I didn’t expect to laugh this much during what’s basically a porn game about rebuilding civilization with your dick, but here we are. “Dickcare” doesn’t even pretend to have subtlety, which somehow makes it better. It’s like the dev looked at every crossover hentai fantasy - Velma squinting behind foggy glasses, Raven pretending she’s not into it, Tatsumaki rolling her eyes while secretly moaning - and said, yeah, let’s just throw them all in one ruined world and call it salvation. The writing’s half self-aware and half deranged sincerity; the voice lines swing between awkwardly horny and genuinely funny. There’s one scene with Frankie in a busted gym locker room that made me pause, not because it was hot (though it is), but because she calls you “hero” in this weird soft tone right before things get messy. It stays in your head longer than expected.

What’s wild is how much *sound* adds to everything. You can tell someone cared about the way a zipper slides down or the slap echoing off concrete walls. The sandbox part? Looser than it sounds. You wander, talk, get distracted by some zombie side plot that doesn’t matter, and suddenly Velma’s stuck halfway through a ventilation shaft. It’s ridiculous, yeah, but also... kind of perfect. There’s no grind, no fake moral choice. Just dirty, absurd freedom. Though, I swear one moaning loop cuts off too early - it’s such a small glitch but now I obsess over it. Maybe that’s the point: perfection would ruin the charm.

It’s funny how a game full of cum jokes and cartoon parodies ends up feeling more alive than most serious stuff. Maybe because it doesn’t care if you take it seriously. One minute you’re saving humanity, next you’re wiping something off Raven’s cape while she pretends not to blush. If there were awards for “Most Unnecessarily Emotional Cum Scene,” this one wins without competition.

Mystery Inc rolling up to some random Dutch castle already sounds cheap and horny, and this game doesn’t even pretend to be classy. Velma gets thrown right in as the brainy monster hunter who somehow keeps losing more clothes every time a “bizarre creature” jumps out. The tone is this messy mix of Saturday morning cartoon and late-night porn tab you forgot to close on Chrome. You’re clicking through these little scenes where she’s trying to “analyze” slime samples and weird footprints, but let’s be honest, the monsters are just lining up to fill her up. There’s a big focus on cumshots and creampies, and the game actually leans into it instead of cutting away. When one of those big ugly bastards finally pins Velma and she’s squirming in that half-ripped orange sweater, the camera just stays there on the moment it all spills deep inside her. No classy fadeout, no clever joke, just thick white mess and a nerd girl breathing hard like she’s trying to do math in her head and failing. It’s filthy in a very direct way that I weirdly liked. On my phone with Chrome and on Edge on my old laptop it ran the same, just occasional lag when the monster finishes and the white stuff keeps layering up. I actually thought my browser froze during one of the castle corridor scenes, but it was just the animation looping slightly awkward. Kind of charming, kind of annoying.

Daphne shows up as the redhead distraction, like usual, but they crank her into almost bimbo mode. Half the time she’s talking about “feeling a strange energy” and the other half she’s bending over for no reason at all while something with claws and glowing eyes watches from the shadows. There’s a funny bit where she’s trying to act like some pro monster slayer, but the “plan” is obviously just her getting grabbed and used. She gets those full-body shudders when a monster finishes inside her, and the game holds on her face when she realizes it’s not just on her skin, it’s dripping out of her. The pregnancy risk vibes are strong even though nothing is spelled out, especially with how the camera keeps going back to stretched, used holes and that slow leak of cum. It’s not subtle. I went in expecting more actual mystery, like some real Scooby Doo unmasking where the monster is an old dude in a suit, but nope, these are straight-up monsters who fuck, and everyone just kind of accepts it. It’s funny, because the story pretends to be serious, but the pacing is just sex scene, quick line of “investigation”, then more sex. Still, I liked how the castle itself feels like a horny maze of traps, ruined halls, and secret rooms where Velma is suddenly on her knees with a huge shadow over her. I kept wishing there was a proper build-up scene where they all sit in the van talking about their plan, but the game just throws you right into the cursed sex dungeon vibe and never really explains why these girls are this into monster cock. Or maybe it does and I just clicked too fast because the next creampie was loading. Either way, it sticks in your head like some weird wet dream you’re slightly embarrassed to remember later, when you open your browser history and see that dumb castle again.

