Dirty little fairy tale, that’s what this feels like. You start out broke in this hot, dusty “Arabian nights but hornier” city, doing chores for people who are way richer than you and absolutely know it. Half the time you’re running errands, half the time you’re staring at someone’s ass thinking “yeah I’d totally ruin that if the game lets me.” It runs in this nice POV style where you really feel like the main guy is just stumbling upwards through life, tripping over gold, magic, and way too many people who want to get inside his pants or the other way around. One minute you’re polishing some noble’s fancy floor, next minute you’re on your knees in the same room but polishing something else with your tongue. The jump from poor street rat to “kind of a hero, sort of, maybe” is played for laughs, and it works. There’s jokes about pirates, gods, magic carpets that do not exist, and somehow the writing still remembers to turn you on between all the snark.

Sex-wise it’s messy in a good way. The game really likes variety, like it’s trying to use your whole body as a toybox. You’ve got soft femboys that look like they belong in a harem painting, tough muscle girls that could snap you in half and you’re weirdly fine with that, and those “is that a girl, is that a guy, why am I so hard right now” trap moments. You can stay pretty straight if you want, or just slide face first into futa and gay scenes and pretend you “accidentally clicked the wrong option” on purpose. I had one scene where my character is stuck on a ship with a pirate crew and it turns into this chaotic group fuck with a stacked viking brute, a mouthy femboy with anklets, and a smug captain who clearly knows he’s hot. There’s oral everywhere, hands everywhere, feet on your face if you go looking for that, and yes, your ass is absolutely on the menu. Or theirs. Or both. Anal gets treated as casually as kissing, which is honestly refreshing and also kind of terrifying in a good way. The game doesn’t shy away from blood either; one battle had me splitting a guy open in a pretty graphic way, then later I’m getting a lazy handjob in a bathhouse like it’s just another Tuesday. Whiplash, but it fits this whole “world might end, but we’re still horny” tone. And somehow, in between all the sucking and fucking and questionable life choices, you’re actually curious where the story goes next, even while you’ve got a muscular warrior pushing you face-down on a fur rug and asking if you can take one more round.

Christmas porn games almost never hit me in the right way. Mostly some lazy elf tits and a looped jingle that makes you want to mute your whole PC. This one actually felt like somebody drunk and horny tried to write a cheesy holiday romcom and then kept adding filth on top until it turned into a mess that somehow works. You show up in your hometown with this whole “I will fix my dad’s bar, I will be serious adult entrepreneur now” idea in your head, and five minutes later you’re basically Santa’s pervy helper, stuck in a house with three women who all have different ways to fuck with your brain and your dick. One is that soft “I remember when you were a cute kid” type, but now she bends over in yoga pants and you get these POV angles like the dev wants you to suffer. Another one is clearly trouble, all flirting and teasing, sitting on your lap “as a joke” while you try not to nut in your pants. The last one has that older woman energy, like she’s tired of the world, but every time she gives you that half smile you just know she’d ride you slow while drinking wine and pretending it’s nothing.

What I liked is how it mixes horny and stupid little holiday moments. One scene I had the dude sneaking out at night, spying through a cracked door while one of them is in this cheap sexy Santa outfit, touching herself on the couch with the tree lights blinking behind her. It’s dirty and kind of romantic at same time, which pisses me off because I came to jerk off and now my feelings are in the way. Maybe I’m just weak. The game throws these choices at you like “be a decent guy” or “grab that ass right now” and I swear sometimes the “good” choice feels more perverted because the camera lingers longer when you try to hold back. There is a handjob in front of the Christmas tree that escalates into a full blowjob and a messy mouth finish, and the way she looks up with that ahegao face is so over the top I actually laughed. Then kept clicking. Then hated myself a bit. And then clicked more. I tried to play it cool and go for slow romance at first, but the first time she presses that warm thigh against the MC under a blanket while snow falls outside, it’s like the game whispers “you’re not here for emotional growth, shut up and click the lewd choice.”

Sex scenes feel like a reward and also like a punishment. You get those nice close shots when you finally push into her, and the animation is not perfect at all, sometimes the movement looks kind of stiff, but that almost turns me on more, because it feels like a dirty fan project instead of some glossy studio thing. There is vaginal, there is anal if you push things far and play your cards like a little manipulative shit, there is this Christmas morning moment where she wakes you up with a slow blowjob that turns into you painting her face like it’s a “special gift,” and yeah, I screenshotted that. On the other side, some pacing is weird: one minute you’re having a pretty honest chat about your dead dad and the weight of the bar, next minute she’s grinding on your lap in leggings, moaning in your ear, and you’re choosing between creampie and pulling out on her back. I kinda wish the game let you be more of a voyeur for longer before things go full-on porn, but it rushes sometimes, then drags in random spots like a drunk Santa stuck in a chimney. Also there is this one Christmas jingle that loops a bit too much and now it lives rent free in my brain, like a cursed TikTok sound. Still, when she leans in, whispers she’s never done it like this before, and you watch her stretched around you from that tight POV angle, with the garland lights flickering on her skin, you forget all small problems and just go along, like an idiot who came home to fix a bar and ended up fucking half the holiday spirit instead.

City looks almost normal from far away, but when you drop into this game and see that alley, with the corpse still fresh and those glowing symbols scratching the walls, it feels like you just walked backstage into the wrong show. You’re Detective Hart, sure, big coat, serious face, typical noir guy, but the story flips so fast. The ritual doesn’t stop with the dead body, it kind of slides under your skin instead. One minute you click on a weird relic to “inspect evidence”, next minute you’re flat on your back with some smug milf in shredded cosplay heels grinding her huge ass over your chest, explaining “arcane marks” while her tits are basically screaming in your face. The whole point & click thing becomes this slow tease: every hotspot you explore is like someone putting a thumb on your zipper, not pulling yet, just testing the tension.

