Guy starts out as total loser energy, right? No money, boring life, dad’s a weirdo, same four walls, same browser tabs, same boring porn. Then he finds out this family secret and suddenly it’s like someone toggled “god mode” on his bloodline. Not in the superhero sense, more like “oh, I can twist people’s minds and push them where I want” kind of way. And that hits harder when you realize most of the hot women around him are already kinda messed up in the head. There’s this really fun contrast: his vibe is still this awkward dude with messy room and hand-me-down clothes, while at the same time he’s casually nudging a proud older woman into flashing her tits from the balcony because he said it’d be “liberating.” She argues, blushes like crazy, then does it, and you feel that little “oh shit, I really made her do that” in your stomach along with the boner. That mix of guilt and arousal the game does a lot. It’s not subtle. It’s not trying to be moral. But it knows exactly what button it’s pushing.

The rooms and streets feel like they exist so you can wander around and hunt for those small dirty moments. Opening the fridge and catching your “relative” bending over in this thin T-shirt that basically draws the shape of her ass with the cloth, then later using that mental image to push a bit harder when you finally talk her into “just a kiss” that slides into tongue and then she ends up riding you on the couch like she’s been waiting for it for years. Dialog is where you feel the localization a lot. Some lines are a bit stiff, like “I will make you mine completely,” which sounds like a telenovela, but then there is this one scene where the older neighbor calls you “little parasite” while her nipples are poking through her blouse and it lands perfectly. The grammar slips here and there, but to be honest it kinda matches the MC’s brain. His thoughts read like someone who learned English from porn comments and Discord, and that’s not even a complaint. I was reading his inner monologues and going “yeah, that’s exactly how my brain sounds when I’m trying not to stare at someone’s cleavage on the subway.”

Sex scenes go from tender to completely fucked up faster than Chrome opens another tab. One route I had this shy girl doing cute, slow missionary, legs shaking, moaning your name soft, and then like two scenes later you’ve got her pressed to a wall, panties around one ankle, your hand on her throat while she’s begging you to finish inside her because she “belongs to you now.” The corruption ramp is actually pretty good at showing the steps. First she just sends you a slightly risky pic from the bathroom, you tease her about how you can almost see her pussy, and she says “don’t be gross.” Next scene she’s on video call pushing a dildo inside herself and asking if you’re going to “upgrade” her soon. The pacing feels weird sometimes, like scenes jump from teasing to full anal like the writer skipped two pages, but the core beats are hot enough you kinda forgive it in the moment. Also the tiny detail of having to grind a bit of cash or power before pushing further adds this nice tension: do I spend my energy convincing the classy MILF to cheat on her husband again, or do I break that cute girl’s mind a little more until she agrees to walk around town without panties because “you like it.” The game keeps dangling those choices in front of you, and every time you tell yourself you’ll be nice this time, you end up stuffing someone full of cum and marking them like property anyway.

Prison is already kind of horny if you think about it, and this game just leans into that in a way that feels wrong in the nice way. You’re this broke guy who literally went to jail because he tried to keep his family from starving, and instead of endless soap jokes you get thrown into a “college program” that looks more like some cult experiment. Concrete walls, shitty fluorescent light, and in the middle of that you’ve got curvy professors in tight blouses, prison staff with asses that don’t fit in regulation pants, and a social worker who talks about “rehabilitation” while squeezing her tits together so hard you can almost hear it. The tone is weird, like half after-school special, half “what if graduation meant stuffing your cock between big soft breasts in the counselor’s office.” It actually makes sense in a twisted way: your ticket out is not shanking someone, it’s answering trivia and not getting distracted by the jiggle physics your brain is inventing while you look at the art.

