It starts messy, in the best possible way. You’re tossed into this warped version of the galaxy far, far away - not the kind that smells like burnt metal and destiny, but one thick with sweat and bad decisions. The whole thing feels like a fever dream that someone spun out after one too many Holonet smut threads. You’re the guy who somehow made it to Jedi Knight while everyone else got distracted by the war or by each other’s asses (and they’re massive here, holy hell). Half the time you forget why you’re supposed to be saving anything because Barriss bends forward mid-dialogue and the robe just... doesn’t hold. Then there’s Aayla, all cool confidence until her mouth opens, breathing hard like she’s half-daring you to break the code. They all do that. Even Padme - who says words about diplomacy but arches her back every time your name drops. It’s ridiculous and hot at once, like watching porn on mute during a political debate.

The turn-based fights almost feel like foreplay. Every encounter teases longer than necessary, camera angles doing that thing where you can’t tell if you’re fighting monsters or auditioning them for something darker. When Bo-Katan shows up, the whole tempo changes - less talk, more bite - and suddenly the lightsaber doesn’t look like a weapon anymore. My favorite stupid detail: in the menu, somebody coded a “meditation” button that just leads to sex scenes. Lazy? Sure. But it fits. Nothing here pretends to be noble; it’s all dirty Jedi business in slow motion. And when the game finally pops one of those creampie endings, you don’t even blink. You just chuckle, fix the screen ratio on your phone, and keep pressing through because apparently defeat can look like victory if the moaning syncs just right.

Weird thing is - somewhere between the teasing and the parody nonsense - it stops feeling like a joke. You catch yourself liking these twisted versions more than the real ones. Maybe that’s the Force talking. Or just the fact that the writing knows exactly how low you’ll sink for another glimpse under a Jedi robe.

There’s something dirty and oddly charming about how this game throws you into the Star Wars universe and just says, “Yeah, screw the rules, you’re in charge now.” It’s not subtle, not elegant, and that’s the fun of it. You play this nameless guy - could be a smuggler, could be a fallen Jedi, doesn’t matter - and you’re basically collecting some of the galaxy’s most famous women. Ahsoka, Padmé, Bo-Katan, Aayla… they all end up in your orbit, and none of them are safe from your hands, or mouth, or whatever toys you decide to use. It’s rough, messy, and surprisingly story-driven for something that’s mostly about who’s getting fucked next. The dialogue swings between dark humor and raw lust, like someone writing fanfiction at 3 drinks in. Sometimes it’s cringe, sometimes it’s hot as hell. Both work.

The scenes don’t hold back either. You’ll go from a teasing handjob in a dim cell to a full-on group session that feels like a twisted Jedi Council meeting gone sexual. There’s this one bit with Barriss that starts all defiant - she spits at you, all attitude - and ends with her begging for more while you’ve got her bent over the interrogation table. The sound design makes it even filthier than it should be. I swear whoever did the moans knew exactly what they were doing. And the whole domination angle? It’s heavy but not cartoonish. You can tell the devs actually wanted the power dynamic to feel intense, not just checkbox kinky.

I kept expecting the fantasy to break, for it to feel too game-y or fake, but somehow it doesn’t. The mix of control, humiliation, and that weird sense of ownership over these iconic women - it’s disturbing and erotic in equal measure. You might feel guilty for enjoying it, but that’s part of the kick. The galaxy’s never looked this depraved, and honestly, I wouldn’t change a damn thing.