Royal Madness is probably the closest thing to a horny fairytale written by a very drunk court painter who really likes cats with huge tits and smug faces. You’re tossed in as Lewis, bastard ocelot prince, and the world instantly treats your royal blood like a kink rather than a title. It’s not subtle about it. Every rival, every “enemy,” every supposed threat ends up circling one question: are you fucking them into your harem, or are they turning you into their cute little pet instead. The game doesn’t pretend to be noble. It treats power as a sex toy and nobility as an excuse to collar people and re-style their bodies until they match your tastes a bit too perfectly.

What I liked is that the characters aren’t just recolors of the same cat-girl with different boobs. The art actually feels like someone sat there and thought “ok, what if a smug lioness warlord had hips like a fertility statue and armor that only makes sense if her nipples are a political statement.” Sometimes it looks messy, lines a bit shaky, anatomy going off on its own adventure, but that fits the energy. It’s not corporate clean, more like horny sketchbook that got out of control. There is this rhino general, for example, huge chest, scars across the muzzle, and when you win their challenge the magic doesn’t just slap “now they are pretty” filter. No, you literally watch the body warp piece by piece, broad muscles smoothing or sharpening, maybe the tits swelling stupidly big while they gasp halfway between outrage and getting turned on by losing. That slow change hits way harder than a simple “transformation finished” screen.

The actual structure is that loose sandbox style where you hop from one hot mess to another, switching perspective between male and female protagonist when the story feels like it, not when you are ready. One scene you’re Lewis using magic to slowly erode the pride of a tiger knight, teasing him until his cock and even his voice betray how much he wants to kneel. Next time the game flips and you’re playing as one of your own ex-rivals, now loyal, wandering your palace and accidentally starting something filthy with a new intruder who thought they’d be the one on top. That shift is the fun part. You see the same harem from different eyes, sometimes as a conqueror, sometimes as the newest toy, sometimes as the one being “improved” by your own magic. And the kinks slide around too. One route gives you a stacked lion queen that you carefully nudge from terrifying monarch into doting, overprotective mommy dom, then another throws you against a seemingly submissive bunny clerk that ends with you collared, hips reshaped, moaning her name while she tests how flexible ocelot royalty can be when properly “reformed.” Half the time I was cursing at the tiny UI buttons and weird pacing, the other half I was staring at the screen of my phone on the tram, trying not to bite my lip like a complete idiot.

If you really want to squeeze every filthy drop out of it, don’t rush straight to the obvious sex scenes. Poke around the challenges, lose on purpose sometimes, see how the transformations twist when you’re the loser instead of the victor. Talk to characters again after you’ve changed them, especially the big tits crowd and the ones who pretended they didn’t care about you. Watch how their new bodies and new roles corrupt their own original goals. Treat each battle less like a level and more like a negotiation with the world’s nastiest fashion designer. That’s where the game actually gets hot.

Waking up inside a smartphone because a horny trickster god got bored with you is already wild, but this thing leans into it hard. You used to fuck other guys’ wives, now you’re literally trapped inside their husbands, riding along in their bodies like a cursed passenger. You feel what they feel, see what they see, and you’re stuck with their hard-ons, their guilt, their shitty life choices. Loki basically turned you into a pervy parasite and then sits there laughing while you try not to lose your mind every time some big titty wife bends over in front of “you”. It’s not subtle. It’s not gentle. It’s that kind of story where the universe kicks you in the balls and then asks if you liked it.

The pace is weird in the best way. Sometimes you’re just scrolling messages and photos, swiping through this guy’s life, then suddenly the wife walks in wearing nothing but a towel that barely holds her big ass, drops it “by accident”, starts teasing him like she’s bored and horny at the same time. You’re inside his head, feeling the heat climb, his cock getting hard under the table while she pretends it’s no big deal, sucking on a popsicle right in his face like a joke that goes too far. There’s this nasty, delicious corruption vibe, because half the time you’re pushing him to give in, whispering in his thoughts, “Touch her, go on, fuck her, she wants it”, and the other half you’re actually panicking, because you know some of these women are already being fucked behind his back by someone else. Or they will. Loki keeps hinting, poking, showing you clips, screenshots, little details that make you question everything. The netorare sting isn’t a sudden shock, it crawls under your skin. You see a lipstick mark that shouldn’t be there, a chat icon popping up a bit too often, a photo angle that screams “someone else took this”. You’re still jerking off in your own head when you realize you’re probably not the only one tasting her tonight.

What really got me is how horny it stays even when it gets mean. You’ve got slow, intimate scenes where she sits on his lap and grinds on him through thin panties, whispering soft romance shit in his ear, kissing his neck, guiding his hands under her top, making him feel her huge tits while she bites her lip. Then suddenly she’s on her knees, sucking him off messy, drool on her chin, eyes staring up like she’s in love and also in total control. The AI CG stuff has that slightly unreal polish, but in a good way, like you’re watching a fantasy that became just real enough to hurt. Vaginal, oral, stripping piece by piece, teasing until you want to scream at the screen. And you’re not actually “doing” anything, it’s a kinetic story, so your only job is to watch this guy live the life you deserved and kind of hate him for it, while Loki treats you like a pet he toys with. The worst part is that it works. One moment you’re melting when she cuddles up, saying she’s scared to lose him, the next your gut twists because something she says doesn’t match, and you know you’re being played from both sides. It’s horny, cruel, funny in that “I shouldn’t be laughing, but I am” way. Dare to play it alone, or invite company?

