I didn’t expect to laugh this much during what’s basically a porn game about rebuilding civilization with your dick, but here we are. “Dickcare” doesn’t even pretend to have subtlety, which somehow makes it better. It’s like the dev looked at every crossover hentai fantasy - Velma squinting behind foggy glasses, Raven pretending she’s not into it, Tatsumaki rolling her eyes while secretly moaning - and said, yeah, let’s just throw them all in one ruined world and call it salvation. The writing’s half self-aware and half deranged sincerity; the voice lines swing between awkwardly horny and genuinely funny. There’s one scene with Frankie in a busted gym locker room that made me pause, not because it was hot (though it is), but because she calls you “hero” in this weird soft tone right before things get messy. It stays in your head longer than expected.

What’s wild is how much *sound* adds to everything. You can tell someone cared about the way a zipper slides down or the slap echoing off concrete walls. The sandbox part? Looser than it sounds. You wander, talk, get distracted by some zombie side plot that doesn’t matter, and suddenly Velma’s stuck halfway through a ventilation shaft. It’s ridiculous, yeah, but also... kind of perfect. There’s no grind, no fake moral choice. Just dirty, absurd freedom. Though, I swear one moaning loop cuts off too early - it’s such a small glitch but now I obsess over it. Maybe that’s the point: perfection would ruin the charm.

It’s funny how a game full of cum jokes and cartoon parodies ends up feeling more alive than most serious stuff. Maybe because it doesn’t care if you take it seriously. One minute you’re saving humanity, next you’re wiping something off Raven’s cape while she pretends not to blush. If there were awards for “Most Unnecessarily Emotional Cum Scene,” this one wins without competition.

Crossunder Academy looks at you and goes, “yeah, you’re the new kid, you don’t know shit, but here, have power anyway.” You roll in thinking it’s just another school VN with some tits glued on, and then they throw you into the Student Council and suddenly you’re the class president, fake tie, fake responsibilities, and very real chances to fuck half the campus if you don’t screw it up. It starts tame, like a dating sim pretending to be serious: club budgets, school events, that kind of filler. Then you figure out every boring “proposal” conversation is basically foreplay. The shy club rep who wants more money for “equipment” leans over your desk a bit too far, blouse a little too tight, and you’ve got the classic choice pop-up: act professional, tease her, or slide right into horny territory and test how far she’s willing to go to get that funding. You know which one you click. Don’t lie.

The fun part is how it mixes the puzzle feeling with porn without turning into some clicker trash. You’re not matching gems or anything stupid like that, you’re juggling scenes. Say the wrong thing to one girl and she gets jealous when you’re alone with her teacher later, and suddenly that nice slow blowjob under the desk becomes “sorry, I can’t, people will talk.” Say the right thing and the same teacher is on her knees, glasses fogged up, working your cock like she’s grading on a curve. Some routes feel like you’re solving a horny jigsaw puzzle with horny pieces. You’re planning event schedules while secretly thinking, “ok, if Hermione-clone student nerd and that thick aunt-looking lunch lady are both there, can I push them into some exhibitionist shit?” and sometimes the game actually lets you pull it off. There are moments where the camera settles into POV and it’s just you, her big tits pressed right into the frame, your cock between them for a messy titfuck, and the sound design goes from cartoony to “oh, someone actually cared here.” Then next scene a different girl is doing this ahegao face like she’s auditioning for a meme compilation and it almost kills the mood, but you keep clicking because, well, creampie counter is not going to fill itself.

It leans hard into the fantasy faculty and campus girls archetypes. You’ve got the prim bookworm who clearly wants to be ruined in the library after hours, the fake innocent student council girl who’s absolutely into groping behind closed doors, the curvy “tradwife” type who talks about cooking and chores while riding you raw, and that one busty older woman that might as well have “MILF” written on her forehead. Half the time you’re trying to act like a respectable president in meetings, half the time you’re lining up which corridor to “inspect” so you can corner someone and see how far she’ll go if the hallway cameras are “mysteriously” off. There’s teasing everywhere, a little too much sometimes: she’s in your lap, skirt hiked up, grinding on you, moaning in your ear about how wrong it is in a school setting, and the scene still stalls until you pick the right dialog line before it lets you finally push inside. When it does click though, the game doesn’t flinch: deep throat, sloppy oral, thick ass bouncing in your lap, cum inside, cum outside, cum on her face while she’s making that stupid cross-eyed expression. It’s messy, a bit goofy, sometimes hot as hell, sometimes clunky as fuck, but it feels like an actual degenerate school fantasy where your choices matter just enough to make you paranoid you missed one more filthy route.

