Vault 69 feels like somebody took a Fallout parody, spilled a full Pornhub search history on it, and then said “yeah ok, this is the plot now”. You play as the only useful dick in an underground vault that ran out of common sense and condoms at the same time. The Overseer basically pats you on the shoulder and says “go breed, champ”, while the whole place is full of desperate, half-broken, half-horny people that somehow still find time to argue about rations and power supply. It’s not subtle. It’s not trying to be smart. It just throws you into a post-apoc mess where your cock is both resource and weapon. You walk around the vault, talk to girls who are clearly one bad day from snapping, and every choice is like a weird mix of dating sim and HR management, if HR was about who gets to swallow and who only gets it up the ass.

What I liked is that the game doesn’t pretend sex is soft or romantic. It’s rough, dirty, and sometimes a little fucked up in the head. You’ve got big-titted slaves, “volunteers” that are clearly not okay, raiders topside who think “negotiation” means forcing the protagonist to prove his value by breaking in new captives. One scene had me trying a pickup line like “Let’s save humanity together” and the girl actually laughed at me before forcing me to go down on her as “practice” for future breeding candidates. Another time I tried a more aggressive line, something like “Bend over the desk, I’m tired of talking”, and she just locked the door and went full dom on me instead, using my face on the chair and calling it “evaluation”. The game loves flipping your expectations like that. Sometimes your cheesy line works and opens a new hardcore scene, sometimes it gets you punched, sometimes it triggers a weird management event about population stress where you’re suddenly filling forms after filling holes. And yeah, those stupid little stat prompts that pop up on screen, they feel like Excel sheet made horny. I hated it. I also kind of liked it. I don’t know.

Outside the vault it gets nastier and funnier at the same time. You meet wasteland chicks who are way more dangerous than the gun they’re holding, and somehow the dialogue still makes room for cringe pickup attempts. Had a moment where I tried to be smooth with a raider girl, something like “You look like trouble, I like trouble”, and she just put a boot on my chest and told me I’ll “earn the pussy” by bringing her slaves to trade. Next thing I know, I’m back in the vault doing this awkward loop of cold resource management and hot, brutal sex, trying to decide who gets treated like a person and who gets used like equipment. The violence can be a bit much sometimes, honestly, but the world is so broken it weirdly fits. I wish there were more soft scenes where characters just fuck for fun, not duty, but this setting is not really about cozy cuddling anyway. It’s about mouths full, asses sore, power plays everywhere, and you stuck in the middle pretending your shitty pickup lines are actually saving civilization. At least when I alt-tabbed to check Discord after a particularly harsh anal scene, my brain needed a second to remember that in real life, people don’t usually ask “What’s your breeding quota today?” so I guess the immersion works a little too well.

Aladdin finally getting to be a horny little creep in Agrabah is honestly something I didn’t know I needed until this game slapped me with it. It looks like a dumb parody at first, like some meme you’d scroll past on Reddit while half awake, but then you click one more line, one more choice, and suddenly you’re basically her royal pervert coach. Everything runs on that trainer style thing: you poke Jasmine’s limits, raise stats, push obedience, wiggle around her attitude, and every scene feels like you’re nudging the story into a slightly dirtier fork. The dev clearly watched the original movie too many times and went “yeah but what if the street rat didn’t fix his morals and instead slowly turned the most stubborn princess into his personal pet.” It’s kind of fucked up and kind of fun and my brain hates that combination.

What I liked is that it feels like one of those old choose your own adventure books I read when I was a kid, only now the page numbers lead to blowjob scenes and weird schemes in the palace instead of dragons. You try this dialogue option, she gets offended, you think you messed up, and ten minutes later that same humiliation pops back as a new kink flag and she’s suddenly blushing when you order her to strip for “training.” The writing jumps between stupid internet humor and surprisingly sharp dirty talk, like one moment the genie cracks some fourth wall crap and the next moment you’re making Jasmine crawl on all fours in her room while she pretends she still has any dignity. I wish the game tracked choices even harder, like really remembered tiny stuff from early scenes and used it to punish you later, but I know that’s never gonna happen and it annoys me every time I replay. Also the gold grind and some of the click-repeat actions feel like when you keep doomscrolling TikTok without wanting to, but here you’re just grinding obedience points while your browser has six other tabs open and Spotify is looping the same playlist for the hundredth time. It’s lazy, but I still did it.

There’s a nice corruption curve where Jasmine starts all proud and “I’m the princess of Agrabah, how dare you” and ends up with her tits out, begging for more “lessons,” and somehow the transition doesn’t feel like just a switch flip. She flinches, argues, bargains, then she starts asking weird questions, then she’s testing you back. Some scenes are surprisingly intimate, like when you train her to dance for you, not the public, and you control how rough or soft you go. Next moment you’re selling her out in some shady scenario and laughing at how this is absolutely not the Disney canon. The game doesn’t care if you’re nice or a total bastard, it just quietly adjusts the flavor of the filth. I also kept noticing small jokes in the background that made me snort, like little digs at other trainer games or fans who only care about “big boobs jasmine now.” And then there is this one little thing that drives me nuts: the way some scenes reuse the same line of reaction text, like copy paste, right when I’m most horny and focused. It’s tiny, but it pulls me out every time and I keep thinking the dev will fix it, and they just never do. Anyway, if your brain likes branching choices and your dick likes watching a spoiled princess slowly break and love it, this scratches that itch in a messy, stupid, pretty satisfying way.

