Sexy Witch 6: Pinecones for Zhanna feels like that one weird Christmas porno someone taped over an old medieval movie, then forgot to edit, and somehow it just works. You’re in this snowy village, technically “on a quest” to deal with a stolen Christmas tree, but honestly your dick is the main character and the tree is just a side quest nobody really cares about. The game even starts like your brain trying to remember what being 18 felt like: horny, confused, pretending to care about traditions while you just stare at every pair of tits in the scene. There’s this cozy half-fantasy vibe, snow everywhere, candles, cheap wooden houses, and then the conversations go straight to “how about you fuck me first” in like two lines. I opened it in Chrome on my lunch break and instantly regretted not having a second monitor, because the first scene with Zoe escalates faster than my laptop fan. She’s your “advisor” but let’s be real, she’s there to ride you and make you forget the plot. She teases you about the tree, about your age, about how clueless you are, and then suddenly you’re knee-deep in a sex scene instead of a heroic discussion about village honor. Priorities are correct.

The choices are the fun kind where you pretend to be a good guy for three seconds, then pick the horny option anyway. Sometimes you can go “yeah, I’ll help the village” or “fuck that, where’s the hot maiden,” and obviously Svetlana exists to ruin any attempt to be noble. The first time you meet her, she’s exactly that classic fantasy damsel: pretty, soft, stuck in some magical bullshit, and you’re supposed to think about rescuing her. Instead you’re just reading the dialogue going, “ok but when can I see her naked.” There’s actual magic going on, like witches and strange rituals and some pinecone thing that’s half-joke, half-plot device, but all of that just feels like excuses for more sex setups. One scene did make me laugh though: you’re in the middle of a kind of serious moment about the stolen tree, and your character’s inner monologue is basically “I don’t give a fuck about the tree, I just want to fuck,” which is probably the most honest line in this whole series. Some transitions between scenes are a bit abrupt, like the game forgot how you got there, but whatever, you’re not here to rate continuity. Also, whoever decided pinecones should be that important has issues. Or genius. Hard to say. Either way, by the time you’re juggling witch magic, Christmas bullshit, and two very different girls wanting your cock for different reasons, the whole thing feels like a horny fever dream with snow, and I kinda liked that it never pretends to be deeper than that.

You’re the poor bastard who climbed the ladder just high enough that nobody shoots you, but everybody dumps their shit on your desk. Whole galaxy is rotting, planets choking on smog, priests screaming about purity, and you’re in a cramped office where the lights buzz like insects while you decide if some mining colony gets air filters or “thoughts and prayers.” And right in the middle of that, you keep tripping over women who want to fuck you, argue with you, manipulate you, or all three at once. Not because you’re some chosen hero, but because your signature can save their lives or destroy their whole world, and in this empire, pussy is just another kind of paperwork.

You start as this awkward virgin clerk who suddenly has real power, and the game never lets you forget how weird that is. One moment you’re reading a report about famine on a frozen shithole planet, next moment a bored noble MILF is sitting too close on your couch, pretending she’s worried about “trade quotas” while her hand creeps up your thigh. She’s old enough to have kids in the guard, tits poured into some ridiculous formal dress, and she’s treating your office like it’s a private bedroom. You can push her away and grill her about corruption, or you grab her hair and she drops on her knees between your legs and starts sucking like this is the only way she remembers how to negotiate. The game is blunt about it: she wants a better result on your decision, and she’s ready to slobber on your cock for it, lipstick smeared, eyes watering, trying to moan around your dick while you skim her file. And it’s fucked up, because while she’s gagging on you, you’re also actually reading the numbers and thinking, “yeah, this planet is screwed.”

That’s kind of how the whole thing feels: serious and horny at the same time, like someone mashed a grim sci fi bureaucracy sim with a porn VN and just didn’t apologize. There’s this cute junior scribe who brings you data slates and looks like she’s gonna burst from stress, and if you’re gentle, she slowly cracks, starts opening up about how terrified she is of getting reassigned to some nightmare warzone. First time you manage to calm her down, she leaves… but if you keep backing her, she eventually turns up in your room, shutting the door, cheeks red, hands shaking as she offers herself like she’s filing a desperate last-minute request. She’s still technically the one begging, but you KNOW the power is in your hands when she climbs into your lap and whispers that she’s never done this before, then winces as you push inside her, tight and wet and clinging to your shirt so hard the fabric creaks. And right after you finish, there’s this short, shitty silence, like “ok, cool, now you both work in the same office tomorrow.” No magic romance fade-out, just sticky thighs and a stack of forms on the desk you still have to sign.

What caught me was how your traits twist those scenes. Pick paranoid and you’re double-checking everyone, even when some guardwoman with arms thicker than your waist is riding your dick in a barracks bunk, using you like a toy because she’s lonely and half drunk, and your brain is still going “is she trying to get a transfer out of that meat grinder of a front line?” Go empath and it actually stings when a woman offers her body like it’s the last thing she has left to bargain with. You can still grab her by the hips and fuck her raw over your office table, her moans mixing with the quiet hum of cogitators, but it hits different when you realize her whole world literally hangs on the word you’re going to stamp on that form after you pull out and she’s dripping on your paperwork. The art has that rough AI feel sometimes, but every now and then a scene lands just right: a milf with tired eyes but a hungry mouth, a scared virgin biting her lip while you push in slowly, a smirking manipulator who’s clearly enjoying the game more than you are. It’s messy, it’s not “nice,” and it leans into the idea that in this empire, romance, lust, fear, and red tape are all the same fucking language. Dare to play it alone, or invite company?

