Lincoln in this thing is exactly like that horny intrusive thought you get when you rewatch a kids cartoon way too old and your brain goes “yeah ok but what if everyone here had tits and problems.” It throws you right into Royal Woods, no slow warm up, suddenly every corridor and bedroom in that house is basically a porn set waiting to happen. You’re chasing panties, yeah, but it stops being just a “collect the underwear” gag pretty fast and turns into “how deep can I mess with every girl in this crazy family and then pretend it’s normal.” It’s one of those games where you open it on mobile thinking you’ll just click a bit while scrolling Twitter, and then thirty minutes later you’re bargaining with yourself like “ok, one more scene, then I touch grass.” The school stuff, the home stuff, even random little walks outside, everything eventually loops back into getting someone horny or corrupted somehow.

The fun part is how dirty it feels for a parody. You’re not just watching Lincoln accidentally see panties. You’re pushing him into situations where he’s using mind control, teasing, pushing them from “oh that’s weird” to “ok fine just put it in, but you better not tell anyone.” Mom is there too, obviously, because it wouldn’t be a real degenerates game without a milf route mixed into all the teen drama. One moment you’re in his room pretending to be innocent while a sister leans over your lap and her ass is basically in your face, next moment you’re in some half-lit corner of the house getting a secret blowjob because you nudged her brain a little and now she “needs to practice on someone she trusts.” The harem angle hits harder than I expected, every girl has that switch where she goes from bratty to needy, and the game kind of dares you to flip it on all of them, then juggle their attention without getting caught. It feels messy and wrong but in a very deliberate way, like the dev sat there going “how far can I stretch this Loud House thing before even porn addicts blink.”

I like how some scenes are slow burn corruption, like starting with small touching, light teasing, just brushing a thigh on the couch, and you’re thinking “ok this is kinda tame” until you realize the options now are “finger her” or “put it in raw while she’s still trying to pretend this is an accident.” Then later you see the consequence, she shows up in your bed at night, asking if you can “help her sleep” and suddenly anal is on the table like it’s the most logical next step. Oral, handjobs, creampies everywhere, the usual package, but the context is what hits. A sister kneeling in front of you in the school bathroom, terrified someone will come in, swallowing you anyway because you already twisted her head so much she thinks this is how she proves love. You can be gentle or just use the brainwashing excuse to go full degenerate, and yeah, it’s funny how the story pretends to be about panties while you’re filling every hole in that house. Only thing that annoyed me is sometimes the game makes you walk back and forth like an idiot just to trigger a small tease scene that lasts ten seconds, then you forget what you were even trying to unlock, but then someone bends over and you’re back on board. It’s trashy and over the line and somehow that fits perfectly with this weird “future version” of the cartoon where everyone grew up a bit and also turned into walking sex targets. Not subtle, not classy, but if you want Lincoln buried under his own personal loud harem, this thing does not hold back.

I don’t know who came up with the idea to mash Makima, Zelda, and Tsunade into the same world, but whoever it was probably spilled beer on their keyboard halfway through writing the script - and that’s what makes *D20 Magic Dice* feel alive. It’s messy, horny, strangely sentimental at times, like watching late-night anime reruns after a breakup. You’re talking to this dice thing (yeah, an actual dice), and before you even realize it, it’s making your thoughts real. Not just the good ones. I rolled a 3 once and ended up in some half-lit tavern where Widowmaker was arm wrestling Rumi for no reason while Zelda flirted with the bartender. I think I lost track of the main plot two minutes in, but it didn’t matter. The game doesn’t care either, it just keeps throwing beautiful chaos in your lap, all soft skin and heavy breathing mixed with dumb jokes about mana points.

What I liked most is how it doesn’t pretend to be clever. The dialogue’s sometimes broken, and the pacing jumps like old VHS tape - one second you’re teasing Ada Wong, next second Tsunade’s lecturing you about responsibility while sitting on your lap. There’s some strange comfort in that inconsistency. I did wish there were more sound options though; moans hit too loud compared to everything else, made me lower volume quick before neighbors got curious. And yet, when Makima whispers in that weirdly calm tone, you kinda forgive every bug. Maybe nostalgia blinds me - I grew up on janky flash hentai crossovers, and this feels like one resurrected from 2009. The dice mechanic almost feels secondary to the conversations, which twist between sincere and absurd so fast it makes you laugh mid-erection.

Sometimes I forget which universe I’m even in - Naruto? Overwatch? Who cares. The worlds blur, the clothes vanish, and someone says something about destiny while you’re trying not to roll another damn six. Three words? Chaotic, filthy, affectionate. Dare to play it alone, or invite company?

Office is quiet, Outlook is frozen again, so I alt-tabbed into this thing and suddenly my productivity went to hell. The game throws you into this “normal” married couple setup, except nothing stays normal for more than five clicks. They start as that typical cozy pair who probably has a joint Netflix account and matching coffee mugs, and then you poke a few dialogue options and boom, you’re pushing them straight into every filthy fantasy they were pretending they didn’t have. It’s not subtle. One moment you’re having this cute banter about daily life, next moment you’re choosing if the husband encourages his wife to wear that too-tight top to meet the neighbor or tells her not to… and obviously you click the bad option, because we all know why we’re here. The humor is actually decent, not that “haha so random” cringe, more like sarcastic couple jokes, horny and a bit mean, the kind that sounds like people who have actually been together for years. Sometimes it tries too hard to be funny, but at least it’s not talking to you like you’re a dumb teenager.