The whole trivia angle sounds lame until you’re in the middle of a question and realize your dick is on the line. One wrong answer and the professor with the glasses and ridiculous rack tells you she’s “disappointed,” pulls her skirt down just enough to show you what you could have had, then sends you back to your cell with nothing but blue balls and the echo of her voice in your head. Then on another day you get on a streak, nail a bunch of questions in a row and suddenly you’re pinned to her desk, her big tits wrapped around you, lipstick smeared, moaning about “good study habits” while you try to remember if you even saved the family you went to jail for. There’s this one scene with the prison nurse where she pretends it’s a “full body check,” and she’s clinically stroking your cock, asking you random knowledge questions while you’re trying not to cum before you finish the quiz. If you manage to hold back and answer, she drops the cold professional act and just sinks down on you, riding you slow while the little health monitor blinks in the corner like it’s judging both of you. And yeah, sometimes the trivia itself feels like your high school teacher copy pasted Wikipedia after two glasses of wine, and a couple questions repeat in a way that makes your erection feel smarter than the script, but somehow that fits the whole cheap, wrong, horny together vibe. One minute you’re deep in some nonsense about history, the next the social worker’s bent over the metal table, you’re buried in her ass, and she’s still trying to finish a sentence about “emotional growth” while you pound into her like the only diploma you want is dripping down her thighs. It’s trashy, almost lazy in places, but there’s this dirty charm in seeing a grim concrete prison turned into a fucked up campus where every right answer peels off another layer of clothing and every oral exam ends with actual oral. You’re not just grinding stats, you’re grinding through shame and lust and the feeling that some ancient god is laughing at you while you try to balance general knowledge with the urge to blow your load all over your teacher’s big tits.

Game hits like that moment when you open your phone “just to check something” and suddenly it’s three galleries later and your dick hurts a bit but you’re still tapping. You start as this guy who thinks he’s got a sweet thing going with Nikki, cute fox-eared girl, soft as hell when she smiles, and your buddy Mini hanging around like comic relief. First few scenes feel all lovey and harmless, chatting, cheesy flirting, lame jokes you’ve probably said on WhatsApp yourself. It feels almost too normal, like a comfy mobile chat sim where you’re just vibing, one thumb on the screen, other hand nowhere near your pants. Yet.

Then the game starts twisting the knife. Slowly. No sudden jump scare NTR, more like a glass of water that keeps getting darker each tap. Nikki’s “just trying new things for work”, Mini “only helping out”, that kinda bullshit. You get those voyeur moments where you’re stuck watching, not doing, and it’s rough in a hot way. Your guy keeps sending clueless messages while you see what’s really happening in the background, and the contrast is brutal. They’re smiling in chat, but her body language in the CG says “I already crossed a line and I kinda like it”. The teasing is insane, like she’ll still call you “babe” while someone else’s hand is on her thigh just off-screen. When the camera finally slides down and you see it, it hits way harder because you already knew, but you didn’t want to know.

Since it’s kinetic, you don’t get to spam choices, which pissed me off at first, but actually works. Feels like a speedrun where the route is fixed, and your only job is to unlock every dirty CG as fast as possible. You’re not changing fate, you’re just optimizing your suffering. I was literally sitting there with one hand on the phone, other already busy, racing the fade-outs like “no no no, don’t cut yet, I know there’s a second pose here”. And there usually is. AI art is surprisingly effective for this style: bodies just a little too perfect, eyes a bit too shiny, like cheap gacha ads that suddenly get way too explicit. Sometimes the hands look funky or a leg goes weird and I kept pausing like, “who the fuck’s thigh is that?” then went right back to stroking five seconds later. It’s that kind of game. Cheating, corruption, masturbation fuel, all bundled into a story where you’re basically third-wheeling your own relationship, staring at your screen and letting it happen because you secretly wanted to see how far she’d fall anyway.

Ethan and Ava feel like that couple you see on Instagram and think, ok this is fake, nobody is this in love. But in this game it actually feels real at first. They text cute things, stupid horny things, “I miss your mouth” kind of messages, little inside jokes. You get all of that right in your phone, like you are reading a chat that maybe you were not supposed to see. And because everything is on mobile style, it is way too easy to forget this is fiction and not your own fucked up life. Their sex talk is not shy at all. She sends him “remember how you filled me up on the kitchen counter” and you can feel his dick wake up through the screen. They talk about how she loves when he pushes deep, how she wants him to wreck her again as soon as he comes back, how she can still feel his last creampie when she tries to sleep. It is sweet and dirty at the same time. The kind of romance where you think destiny finally did something right for once. A marriage where love and lust are holding hands and laughing at everyone else. You get lulled into this comfort, like oh ok this is just a horny couple sexting, cute. And then that one message drops from the other woman and the whole vibe just flips.

