Right, so Tia the Techy Witch. That name alone, it’s like someone threw a Halloween costume party and a cyberpunk convention into a blender. You load it up and she’s just standing there in this cemetery, all “silent place for my next spell” but the look on her face? That’s not a magic missile face. The truth is she’s got a different type of magic planned, and it involves a lot less robe and a lot more… well, you know.

The whole thing feels like a first date where they’ve put zero effort into the restaurant but are weirdly, intensely focused on getting you back to their place. The UI is this clunky, almost heraldric logo slapped on a color scheme that still needs work, the selection menu is a mess. But then you find the buttons. Speed change, POV switch, a whole damn music toggle. A new song even. It’s like finding a high-end sex toy in a bargain bin. The animations for the “Dirty DEED” are new, and watching this witch, who’s got more cyborg armor bits now because gotta love a girl in armor, get down with a vampire or some monster is genuinely hot. The blowjob scene has this weirdly specific rhythm, like a song that keeps almost dropping the beat. The climax button doesn’t just boot you to the credits anymore, which is a small mercy.

But can we talk about the phrases? “Show meh sum tiddies!” is literally a line. I spent five minutes just clicking through her dialogue trying to figure out if it was a bug or a feature. The spellbook model is just… there. It’s a model. And is that the Sergeant from the RAVER universe calling from beyond the grave? A deep cut for the three people who’ll get it. The whole thing is unpolished, buggy, and the magic effects look like a screensaver from 2003. Yet, I kept messing with the speed slider during the vampire scene, completely forgetting to even look at the witch’s new magic effects. It’s a mess, but it’s a mess that knows exactly what you’re here for and doesn’t pretend otherwise. The credits menu got minor changes, apparently. I wouldn’t know, I was busy.

The whole thing is three loops. That's it. No menus, no dialogue, just Poison getting railed by Deejay, then Dudley, then Balrog in a row. I kept waiting for a fourth scene to unlock, maybe a hidden button, but no. You click the thumbnail, the animation plays, it loops. The end. For a convention afterparty projector this is actually perfect because nobody has to think, but on a phone at home it feels like someone sent you a zip file from 2009 and called it a game.

The animation itself is rough in a way that loops back around to charming. Poison's tits bounce with that weird elastic snap you only get from hand-tweaked keyframes, and Balrog's dick has this slight bend that makes the penetration look almost painful. Deejay's scene is the weakest, his face stays frozen in that same grin the whole time, like he's posing for a photo while his hips do all the work. Dudley's is the best, mostly because his boxing stance makes the thrusting look like a jab combo, and Poison's legs shake in a way that suggests the animator actually watched reference footage. The sound is just a low synth hum and wet slaps, no moans, which is either lazy or genius depending on how many people are in the room.

I wish there was a speed control. The loops run at one pace, and after the third repeat you start noticing the same smear frame on Poison's ass every time. Also the background is just a purple gradient, no stage, no crowd, nothing. For a Street Fighter parody you'd expect at least a health bar or a KO flash when they finish, but no. Just three horny gifs in a trench coat pretending to be a game. Still, I've seen worse at actual conventions. At least nobody here is dressed as a fursona while explaining their lore.

I don't know what I expected from a game called Dong of Hearts but the princess in the first zone, some bootleg candy kingdom nonsense, has this thing where she calls you "her little keyblade hero" while doing a handjob that's animated with like four frames. It's so janky I laughed mid fap and that's honestly a selling point. The whole thing runs on this weird energy where the writing is trying to be clever about the parody but the porn is just... aggressively straightforward. You walk around these flat cartoon maps, the Black Mass or whatever is spreading, and every new area is just an excuse to find the local Princess of Pleasure and do the deed. The dialogue is full of these half remembered references. I swear one character is just named after a fruit from that farming sim but she's got tits the size of her head and talks like a bad visual novel translation.

