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AI JERK OFF
Con-Quest! Poké-con (Version 0.05)
4.1 (36)

⏰ Added: 👁 13.9K
This thing feels like somebody took a horny Pokémon fanfic, smashed it into an old-school RPG maker project, and then just never stopped adding weird jokes and half-dressed cosplayers. You’re basically wandering around this goofy anime-style world, bumping into girls who are very clearly “cosplaying” Pokémon, except their outfits look like they were designed by a hentai artist who got bored of subtlety. The nurse one is the funniest mess. She’s supposed to be this shiny Nurse Joy cosplayer, but she’s standing there in this tight pink outfit that looks one size too small, stockings gripping her thighs, boobs pushed so high it’s almost uncomfortable to look at… and the game treats her like prey you “save” by beating the shit out of horny monsters. It keeps winking at you every time you get a new ripped state on her clothes, like: “oh no, look what happened, her top is torn again, what a tragedy.” The camera zooms in when the clothes get shredded more, and it’s so obvious what they’re doing with that, but you still lean in, like a clown. And when her portrait switches to the topless version it just hits that Pokémon-center-but-not-really kink super hard, like yeah, you’re getting treated, but not your HP.

The battles themselves are that weird mix of simple and actually kind of tactical. You’re juggling lightning, grass, fire, trying to abuse those status things. You shock something, then suddenly lightning slaps extra hard, but if you got that healing scissors curse on you, it kinda sucks instead. Fire gets stronger if they’re already on fire, grass loves when the enemy’s got a big HP pool, and then you realize you’re not even paying attention to the health bar anymore because the Umbreon cosplayer pops up and she’s ultra rare and dressed like a goth club pet. Dark stockings, tiny tail, ears that shouldn’t be that sexy, purple lingerie that pretends to be “armor” but no one believes this. You’re sitting there on your phone, Chrome eating battery, with one hand switching spells and the other just kinda hovering because that idle animation is really fucking distracting. Her clothes rip slower, piece by piece, each “state” almost like a different fanart. I actually missed a spell input because I was staring at how her sideboob appears first before the full topless scene. And then the game suddenly decides “you can’t run from this boss now, enjoy” like it knows you won’t, because why would you, you came for this.

The best part is you keep stumbling into these weird little shop scenes after you “save” a girl. You just enter the shop and boom, the Eevee cosplayer is there doing something stupidly cute, like trying to act all brave and failing, ears drooping while she’s half naked and pretending nothing’s wrong. She’s uncommon, so when she shows up you feel weirdly lucky, like when you finally catch an actual shiny after too many encounters. Except now the “shiny” thing is just code for “her outfit is even sluttier than usual and might fall off if she breathes wrong.” The shopkeeper just plays along, dropping one-liners, like they’re aware they trapped a bunch of horny cosplayers inside some cursed Pokémon porn convention. Some of the humor really lands, like the little gag where there is this Patreon input and if you type “friendzonedagain” everything goes back to clothed portraits. It’s such a petty joke, like the dev is roasting you directly for wanting the spicy versions. I hated it, but also I tried it, then instantly regretted it, then refused to admit it to anyone. The music kicks in with this fake Sun & Moon boss vibe and for a second it almost feels like a real intense fight, then you remember you’re basically grinding for better chances at making a nurse lose her top. And the game is absolutely not balanced in the usual sense; sometimes your spells just feel weak, the damage scaling is all over the place, and you don’t even care because the main tension is “will this next rip state finally show nipple or just more torn fabric teasing me like some kind of pervert Pokémon League?”

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