You check in at this weird, fucked up hotel thinking it’s just another quick jerk break between Discord messages and a half-finished ranked match in Valorant, and then it hits you: everyone here is hot, half-creepy, half-adorable, and technically dead. Not rotting dead, more like “came out of a lab, upgraded with big tits and attitude” dead. They call it relaxation, but it’s basically a cum economy. Your load is the wallet. Every handjob, every messy blowjob, every time you pump some zombie babe’s pussy, the counter goes up and more doors unlock. It sounds dumb when you explain it, but suddenly you’re actually thinking shit like “ok, I need 6 more loads to reach that room with the smug goth girl that looks like Wednesday had a way dirtier phase.”

What sinks the hook in is how familiar a lot of the girls feel, without the game screaming it in your face. One moment there’s a clumsy, brainy girl in an orange sweater who drops to her knees faster than my Wi‑Fi when I open Twitch, and the next you’re staring at a green-haired psychic that basically radiates “I could throw you through the wall, but I’d rather pin you to the bed and milk you dry.” A blonde in blue spandex leaning on the balcony rail like she owns the place, a tomboy with short hair and headphones who’s way too into teasing slow strokes with her hand, a shy chick with glasses who deepthroats like she’s trying to study your DNA. The game doesn’t pretend to be subtle. It just throws familiar faces at you, puts a price on them, and says: pay in cum.

The loop is stupid simple, which honestly works when you’re half-awake after scrolling porn on Xvideos and going “ok, one more thing before sleep.” New day, new girl at the hotel desk or waiting in some shady corridor, each with their own number slapped on like a cheap mobile game microtransaction. Only here, you’re grinding with your dick. Do a few rounds with an early girl, blow your load, watch the counter climb. Hit that goal, suddenly a door you kept clicking before finally opens and there’s a smug zombie redhead licking her lips, asking for “payment.” Sometimes you just sit there staring at the screen because the animation hits that perfect angle and you forget you were supposed to stop after one nut and go back to Netflix. Controls aren’t special, some things repeat a bit too much, and the sound can be slightly off, but then a girl looks up at you mid-blowjob with those big, glossy, undead eyes and you’re like, yeah, ok, fine, one more round.

There’s something weirdly hypnotic about this one. Maybe it’s the way the story pretends to care about training or discipline, but every scene just turns into a slow slide into something filthier than the last. The girls act like they’re trying to impress you, but half the time it feels like they’re daring you to lose control. Hinata’s quiet voice hits harder than it should, like she’s whispering something she’s not supposed to say. And Ino - god, she’s written like she knows she’s in a parody and is just rolling with it. I kept expecting the game to break the fourth wall, but it never does, it just stares back at you like, “Yeah, you’re still here, huh?”

The mobile version runs smoother than I thought, though the sound loops are a bit off - someone really needs to fix that moan that cuts mid-breath, it’s driving me nuts. Not in the good way. The scenes with Tsunade are ridiculous, like they were designed by someone who’s never seen gravity in action, but that’s kind of the charm. There’s a moment with Mei that almost feels tender, until the dialogue reminds you this is a slave trainer fantasy and tenderness doesn’t belong here. I liked that contradiction, actually. It’s filthy and fake and still manages to hit something real for a second before yanking it away.

I wish they’d done more with the Scooby-Doo crossover joke; it shows up once, then disappears like it was embarrassed to be there. Also, why does every character blink at different speeds? It’s unsettling. But when the camera lingers on Sarada’s smirk, you forget everything else. The writing slips between awkward and accidentally poetic, like a drunk confession. And even though I’d never admit it out loud, I caught myself replaying the Hinata route just to hear her break that one line again - it’s wrong, and it’s perfect.