Vault Wanderer is one of those horny little parody projects that feels like it started as a shitpost between friends on Discord and somehow became an actual game. You play this guy who crawls out of a comfy underground vault into a wasteland that is less about radiation and more about who is fucking who, and with what. The whole thing mixes classic turn based RPG combat with stupid jokes and very explicit scenes that just kind of slam into you out of nowhere. One second you are clicking through some goofy dialogue about bottle caps, the next you are watching a futa raider get her dick sucked in a surprisingly long animated loop while your character pretends he is not into it. The game loves voyeurism like crazy. Almost every location has some “oops I walked in on them” moment, except it is never really an accident and everybody is cool with you standing in the corner jerking off. Or pretending to “research.” The writing knows exactly what it is doing: it makes fun of the wasteland clichés, then uses the same clichés to justify a harem route where every big tits, big ass, wrong-race-for-this-town waifu somehow ends up in your camp.

What surprised me most is how messy but confident the sandbox structure is. You are just dropped on the surface with this point and click map and told to explore, and the game absolutely does not care if you go straight to a lesbian futa bar and stall your “main quest” for two hours doing nothing except footjobs and blowjobs in different outfits. There is real RPG stuff happening in the background: stats, turn based fights, random encounters that sometimes end in actual combat and sometimes turn straight into oral sex scenes if you pick the horny dialogue option. I lost one fight because I was too distracted watching the enemy’s boobs bounce in the attack animation, which is a stupid reason to reload, but here we are. The art is simple 2D CG but the animations have just enough motion to make the scenes feel alive without turning into weird rubber people. Some of the interracial setups are actually hot, then the game drops a joke so bad it short circuits the mood and you kind of hate it for ten seconds, until the next harem scene where three girls are roleplaying “capturing” you and you forget you were mad. The mobile support is oddly good too; I tried it on my phone while half-slouching on the couch with Chrome open and it ran smoother than some serious games on Steam. Sometimes the text spacing gets fucked on smaller screens and nobody bothered to fix it, which annoyed me for like a full minute while I was trying to read a masturbation scene and the last line wrapped in a stupid way, and then I clicked next and forgot. That is basically the whole vibe here: horny, rough around edges, a little broken, but when the wasteland mommy with huge boobs kneels down for oral and the camera zooms in just right, your brain stops caring about polish completely.

Everything looks kind of cheap at first glance, and that’s honestly part of the charm here. You’re this dude who thinks he’s just getting a boring new life, but instead you’re stuck in a tiny place with Ember, your stepsis who talks like she wants to kill you and fuck you at the same time. She’s got that “I’m annoyed at you” face while walking around in shorts that absolutely do not fit the idea of a healthy sibling relationship. The banter hits fast. One minute she’s calling you useless, next minute she’s leaning over you to grab a mug, tits pressing into your shoulder like it’s nothing, and the camera lingers just a bit too long. The AI art makes her expressions kind of uncanny if you stare too hard, like there’s something crawling under her skin, but that actually fits. She looks a little too perfect, like a horny goddess generated by a machine that has seen too much porn and not enough real people. I like it. I hate it. It works.

Then you go to your new job at the model agency, and everything goes from “awkward home porn setup” to “okay, which of these women is going to ruin my soul first.” You’re hired as some systems engineer, but nobody actually cares about your code. Half the time you’re stuck in the office with a busty manager bending over your desk, the other half you’re talking to models with asses so round they look like someone just pulled them out of an image generator with the sliders broken. There’s this one moment early on where you’re checking security footage for clues about the missing model, Mara, and instead of focusing on, you know, the crime, you pause the video because she’s walking past the camera and her tits bounce in this weird but hypnotic way. Like gravity got confused. The scene keeps going, with you pretending to analyze data while the dialogue is basically flirting with doom. It’s very “yeah, I’m trying to solve a mystery, but also I’m extremely hard right now.” By the way, the font on one of the menus is ugly as shit and nobody will care except me, and it annoyed me so much I kept noticing it in every choice popup.

The mystery part sneaks in under the dirty jokes. You’re laughing at Ember calling you a perv, then later you look at a picture of Mara and something is just off in the lighting, like the AI forgot how eyes should reflect light, and suddenly the scene feels cursed. There’s a bit where you’re alone in the office at night, scrolling through model portfolios, and it hits that exact weird mix: half boner, half dread. You open Mara’s profile and it’s all perfectly shaped milf types and big-ass centerfold shots, but then one close-up looks different, wrong, like her smile is stretched by a hand you can’t see. It reminded me of those creepy hentai edits where a normal face suddenly goes full ahegao except here it never fully goes there, it just hovers at the edge. The humor never really stops either; somebody makes a dumb pun while you’re poking around what might be evidence of a crime. It shouldn’t be funny, but it is, and that broken tone actually keeps it interesting. The game basically feels like an eldritch dating sim written by someone who jacks off to big tits and also reads horror threads at 4chan at the same time. Honestly, the sex vibes are more constant than the horror, yet that quiet feeling that something is watching from behind the pretty AI curves never goes away.

