Vault Wanderer is one of those horny little parody projects that feels like it started as a shitpost between friends on Discord and somehow became an actual game. You play this guy who crawls out of a comfy underground vault into a wasteland that is less about radiation and more about who is fucking who, and with what. The whole thing mixes classic turn based RPG combat with stupid jokes and very explicit scenes that just kind of slam into you out of nowhere. One second you are clicking through some goofy dialogue about bottle caps, the next you are watching a futa raider get her dick sucked in a surprisingly long animated loop while your character pretends he is not into it. The game loves voyeurism like crazy. Almost every location has some “oops I walked in on them” moment, except it is never really an accident and everybody is cool with you standing in the corner jerking off. Or pretending to “research.” The writing knows exactly what it is doing: it makes fun of the wasteland clichés, then uses the same clichés to justify a harem route where every big tits, big ass, wrong-race-for-this-town waifu somehow ends up in your camp.

What surprised me most is how messy but confident the sandbox structure is. You are just dropped on the surface with this point and click map and told to explore, and the game absolutely does not care if you go straight to a lesbian futa bar and stall your “main quest” for two hours doing nothing except footjobs and blowjobs in different outfits. There is real RPG stuff happening in the background: stats, turn based fights, random encounters that sometimes end in actual combat and sometimes turn straight into oral sex scenes if you pick the horny dialogue option. I lost one fight because I was too distracted watching the enemy’s boobs bounce in the attack animation, which is a stupid reason to reload, but here we are. The art is simple 2D CG but the animations have just enough motion to make the scenes feel alive without turning into weird rubber people. Some of the interracial setups are actually hot, then the game drops a joke so bad it short circuits the mood and you kind of hate it for ten seconds, until the next harem scene where three girls are roleplaying “capturing” you and you forget you were mad. The mobile support is oddly good too; I tried it on my phone while half-slouching on the couch with Chrome open and it ran smoother than some serious games on Steam. Sometimes the text spacing gets fucked on smaller screens and nobody bothered to fix it, which annoyed me for like a full minute while I was trying to read a masturbation scene and the last line wrapped in a stupid way, and then I clicked next and forgot. That is basically the whole vibe here: horny, rough around edges, a little broken, but when the wasteland mommy with huge boobs kneels down for oral and the camera zooms in just right, your brain stops caring about polish completely.

This one hits that weird place in the brain where horny and anxious sit at the same table and smoke together. You’re this pretty normal dude, married to this goth catgirl, Katherine, and she’s soft and sweet and stacked in all the right places, but your brain is rotting from this one fantasy you keep pushing down: you want to watch her get fucked by other people. Not stolen from you, not stolen forever, just… used in front of you. It’s not romantic, it’s not wholesome, it’s messy and a bit cruel, and the game doesn’t pretend otherwise. It starts small, like gentle teasing and talking about porn and who she’d “hypothetically” fuck, and then it kind of slides downhill into collars, toys, and way too many hands on her at once. There is kissing, there is groping, there is that slow moment when another guy’s fingers are spreading her while you just sit and listen to the wet sounds and you’re not sure if you hate yourself for liking it. The audio styling in my head went crazy there, like one of those TikTok ear-cleaning ASMRs but filthy.

Katherine herself looks like she would moan nicely directly into a high-end mic: big boobs that don’t care about gravity, thick ass, stockings, that smug little fang and cat ears that twitch when she starts to enjoy something she “definitely didn’t agree to like this much.” Sometimes she’s playful dom, sitting on your lap and asking if you want to see her take a bigger cock than yours, sometimes she’s the one getting dominated, pinned by some muscular stranger or even these non-human guys, claws and tails and too many teeth. The whole thing has this monster girl / furry spice without going full nonsense; like, she is still very much a soft wife you can cuddle, but then she’s gagging on another guy’s cock while you are forced to watch, and you hear the slurping and choking in your head like a cheap but effective ASMR audio on Pornhub. I liked the group scenes way more than I wanted: big bodies crowding around her, tits bouncing, hands spreading her pussy while someone rubs her throat from the outside because they’re buried so deep in her mouth. There’s one part where they titfuck her until she’s covered in cum and she looks at you with that “you asked for this” expression that honestly hits harder than any orgasm. And then there is a scene with sex toys where they use a vibrator on her clit while you only get to hold her hand, like some kind of pervert emotional support animal.

What surprised me a bit is how it actually stays focused on your fetish instead of turning into generic harem porn; you are in the room. You are not the hero, not really, more like the audience with a marriage certificate. Watching her sit between two guys, one in her mouth, one in her pussy, and she still calls your name, that hits strange. There is some interracial heat, darker skin, different body types, and her pale goth curves between them, and it makes the contrasts really obvious in a good way. The neko thing is used nicely too, little tail grabs, someone pulling on her ears while she’s riding. I kinda wish the game had more real sound design, like proper ear-licking style moans, but also I know it would probably ruin it with bad looping, so whatever, I’ll complain and still enjoy. The femdom flavor shows up when she makes you sit and not touch your dick while others touch her everywhere, and I swear it feels like one of those “don’t move” ASMR triggers where the whole tension is in your shoulders and crotch. You get scenes of straight vaginal sex, flashy oral, messy group sex, a bit of swinging and even that quiet moment after, where she’s covered in cum and curls up to you, purring like a cat that just clawed your favorite couch. And yeah, the UI click sound annoyed me after a while and I kept waiting for a toggle that I never found, but I just pretended it was like someone tapping a mic before whispering filth into it and somehow that worked.

