Guy goes out, fucks his dream girl, then life absolutely body slams him. That is basically the tone here. You start as this pretty regular dude who somehow scores the hottest girl around, gets a night full of sloppy kissing, wet panties, nervous first-time energy, and a ridiculous amount of teasing. She rides your face, you worship her tits, she grinds on your cock until both of you are a sweaty mess, and then the whole thing gets wrecked by her psycho dad flying off the handle. Violence, panic, lights out. Coma. You wake up years later with your dick still working, but your brain missing the whole damn night. What sticks is just flashes in your sleep: a warm pussy clenching around you, soft feet on your chest, a girl whispering “cum in me” in that needy voice that makes your balls tighten. You wake up horny, confused and kind of pissed off at your own memory. Pornhub doesn’t help, Xvideos doesn’t help, nothing hits the spot because it all feels like an echo of something real that you can’t grab anymore.

Then the doorbell rings and there are three girls outside, all looking like the one from your dreams. Same face, same fuckable body, different flavor of crazy in the eyes. They call you in ways that are too familiar, they smile like they already tasted your cum before, and they move into your life like it was always planned. From that point the game really leans into the mess. You’re juggling romance routes where you kiss them slow on the couch and routes where you’re slamming them against the kitchen counter, pulling hair, making them choke on your cock until their mascara runs. One scene you’re trying to be gentle with a “virgin” act, next scene you’ve got one of them on all fours, ass up, while you spit on her hole and push in, her fingers clawing the sheets. The cutscenes love close-ups: tongue on clit, lips wrapped around shaft, toes curling when you press your thumb into their wet spot. There is a bathroom scene that really goes hard on the whole piss thing, and the camera just stays on it too long, like the dev was way too proud of that animation. Creampies get their own little moment, with your cum pouring out and the girls either freaking out about pregnancy or low-key thrilled by it, depending on how corrupted you’ve nudged them. Sometimes the male dom vibe feels powerful as fuck, with you ordering them to lick each other, clean your cock with their tongues, or sit on your face one after another until you can’t breathe. Other times it’s awkward as hell and a line delivery just kills the mood, but you still keep clicking because the next scene might have one of the twins sucking your fingers after you pull out of her ass, or a slow, lazy morning blowjob that starts as cuddling and ends in her swallowing with a shy smile. It never really pretends to be classy, which is kind of the charm and also exactly the problem.

Argleton looks like some sleepy small town from those old Facebook farming games, but it feels more like your horny browser history got stuck inside a dating sim and started breathing. You just show up there, like it is normal that a whole city is cut off from the world, and nobody questions it. People just flirt, joke about weird stuff, and somehow every second “innocent” chat at the coffee shop ends with somebody talking about dicks or chakra or some Marvel-level mutation. It has that lazy sandbox feeling, where you’re supposed to “relax”, but every click wants to drag you into another scene with big tits in your face and a choice like “be a gentleman” or “bend her over the sink”. Sometimes both. Sometimes you pick the “nice” option and somehow still end up with her riding you in POV while making ahegao like she is trying to catch flies with her tongue.

What kills me is how the game pretends it’s all just goofy humor and slice of life, then suddenly you are in a cosplay bar talking with a Milf dressed as Chun Li, and she is asking if you prefer anal or titfuck while she strokes you under the table. You think, “ok, it is just chat teasing”, and then she pulls your cock out and starts a handjob in full view, like exhibitionism is just Tuesday here. The dialog tries to be funny, sometimes it really hits, feels like a dirty Reddit comment, sometimes it sounds like Google Translate had a stroke, which honestly fits my soul. I played on my phone in a bus with brightness too high, and of course that is exactly when some X‑Men lookalike mutant girl is sucking me off with glowing eyes and the guy next to me pretends he does not see. The animations are not Hollywood, but when a girl with thick ass bounces on you, tits jumping all over, it’s enough. Creampie shots look sticky and rude, in a good way. Then ten minutes later you are just clicking around town map again like nothing happened, stalking icons like Instagram stories.

What really messed with me is how many different flavors of horny they cram in without making a big speech about it. One scene you are giving a shy virgin a soft first-time vaginal sex in romantic candle light, POV, trying not to scare her, then later you are spanking a cosplayer dressed as Kitana, pushing a dildo in her while she laughs and begs for more. There is a lesbian thing in the park where two girls start groping each other for “practice” and drag you in like a living sex toy. A Milf neighbor with big tits uses “yoga” as excuse to grind on you until you accidentally cum on her feet and she just shrugs, wipes it, and offers a footjob “to relax you properly”. Some storylines are sweet, almost too wholesome, romance and dates and small talk, and then suddenly you are choking a girl who asked for more domination, pounding her ass and watching her roll her eyes back. The point and click stuff is simple, you tap, you choose, sometimes you grind money or affection, classic mobile time waster, but with groping in changing rooms and girls sending you masturbation clips at night. I kept taking censored screenshots for my folder and laughing, because half of them look like normal town life, and the other half is just some girl in cosplay costume, spread wide, filled with your cum like that is part of the local tourism program. It should not work, but it does.