Ark is basically the kind of idiot king that every hentai forum thread secretly wants to be. He’s supposed to be building a “serious” power base and challenging this smug, horny demon queen called Lady Erostegia for the throne, but half the time it feels like he’s just stumbling from one set of tits to the next and somehow that counts as politics. The story pretends it’s high fantasy, with courts and schemes and all that, but then you're blackmailing a holy knight because you caught her fingering herself in a shrine, or getting a footjob in a council chamber while two nobles argue about taxes in the background. It sounds messy? It is messy. That’s the charm. Characters don’t just pop in to suck your dick and vanish, they kind of stick around, open their own side dramas, get jealous, make stupid decisions, and you realize you’re suddenly tracking who already took your virginity in which timeline like you’re doing homework on Pornhub notes. I liked that the game pretends you have moral choices while also shoving your cock into almost every scene. You can “corrupt” the sweet girls slowly, or be that bastard who uses them like tools, but honestly, even when you go for wholesome romance, you’re still probably going to end up creampie stuffing someone on a throne or sneaking into their bed for sleep sex while they mumble your name in their dreams. Totally immoral. Very nice.

What really sells it is how shameless it is about mixing goofy humor with real filth. One moment there's a milf sorceress scolding you like a teacher, next moment you have her drooling on your shaft, voice shaking as she tries to keep her “royal advisor” act together while you make her gag. The game likes to tease you a lot too. There are scenes where girls cosplay as “innocent” maidens or parody characters from other series, and if you’re a degenerate who spends too much time on certain subreddits, you’ll spot what they’re referencing and probably feel weirdly called out. Animations are not some crazy high-budget masterpiece, but they do the job really well: hips grind, toes curl around your dick in those footjob scenes, cum actually lands where it’s supposed to instead of doing that weird floaty manga thing. The voice work helps a lot. Some moans are soft and embarrassed, others are like “fuck me more, king” with that dominant tone that makes you feel like you’re the one getting conquered. There’s female domination stuff that can hit hard if you let Erostegia or one of the more twisted girls take the lead, pushing you to the bed, making you beg, riding you until you’re actually a little scared of how much they enjoy milking you dry. Or you can play it like a pure power trip and turn them into your drooling toys instead. NTR and swinging paths are there in the background like a loaded gun in the drawer: you can avoid them, but just knowing they exist gives the whole sandbox more tension. You’re fucking them, but are you sure they’re not fucking someone else behind the curtains? The game never stops reminding you that being king in a sex-obsessed court means everyone is watching, everyone is scheming, and half the time you’re too busy buried in some girl’s pussy to notice who’s spying on you from the shadows.

Pharmacy games always sounded boring in my head. Like, I imagine clicking bottles of vitamins and some old man asking about blood pressure. Then this thing shows up, and the pharmacy is just background noise for a bunch of horny people who desperately need… “alternative treatment plans.” You’re basically watching a day in Sina’s All Hours Pharmacy, except every “consultation” quietly drifts into porn logic. Customer says “my back hurts” and two dialog boxes later they’re bent over the counter getting “thorough physical support.” It feels like someone mixed workplace comedy with hentai and then forgot which one was supposed to be the main dish, so they just doubled down on both.

The whole thing is kinetic, so you’re not pretending to be some strategic mastermind. You’re just riding along, like a perv on rails. No choices, just vibes. Which is weirdly nice. I didn’t have to think, I just sat there with coffee in one hand and mouse in the other, clicking through as the staff solves problems using zero medical training and a lot of big tits physics. Breasts are basically secondary characters here. I swear there’s a scene where the pharmacist leans over and her boobs are doing more talking than her mouth. Her “consultation technique” is like: step one, lean in so the guy sees nothing but cleavage; step two, ask totally normal question with the most smug face; step three, he’s instantly cured except for the rock hard problem in his pants. Also the cocks are stupidly big, like “how is this physically inside you and you’re still making jokes” level cartoon nonsense. It’s great. It’s dumb. It’s kinda hot. It makes zero sense. Perfect.

