The name already tells you what kind of ride this is, but it still kind of surprised me. You are stuck on this pirate ship with a crew that seems to believe the solution to every problem is “more boobs” and honestly, fair. The whole vibe is horny Saturday-morning-cartoon that grew up wrong, got drunk on a tropical island and started talking about cup sizes instead of treasure. You click through scenes, pick dialog, stuff happens, and suddenly a character who was just nicely stacked before is carrying two ridiculous beach balls on her chest while trying to act like this is totally normal pirate business. Half the fun is watching how the game pretends to take itself seriously as an “adventure” while a girl’s tits are quietly eclipsing the sun in the background. There is a ship, there is an island, there are pirates, but the real plot is watching curves inflate like someone messed up the physics settings and decided to leave it that way.

There is this one scene early on where Captain Ruby is trying to threaten some unlucky fool, and her shirt already looks like it’s about to give up on life. You pick the “cocky” choice, she leans in, the camera angle slides down just a little too slow, and the dialogue keeps talking about loot and honor and whatever, but you can tell the actual story is: which button on that shirt will pop first. I got hung up there, replayed that bit three times on my phone on the bus using Firefox, which was probably a mistake because I kept pretending I was just scrolling Instagram. The expansion itself is treated like both a joke and a fetish at the same time. They play it for laughs with the characters making dumb comments, then they hold a shot on a pair of tits that grew a full extra size just so your brain has time to go “oh, okay, we are doing this now.” There is a transformation moment in a cabin where someone “tests” a potion and the camera cuts back and her boobs are straight up crowding the frame, pressing into the edge like they want their own spin-off game. I loved that bit, and also I hated it because the game never gives you a proper size slider, it just goes from big to utterly stupid with no middle ground. It feels like being in a bar where everyone went from tipsy to blackout with no time in between.

From the ethics side, this thing is funny and also kind of a mess. The characters talk like they are into it most of the time, they flirt, they brag about their new curves, they weaponize their chests like cannons, and the humor leans into “I chose this” which is nice. Then suddenly a scene slips in where a potion is slipped in, or someone wakes up on the island and their body is already changed and they were not exactly asked. The script usually covers it with jokes and horny comments after the fact, like “oh wow I guess this is my life now” and plays it as acceptance, but from consent point of view, that is pretty thin. You can see the game wants the fantasy of surprise transformation and still wants to pretend everyone is totally cool with it, and those two things fight a bit. As a watchdog I’d give it a fake prize: “Most Cheerful Ignoring Of Magical Body Autonomy” and yes, I say that with love, because I still clicked every single suspicious option just to see how far the curves would go. The island setting is a perfect excuse for nonsense potions and cursed treasure, yet sometimes the crew just shrugs and keeps going without a single “hey, maybe ask before you turn my chest into a pair of inflatable rafts.” It does not ruin the horny fun, but it hangs there in the back of your mind while you watch another scene where a character tries to walk across the deck, ass swaying, boobs swaying twice as much, the camera zooming in like a perv that forgot subtlety exists, and you think: ok, this is hot, and it is also absolutely out of control.

The world in this game already went to shit before you even get to unzip anything. Cities are broken, rules are gone, and Matt, this young soldier with more trauma than sleep, crawls back home trying to figure out what the hell is left to care about. It is not a heroic return, it feels more like he just respawned in a bugged map. You slide into his skin and into his mess, and every choice you click is basically: "Do I try to be a decent human, or do I follow my dick and hope the universe doesn’t punish me too hard?" Of course, the universe absolutely punishes you. Or rewards you. Depends how much you like watching your supposed love interest get railed by someone who is not you, sometimes not even human in the normal way. There are moments where you’re in some half ruined apartment, your phone in one hand, other hand very busy, watching this big titted relative of yours pretend the world outside doesn’t exist while she grinds against you like tomorrow isn’t a thing, and the game pauses on a decision pop-up that looks like it was coded at 3 coffees too many. One tap and you’re the protective, jealous type. Another tap and suddenly you are opening the door for the monster in the shadows and thinking, "ok, I kinda wanna see how far this goes."