What really hooked me is how the wife’s personality shifts depending on what you push her into. You can keep her more shy and romantic, or slowly twist her into this hungry exhibitionist who gets wet just from being stared at, and the change feels earned because it comes from a hundred little choices. There was one scene where the husband “jokingly” dares her to flash in a parked car, and if you keep picking the bolder answers her breathing changes, the way she talks changes, and suddenly the joke’s not a joke anymore. If you go further, you end up in situations where she is flirting way too hard with a guy who should absolutely be off-limits, while the husband watches and pretends he is still in control. He isn’t. The game loves that line between “we are doing this together” and “she is slipping away into her own new kink world.” One route I picked had her drunk on attention from some smug asshole with perfect hair, and the husband is basically half cheering it on and half dying inside. That scene was hot and uncomfortable and I hated it and then replayed it to try an even worse choice. Also, her tits are huge in the nice useless way where a single button on her blouse is technically “clothing,” and the game knows exactly how to frame that, especially when you push her into tighter outfits. The corruption hits slow then hard, like that extra beer you really shouldn’t open during a “quick” lunch break.

Not every branch is gold. There is a path that tries to be all sweet and wholesome, and yeah, it’s cute for five minutes, then you’re just sitting there waiting for someone to get their clothes off properly. Some of the more hardcore options come a bit out of nowhere too, like you pick a slightly edgier choice and suddenly you’re knee-deep in a fetish scene that probably deserved two more steps of buildup. But at the same time, that messy feeling also kinda works for this story, because sex in long relationships is rarely clean and logical anyway. One run I had the wife turning into this bold, dirty talk machine, then a few scenes later she was shy again with a different guy and it felt like the script forgot what route I was on, which annoyed me more than it should. Also I still don’t like one of the blonde side characters; she talks like a TikTok comment section and I kept clicking through her lines just to get to the next bad decision for the main couple. Still, whenever I told myself “okay, last scene, then back to Excel,” I ended up chasing one more branch just to see how far the game would let me push this poor marriage before it snaps or mutates into something even hotter and more broken.

Ryunosuke is that kind of uni grad who feels like he skipped the part where life gives you a main quest. No job, no passion, just this blank “ok, now what?” screen. So he screws off to this fake-Italy place, Stivale, thinking it’s going to be wine, pasta, maybe a summer fling. Instead the first real thing he runs into is a fox-eared swordswoman who looks like she walked out of some horny doujin circle: Serena. Big ass, big tits, armor that protects nothing important, voice that’s way too sweet for the shit she drags you into. She’s basically on a holy mission to punch the country’s corrupt government in the balls, and you, with your totally useless degree, end up as her “strategist” or something. In practice that means one second you’re picking dialog lines to sound cool, the next second you’re watching a monster girl pin him against a ruined fountain and grind on his thigh while he tries to pretend he’s still a virgin gentleman. It doesn’t last long. Obviously.

The funny part is how the game pretends to be a serious fantasy RPG half the time. You’ve got turn based combat with little details that actually matter, like whether you blow your mana on a fire spell or save it because you just know the next fight is going to be some corrupted priestess who spends the first two turns teasing and stripping instead of attacking. Fights are basically foreplay with health bars. A lot of enemies are monster girls, some fully beastly, some just ears and tails, and they do not care about your moral purity. You mess up choices, suddenly Ryunosuke is on his back, armor pieces scattered, getting titfucked by a slime girl who reshapes her chest to wrap around him, all while she milks him so hard he ends up creampying her core. Then in another path, if you play it “heroic”, he holds out, turns the fight around, and you get this slow, romantic vaginal scene with Serena later, where she tries to stay in control and then completely loses it the moment he starts actually moving his hips. The game loves that shift from “I’m teasing you” to “ok fuck me properly right now” and it uses it everywhere: oral scenes where he’s awkwardly licking at first, then she’s grabbing his hair and groping her own tits, begging; anal sex that starts with her acting like it’s just some kinky experiment and ends with her panting like a beast as she leaks and shakes. Sometimes there’s groping in public, under a tavern table, sometimes it’s full group sex in a camp after a hard quest, with everyone swapping positions and someone getting a messy creampie while another girl is busy with masturbation in the corner. There’s cheating too, not spelled out like a moral lesson, just choices where you go “ok, I really shouldn’t” and then do it anyway, and the game quietly remembers for later endings. Some routes end with pregnancy, some with you basically a horny legend surrounded by monster wives, some not so nice. The peeing stuff and the light bdsm show up more as flavor than core, like a fox girl sitting on your face and letting go a bit while she rides, or Serena tying your hands before oral and then totally forgetting you’re supposed to be the one in control. Voice acting is all over the place, in a good way: sometimes cute, sometimes way too raw, those little gasps when the tip slips from pussy to ass by accident and she half-squeals, half-laughs. To get the best out of it, don’t rush scenes, let the teasing play out, actually lose a couple battles on purpose, and when a choice looks like it might ruin the “wholesome” romance, click it anyway and see how much of a mess Stivale can turn into.