So there's this game called Cartoon Hearts and honestly? It's kinda weird but in that good way where you can't look away from a car crash, except the car crash is horny teenagers and cartoon characters going to high school together.

You play some random dude - because it's always some random dude, isn't it - walking around what looks like a normal city but surprise! Raven's doing her goth thing in art class, Violet Parr's trying not to phase through her desk during math, and Starfire's probably setting something on fire in chemistry because that's just Tuesday for her. The whole setup is unhinged in the best possible way. Like someone took Saturday morning cartoons and said "what if they all went to the same school and had raging hormones?" which is either brilliant or deeply concerning depending on your perspective. The writing bounces between actually clever character interactions and moments where you're like wait did Raven just say that? Because she did and it's weird but also... kinda works?

Each girl's got her whole personality thing going on - shy artist with mysterious vibes, popular athlete who's secretly insecure, alien princess who doesn't understand human customs but definitely understands human anatomy. Standard visual novel fare but with characters you actually recognize instead of Generic Anime Girl #47. The dialogue gets pretty explicit when things heat up, which they do because that's literally the point. Some scenes hit different when it's characters you've known since you were like twelve, creates this whole cognitive dissonance that's either your thing or absolutely not your thing. No middle ground here. The art style does this thing where it tries to stay true to the original designs while making them more... adult-oriented, if you catch my drift. Sometimes it works great, other times Starfire looks like she walked out of a completely different universe than Teen Titans but whatever, you're not here for art consistency anyway.

First time I booted it up, I honestly thought it was a meme. Like, someone named the organization B.O.O.B.I.E.S and expected nobody to laugh? But then an hour later I’m sitting there, spreadsheet open on the second monitor, tracking affection points for Gwen, Mavis, and that redhead mermaid who keeps pretending she doesn’t know what a phone is. It’s ridiculous and hot in a way that shouldn’t work but kinda does. The dialogue swings between dumb superhero banter and straight-up filth, and I mean that as a compliment. I’ve seen fan mods with less confidence than this game’s writing. One moment you’re negotiating “housing arrangements” for displaced heroines, next moment you’re knee-deep in a scene that makes you forget what you were even doing before the moaning started.

There’s something about the way it mixes parody and sincerity that messes with your brain. Like, you’ll be laughing at Spider-Gwen scolding you for staring too long, and then the next click she’s on her knees, and the sound design goes from goofy to… way too real. I tried playing it on the train once (don’t), and when Cammy showed up in the gym sequence I nearly dropped my phone. The sandbox part is weirdly addictive - not because of the management stuff, but because you keep unlocking new rooms and wondering who’s gonna show up next. Mavis has this scene in the shower that’s half romance, half fever dream, and I had to pause just to check if my stats were bugged or if she really said that line about “feeding on affection.”

Also, small rant: the affection meter sometimes resets if you skip too fast, and it made me lose two hours of progress with Helen Parr, which is honestly cruel because that woman’s animations deserve a medal. But yeah, I keep coming back anyway. It’s messy, horny, self-aware, and somehow the most human thing I’ve played this month.

You start off just trying to get some relief, you know? That kind of desperate, sticky frustration that makes your brain hum like bad wiring. Then something answers. Not a god, not an angel - something way hotter, way less holy. A demon girl with eyes that look like they’ve seen every filthy fantasy you’ve ever had and decided to make them real. From there, it’s chaos in the best way. You’re suddenly the “master,” but the power feels slippery, like it’s always one moan away from turning against you. The game doesn’t waste time pretending to be deep - it’s raw, horny energy wrapped in weird magic and crossover madness. Helen Parr’s thighs shouldn’t move like that, but they do. Marin Kitagawa giggling while she calls you “senpai” right before she wraps her feet around you? Yeah, that happens.

The summoning thing is half ritual, half porn logic - sometimes you get a succubus, sometimes you get a superhero mom who looks way too flexible for her own good. I kept expecting it to get repetitive, but every scene finds some new angle on control or surrender. The foot stuff is everywhere, like the dev just couldn’t help themselves (I’m not complaining, just saying). There’s this one bit where Azula goes from smug to begging, and it’s so perfectly wrong it made me pause the game just to breathe. The AI art sometimes glitches - extra fingers, weird eyes - but somehow that makes it hotter? Like it’s too much desire for the screen to handle.

It’s dirty, it’s messy, it’s the kind of game you play when you want to feel owned and powerful at the same time. I wish there was more sound design, more gasps and sloppy noises, but maybe that’s for the next update. Or maybe I don’t actually want it fixed; part of the charm is how it feels like a fever dream someone coded during a horny breakdown. Anyway, if you ever wanted to see Aunt Cass milk a demon cock while Raven watches with that half-bored, half-turned-on face - well, this is the kind of unholy playground you were praying for.

It’s weird how this game makes guilt feel sexy. You wake up inside someone else’s head - not just anyone, but that stretchy mom-hero everyone secretly had a thing for back when Pixar still pretended innocence. The premise should be grim, revenge and all that, but the tone keeps slipping between sad and horny, like the dev couldn’t decide if it’s therapy or foreplay. The way control shifts feels personal, almost too intimate. It’s not just mind control; it’s like the game’s trying to pry into your own urges while you’re prying into hers. And maybe I’m reading too much into polygons, but when she touches herself, it’s never about lust alone - it’s about realizing her hands aren’t really hers anymore. That mechanic where you can *feel* the resistance in her movements is unsettling in a delicious way.

There’s this one scene with the aunt - yeah, the bakery one - where she talks to you like she *knows* you’re there, like she’s been waiting for the voice in her head to finally answer back. It’s creepy and tender, then suddenly it’s just obscene. I laughed because the transition was so abrupt it felt real. The body models aren’t flawless either, and that helps. A little awkward jiggle, fingers clipping through skin, like even the code itself can’t believe what’s happening. The audio’s inconsistent - sometimes soft breathing, sometimes nothing at all, dead silence while something filthy goes down. It’s that silence that hits hardest. You start thinking, maybe she’s ashamed. Maybe you are.

I hate the damn save menu though. Always pops right when things get heated, like the universe reminding you this isn’t real. But maybe that’s what makes it stick. It’s messy, it’s wrong, and it lingers afterwards like a guilty text you never sent. You’ll probably close it and tell yourself you didn’t enjoy it that much. You’re lying.