You start as this kinda clueless guy dumped into a “totally not official” region, phone in one hand, half a chub in the other, and suddenly you’re supposed to be both monster trainer and professional horndog. The game plays it like a classic monster RPG, turn based fights and all, but every win feels more like you’re grinding Tinder than grinding levels. You throw balls at monsters, then five minutes later you’re throwing something else at Misty in a changing room. I was half expecting it to be all tease, but nope, it goes hard on the porn side. Big asses, big tits, tiny shorts, way too much bending over. Cynthia shows up with that smug “I know you’re staring at my boobs” energy, and the game absolutely rewards you for being a thirsty idiot. You can wander around like a sandbox, poke into houses you clearly shouldn’t, get sidetracked by some milf asking for “help with her Pokémon” who definitely does not mean her Pokémon. At one point I was supposed to go beat a gym and instead spent 30 minutes trying to trigger a specific sex scene with Nessa because someone on a Reddit thread said it was animated differently on the second try. They were right, by the way. Worth it.

The pickup line stuff hit me harder than I expected. You actually choose dialogue in some scenes, and it feels like speed dating with cheat codes turned off. One option is polite, one is horny, one is just straight up degenerate. I tested them like a weirdo doing field research. On Telegram I even sent screenshots to a language exchange buddy asking “does this line sound like a real fuckboy?” He said yes and I felt strangely proud. Sometimes being bold pays off and Misty basically jumps your dick in the locker after a battle. Other times you try something dirty on Dawn, and she goes “wow, creepy” and the scene turns colder, you still get sex later, but the vibe is different, more rough, less cuddly. It actually teaches you something weird about tone, even if the game itself is mostly about shoving your cock into every trainer with a pulse. The monsters are just there like foreplay excuses, beat one, unlock a new way to rail someone. I wish there was an option to mute the moaning without muting sound effects, but the game doesn’t care what I want and honestly that fits. At one point I forgot the main quest completely and just walked in circles trying new lines on Cynthia to see which one made her blush the most. Felt like using OkCupid in a fantasy world where every match wants to fuck you five minutes after small talk. Dare to play it alone, or invite company?

Ash is a horny idiot in this one, and I mean that in a good way. The whole thing feels like someone took the old Pokémon anime, mixed it with a dumb meme thread from Reddit, then said “ok but what if it was all about fucking Sarena instead of catching anything.” You start as this slightly older Ash, already a trainer, already a bit cocky, but still dense as hell about romance. Sarena is glued to him, you can see she wants his dick from like the first scene, and he’s out here talking about training strategy while her skirt keeps riding higher. The game keeps playing with that contrast. One moment they’re arguing about which move is best for a gym fight, next scene she’s pressing him against a wall in some random Pokémon Center corridor and asking very clearly if he wants her. It sort of pretends to be wholesome romance for like one scene, and then the clothes just… vanish.

What caught me off guard is how the “puzzle” stuff is not really about brain work, it’s more like soft foreplay with extra steps. There’s one scene where you’re moving little icons around, matching types and moves, and the more correct chains you make, the more Sarena’s outfit changes. At first it’s just a jacket off, then stockings get ripped, then suddenly she’s in this insane lingerie that no normal trainer would wear outdoors. I actually got stuck on a really simple tile rotate thing because I was looking at her ass on the side panel, twitching every time the CG updated. It annoyed me so much because the rotation was like 90 degrees off and I kept misclicking, and the game never explains the rules properly, it just expects your horny brain to figure it out. Then, right after you finally solve it, the reward scene is Sarena pushing Ash down on the grass and riding him like he’s a mount, all while teasing him about being better at “other kinds of training.” That whole bit is ridiculously hot and also kind of stupid, in a good way. Or maybe not good, I’m not even sure.

Combat is there, but it’s basically foreplay with hit points. You pick moves, watch a short sequence, and the actual important part is that Sarena comments on how “worked up” he gets when he wins. There’s this one battle where if you choose a more reckless, high damage combo, Sarena later pins Ash to a tree and says she likes his aggressive side, then starts rubbing him through his pants while talking about strategy like nothing is happening. And if you play it safer in that same fight, she instead cuddles up in the tent afterward and slowly talks him into undressing, like a slow burn scene that suddenly turns filthy when she climbs on top and starts using her mouth first, then more. The game pretends your choices matter a lot, but actually the result is always Sarena getting fucked silly, only the route to reach that changes a bit. I loved that, and at the same time it made everything feel cheap, like “wow, my big moral choice just decides if she rides him facing forward or backward.” Still, when Ash finally grabs her hips and slams into her from behind while she’s half bent over her travel bag, moaning about how she doesn’t care about badges anymore, only him, I completely forgot I wanted something smarter from it. He is still a virgin idiot in some scenes, and somehow also a sex god in others, but whatever. It’s horny Pokémon parody brain, not science.