This “best friend” character hits like a ghost from another timeline. You feel immediately that her place in Ethan’s story is not small. She throws that word “favor” and suddenly every line of text has weight. She knows exactly what she did for him before, he knows, and you as a player slowly peel it away while also deciding how much of a coward or bastard he is going to be. She teases him, not just sexually, but psychologically. She reminds him of that old debt, then adds little pieces of filth on top. A picture that is way too revealing. A message where she describes how she imagines his tongue on her while his wife is in the next room. A “joke” where she mentions sharing him, then pretends it was nothing. And you sit there, phone in your hand, feeling that mix of arousal and “oh fuck this is a bad road” that only this kind of story can give. The netorare angle creeps in slow. At first it is just tension. Then you read a choice like “Tell her no” or “Ask what exactly she wants” and you already know the second option is you stepping into hell. She talks about taking what is “owed” from his perfect little wife too, hinting at situations where Ava is not as safe as she thinks, all through texts that feel uncomfortably possible. One second you are reading Ava sending him a selfie in a tight top, saying she wants his cock buried inside her again. Next second you are reading the friend describing how she would make Ava moan for someone that is not her husband. The sex descriptions when things start to cross the line are blunt. Tongues, throats, asses, messy cum on big tits, no soft filters. Ahegao faces described like “she looks ruined and happy and wrong at the same time.” The corruption is not just bodies, it is that slow slide where Ethan goes from “I can never do this to her” to “maybe just one time, maybe she never finds out” and you are the one pressing the answer. The game makes you complicit in every dirty little betrayal, like fate is not written in the stars but in the stupid horny text you choose to send. And somehow that feels way more dangerous than any high fantasy epic with swords and magic. Here it is just you, your phone, two women, and one favor that should have stayed unpaid.

Halloween drinks, shitty plastic fangs, that kind of fake-spooky vibe where everyone’s already thinking about fucking before the first jump scare even happens. That’s the mood here. You’ve got Crystal and Dana doing the “who can show more cleavage without admitting it’s on purpose” contest, Elena pretending she’s above it while her dress is doing absolutely nothing to hide that ass, and Finn trying to act like the only thing he’s eyeing is the cocktail menu. Then somebody throws out the genius idea to keep the party going in an abandoned house by the beach, because horny people in horror stories never learn. It’s a short kinetic ride, no choices, just sit down, click, and let it roll, like when you open Telegram on your phone just to check one thing and suddenly you’re watching some cursed porn thread for 15 minutes straight. Same energy.

The engine part is actually kinda funny to me. It’s simple, yeah, but the 3D models carry personality. The bodies look heavy and real enough that when the girls start teasing each other, tits bouncing, hips pressed against old dusty walls, you can almost hear your GPU go “bro, calm down” even though the game is not that demanding. Crystal is the one who feels like she’s always one bad decision away from taking her top off in public, and here she kinda does that. The exhibitionism ramps slowly, first with jokes in the bar, a hand sliding too low on a thigh, a dare to flash in the old house corridor where every shadow looks like it’s watching. Then you remember this is futa horror, not some softcore pool party. The protagonist packing a thick futa cock under that tight outfit is the real jump scare for anyone in the group who thought they knew what they wanted. There is anal, there is humiliation, there is that uncomfortable moment where pleasure and fear get so close you’re not sure which one is making your dick twitch. And in the middle of all that, the timing stumbles a bit. A key reaction shot lingers too long, a moan subtitle pops slightly off-sync, one bigger scare lands kind of flat and I kept thinking “ok, you could have given me one click to react there”. But then another scene hits where the futa MC gets pushed against a rotting window, ass raised, someone’s hand forcing her to show herself to the beach outside, and the game suddenly remembers exactly what it wants to be.

What I liked most is how the pacing snaps from playful to cruel without asking for permission. One second they’re laughing about costumes, next second someone is on their knees, lipstick smeared, gagging on a thick trans cock while the house feels like it’s listening. The milf energy here is not polite either. Dana feels like that older woman who knows exactly how far she can push humiliation before it breaks you, and she stays right on that edge, grabbing hair, whispering filthy stuff that is way more degrading than the actual acts. Big tits press together, sweat and cheap Halloween makeup mixing while the story calmly reminds you that something in the house is not right. No branching, no stats, no grinding. Just a tight little nightmare where big asses and bigger dicks brush up against rotten walls and the camera is not shy about angles that make you feel like a creep in the corner. If you want to squeeze everything out of it, don’t rush. Let the silences sit. Don’t spam-click past the build-up. Read the lines where they talk shit to each other, where the fear slips into arousal and back. That’s where the horror and the horny really twist together and your brain goes “I shouldn’t be turned on by this” while your body’s like “too late”.

