Fucking Sarena. I mean, the whole point is getting to Sarena, right? That orange-haired Kalos queen with the ribbon and the eyes that say she's seen your browser history and isn't even mad. The game knows what you're here for. It's not subtle. You click through these puzzles, these weird little sliding tile things or whatever, and every time you solve one, another piece of her clothing just... evaporates. Poof. Like magic but better. The AI-generated art has that slightly glossy, too-smooth look, like someone fed a thousand rule34 posts into a blender and hit frappe. Sometimes her fingers look weird. You won't care.

Ash is there too, I guess. Being Ash. Making that dumb face he makes when he's about to win a badge or walk directly into a Team Rocket trap. The combat, if you can call it that, is just more puzzles. Match some icons, watch a health bar go down, get rewarded with Sarena bending over in a way that defies both anatomy and the laws of physics. The dialogue is pure parody, the kind of stuff you'd read on a forum at 2am and snort at. "I choose you, Pikachu!" but it's not Pikachu he's choosing, if you catch my drift. And then the happy ending. Literally. The description promises it and it delivers, no fakeouts, no "to be continued" bullshit.

The 2D segments mixed with the 3DCG is jarring as hell though. Like someone couldn't decide if they wanted a visual novel or a low-budget hentai cutscene and just said fuck it, both. The romance is about as deep as a puddle but who's here for poetry? You're here to see Sarena's tits and the game knows it. The humor lands maybe half the time, the rest is just... there. But when it hits, when Ash says something so stupidly in-character while Sarena's top is literally vanishing, you'll laugh. You'll feel a little ashamed. You'll click the next puzzle anyway.