You start as this dude who basically had his whole family name dragged through the mud, and now he’s trying to climb back up using the only tools he really has: his cock, his stubborn pride, and a very shaky sense of morality. It looks like a regular crime adventure at first, like “ok, mafia, debts, enemies, whatever,” but then very fast it turns into a horny power trip where every conversation can slide into flirting, every favor can be paid with skin, and every “business deal” feels like someone’s about to end up on their knees. One moment you’re arguing over territory with some slick ‘Ndrangheta prick, next moment you’re in a dark office, pinning his girl against the wall, hand under her skirt, her trying to act like she hates it while grinding back on your fingers. The game really likes that whole slow push and pull: a hand on her throat, her eyes wet, you whispering something filthy while she still tries to keep control and fails completely.

The sandbox style is messy in a good way and also kind of annoying. You move around the city, check places, talk, chase leads about why your family fell, and in between there’s all these chances to just... get lost in sex. You can waste half an evening on one girl, teasing her, denying her orgasm on purpose, then finally letting her ride you and begging for your cum, only to pull out at the last second and shove yourself in her mouth. Or you do the opposite: go straight for raw creampie and don’t even pretend to be a gentleman, just grabbing hips and using her like she’s a reward you already earned. Sometimes the scenes are really tender, almost romantic, like the shy girl who acts all proper, then suddenly sucks you under the table and blushes when you cum in her throat. And then the next scene punches you with straight-up humiliation, like making someone say “please” for every thrust, slapping her ass, spitting on her, telling her she’s good only as your toy. I liked that variety, but also it jumps so fast that one route feels sweet and the next is like, wow, this is fucked, in a good way but also my brain needed a second.

What sells it is how your rise to power and your sex life are glued together. People open their legs because they fear you, or because they want a piece of your future, or because you literally blackmail them and watch them break. You unlock different outcomes depending who you fuck, who you protect, who you ruin. Some endings feel like you’re this cold bastard sitting on top, surrounded by lovers who are more like pretty pets. Other paths lean into the romance side, where you actually care for someone and still end up choking her on your dick against the headboard, both of you moaning like idiots. The animations help a lot; there’s weight to bodies, tits sway when you grope them, lips wrap around your shaft in a way that actually looks wet and messy, not just looping nonsense. There was this one moment where I had a girl kneeling, mascara smeared, and the camera stays on her face when I pushed all the way in her mouth and held, and her throat bulged just a bit. I replayed that scene too many times. The game sometimes bugs out with dialogue skipping or an looped moan that doesn’t shut up and it drove me crazy for a minute, but I still went back in, because I needed to see if that one mafia princess would finally crack, break her proud act, and moan my name while I cum deep inside her. She did. And then I reloaded to see what happens if I deny her completely and just walk away, leaving her naked, flushed, and pissed off on the bed. Different outcome, different future, same asshole protagonist with his cock running the show as much as his brain.

Christmas porn games almost never hit me in the right way. Mostly some lazy elf tits and a looped jingle that makes you want to mute your whole PC. This one actually felt like somebody drunk and horny tried to write a cheesy holiday romcom and then kept adding filth on top until it turned into a mess that somehow works. You show up in your hometown with this whole “I will fix my dad’s bar, I will be serious adult entrepreneur now” idea in your head, and five minutes later you’re basically Santa’s pervy helper, stuck in a house with three women who all have different ways to fuck with your brain and your dick. One is that soft “I remember when you were a cute kid” type, but now she bends over in yoga pants and you get these POV angles like the dev wants you to suffer. Another one is clearly trouble, all flirting and teasing, sitting on your lap “as a joke” while you try not to nut in your pants. The last one has that older woman energy, like she’s tired of the world, but every time she gives you that half smile you just know she’d ride you slow while drinking wine and pretending it’s nothing.

What I liked is how it mixes horny and stupid little holiday moments. One scene I had the dude sneaking out at night, spying through a cracked door while one of them is in this cheap sexy Santa outfit, touching herself on the couch with the tree lights blinking behind her. It’s dirty and kind of romantic at same time, which pisses me off because I came to jerk off and now my feelings are in the way. Maybe I’m just weak. The game throws these choices at you like “be a decent guy” or “grab that ass right now” and I swear sometimes the “good” choice feels more perverted because the camera lingers longer when you try to hold back. There is a handjob in front of the Christmas tree that escalates into a full blowjob and a messy mouth finish, and the way she looks up with that ahegao face is so over the top I actually laughed. Then kept clicking. Then hated myself a bit. And then clicked more. I tried to play it cool and go for slow romance at first, but the first time she presses that warm thigh against the MC under a blanket while snow falls outside, it’s like the game whispers “you’re not here for emotional growth, shut up and click the lewd choice.”

Sex scenes feel like a reward and also like a punishment. You get those nice close shots when you finally push into her, and the animation is not perfect at all, sometimes the movement looks kind of stiff, but that almost turns me on more, because it feels like a dirty fan project instead of some glossy studio thing. There is vaginal, there is anal if you push things far and play your cards like a little manipulative shit, there is this Christmas morning moment where she wakes you up with a slow blowjob that turns into you painting her face like it’s a “special gift,” and yeah, I screenshotted that. On the other side, some pacing is weird: one minute you’re having a pretty honest chat about your dead dad and the weight of the bar, next minute she’s grinding on your lap in leggings, moaning in your ear, and you’re choosing between creampie and pulling out on her back. I kinda wish the game let you be more of a voyeur for longer before things go full-on porn, but it rushes sometimes, then drags in random spots like a drunk Santa stuck in a chimney. Also there is this one Christmas jingle that loops a bit too much and now it lives rent free in my brain, like a cursed TikTok sound. Still, when she leans in, whispers she’s never done it like this before, and you watch her stretched around you from that tight POV angle, with the garland lights flickering on her skin, you forget all small problems and just go along, like an idiot who came home to fix a bar and ended up fucking half the holiday spirit instead.