You start as this clueless 18-year-old thrown into Hogwarts University, and the first thing that hits you isn’t some epic prophecy or dark lord, it’s how horny literally everyone is under the “serious academic” surface. It feels like some fanfic writer drank too much coffee and said, “what if all that sexual tension in the books actually went somewhere” and then just never stopped typing. You walk in, you get sorted, professors try to act professional, but every corridor, every classroom, every dorm has that vibe. You’re supposed to be learning spells and building stats like in a normal RPG, but half the time you’re thinking, “ok, if I raise my charisma two more points, can I finally convince Hermione to stop pretending she doesn’t want it?” The game knows exactly why you’re here. It just plays coy for a while, then opens up like a fucking floodgate.

What I really liked is how the “main” story keeps its pants on longer than you expect. You can just play it as a weird school-life dating sim where nothing too crazy happens, just some flirting, touching, maybe a blowjob in a quiet tower if you push things. But if you start poking around side quests, oh boy. You find that weird basement club where somebody is studying mind control “purely for research”, and next thing you’re watching a good little girl like Ginny suddenly agree to spread her legs for your big cock because someone tweaked her thoughts. Or you’re helping Luna “understand male anatomy” in some abandoned classroom, and she’s on her knees, eyes shining, drool on her chin, trying to take you all the way down while mumbling something about “proper field work”. The scene where Nymphadora Tonks shapeshifts her body a bit just to fit you deeper while she rides you is the kind of detail that sticks in your head longer than it should. And then there’s Hermione, trying to stay in control, correcting you on spell names while you’re burying yourself in her tight virgin pussy for the first time. She tries to keep talking about exams, then she just breaks, clings to you, and you feel her shudder around you. That mix of “smart girl losing her composure” is porn gold, sorry.

The game is kinda evil with how many routes it hides behind simple choices. You joke with one girl instead of another, suddenly you’re tangled in some NTR chain where your “pure” crush is sneaking off to get reamed by a tentacled monstrosity from the forbidden section while you stand outside the door hearing those wet, sloppy sounds. Or you focus on a milf professor, help her grade papers, and there’s this small moment where she guides your hand to her tits while explaining some spell like it’s nothing. Later she’s on her desk, skirt up, ass exposed, begging you to go in her ass because “no one has to know if it leaves no marks”. The anal scenes actually feel different from the vaginal ones, not just copy paste text, and sometimes the animation even lines up with the dirty dialog in a way that made me stop and smile like an idiot. Not everything is that polished though. On mobile, swiping through menus sometimes makes the wrong dialogue option light up and I keep thinking “I’ll report that bug” but I just don’t. There’s a whole thing with a trans character too, where you can either be a supportive, horny bastard and enjoy her cock and tits together in a messy oral-threesome combo, or act like a jealous shit and push her into cheating stuff with other students. Some of the cheating scenes hit weirdly hard. One moment you’re happily dating, next you walk into a room and she’s full of someone else, moaning your name by accident. I wish the pregnancy stuff was a bit more reactive to all that, like more scenes where girls rub their swollen belly while you cum in them again, but whatever, it still scratches that breeding itch enough. And I swear the dorm hallway makes this one sound effect that annoys me every single time, but I keep playing anyway.

Whore Effect feels like someone modded Mass Effect after a long night, got horny, and never bothered to clean it up. In a good way and also not in a good way. You play as a very unprofessional Commander Shepard, a female captain who’s supposed to save the galaxy from Reapers but mostly keeps getting distracted by tits, alien pussy and stupid little errands that end with somebody getting creampied. The game doesn’t even pretend she’s noble. She flirts like a drunk, fucks like she’s speedrunning porn scenes, and still somehow pulls off the “good captain” thing just enough that you don’t feel like she should be court-martialed immediately. It’s a sandbox kind of structure, so you’re bouncing around to different locations, poking stuff, talking to people who all secretly or openly want to fuck you, clicking weird little minigames that look like they were programmed in a hangover. I liked that it never slows down to explain itself. You either get it or you mash buttons until Shepard moans and something fills her. Works both ways.

