I didn’t expect to laugh this much during what’s basically a porn game about rebuilding civilization with your dick, but here we are. “Dickcare” doesn’t even pretend to have subtlety, which somehow makes it better. It’s like the dev looked at every crossover hentai fantasy - Velma squinting behind foggy glasses, Raven pretending she’s not into it, Tatsumaki rolling her eyes while secretly moaning - and said, yeah, let’s just throw them all in one ruined world and call it salvation. The writing’s half self-aware and half deranged sincerity; the voice lines swing between awkwardly horny and genuinely funny. There’s one scene with Frankie in a busted gym locker room that made me pause, not because it was hot (though it is), but because she calls you “hero” in this weird soft tone right before things get messy. It stays in your head longer than expected.

What’s wild is how much *sound* adds to everything. You can tell someone cared about the way a zipper slides down or the slap echoing off concrete walls. The sandbox part? Looser than it sounds. You wander, talk, get distracted by some zombie side plot that doesn’t matter, and suddenly Velma’s stuck halfway through a ventilation shaft. It’s ridiculous, yeah, but also... kind of perfect. There’s no grind, no fake moral choice. Just dirty, absurd freedom. Though, I swear one moaning loop cuts off too early - it’s such a small glitch but now I obsess over it. Maybe that’s the point: perfection would ruin the charm.

It’s funny how a game full of cum jokes and cartoon parodies ends up feeling more alive than most serious stuff. Maybe because it doesn’t care if you take it seriously. One minute you’re saving humanity, next you’re wiping something off Raven’s cape while she pretends not to blush. If there were awards for “Most Unnecessarily Emotional Cum Scene,” this one wins without competition.

You start as this kinda broke dude just wandering the city, checking your phone way too much and pretending everything’s fine while you’re basically one missed payment from sleeping in the alley. Then a friend hits you with “hey, I need a favor” and suddenly you’re neck deep in horny zodiac bullshit and monster girls who are way out of your league. It feels like a dating app got drunk, fucked a horoscope site, and then the baby decided to be a sex sim. One moment you’re trying to be smooth with some tall Leo girl with big tits hanging out of her top like they’re about to apply for citizenship, and the next you’re answering weird personal questions from a cold Scorpio type who looks like she might peg you just to see if you cry. The flirting isn’t just click line, get sex. Sometimes you say the “right” thing and she actually gets pissed, leaves you blueballed with a half-open bra and you’re just sitting there like, did I seriously lose anal because I picked the wrong snack option.

What I really liked is how shameless the game is about the sex and also about humiliating you. One monster girl just straight up treats you like a toy, makes you follow her around shops while she’s basically showing off her ass and boobs to every NPC, and you can’t do shit except carry bags and get teased. Her dialogue stuck in my head, that line where she calls you “good boy wallet” before shoving your face between her tits on the street, people watching, and you feel like trash but also you don’t want it to stop. There’s exhibition stuff everywhere, like public blowjob scenes where you can decide to be a coward and hide, or let her keep sucking while a cop walks by and pretends not to see. Sometimes your choices just unlock extra dirty versions of scenes, like normal vaginal sex turning into “oh by the way I’m futa, put that cock in your mouth first” and you didn’t exactly sign up for it but you kinda did. The futa girls hit different here, not just “oh look, extra dick”, more like they’re playing with you, making you choose who gets the creampie, front or back, and there’s a line where one of them laughs at you for cumming too fast inside her ass, telling you she’s had better from a vibrator.

The whole money system is stupid in a good way. You grind little jobs, get a bit of cash, then immediately waste it on toys like vibrators, ropes, plugs, collars, all that shit you swear you’re “just testing”. Some scenes change if you actually bring the toy, like instead of simple oral she’s choking on your cock while you push a toy into her pussy and she’s moaning about how she’ll squirt in front of the window if you don’t stop. Or you show up broke and she just laughs and uses you as her stress relief, riding your face, not even letting you fuck her properly because “poor boys don’t get pussy, only work”. The romance is there, but it’s messy. One girl actually gets soft and cuddly after you creampie her, talking about destiny and signs, and then later she ghosts you for three in game days and you find her grinding on some other monster girl in a club. Sometimes the game feels romantic, like a real dating sim with texting and picking gifts, and sometimes it just punches you in the dick with a futa dom scene where you’re bent over and wondering how the hell you got here from buying coffee. It’s chaotic, horny, kind of mean, and the AI-style art gives everything this weird dreamy porn vibe where the big asses and big tits look almost too perfect, like you’re imagining it after jerking off on your phone for too long. Honestly I love it, and also it kinda pisses me off, which is probably the point.