Artifacts in this city don’t just give power, they pick their toys, and they really like you. There’s this one scene in a run-down club, all neon purple reflections and sticky floor. You’re supposed to interrogate a suspect, female dom vibe from the start, tight latex corset, fake demon horns, that smug ahegao half-smile like she already knows how you taste. You click on her boots first, because of course you do, and suddenly the POV drops right to the floor. She pins your wrists with one heel, toes sliding over your crotch, slow, lazy footjob while she “questions” you about the Queen. Every question is an order. Every answer you get wrong, she speeds up a little. And you kind of want to get them wrong. The game doesn’t shout at you about choices, it just lets you click, react, and then you realize that one tiny decision in a dialogue tree means the next CG is a rough titfuck against a wall instead of a soft blowjob on the couch.

Best part is how messy the sex is with the magic stuff. These cursed relics keep warping scenes. Like, you pick up this small, innocent looking amulet in an antique shop, and when you come back to your motel, the milf landlord is waiting in the hallway in a “just a towel” cosplay that never existed before. You see it in POV, her big tits dripping water, towel half-open, and she starts “helping” you relax from the case. Handjob at first, slow, almost too gentle, then she uses those huge breasts and spits on your shaft, pushing them together, fucking you between them while the amulet pulses somewhere on the nightstand. If you click on her eyes instead of her chest, she suddenly goes full ritual mode, climbs on top, rides you raw, big ass bouncing in your lap while she whispers about the trapped Queen and how your cum is part of the key. She holds you inside when you start to twitch, no choice to pull out, you feel that creampie vibe in the CG, her stomach slightly tense, that satisfied, filthy ahegao like “yeah, that one counted”.

Later, when the anal scenes start showing up, it’s not just random kink. It’s like every time you press too deep into this cursed world, the women press too deep into you. There’s this alleyway callback, where a cosplaying cultist pins you to the hood of a car. She’s in some fake nun outfit that would get you banned from half of Twitch, and she uses your own tie to bind your hands. You think it’s just another blowjob, her lips working up and down, spit glistening, her hand twisting your shaft, but the relic under her garter flares and suddenly she turns around, spreads her big ass, and just sinks down on you in one brutal move. No slow prep, just that one hot, painful-good thrust, her ass swallowing your cock while she looks over her shoulder making full ahegao, tongue out, eyes rolled, like the demon queen is watching through her. And yes, I know I said my favorite was the tender motel titfuck, but I lied, this rough car-hood anal owns my brain now. The teasing in this game is cruel in a fun way: they let you hover right at that edge with a foot sliding along your shaft, or a tongue circling just the tip, then slam you deep into a scene that ends with a messy creampie and a little note somewhere in the UI that another artifact “accepts your offering”. It’s horny, clumsy in spots, the AI CG sometimes makes a thigh too thick or a hand slightly weird, but honestly that makes it hotter, like a dirty sketchbook instead of some perfect poster. Every new scene feels like fuel for a different burlesque number in my head, lots of slow reveals, big ass turns, lipstick marks on detective badges, and a city that moans back when you touch it in the right place.

New Antioch feels like somebody took a brutal dark fantasy, smashed it into a porn game, then asked, “ok, but how much filth can we cram between all this blood and rusty armor?” You play as Mateo, this cold bastard enforcer everyone whispers about, the guy nobles send when they want someone broken, not just beaten. On paper you’re a loyal dog of this dusty mining province, stomping around a dead world that never really recovered from the last time humans fucked everything up. In practice you’re sneaking into the capital with a grudge, a hard-on, and way too much freedom to ruin people’s lives. One moment you’re ankle deep in corpses after a raid, the next you’re in some torchlit room humiliating a noble milf who has more jewelry than self-respect, riding your cock while begging you not to tell her husband. The game never pretends to be wholesome. You get romance, sure, but it’s the kind where you might pull a girl’s hair while she’s choking on you, then later actually feel weirdly protective when she flinches at someone else raising a hand.

The sex scenes are wild, and not in the “oh cute missionary with soft music” way. There’s a virgin priestess shaking so hard she can’t even guide you in, bleeding a bit while you slowly push deeper and whisper the most rotten shit in her ear. There’s a smug monster-looking thing you thought would just be a boss, but then you realize the “victim” chained near it is actually into it, and you end up watching way longer than you should, jerking yourself off like some pervert in the shadows. One of my favorite bits was this drunk, foul-mouthed older woman running a rundown tavern near the city walls, brown skin, messy hair, big ass. She pretends she hates you, spits insults, but when you corner her in the back room and tell her you know about her little smuggling side business, suddenly she’s on her knees, slurping you like she’s been waiting all year for that threat. The game gives you lots of those ugly little power moments: blackmail, humiliation, rough sex where you grab hips hard enough to leave bruises, or shove a girl’s face into the mattress while she moans that someone might hear. There’s even some twisted netori flavor when you bang a knight’s “pure” fiancée while he’s out dying for his banner, then smile at him later like nothing happened, still remembering the way she clawed your back and begged you to cum inside. It’s cruel, messy, unromantic and somehow still has these rare scenes where someone kisses you soft and nervous, and for a second you almost forget this whole world is just rotting slowly into dust.