The funny part is how the game doesn’t even pretend to be classy. One scene you’re having this almost sweet talk with someone very close to your bloodline, like real soft, romance-style, she is sitting too close on the couch, shirt a little open, and there is this tiny moment where you think "wow, this is actually emotional." Then camera angle goes lower, her ass fills the screen like it is a weather forecast, and Matt’s brain returns to factory settings. It feels trashy, but also weirdly honest about how horny people are when there are no cops, no laws, just ghosts in the hallway and monsters in the basement. The paranormal stuff sneaks up on you in a good way. One night scene, you are walking down some ruined street, fog all over, and your phone buzzes like it is a Tinder match from hell. There is this creature watching you and the game is like: "kiss the demon or protect your family." Why not both, right? Sometimes the NTR hits hard though. I had one route where I thought I was building a slow burn romance with this thick, shy girl at home, giving her nice answers, defending her when others talk shit, and then out of nowhere I open a door and she is bent over for some thing with claws and a smug face. Game just lets you watch, no skip, like it is proud of itself. Also, side note, the notification sound in the UI is ugly as fuck, I hate it, it’s like an old Nokia tone, and now it’s burned in my brain forever. Anyway, the way the story branches when you lean into corruption or try to hold onto love is messy but in a good porn way, like sex on a couch full of clothes. Not neat, but you still come back to it on your phone, pretending you are just checking Telegram or TikTok while in reality you’re guiding this broken soldier through a world where morals died and tits got bigger. The game keeps asking "who do you want to protect" while it puts everyone you care about in situations where their panties or their sanity, or both, are optional.

Coming back to that shitty little hometown feels weird as hell here. The game drops you right in the middle of it with this guy who has that “I studied abroad and now I’m emotionally fucked” vibe, and everyone kind of knows it even when they pretend they don’t. It is not some epic fantasy, it is boring streets, ugly apartments, cheap phone screens, local bar with bad music. And for me that is where the sex actually hits harder. You’re not a hero, you’re just a horny idiot who said the wrong thing to the wrong girl three years ago and now she looks at you like she wants to slap you and ride you at the same time. There is this one scene where you run into an old classmate, she acts cold as ice at first, and then your dialog choice decides if she keeps that distance or if she starts teasing you about “how much you changed.” I picked the more honest, almost pathetic line, and suddenly her legs are a bit closer to my knee, she’s talking softer, playing with her top. Not porn logic, more like that slow, tense shit that happens in someone’s car behind a supermarket. And then, obviously, it goes full porn anyway, because we are all degenerates here.

What I really liked is that the game pretends to be about “rebuilding your life” but what it actually makes you do is weaponize flirting. Every choice feels a tiny bit loaded, like you are writing your own shameful diary. Answer a text too late, joke in a more cruel way than you meant, try to be a “nice guy” and you might end up completely blueballed while some side character clearly wants you and you keep missing it. At some point I stopped trying to be optimal and just thought “what would my depressed, half-broken self say” and suddenly scenes opened up that felt almost too real. Like you’re lying on a bed, still half dressed, with this girl from your past, and she is talking about why she stays in town while her hand keeps drifting lower. The sex itself is raw, not super artistic, and I kind of love and hate that. Bodies press together, clothes bunch up awkwardly, you get that messy grinding before anyone is naked, you can almost smell the cheap perfume and sweat. One route I picked, she kept edging me, almost mocking me with her fingers while asking about my plans for the future. Philosophy major inside my brain was screaming, because the game basically turns desire into this moral exam. Do you push her, do you back off, do you joke, do you beg. And yeah, I begged, and the scene turned absolutely filthy in a way that felt painfully earned, not just handed out like a cheap Pornhub clip.