What really got me though is the tone. One second you have straight up dirty talk at the counter, the next second someone cracks a joke like this is some workplace sitcom. At one point a customer comes in with “stress”, and suddenly the pharmacist is like, “We offer body‑to‑body relaxation, side effect includes not walking straight.” Nobody reacts like that’s insane. The staff treats sex like just another line item on the receipt. There’s a bit with a girl with huge boobs trying to restock shelves and they keep smashing into boxes and you just know the dev sat there thinking “yeah, this is very important for the medical realism.” The humor is very “I watched too much hentai and now I write scripts,” which honestly, mood. It’s horny but not super mean, just very shameless. I do wish there were moments where you could at least choose how fast the scenes escalate instead of everything jumping straight from mild flirting to “raw dog in the back room,” but it also kind of fits the whole no‑refunds, no‑breaks energy of the place. Half the time I forgot this is supposed to be a pharmacy at all. It just feels like porn with lab coats and name tags, which, yeah, I’m absolutely not complaining.

Shut-in guy, tiny messy room, curtains always closed, porn tabs buried under strategy guides, that whole vibe. He pokes at some sketchy “Forbidden Summoning Book” like it’s just another weird time killer, and instead of getting some proud demon king or dramatic angel of death he pulls in Ain, an Outer God that looks like a perfect smug Japanese goddess who got lost on her way to a gacha banner. She expects the usual “give me power, make me ruler of everything” speech, and this idiot basically goes: “uh… can you be my board game buddy?” Cosmic error, universe kind of shrugs, and suddenly this unknowable calamity is stuck as his roommate, padding around his apartment like it’s totally normal while sounding like an anime heroine who wandered into the wrong genre. She’s fully voiced, every snarky line dripping with that lazy superiority, like she could erase galaxies but she’d rather bully this one useless nerd instead.

The fun part is how fast the supernatural stuff becomes just routine dirty slice of life. One minute you’re doing little QTE bits while they duel over some dumb board game, the next she’s got her feet in his lap, “by accident”, casually grinding her soft sole over his hard-on while explaining cosmic horror rules. She talks shit the whole time too, like “you’re getting this hard just from my toes?” in that playful goddess tone, and the poor guy can’t even look her in the eyes. Footjob scenes hit that perfect mix of mean and weirdly tender, toes curling around him while she pretends it’s just teasing. She’s got ridiculous big tits and big ass packed into this tight outfit that screams “divine being trying to cosplay as a normal roommate”, and when she climbs on top to ride him you really feel the power gap. Female domination here isn’t whips and chains, it’s the way she acts like his cock is just another toy she owns. Oral scenes are noisy and sloppy, lots of lip smacks and smug little hums, like she’s tasting a new snack, and yeah the censorship mosaics are there but honestly her voice does most of the work. When she milks him with those slow strokes and just lets him creampie her, she looks down on him with that “you’re so pathetic but you’re mine” face that hits harder than any spell. There’s romance too, kind of clumsy, buried under all the teasing. He freaks out over small stuff like brushing teeth together, while she casually offers her throat for him to kiss like it’s nothing. Every day stuff turns weird: brushing past her in that tiny room, getting a flash of her tits as she “forgets” to close her top, her bending over right in his face, wiggling her ass just a bit too long. Sometimes the idle moments are almost boring, sometimes the humor misses, sometimes the QTE timing is annoying as hell and feels like it’s interrupting your horniness, but then she whispers something low and dirty in that goddess voice and it all just clicks again. She’ll yank his pants down mid-argument, sink onto his dick and keep talking about cosmic order while riding him slow, like sex is just part of the conversation now. It’s that contrast that sells it: almighty Outer God, stuck as your horny, mocking, strangely affectionate roommate, turning your shut-in life into this messy loop of board games, trash jokes, and getting drained by a celestial girl who pretends not to care while clearly falling for you.

Your dad suddenly decides he'd rather chase dick than milk cows, drops a casual “bye” and vanishes, and the whole spoiled city life just collapses in one afternoon. Your mom drags you back to the family farm, where the wi-fi is shit, the air smells like animals, and the only real entertainment is whatever your cock can get you into. The game really leans into that awkward “too close for comfort” family setup: mom trying to pretend everything is normal, you being way too aware of her curves when she bends over to haul a bag of feed, and all those long evenings in a creaky old farmhouse where the doors don’t quite close and nobody remembers to lock anything. It starts “tame” on the surface, like you just help around the place, but the camera loves slow, hungry pans and those tiny moments when a hand lingers too long or a shirt rides up just enough to make your brain go feral. There is a lot of staring. You catch yourself just watching her ass while she’s washing dishes, or spying through a half open door when she thinks she’s alone and her hand is between her legs, biting her lip and whispering your father’s name but clearly not thinking about him. That part hit weirdly hard. And hot. Mostly hot.