The erotic focus is very clear: vaginal sex, a lot of it, not shy at all, with explicit angles that feel like the dev really loved certain positions and just kept reusing them. Creampie is everywhere. Humans, asari, monster girls with too many teeth, it all ends with Shepard leaking something. The parody vibe is strong, but a bit stupid in a charming way, like someone remembered Mass Effect from years ago and is re-telling it from memory while half watching porn on another monitor. Liara T’Soni shows up, or something close enough to her that your brain fills the gap, and the scenes with her are honestly the best part. There’s this one bit where you’re supposed to do something serious for the mission, but the “puzzle” is basically teasing her until she caves and begs you to fuck her, and then the actual objective just pops up done afterward. That kind of fake challenge happens a lot: a puzzle, a stupid little pattern matching game, then suddenly you’re riding some alien on a console in the background like it’s nothing. It’s stupid. I still replayed that Liara scene three times.

Sound is where it got me, though, which is probably not what the dev expected. The music is this weird mash of euro-club loops, slightly off-key sci-fi ambience and cheap porn groove. None of it matches tempo properly and I kind of love it. There’s a track in one of the early ship sections that sounds like someone tried to copy the Mass Effect synth pads, then said “fuck it” and threw a lazy trap beat under it. Totally wrong for a dramatic commander speech, but when Shepard is naked and spread on some alien lab table, that beat suddenly makes sense. Her moans are uneven too, like they were recorded in different sessions with different mics, so sometimes she sounds like a porn star, sometimes like a streamer quietly failing to be discreet in a thin-walled apartment. It’s messy, but the mess sells the fantasy more than a perfect mix would. My only real audio complaint: there’s this tiny click every time one specific loop restarts in a sex scene in the medbay. Once you notice it you can’t unhear it and it drove me insane. I kept expecting an update that fixes it. It never came.

Anyway, don’t come here for deep sci-fi, even if it pretends to be Mass Effect with monsters and fantasy bits glued on. The “adventure” is just an excuse to walk into a room, say something horny and completely unprofessional, then end up with Shepard’s legs in the air. Some of the sex scenes play out almost like bad fanfic you’d find on an old forum, but the game leans into that cheap feeling so hard it circles around to being fun. Shepard acts like the galaxy’s horniest commander, you get a bunch of alien and monster girl scenes, some light puzzles that exist mostly to slow down your fap just enough, and a soundtrack that sounds like it’s coming from an old pirated MP3 collection. It’s trashy, it knows it’s trashy, and it kind of winks at you every time another creampie drips out on the floor of the Normandy.

Pale Carnations feels like someone took a very proper medical student, stripped out his sense of safety, then tossed him face first into the kind of club you normally only see mentioned in Telegram chats that vanish after a week. You start as this uptight guy who really believes he’s still on a straight path, and then your old friend drags you into the Carnation Club, which is basically a brothel pretending to be an art space. The game doesn’t even try to warm you up slowly. One minute you’re talking about exams, the next you’re standing in a “performance hall” where three women are being judged like twisted idols for how well they take pain, shame and a whole lot of cum. The first night, when you have to guide one of the girls through a show, pushed to choose between making it romantic, cruel, or just filthy efficient, that’s where it clicked for me. This isn’t just porn with clicks. It’s about how far you’re willing to go when everyone keeps telling you it’s normal to choke a girl on stage while rich assholes clap in the dark.

