grow you a massive cock right now” moment. It’s the most Robin thing ever, except Oda would explode if this was canon. One second Nami is lounging around in her swimsuit, tits basically falling out on purpose, and the next she’s packing this stupidly big shaft like she’s been futa her whole life. No slow build, no shy nonsense, she’s just suddenly hung and Robin is already eyeing it like dessert.

The pacing feels like it was written by a horny teenager who skipped breakfast. Robin doesn’t even pretend to be classy. She goes full porn-brain: sliding between Nami’s boobs, stroking that huge shaft with those long fingers, licking the tip like she’s trying to taste the entire ocean. The boobjob is messy in the good way, with Nami looking half proud, half “what the hell did you just do to my body” while still thrusting into her own tits like a complete pervert. Then you get that switch, Robin dropping down and taking it in her mouth, sucking her crewmate off like a girl who’s been waiting whole arcs for this exact chance. Deep throat, sloppy spit, her lips sliding down that oversized cock while Nami’s hips twitch and she bites her lip, boobs bouncing every time she bucks forward. The game doesn’t pretend to be romantic, but ironically it kinda feels more intimate than half the “serious” hentai. They’re alone, no audience, just two pirates using each other for relief. And then when Robin gets on all fours and offers that big ass, with Nami grabbing her waist and ramming that thing in from behind, it stops being cute and goes straight into filthy. Doggy on the beach, swimsuit half pushed aside, sand, sea, big cock stretching Robin while her tits swing under her, hair all over the place, and Nami pounding like she’s angry at the Grand Line itself. Watching Robin get filled from behind while she begs for more and talks dirty is honestly way hotter than it has any right to be. Outdoor sex, creampie, everything uncensored, no annoying cutaway, just Nami stuffing her full until she’s leaking and twitching in the sand, like they just recorded the most illegal vacation sex tape that will absolutely never reach the Sunny’s Den Den Mushi, except you know it totally would.