The city around all this is like a nervous system of lust and fear that never fully shows itself. People talk about trouble, gangs, shit that might explode later, but it stays mostly in the corners while you make choices that are way more intimate than any gunfight. Sometimes you are just at a shitty cafe with some new girl, and the conversation is half about politics, half about whether she will let your hand stay on her thigh. I opened Twitter mid-play once, then came back and picked the wrong line, and she shut down completely, and I sat there annoyed like it was a real person ghosting me. That is when I realized the game got me. It is not “sexy visual novel with branching paths,” it is more like a horny anxiety simulator where every answer might lead to either a slow, aching kiss or a cold “I should go.” And when it does click, when a character finally leans in and the teasing breaks into full-on fucking, it almost feels like you passed some exam in being vulnerable and dirty at the same time. Honestly, the pacing sometimes drags, some conversations feel like they try too hard to be serious, and I kind of wanted one stupid bimbo that just wants cock with zero backstory, but I also know that would break the whole mood. This game is about how you talk yourself into bed, or out of it, and how that says something really uncomfortable about who you are when nobody is watching. Or everyone is watching. Depends how you play.

Strange Nights feels like someone grabbed Life is Strange, spilled horny fanfic all over it, then decided “yeah, this is fine” and kept going. You play as Mark Jefferson, the photography teacher, but here he’s not just that creepy guy in the background. He’s the main bastard. You get these weird powers that let you mess with time, memories, choices, all that, and the game leans fully into the fantasy of a teacher with too much control over his students. It’s not subtle. One minute you’re grading photos, the next you’re rewinding a scene because you picked the wrong line that would have pushed a shy student a little deeper into your orbit. There’s this one moment in class where you casually compliment a girl’s shot, then rewind, insult it, then rewind again and choose the “neutral but suggestive” answer, just to see which timeline makes her more flustered later when she’s on her knees in your office. That’s the kind of sick little loop the game wants you to play with every choice.

The tone really hits that “fake respectable teacher, actual predator” vibe. You walk around the school acting professional, checking your phone like you’re bored, but every dialogue option is a fork into something darker: do you slowly corrupt the top student until she begs to be your good girl, or do you push the tough lesbian who hates you into a twisted dom role where she ends up riding your face while you pretend you’re the one in charge? The game loves flipping roles like that. Sometimes Mark is clearly the one pulling strings, using his power to make a girl forget she said no, or to rewind that moment where she slapped him for touching her thigh, just to pick the “right” path that leads to her swallowing his cum like it was inevitable. Other times, you think you are manipulating her, and suddenly you find yourself tied to a chair in the darkroom, hands bound, camera flash popping while a student uses a crop on your chest and sits on your cock like it belongs to her. I had Spotify low in the background and it actually synced pretty well with one scene in the dorm hallway, where you’re pushing this nervous student into choosing between licking your cock or getting her ass fingered first. I swear the beat dropped right when she opened her mouth. Totally not planned, but it felt like some cursed DJ mix.

Sex-wise the game doesn’t pretend to be romantic. Blowjobs are sloppy and transactional, like “you want that higher grade, don’t you?” while she gags around you and tries to keep eye contact. There’s a great scene in the classroom after hours where you use your power to freeze a moment, walk behind a girl at her desk, pull her panties aside, and push in slowly while time crawls forward again, so she feels you at the same instant the world unpauses and she moans way too loud for an empty room. Handjobs show up a lot too, usually as a teasing step, like the dom student stroking you painfully slow and denying you, calling you “sir” in that mocking way while she talks about how she used to respect you. Anal hits harder when it comes after a long string of corruption choices, like when that straight A girl who was all about “boundaries” is now bent over your desk, taking you in her ass while crying and thanking you for “guiding” her. There’s mind control woven into this, not super sci-fi, more like you nudge their thoughts so the line between their will and your pressure gets blurry as hell. And yeah, lesbian scenes are there too, sometimes soft and experimental between students, other times you basically stage them as your private porn, rewinding until you get the perfect angle of one student buried between another girl’s thighs while you jerk off quietly in the shadows. The whole thing feels wrong in exactly the way it wants to, like a corrupted save file of Life is Strange someone found on a very dirty hard drive.