You show up at this weirdly quiet place called Camp Pinewood, expecting some normal summer job, maybe a few brats and some boring chores, and instead you walk into this fever dream where every girl from your old cartoons apparently decided to grow curves, lose shame, and hang around half-dressed. No dudes anywhere. Just you, one confused but very horny guy, surrounded by faces you recognize from way too many childhood afternoons, now asking for “help” with things that have nothing to do with camp activities. It feels wrong for like five seconds, then someone bends over a little too far and your brain just shuts up. One minute you’re talking to Gwen who’s pretending she’s here for “training,” the next her top just happens to slip when you raise her affection and suddenly you’re in this loop of checking every corner of the camp like some degenerate detective. Is there a mystery? Kind of. You’re supposed to investigate what’s going on, but half of that “investigation” is walking into a cabin and catching someone like Velma “studying” on the bed with her tits about to fall out of her shirt, or Stephanie bouncing around with that fake-innocent Lazy Town vibe, short skirt riding up way too high. The game knows exactly what it’s doing when it leaves a door half open so you can spy on Daphne stripping down in front of the mirror, like it’s totally normal camp behavior.

What I like is how the horny stuff doesn’t drop on you all at once. It starts pretty tame, just teasing and flirting, then suddenly you’re juggling dates with Clover from Totally Spies, Gwen, Raven, and maybe Francine hanging around acting like some hot stepmom who wants to “talk” about your progress. Some scenes are just silly, like Lola Bunny deciding she needs “private coaching” and ending up on her knees with your cock between those big cartoon lips, while you’re thinking, yeah, Space Jam hit different. Then other moments go way harder than you expect. One second it’s a blowjob under the trees, next moment you’ve got Starfire all eager-to-please, asking what else humans like, and you’re pushing into her tight ass while she moans something about “learning Earth customs.” There’s proper variety too: titfucks with huge-soft-ridiculous racks, handjobs that turn into messy oral, classic pussy pounding with big asses grinding on you, and those scenes where the girl pretends she “didn’t know” you were watching her play with herself and then just keeps going, because voyeurism is basically the camp’s unofficial sport. Some routes lean more into male domination, with you pressing a girl against the wall, pulling her hair, making her strip piece by piece, others feel more like romance gone very, very off the rails, like slow-burn moments with someone like Wendy, where you kiss first and end up fucking her senseless on a cabin bed while the campfire crackles outside. It’s trashy and nostalgic and wrong and hot at the same time, like scrolling through your old Saturday-morning lineup and realizing every single one of them is now trying to climb onto your lap.

You check in at this weird, fucked up hotel thinking it’s just another quick jerk break between Discord messages and a half-finished ranked match in Valorant, and then it hits you: everyone here is hot, half-creepy, half-adorable, and technically dead. Not rotting dead, more like “came out of a lab, upgraded with big tits and attitude” dead. They call it relaxation, but it’s basically a cum economy. Your load is the wallet. Every handjob, every messy blowjob, every time you pump some zombie babe’s pussy, the counter goes up and more doors unlock. It sounds dumb when you explain it, but suddenly you’re actually thinking shit like “ok, I need 6 more loads to reach that room with the smug goth girl that looks like Wednesday had a way dirtier phase.”

What sinks the hook in is how familiar a lot of the girls feel, without the game screaming it in your face. One moment there’s a clumsy, brainy girl in an orange sweater who drops to her knees faster than my Wi‑Fi when I open Twitch, and the next you’re staring at a green-haired psychic that basically radiates “I could throw you through the wall, but I’d rather pin you to the bed and milk you dry.” A blonde in blue spandex leaning on the balcony rail like she owns the place, a tomboy with short hair and headphones who’s way too into teasing slow strokes with her hand, a shy chick with glasses who deepthroats like she’s trying to study your DNA. The game doesn’t pretend to be subtle. It just throws familiar faces at you, puts a price on them, and says: pay in cum.

The loop is stupid simple, which honestly works when you’re half-awake after scrolling porn on Xvideos and going “ok, one more thing before sleep.” New day, new girl at the hotel desk or waiting in some shady corridor, each with their own number slapped on like a cheap mobile game microtransaction. Only here, you’re grinding with your dick. Do a few rounds with an early girl, blow your load, watch the counter climb. Hit that goal, suddenly a door you kept clicking before finally opens and there’s a smug zombie redhead licking her lips, asking for “payment.” Sometimes you just sit there staring at the screen because the animation hits that perfect angle and you forget you were supposed to stop after one nut and go back to Netflix. Controls aren’t special, some things repeat a bit too much, and the sound can be slightly off, but then a girl looks up at you mid-blowjob with those big, glossy, undead eyes and you’re like, yeah, ok, fine, one more round.