This one feels like when you open some “serious dark fantasy” game and then five minutes later you’re already horny and slightly ashamed of yourself. World is all holy banners, burned-out elves, humans acting like they’re the main character of the universe, big church, big lies, big tits. You crawl up from this underground life with daddy’s weird letter in your hand, expecting some standard inheritance drama, and instead you crash straight into a mess of hungry women, twisted faith and way too many chances to get your dick in trouble. The whole thing plays like a sandbox confession booth where every “amen” is followed by someone on their knees for a completely different reason.

What I like is how it pretends to be all story-first, serious business, and then the game just keeps finding excuses to put soft bodies right in your face. Older women with that tired saint smile who drop it the moment you touch their thigh, smug church girls who look pure until they’re wrapping their lips around you, guards’ wives who are sooo loyal until you catch them alone and start groping them from behind. There’s this one scene in a cramped side street near the Holy Capital walls where a mature nun pushes you against a wall and mutters something about “testing your purity,” then drops to her knees and gives you the sloppiest oral, drool everywhere, and the camera angle is tight on her cheeks bouncing as she goes faster. I actually paused Netflix on my second monitor because it was distracting from her sucking you off. That kind of night.

Sex here is not gentle. Like, yeah, you can tease, there’s slow foreplay, some voyeur moments where you hide in the shadows and watch two “holy” women comforting each other a little too much while you stroke yourself, but when you finally take one of them, the game wants you to really pound. Big asses that ripple when you hit from behind, tits pushed together for a sticky titjob, creampies that stay there and stare at you. One of the best bits for me was a roleplay scene where a high-ranking woman pretends to be your prisoner from the old elf war, begs for mercy, and then begs for your cock. It’s so wrong in lore terms and somehow that makes it hotter. The harem angle sort of creeps up naturally: you come “home,” every woman you meet has some secret tension with you, and next thing you know you’ve got a jealous mature lady riding you in your childhood room while another girl watches from the door, touching herself and pretending she’s not. All this on top of a dark story about faith, violence, cheating, and a hero who solves family mysteries with his dick almost as much as with his brain. Honestly, it shouldn’t work. It absolutely does.

Dirty Fantasy feels like someone took your Pornhub search history, your old Witcher saves and half of r/LeagueNSFW, threw them in a blender and said “yeah, fuck it, that’s the story now”. You play as this very self-aware male protagonist who is clearly written by someone that thinks he’s a macho god, but somehow it kind of works. One moment you’re chatting with Ciri like you’re on Telegram trying not to sound horny, next moment you’re accidentally agreeing to a threesome with Jinx and Vi and realizing you absolutely clicked through that dialogue too fast. It has this weird energy where all the girls already look at you like they’ve read your browser history and decided they’re cool with it. The world hops from Witcher-style tavern vibes to Piltover streets to some creepy tentacle dungeon that feels like somebody spent too much time on certain Doujinshi apps, but it never takes itself serious, and that’s the charm. You just bounce around, flirt, screw up, then screw, in that order or not, depending how drunk you click.

Sex scenes are the real meat here, shocker. It goes all in: vaginal, anal, oral, titfucks, toys, proper dripping creampies, soft stuff, rough stuff, and of course tentacles that show up exactly when you think “they wouldn’t actually do tentacles, right?” Ahri doing slow, teasing oral like she knows she’s the main event, Caitlyn trying to stay all proper while you rail her from behind, Katarina acting like she’s in charge right until she’s on her knees, Ciri climbing on top like this is some weird crossover mod you forgot you installed. Some scenes are straight-up group chaos, like when Jinx brings “friends” and suddenly you’re in full orgy territory, bodies everywhere, cumshots stacked on top of each other, that kind of animated loop you end up watching three times because you keep catching some new detail in the background. Animations are not perfect, sometimes a hip moves weird or a hand clips somewhere it shouldn’t, but honestly, with a dick in a mouth and a tentacle in places you’re not proud to admit you like, who’s counting pixels. The one thing that annoyed me for real is how long it sometimes takes to actually get to the next sex scene, like you’re stuck in a tease loop while the story pretends it matters. But then Ahri bites her lip, or Vi pins you to the wall, or Ciri asks if you can “go again” and suddenly you forget you were mad at all. It’s messy, horny, a bit trashy, sometimes funny on purpose, sometimes funny by accident, and feels exactly like opening three incognito tabs at once and letting them bleed into each other until it’s just you, a bunch of big tits from different universes, and zero regrets.