This one feels like someone took a horny Mass Effect parody, put it through a blender, forgot the lid, and just went with the mess. In a good way. Mostly. The whole thing starts with your guy waking up in the wreck of his apartment after someone tried to blow him to pieces, which is honestly pretty relatable if you ever had a landlord. The galaxy is all shiny and far away from Earth, nobody even remembers what happened to the old blue ball, and the game just shrugs and says “who cares, go chase pussy and conspiracies.” You’re this male protagonist who should probably be dead, your partner has vanished, and instead of quiet investigation you end up jumping ship to ship, station to station, talking shit, flirting with literally everyone with a pulse, and getting dragged into bigger stuff you absolutely do not have the mental health for. It has that kind of sci‑fi vibe where half the tech doesn’t make sense and the characters treat it like a broken phone: hit it, swear at it, it works again.

The sex scenes are honestly the thing that hooked me more than the story, and I say this as someone who actually likes reading dialogue. The animations are not perfect, like sometimes a hand goes a bit weird, but there’s this dirty energy that feels more like watching amateur porn with a storyline instead of that cold factory stuff. There’s proper voice acting too, and it is wild how much that changes the vibe. Having a girl moan in your ear while she gives a handjob or goes down on you, actually reacting to what’s happening on screen, even if the accent is sometimes like “where are you from exactly, space IKEA?” I was playing on my phone with headphones on in a café and legit almost threw my phone when one of the girls started this breathy dirty talk in the middle of a footjob scene. People looked. I pretended I was just very emotional about Twitter. Sometimes the voice work is weirdly good, then it drops to kind of amateur level again, but honestly that makes it feel more human. Porn with slightly awkward timing is still porn. Also, the game is not shy with vaginal sex at all. You’ll go from small talk about ship repairs to raw pounding with like two lines of transition, and for some reason that harsh cut works better than all those “romantic” fades other games keep doing. Oh, and the harem angle sneaks up on you. First you think “ok, one girl, maybe two,” and next thing you’re in a situation where three women with different attitudes and body types are basically orbiting you, throwing jealousy and jokes, and sometimes getting on top of each other instead of you. There is one blowjob sequence where one girl keeps eye contact the whole time while another character is just offscreen arguing about some mission thing, and I swear that weird mix of plot and throat work is the most “real” porn gaming moment I had in months.

The part that surprised me was how casually it throws graphic violence in between the lewd bits. One second you’re watching your MC get a messy, spit‑heavy blowjob, the next scene shows someone’s body spaced, blood freezing in a way that made me go “ok, that’s actually nasty.” It is not tasteful at all, it is just “yep, space is cruel, anyway want a footjob later?” There’s this one fight where things go south and you see a character get shot point blank, and I honestly thought the game would cut away, but no, it stays there longer than needed. Made the following sex scene awkward in my brain for like five seconds, then there was this slow handjob with nice sound design and my brain just happily forgot the corpse. Brain is cheap like that. The sci‑fi humor is very hit and miss: sometimes it’s solid banter, like your guy roasting some alien for their stupid weapons, sometimes it sounds like Reddit trying to write Whedon dialogue. I actually laughed when a character made a completely wrong reference to some old Earth meme, like they half‑remembered it from corrupted archives. There’s also this tiny thing that annoyed me: the UI button for skipping voiced lines is just a bit too near the auto‑advance on mobile, so I kept fat‑fingering it on my Pixel and losing lines, and I’m still mildly pissed about that and it will never be fixed and I’ll die slightly angry. But then they hit me with another wet, noisy oral sex scene, the camera right where it should be, hips moving in that slow grind that feels heavier than the earlier quickies, and I just forget what I was complaining about. And then remember. And then forget again. Honestly, the whole game feels like that: messy, horny, a bit cruel, kind of funny, very unbalanced, but somehow you keep tapping the screen anyway, like a monkey in a lab that discovered the orgasm button.