The sound in this thing really surprised me. Not “triple A” surprised, more like “why does this muffled moan in the background feel more real than the entire Spotify sexy playlist I’ve got”. There’s this scene where you’re backstage with an older woman who clearly knows the club better than you ever will. She presses your hand to her ass while she quietly instructs you how to handle your “performer”, her voice soft but absolutely in control, and in the distance you hear the audience roar when someone gets spanked hard enough to cry. The track underneath is this slow, slightly dirty lounge loop, a bit off tempo, almost cheap, but it fits so well that I ended up replaying that scene just to hear the way her breathing synced with the bass line. Then later the game swaps to this almost tender piano piece while you’re literally arranging who gets groped on stage and who gets humiliated in private. I liked that a lot. Or maybe I didn’t. It made it harder to pretend this is just mindless fap material when the music keeps whispering “you’re kind of a bastard for choosing the harsher option, you know?” and then rewards you with the wettest, messiest creampie CG three clicks later. The game loves that contrast. Romance on the surface, anal and public bukkake in the back room, ahegao faces in full view while the MC still tells himself he’s a good guy. It’s not subtle, and it’s not trying to be. There’s cheating, masturbation breaks that feel a bit too honest, toys pulled out at the worst possible time, and a lot of rich people treating human bodies like decoration. I wish the little clicking sound on some menu wasn’t so loud, actually, it annoyed me from the start and I kept meaning to change it, then got distracted every single time some milf in heels called me “doctor” and bent over a piece of BDSM furniture like it was a confession booth. Anyway, the club keeps going, the performances get rougher, and your choices keep twisting the knife, mostly in you.

Free City is trashy in the best way, like that one bar where the floor sticky, the cocktails weak, and somehow you still end up naked in the bathroom with someone you met ten minutes ago. You play this private eye who is supposed to care about some "suicide case," but baby, the man investigating is thirstier than the whole police department. Every time I tried to follow a clue I ended up following a pair of tits instead. And the game knows it. It throws curves at you all the time, big boobs everywhere, big asses trying to distract you while you pretend to be professional. You question a widow, she is crying, mascara running, and two clicks later she is on the couch with her legs open, asking you in that fake innocent voice if you can "comfort" her. Sure, girl, I bring the comfort and the condom. The whole visual novel flow is slow enough to tease, but not that boring otome slow where you need three hours just to see a hand touch. Here, one wrong answer and suddenly you have her on all fours, her ass up, and the screen full of thick cg that looks like it came straight out of someone’s secret folder named "do_not_open". Then you realize she has a husband. Or had. Or has a boyfriend too. Honestly I lost track, because everyone cheating on everyone and I was sitting there sipping my iced coffee like a messy therapist watching a live soap opera.

The best part is how the game keeps pretending it is a serious noir story while you are busy corrupting half the city. One moment you talk about crime, motives, evidence, being all "hard-boiled detective", the next you are balls-deep in some interracial group scene where you forgot why you came there in the first place. There is romance if you want it, that sugary "I care about you" vibe, but the romance quickly turns into "tie me up and spit in my mouth" if you push the right dialogue options. Some of those bdsm scenes come out of nowhere. You flirt a little, do the soft hand touch, then boom, she is naked, wrists bound to the headboard, big tits pressed together with rope, and you decide if you want to be gentle or absolutely ruin her. And sometimes the game just goes, "Oh, you like girls too?" and hands you a lesbian scene with a side of voyeurism, while you stand back like a sleazy director watching two women go from shy kisses to full tongue, fingers, and one of them riding the other’s face until the bedsheets look like a crime scene by themselves. The group sex bits are wild but messy in a fun way, people grabbing whatever body part in reach, someone taking it in the ass while moaning about how they should not be doing this, someone else with cum dripping on their big boobs, and the story still trying to tell you, "hey, remember, murder mystery?" No, babe, I remember her legs shaking when I picked the "harder" option. The only thing that annoyed me was one tiny sound effect during a climax that sounded like someone stirring mac and cheese in a plastic bowl, threw me right out for a second, and now I cannot stop thinking about it. But anyway, every time I thought I would play just a bit and close the tab, suddenly I am six choices deep into another affair, lying to one character while fucking another in an alley, my detective morally bankrupt and my browser history screaming help.