Phil is the kind of old bastard you see in hentai and think, “nah, nobody is like that in real life,” and then the game spends about ten minutes proving you wrong. He used to be this self-proclaimed sex god, king of the boarding house, panties thief, the whole package, and now he’s broke, humiliated, and somehow still horny as fuck. The plot is simple on paper: someone screwed him over, he got kicked off his throne, and now he claws his way back up by joining the local mafia and turning his own house into this weird mix of crime HQ and pervy playground. It sounds ridiculous, and it is, but that’s kinda why it works. One moment you’re helping him deal with shady guys in suits, the next you’re peeking through keyholes to watch a girl ride a dildo she swears is “for back pain only.” The game just shrugs like, yeah, that’s normal. Helga, Olga, Mirian, Layla, Ronda, Phoebe… every name drops like some bootleg crossover of childhood cartoon parody and cheap soap opera, and they all come with their own flavor of fuckery. Helga being a tsun brick with big tits is probably the least surprising thing in here. The first time Phil accidentally walks in on Layla, ass in the air, playing with a toy in front of her phone camera, I actually paused and laughed, because of course the old pervert doesn’t back out. He just stands there, breathing heavy, and the game lets you drag that voyeur moment out longer than it should. The teasing is constant, insanely slow at times, like the devs are edging you on purpose. You grab tits, you grope asses, someone complains, someone moans, and the line between “oops” and “he totally meant that” is very blurry. It’s a sandbox structure, so you bounce around the house, repeat scenes, poke at characters until new stuff unlocks. Sometimes it’s hot, sometimes it’s just Phil being a creepy old fuck and you go “okay dude, relax,” but then you click the same option again anyway, so who’s the real problem here.

What I didn’t expect is how much the game leans into Phil being old, not in a sad way, but like a filthy legend past his prime trying to speedrun a comeback. He talks about his “glory days” while staring at a teen with a big ass bent over the kitchen counter and whatever sympathy you had just melts. And yet, the game still lets him be this weird charm bomb. He flirts with Milfs and teens like it’s all the same sport, one minute groping some big tits in a cramped hallway, the next sabotaging some poor bastard’s date so he can swoop in. There’s a scene with Olga where he “helps” her with yoga, and you can practically smell the sweat and desperation when he pretends his hands just “slipped” to her ass. Anal stuff shows up more casually than I expected too, like Phil is just ticking off a bucket list he started thirty years ago. The parody angle pops out more in small jokes: little nods to “Hey Arnold” style names, some girl literally named Ronda who looks like she walked out of a bootleg hentai version of a kids show, and the game never points at it directly, it just sits there and lets you be the one who feels dirty for noticing. Sex toys appear in random places, like a vibrator casually on a coffee table, and Phil’s reaction is always the same horny old man energy, half shocked, half delighted. I only really got annoyed at tiny things, like how the same teasing line repeats in certain scenes and the timing of some events feels off, you walk in, get blueballed, leave, come back, same half-finished seduction, like the universe is lagging. But then you hit a new voyeur moment with Phoebe showering, water dripping over huge tits pressed against the glass, and the irritation just fades into the background noise. Nothing feels polished, not the pacing, not the transitions, not even the way Phil talks, but in this type of game it kind of fits. It’s like dirty fanfic that escaped, got some code slapped on it, and decided to become your new guilty habit without asking.

World looks normal for like five seconds, then a goddess is throat-deep on some drunk guy in a dirty alley and a slime girl is pretending to be a bus stop. That’s the kind of vibe here. You’re the screwed-up youngest kid from this fancy sorcerer bloodline, raised like some expensive pet in a cage while dad plays “ancient destiny” dictator. You finally say “fuck this,” walk out, and crash right into a city where deities are cheating on mortals, monster girls are trying to pass for regular bar hoes, and everyone’s lying about what they are. It’s not subtle. One minute you’re sipping cheap beer, next minute you’re holding a demon girl by the horns while she’s riding you slow on a couch that still has plastic on it, moaning about how your bloodline tastes different while you’re trying to remember the spell to not blow your load too fast. Didn’t work for me, by the way.

What I really liked is how the lewd stuff just happens in between all the weird supernatural drama. You go talk to this “quiet, shy” girl in the library, and the second you notice her shadow moving out of sync you know shit’s about to get freaky. Few lines of flirting, a bit of awkward groping in the stacks, and suddenly her skin splits like a zipper and she’s got scales running up her spine, huge tits pressed against you, tongue way too long to be human sliding in your mouth. She insists you keep going even when your hands are shaking, and when you finally push her against the shelf and slide in raw, the game really leans into it: her claws on your back, wet sounds in your headphones, her whispering about how “human seed feels different” right before you dump a creampie that literally glows inside her. Then she zips herself back into “normal girl” mode and asks if you’ve done the homework. I opened Telegram in the background just to rant at a buddy about it, then remembered I’m not supposed to talk about this game with anyone and just sat there laughing like an idiot.

There’s this club scene where the pacing goes totally off the rails but in a fun way. You think it’s normal stripping: girl with big tits grinding on your lap, teasing your cock through your pants, licking your ear, that usual horny-night type of thing. Then the lights flicker red, her eyes go all void-black, and suddenly you’re in a half-ritual, half-orgy where three women are around you, each not quite human, each wanting your “family magic” inside them. One’s a monster girl with a mouth inside her thigh, another is a goddess pretending she’s just there for the music, and the third one is basically lesbian as hell but decides your tongue is good enough as a temporary toy before she focuses on the others. You’re switching between eating one out while another one deepthroats you, then getting pulled into group sex where they pass your dick like a joint, sloppy oral, spit mixing with that thick white mess when one of them jerks you right into another girl’s pussy without warning. The game doesn’t even pause to ask if you want to pull out. You just watch the cum drip out of her while she smirks and murmurs some spell that probably means trouble later. And I actually tried to roleplay the “responsible romance route” at first, which was adorable and completely pointless, because ten minutes later I was banging a deity in a bathroom stall while a monster outside the door pretended to be a broken hand dryer.