Dark Dreams looks like the kind of place where a horny virgin RPG nerd would go “ok, yeah, this is where I die happy”. You start as this awkward guy finally getting into the city after busting his ass for years, and the world hits you in the face fast. Humans and these almost-human simic girls live together, and right away you feel that thing in the air: everyone’s a little too touchy, a little too curious, like the whole city is permanently on the edge of a wet dream. Simics are in trouble because they barely get male babies anymore, so suddenly your clueless, blue-balled main guy? He’s not just some random dude. He’s basically a walking fuckable resource. The game does a fun job of letting you feel that shift, too. At the start you’re this shy, “sorry, I never even had a proper handjob” type. After a while, it’s like every corner of the city has someone who wants to test how much stamina you actually have, with this weird mix of fantasy lore and “please cum in me for science”.

What I really liked is how the sandbox part doesn’t hold your hand too much. You wander the city, talk to girls, peek through wrong doors like a creep, and suddenly you’re watching someone getting her throat used in an alley, animated and messy, while your guy is hiding in the shadows jerking off, shaking like he might blow just from watching. Some events feel almost accidental, in a good way. I had one scene where I just went back to the same house at the “wrong” time and walked in on a simic girl riding some guy hard, moaning like her life depends on it. Instead of kicking you out, she locks eyes with you, tells the guy to shut up, and starts using her hand on you too, both cocks getting stroked while she keeps grinding, like she’s trying to milk two faucets at once. It’s raunchy as hell, but there’s also this weird emotional layer, because story-wise they are low-key desperate for strong males, and sex is half lust, half survival. Then later, the same girl sits you down and talks about dreams and ancient shit from Phaeton like she didn’t just have your dick in her mouth against the wall earlier. I kinda like that messy tone shift. Or maybe I don’t. Depends on mood.

Once you start making choices, the game leans hard into the “every touch means something” idea. Sleep with one girl and actually finish in her, and the game remembers. Go for masturbating alone in your small room, watching your phone glow while some simic girl sends you half-naked clips from the bath, and the story bends differently. You can go full voyeur mode, spying from staircases and balconies, staying a virgin a bit longer while you watch other people get their holes filled. Or you can just break and go straight for vaginal, anal, oral, whatever you can unlock, turning the hero from this soft boy to a confident bastard who knows exactly how deep to push. Some of the animated scenes are rough in a good way: that sloppy first blowjob where she struggles with the tip, drool all over, your guy trying not to thrust, then completely failing and shoving it down anyway, her gagging but grabbing your hips so you don’t pull out. That one stuck in my brain. And yeah, the whole “healing power of touch” thing is cheesy as fuck sometimes, but you forget about it when a simic girl is riding your cock slow, staring into your eyes, talking about saving her race while she slides down to the base and you’re torn between listening to the lore and just trying not to cum in five seconds. Oh, and the mobile side is surprisingly smooth, I played half of it on my phone in the bathroom with Chrome on, one hand playing and the other very busy, and it still ran better than some “serious” games on PC. The only thing that annoyed me is that tiny UI thing in the corner that I kept tapping by mistake, but whatever, it’s not getting fixed and I kind of hate it. Anyway, the game keeps mixing slow story scenes with explicit moments where you’re elbows-deep in someone, or she’s sitting on your face while jerking you off, and somehow that fits right in with all the talk about destroyed planets and lost civilizations. Weird combo. Works. Mostly.

Jeremiah thinks his life finally starts to look less pathetic, he’s got this tall busty Freya hanging on his arm, ass that fills the whole phone screen, they fuck, they cuddle, he actually plans to be a semi-responsible adult for once. Then some cracked old wizard-looking geezer pops up, spits a curse, and suddenly your dick stats are in the negative. Not “haha funny shrink” but straight up humiliation level, like those porn ads you pretend you don’t see on Chrome. The whole game spins around that hit to his ego and this sick mission list the old man gives you. Ten missions. Fail or drag too long and there’s a “predator” orbiting around Freya, just waiting for you to fumble. You feel that pressure with every tap, like your cock is on a timer you can’t see, and the game keeps poking at your paranoia. You fix one mess, and instantly your brain starts going, “yeah but what if some hung dude is balls-deep in her right now while you swipe menus like an idiot?”