What I liked is how the game weaponizes boredom. City porn is all quick, fast, click-click-nut. This feels more like: nothing happens, nothing happens, you jerk off in the barn because you watched mom suck a popsicle weirdly slowly at lunch, then suddenly she walks in while you’re stroking, and instead of a normal reaction, she just freezes, looks at it, blushes, then pretends she saw nothing and tells you to help her with the hay later. But next scene she can’t keep her eyes off your bulge. That slow corruption, both of her and of you, kind of mirrors old incest hentai from the 2000s where the line between “oops accident” and “I am using your cock as my personal coping mechanism” just dissolves. There is also the younger angle, the shota flavor in how the protagonist is framed, like he’s not really fully grown man but absolutely old enough to be dangerous with a hard-on. It plays hard with that contrast: an older, stressed, needy mother with heavy tits and tired eyes who starts by giving you innocent chores, then at some point starts waking you up with her hand “by mistake,” or letting you watch while she “checks if your balls are developing right, because your father isn’t here anymore.” When it escalates to blowjob in the barn, with hay sticking to her knees and her trying not to gag, you realize the whole farm became just a big porn stage: the milking stall looks like a bondage frame, the tractor becomes a place where you pin her against the seat for a quick handjob, the shower is a narrow space where your “accidental” erections rub against her ass every time she tries to squeeze past. And I didn’t even mention the farm girl relative that shows up once, laughs way too loud, and clearly wants to test if family genes are strong by wrapping her lips around you while her aunt pretends not to notice from the hallway. The animated scenes lean dirty and personal rather than polished, like amateur porn where the camera shakes, spit strings hang from her mouth, and your cum lands somewhere a bit wrong. Honestly, sometimes the humor hits at the same time as the arousal, like when mom scolds you for wasting “precious seed” on the floor, then immediately jerks you again “so you don’t stay frustrated” and stares at the dripping mess on her fingers like it’s the only wealth this farm still has. It’s clumsy, horny, and unashamed of what it wants: you watching, you getting watched, hands and mouths where they shouldn’t be, family pretending they still care about morals while kneeling in the hay with your cock down their throat.

Doug looks like something you’d scroll past in a meme and then suddenly you’re three scenes in, wondering why you’re jerking off to a “pet” who talks more shit than half of Reddit. The game throws you into this house where everyone treats you like a cute little nothing, while you’re actually a full adult guy with a permanent hard-on and exactly zero shame. You wander from room to room, poking at girls’ routines, getting in the way, “accidentally” brushing tits, sitting in laps, staring at asses when they bend over. It starts really soft, almost wholesome, like you’re just this horny mascot. Then the teasing ramps and it gets weird in a good way. You watch a MILF in yoga pants ignoring you while her nipples are clearly fighting the sports bra, and you’re just there, creeping closer, testing how much you can touch before she twitches or blushes or pretends she didn’t feel your hand on her thigh. The whole thing has this slow-burn harassment vibe, where you’re not just spamming sex scenes, you’re building that fucked-up comfort zone between “aww, silly Doug” and “why is your snout between my legs again”.

What’s funny is I went in thinking I’d hate the humiliation stuff, because I’m more “normal” porn, simple vanilla, kiss, suck, fuck, done. Here it drips in sideways. You’re technically the lowest thing in the house, literally called a pet, but you end up controlling the mood. One moment you’re getting shoved off the bed like trash, next moment she’s half naked, pretending she only stripped because it’s hot, while you’re practically nuzzling her panties and she just lets it happen. There’s a scene where you’re under a blanket, she’s watching Netflix on her phone, and you slowly work your way between her legs, licking while she tries to keep a straight face. She keeps whispering “Doug, stop, someone might come in” but her hips grind anyway. And then someone does walk by the door, calls her name, and she bites her lip so hard you can almost feel it. Stuff like that hits way harder than just “click button, get blowjob”. Oral, handjobs, full-on vaginal, creampies, interracial scenes with the big guy whose dick you know is going to ruin someone, all that is in there, but it never feels like a checklist. It’s more like you chipped away at them until they gave in. The groping is constant, the big tits and big asses are framed from every angle, and when they finally ride you, it feels both wrong and earned at the same time. The owner’s suspicion always hangs over everything too, like this castration threat in the background, which somehow makes the orgasms nastier. I kept telling myself I just wanted cute teasing and MILF cuddles, and then I’m watching a girl grind on Doug’s face, moaning his name, while thinking “yeah, ok, fuck it, this is exactly my thing now”.