Train home, one hand on the phone, other hand pretending to hold the rail, and this game pops back in my head again. That dumb little title I opened “just for a quick peek” on Firefox between Slack pings, and then suddenly I’m watching this kinda pathetic, kinda hot Futa MC jerking off in a school locker room to a girl’s cardigan like it’s the Holy Grail. Asuna is exactly that type: quiet, looks normal, huge secret between her legs, brain packed with way too much horny. It’s all school corridors, after-class empty rooms, the faint smell you imagine from gym clothes and panties stuffed into a bag. She’s obsessed with Sakurako in such a messy, stalker way that it should feel wrong, but the writing leans into it so hard it becomes this weirdly honest fantasy of “what if my crush actually caught me doing this and didn’t freak out, just stared and said keep going”. When Sakurako sees her buried in the closet, dick out, using her clothes like a tissue, the whole mood flips in like two lines. No big romance speech, just that one line where she asks to watch, and suddenly the whole story pivots from secret perv to exhibition pet project. That turn is where the game sold me. I was already on board for the jerk-off-in-uniforms stuff, but it hits different when the target of the lust starts leaning in instead of running away.

Scenes feel like they’re written by someone who has actually edged to eroge in a cramped apartment and not some “professional” writer polishing every line. There’s a lot of clumsy phrasing, some horny repetition, and the audio is that super recognizable Japanese voice style where the girl sounds half embarrassed, half demon in heat. Sometimes the moans go on a bit too long while the text is saying almost nothing, and I kept tapping through like, yeah yeah I get it, she’s panting, please let me see what she does next with that toy. But then a line would land perfectly, like when Sakurako casually orders Asuna to stroke slower while she’s still in uniform, one shoe slipped off, and I just stopped and reread it. The power dynamic is funny because Asuna is the one with the dick, but she’s also the one basically chained by her own crush, getting told when to jerk, when to stop, where to cum. There’s a scene with her on her knees under a desk, trying to keep quiet while someone passes outside the classroom, and I actually grinned like an idiot on the subway, which is… not ideal. The different routes sneak up on you too. I picked choices almost at random on my phone, thinking “okay, this is clearly the horny option”, and then later I realized I completely locked myself into a more twisted relationship path without noticing. One run I ended up with a really intimate mutual play scene that felt almost sweet, the next I got something colder and way more humiliating, same two girls, same setting, just slightly different chain of “yes” to her requests. Some of the AI-touched art looks off in tiny places, like fingers fused weird or a stray strand of hair doing impossible gymnastics, and it pulled me out for a second, but then the next frame would hit me with Asuna’s face glazed and eyes rolled up, full ahegao, and honestly my brain just shut up and let it happen. Perfect for those shameless “five minutes in the bathroom with Chrome incognito and headphones half in” kind of sessions.

Ark is basically the kind of idiot king that every hentai forum thread secretly wants to be. He’s supposed to be building a “serious” power base and challenging this smug, horny demon queen called Lady Erostegia for the throne, but half the time it feels like he’s just stumbling from one set of tits to the next and somehow that counts as politics. The story pretends it’s high fantasy, with courts and schemes and all that, but then you're blackmailing a holy knight because you caught her fingering herself in a shrine, or getting a footjob in a council chamber while two nobles argue about taxes in the background. It sounds messy? It is messy. That’s the charm. Characters don’t just pop in to suck your dick and vanish, they kind of stick around, open their own side dramas, get jealous, make stupid decisions, and you realize you’re suddenly tracking who already took your virginity in which timeline like you’re doing homework on Pornhub notes. I liked that the game pretends you have moral choices while also shoving your cock into almost every scene. You can “corrupt” the sweet girls slowly, or be that bastard who uses them like tools, but honestly, even when you go for wholesome romance, you’re still probably going to end up creampie stuffing someone on a throne or sneaking into their bed for sleep sex while they mumble your name in their dreams. Totally immoral. Very nice.

What really sells it is how shameless it is about mixing goofy humor with real filth. One moment there's a milf sorceress scolding you like a teacher, next moment you have her drooling on your shaft, voice shaking as she tries to keep her “royal advisor” act together while you make her gag. The game likes to tease you a lot too. There are scenes where girls cosplay as “innocent” maidens or parody characters from other series, and if you’re a degenerate who spends too much time on certain subreddits, you’ll spot what they’re referencing and probably feel weirdly called out. Animations are not some crazy high-budget masterpiece, but they do the job really well: hips grind, toes curl around your dick in those footjob scenes, cum actually lands where it’s supposed to instead of doing that weird floaty manga thing. The voice work helps a lot. Some moans are soft and embarrassed, others are like “fuck me more, king” with that dominant tone that makes you feel like you’re the one getting conquered. There’s female domination stuff that can hit hard if you let Erostegia or one of the more twisted girls take the lead, pushing you to the bed, making you beg, riding you until you’re actually a little scared of how much they enjoy milking you dry. Or you can play it like a pure power trip and turn them into your drooling toys instead. NTR and swinging paths are there in the background like a loaded gun in the drawer: you can avoid them, but just knowing they exist gives the whole sandbox more tension. You’re fucking them, but are you sure they’re not fucking someone else behind the curtains? The game never stops reminding you that being king in a sex-obsessed court means everyone is watching, everyone is scheming, and half the time you’re too busy buried in some girl’s pussy to notice who’s spying on you from the shadows.