The dirty part isn’t just the sex itself, it’s how it plays with what’s going on in Jeremiah’s head. The corruption is slow, more teasing than splashy at first. Freya starts with this goofy loyal energy, sending you sexy pics, flashing those huge tits, joking about you “making up for size with effort” and all that. Then the situation tightens. She’s at the gym with some black trainer who looks like he was built in a lab, or at a club, or “going out with friends,” and your imagination scenes kick in. You’re there scrolling, clicking through choices, and it suddenly slams into these mental images of her riding something way bigger than what you’re packing now, moaning in ways she never did with you. Some are just her getting groped in a crowd, ass grabbed in the bus, hand “accidentally” on some dude’s bulge. Some are full-on interracial pounding with cum dripping down her thighs while Jeremiah sits on the side, jerking off and hating himself. The game tells you it’s “only in his mind,” but you know how that goes in NTR. Brain goes first, pussy follows.

What I actually liked is how the missions push you into nasty spots on purpose. You want to keep your points low to avoid the worst outcome, but to reach that you still need to let shit happen. It’s that classic “pick how badly you lose” loop you see in these games. Maybe you send her out in a tiny top to distract a guard and suddenly there’s a scene of her flashing her tits, laughing while some random guy takes snapshots. Maybe she needs money and you agree to “a little harmless flirting,” and it turns into a handjob in some backroom while she tells herself it’s only this once. Sometimes it cuts back to Jeremiah, tiny dick in hand, trying to masturbate to his own girl getting used like a slut, and you can choose if he hates it or leans into the kink. Doesn’t matter, the old bastard who cursed you is always there in the background, watching your progress like a troll dev reading comments on F95. The mobile format makes it worse, by the way. Sitting there with one hand on the phone, thumb tapping “Next,” other hand slipping down when Freya starts masturbating on cam for “somebody,” and you can’t even be sure that somebody is you anymore. It’s horny, it’s mean, it’s funny in that dark “haha I’m totally not into this, I swear” way, and half the time you’ll close the app and still keep thinking about whether her last “I love you” text was sent with another guy’s cum drying on her tits.

Twenty four, broke, kicked out, scrolling porn on your phone in a shitty mood, then you load up this thing and suddenly you’re standing in the hallway of your step aunt’s house, holding a single duffel bag like some failed adult. That opening hit me harder than I expected, honestly. It’s not subtle. The game throws you straight into that feeling of being worthless and embarrassed, while she’s there in the doorway, blonde hair a bit messy, wearing clothes that are absolutely not “proper aunt” level. She talks, actually talks, with real voice lines, and the tone is this weird mix of warm and a bit too soft, like she’s trying not to show how lonely she is. From the Unreal side of my brain, I kept expecting some fancy camera tricks, but it stays tight in POV, just you and her, and that works way better for this kind of teasing vibe than any flashy stuff.

Her first “you can stay as long as you need” line already sounds like a lie, in a good way. There’s this tiny pause, that small breath the VA does, where you feel she wants more than just a tenant. And then the kinetic thing kicks in. No choices, no fake “moral paths”, nothing. You’re strapped into this slow, horny train and it’s going exactly one direction. That annoyed me for like two minutes, since I’m used to branching nonsense, but then the scenes start building on each other so clean that I forgot I even wanted choices. It’s basically daily life with a hot step aunt who pretends she’s only being motherly while her hand stays on your shoulder just a bit too long. The camera angle when you sit at the kitchen table and she leans close, her breasts almost brushing your arm, is honestly so simple but it works. No crazy animations, just enough movement and voice to make your brain go “yeah, she knows what she’s doing.”

The first actual lewd moment is almost irritatingly realistic. It’s not some instant clothes off bullshit. You’re exhausted from your new job, flopped on her couch, and she sits behind you, starts “massaging” your shoulders. Her fingers drift down your chest, and the MC keeps doing that awkward internal monologue, trying to stay polite, like “I shouldn’t think of her like that.” Meanwhile she’s breathing warm in your ear, and you see just the corner of her lips in the frame, this half smile. When her hand slides lower and she pretends to be surprised that you’re hard, that line is delivered so casually it almost feels improvised. Then she strokes you off, slow, with this mix of guilt and hunger in her voice, whispering that it’s just to help you “relax, after such a hard day.” It’s filthy and tender at the same time. I hated that it worked so well on me, because the setup is simple as hell, but the pacing and the teasing sell the whole thing without needing any complicated systems or effects. The game just sits there and goes: you’re broke, you’re stuck, and your only comfort is an older blonde woman who should not be doing this to you, but she keeps doing it anyway, and you keep letting her.