Malcolm is the kind of guy you scroll past in real life without even noticing. Skinny, nervous, always a little hunched like the world is too loud for him. The game just throws you into his messy life in Walkerville, this weirdly normal Texas town that keeps acting like it’s hiding something behind every white picket fence and church smile. He lives with his mom and his sisters, and yeah, the game does not pretend that everyone’s thoughts are pure. It starts small. A door not fully closed when his older sister changes, that one innocent towel slip that lingers a bit too long, a late night where he “accidentally” opens the wrong room and just stands there, watching, hand already twitching toward his crotch before you even realize you clicked. The voyeur stuff creeps in quiet, like it was always there and the game just lets you stop pretending.

What surprised me is how it mixes dumb horny jokes with moments that feel kind of raw. Malcolm wants to stop being this loser and “be alpha” or whatever, but you see him in front of his laptop, porn tabs open, jerking off to the thought of his own mother bending over the laundry basket, big ass filling the screen, and you can feel how pathetic he knows he is. The game lets you push him further. You decide if he keeps watching from the crack of the door or actually walks in when his busty mom is stretched over the couch, panties riding up, asking for “a quick back rub” that your brain instantly twists into something else. It’s dirty in a way that feels almost too close, like browsing Pornhub in a private tab and suddenly stumbling on that one “mom” actress that reminds you of someone you know. You can focus on straight stuff if you want, just tits, pussies, toys, bare skin under flimsy house clothes, that kind of thing. Or you poke into the futa / trans side of town, which the game flags clearly so you don’t wander into it by accident, and there’s this odd thrill when a girl you thought was just a cute neighbor ends up pulling out something thick and throbbing from under her skirt while still having soft curves and a wet, tight pussy. It makes Malcolm freak out a bit, and it kind of made me do the same, in a good way.

Scenes play out slowly, with that visual novel pacing where you click through every little smirk and every bad joke he throws out when he’s nervous. Sometimes it works, like when his milf mom calls him out for staring and you can either chicken out or double down and compliment her tits in this awkward, blunt way that somehow gets her blushing instead of slapping him. Other times it drags on while you just want to reach the moment where she wraps her lips around his cock or grinds her big ass against him in the kitchen and “accidentally” rubs the tip against her soaked panties. There is this one masturbation scene with his younger sister, caught on a half-broken phone camera in the bathroom mirror, where she thinks nobody is home and spreads herself on the sink, one hand on her clit, the other holding a cheap toy she probably ordered from Amazon. That part stuck with me way more than I expected. Not even the nudity, but the way she looks around, bites her lip, keeps whispering Malcolm’s name like she hates herself for it. The humor cuts through sometimes, with him making stupid inner comments while jerking to his own family, but then in the next click his cock is out in his room and he is stroking himself raw, trying not to moan too loud while listening to muffled sounds through the wall. It is messy, horny, a bit trashy, and doesn’t really care about being “nice”. Which kind of fits this town full of smiling faces and very dirty secrets, all waiting for Malcolm to stop pretending he is just a passive loser and start fucking his way into the role he keeps dreaming about.

So you're telling me someone made a Simpsons porn game where you're basically reliving high school but with all the MILF characters from Springfield? Yeah, that's... actually kind of brilliant in the most degenerate way possible. The setup is weird as hell - you're this college-aged dude who somehow ends up living with the Simpson family and attending adult education classes filled with women who couldn't finish school on time. Like, why is Marge there? Did she drop out to have Bart? The logic doesn't matter because honestly, who's playing this for the plot consistency?

The whole thing plays like someone's horny fever dream crossed with a life simulator. You've got your basic needs to manage - shower regularly or just spam deodorant like some kind of antisocial gremlin, get a job to afford gifts for the ladies, and navigate this bizarre social ecosystem where you're flirting with everyone from Lisa's teacher Ms. Krabappel to that country singer Lurleen who appeared in like three episodes. The corruption mechanics are pretty standard fare, you know the drill - start innocent, gradually push boundaries until you're balls deep in cartoon pussy. What gets me is how they included deep cuts like Janey Powell and the Mackleberry twins. Someone really did their homework on Springfield's female population.

But here's where it gets actually interesting - the sandbox nature means you can completely ignore half the cast and just focus on your favorites. Want to spend the entire game trying to bang Marge while Homer's at work? Go for it. More interested in the school setting with younger characters? They got you covered. The voyeurism elements add this creepy layer where you're basically stalking these women around town, which... look, it's fucked up but it works for what this is. The animated scenes aren't anything revolutionary but they do the job, and there's enough variety in the handjobs and vaginal scenes to keep things from getting too repetitive. Though honestly, the humor is hit or miss - sometimes it captures that Simpsons wit, other times it feels like bad fanfiction written by a horny teenager.