Atlas is that kind of immortal asshole who thinks he has everything under control, and then one horny night just blows up four centuries of “peace” because he smells the wrong pussy in the wrong crowd. He is the prince of vampires, everyone whispers his name like he is some tragic hero, but in practice you are just a very old bastard with fangs, a hard dick, and a talent for attracting trouble with tits. You walk into this human party, sniff something strange, and there she is: Leyala. Gorgeous, guarded, looks like she could stab you or ride you, maybe both in same scene. She is hiding something huge, and of course the best way to get the truth is to push her against a wall and see how long she can keep secrets with your hand between her legs.

The whole thing plays like someone mixed horny Skyrim with a trashy vampire soap opera and Pornhub tabs left open in the background. One moment you are talking politics with ancient nobles, next moment you have three girls in your bed, two tongues around your shaft and one pretty little thing kissing your chest like you are some romantic idiot from a dating sim. There is a real “collect them all” vibe too. Dark skinned warrior milf who pretends she hates you while grinding her ass on your thigh. Shy asian mage who blushes like crazy the first time you make her stroke you under the table while the council is arguing about war. Blonde elf who says she is not into girls, then five minutes later is licking another woman’s pussy while you push your cock between their tits, using both their chests like one big slippery toy. The game just keeps stacking scenes like that, threesomes that suddenly become foursomes, a “simple” massage that turns into you giving an anal creampie because you clicked the slightly more rude option.

What I liked is how it does not rush the filth but still never forgets the point. You talk, you flirt, you roleplay the gentleman or the controlling bastard, you pretend to care about prophecies and realms, and then your “romantic moment” ends with you finishing all over a pretty ebony girl’s face while her best friend sits on your tongue, shaking and moaning loud enough that guards probably hear. Sometimes it feels almost sweet, like when you slowly help a nervous virgin relax, kissing her thighs, letting her ride you at her own pace, until she suddenly loses control and claws your chest when you cum deep inside. Then five minutes later you are ordering two experienced lesbians to put on a show for you in the bath, one of them sliding your cock between her ass cheeks while the other sucks the tip every time it pops out. It is messy, animated, completely unashamed, and the story keeps pretending it is about saving the Seven Realms when actually it is about how many different mouths, asses and tight wet holes one smug vampire prince can ruin before the world ends.

Christmas porn games usually feel like cheap tinsel, right? Bright, loud, gone in one click. This one is more like walking into a cozy cabin, then realizing the walls are padded for all the wrong reasons. You start with Bridgette doing that desperate housewife routine, all dressed up in a tight little Santa outfit that honestly looks more like she lost half of it on the way home. She’s trying to fix her boring, dead-bedroom marriage to Mark, this sweaty gamer husband who cares more about his screen than her actual pussy sitting five meters away. She wiggles into lingerie, does the “surprise honey” thing, and you can feel how awkward it is when he barely looks up. That part kind of hurt in a real way, actually. You get these little idle moments where she’s pacing the cabin, horny, annoyed, talking to herself, stripping layer by layer, and you’re just waiting for something to snap. And it does, but not how she planned. That crash downstairs? Total shift in mood. One second it’s silent-night sad, next second it’s “oh, fuck, we’re not in Hallmark land anymore”.

The fantasy kicks in fast after that, like the game suddenly rips off the cozy sweater and throws it in the fire. The dudes who show up feel like some fucked up mix of Santa’s helpers and home invasion crew, full-on male domination vibe from the first grab. There’s no romance, no slow build, just “you dressed like a slutty Santa, you’ll get used like one”. You don’t sit through long tutorials or any of that bullshit. One moment she’s arguing in her head about Mark, next moment she’s on her knees with a dick shoved in her mouth, mascara already wrecked, trying to talk and gagging instead. The 3D models sell it pretty well, honestly. Her body reacts, she twitches, you see the panic mix with that fucked up arousal the game leans into. Group scenes come in quick, like they all agreed the safe word is “not tonight” and then ignored it on purpose. You get those classic shots of her pinned on the table, Christmas lights half wrapped around her, one guy buried in her throat while another is pounding her bare pussy so hard the whole screen feels like it’s moving. Creampies are front and center: thick, messy, sometimes they don’t even pull out, just hold her hips down and fill her like she actually is that Christmas turkey. And then a third dude lines up. At some point there’s this ridiculous bit where they joke about stuffing her stockings and it made me laugh even while she was getting used like a toy.

What I liked is that it doesn’t pretend to be “nice”. There’s this dirty little grin in the whole thing, like the game knows it’s wrong and plays with it. The dark humor hits in weird moments, like Bridgette trying to keep some dignity while someone wipes cum off her cheek with a Santa hat. Or Mark still half-ignoring everything, headphones on, while in the other room his wife is choking on cock and taking hard vaginal pounding like a free Christmas bonus. Sometimes it’s hot as hell, sometimes it feels a bit too much, sometimes both at the same time. Gangbang setup is pretty straightforward but the details keep it fun: one guy smacking her ass red while another pulls her hair back so she has to look up while she’s getting used. Her moans change, there’s those little broken sounds when they push too deep or hold her too long on a cock, and you see the moment she just gives in and stops pretending she isn’t enjoying parts of it. They use her mouth, her pussy, talk about “ruining” her for her useless husband, and it kind of works too well. I do wish there was one tiny moment of slow sex just for contrast, but that’s never happening here. It stays rough, filthy, and group-focused from the first grab to the last sticky drip running out of her. Not subtle, not soft, just Christmas on hard mode.