A lazy demon getting yanked out of his comfy hell and dumped in a house full of horny, chaotic witches is already a good start, but here it actually turns into a whole sandbox of “how much of a perv do I feel like being today”. You start as this summoned demon guy, technically a virgin in the human world sense, trying to figure out what the hell is going on while these girls poke, test, tease, and half the time forget they literally brought a supernatural sex machine into their living room. One minute they’re arguing about magic circles and some paranormal crap, next minute one of them is leaning over the table and you’re stuck staring at bouncing tits from first person view while she “checks your aura” with her hand way too close to your dick. The game flips between goofy jokes and really direct lewd stuff so fast it feels like watching a horny sitcom that suddenly remembers it’s allowed to show creampies and anal.

What I like is how it keeps that roguelike brain-itch of “ok, but what if I click the other option this time” without drowning you in stats. You pick if you want to be more obedient to the witches or lean into being a corrupting bastard, and that choice quietly changes the flavor of everything. Go softer and you get more teasing, romance, and these slow corruption moments where a “good girl” witch lets you grope her under a blanket and pretends it’s some kind of energy test. Go full demon and the same girl shows up later in a tiny outfit, practically begging to be spanked and filled in every hole while you talk shit in her ear. There are milfs mixed with younger-looking witches, big asses everywhere, big tits that jiggle when they strip, and the camera loves parking itself at that angle where you watch your own hand wrapped around a cock or a dripping pussy in POV. Sometimes you’re just jerking off secretly while they argue about magic, sometimes you’re in the middle of group sex on the couch with bodies piled up and someone still trying to keep up the “serious coven meeting” vibe. The humor is dumb in a good way, like that one time a “serious ritual” ends with a blowjob under the table while another witch pretends not to see, and there’s this whole lazy domestic thing where you’re conquering some mundane human object and somehow it ends with a handjob or a girl riding you after she loses a bet. Half the content feels like voyeurism you stumbled into, half feels like harem power trip where you decide who gets bred tonight and who just has to watch and masturbate. Sometimes they flip it and put a boot on your chest or sit on your face and take control, and sometimes you’re the one grabbing their hips, fucking them raw from behind, listening to them moan about getting pregnant in this new world they dragged you into. It’s messy, horny, funny, and just self-aware enough that when the witch you corrupted earlier walks past in a too-short robe and “accidentally” flashes you, you know the game is winking at you as hard as she is.

Plague in the kingdom, king on his throne shitting himself in fear, and you, the poor bastard who has to walk into a cursed forest with a cute elf wife who is way too good for you. That is the whole mood of Cursed Forest Quest – you are technically the hero, but it always feels like the story is asking what happens if the hero is soft, horny, and just a bit unlucky. Vallabelle, your elven wife, is the kind priestess type with huge tits, a perfect ass that does not make physical sense for an elf, and a smile that makes you think “ok, she is totally loyal, it’s fine” while the game quietly laughs in the background. The early scenes sell this perfect couple thing hard: sharing a campfire, she heals your wounds, teases you with a slow handjob as a reward for surviving the day, rides you with that soft priestess moaning, and you think, alright, wholesome, I can relax. Then the forest basically says, no, fuck you, this is a cursed land, and starts poking that little insecurity in your brain every time some other guy looks at her for more than two seconds.

What I liked too much, embarrassingly, is how the game uses “small” moments to kick you in the balls. For example, first time you get to a ruined shrine, there is a choice: go search for relics, or send Vallabelle to talk with the local spirit while you check the perimeter. I just clicked through, not thinking, checked a bush that had literally nothing important, and when I came back, the scene cut to Vallabelle slightly flushed, her robe messed up, her tits kind of out, spirit fading away, and her going “it’s fine, just a blessing.” That moment stuck in my head longer than the full-on vaginal scenes. Not even a big animation there, only small touches, like her avoiding eye contact. Later on there is an actual animated scene with her getting pounded against a forest altar, ass bouncing, moans way louder than anything she ever did for you, and that felt almost less cruel than that earlier half-harassment vibe, where you are not sure what happened but your dick and your stomach both react. By the way, the spanking stuff is weirdly casual here. Sometimes you get to spank her playfully as a “punishment” for teasing you in front of a guard, and she giggles and presses that big ass into your hand. Another time, some other guy does a very similar smack, and suddenly the camera lingers way too long, and she bites her lip in a way she never did for you. I hated that. I also replayed that branch three times to see if her expression changes with different quest choices. It barely does, which somehow turns me on more. The game likes to pretend you have control with all the quests and paths, and yeah, there are multiple endings and all, but honestly half the fun is realizing you clicked yourself into a timeline where you are basically watching your own wife get more “blessed” by the forest than cured. I wish there was a path where you could fully stay pure and keep her untouched, but also I really don’t, and it will never happen anyway.