The Dong of Hearts power itself is never really explained. You just have it. Sometimes it glows. The game doesn't care and neither should you. There's this one scene in a desert level where the princess is supposed to be this aloof warrior type but the second the sex scene starts she's doing ahegao face like someone flipped a switch. The contrast between the "save the world" plot and the absolute filth is jarring in the best way. You're literally fighting shadow blobs and then two screens later you're balls deep in a parody of a famous space princess. The patreon build I played had some placeholder art still visible, just sketch lines behind the finished sprites, and honestly it added to the whole experience. Feels like finding a dirty comic in a bargain bin.

The exploration is basically walking right until you trigger a scene. No puzzles. No real quests beyond "go here, fuck her, get the thing." The parody aspect is thin but the hentai is unapologetic. There's a mermaid princess who gets off on you "cleansing her waters" which is exactly what it sounds like. I spent ten minutes clicking through her dialogue just to see how far the innuendo would go before the inevitable creampie. This game knows what it is. A messy, horny, barely functional tribute to something that would never allow this much cum.

Lmao remember that old flash game where you're a cupid with an uzi? This is like that but someone slipped it a tab of something and now we're in a jungle. The whole premise is so dumb it circles back to genius. You're not killing these anime monster girls, you're "loving" them with bullets. Which is just... a choice. The translation is broken in that perfect early 2000s Newgrounds way, where every sentence feels like it was filtered through three different languages and then typed by someone who just discovered exclamation marks. ^~

The shooting feels floaty, like you're aiming through jelly, and the hitboxes are whatever the opposite of pixel perfect is. Sometimes you'll swear you nailed a shot and nothing happens, then you'll fire randomly into a bush and some fox girl moans. Don't think about it. The amour tag is doing heavy lifting here, the outfits are less "armor" and more "strategically placed ribbons that defy physics." The jungle update added... more green. And a new enemy type that I think is supposed to be a plant but honestly she just looks like a green elf with leaves glued on. The hentai scenes unlock when you "love" them enough, which means mag-dumping into their health bar until their clothes fall off. It's not elegant. The animation loops are like three frames on a good day.

The fullscreen button is essential because the default window is tiny, like playing on a postage stamp. And there's this one enemy, the cat girl, who has a death animation where she just... vibrates? Not in a sexy way, more like she's glitching through the floor. I can't stop playing it. The patreon link is right there, begging for support, and part of me respects the hustle of making something this unpolished and just shipping it. The other part of me is still trying to figure out if the sound effects are stock or if the dev recorded them with a potato. Probably both. The jungle music loops every 20 seconds and it's already burned into my brain. Send help. Or bullets. Same thing in this game, I guess.

The loading bar is a liar. Sat there for what felt like forever, that little green sliver not moving, and I almost closed the tab. Glad I didn't, because then I'd have missed out on this janky, horny little trip to Salem. You're just some dude on the doorstep of a childhood friend, and the whole thing has this sticky, nostalgic summer vibe that immediately gets under your skin. The art isn't polished, it's got this rough, almost sketched quality that somehow makes the whole thing feel more intimate, like finding a dirty comic in someone's notebook. The character designs have these big, expressive eyes that just scream classic hentai, and when the clothes start coming off, that unpolished style actually works in its favor, making the sex scenarios feel raw and a little desperate.

The voice acting is nonexistent, obviously, and the sound effects are basically just a few ambient loops that you'll forget are even playing. But there's this one track, a sort of melancholic guitar riff that plays during a quiet moment on a pier, that hit me right in the gut. Made me think of a summer fling I had where we just sat on a dock and didn't say anything, and then I remembered I was supposed to be choosing dialogue options to try and get my childhood friend to bone me. The choices feel like they matter, branching off into what they claim are 11 endings, though I've only managed to stumble into a couple of the four sex scenarios. One of them involves a pretty intense scene in a bedroom that's all tangled limbs and ahegao faces, and the whole thing is drawn with this frantic energy that's way hotter than any perfectly rendered 3D model.

Wish there was a way to skip text I've already read, because replaying to see the other endings gets tedious. The game's development is on hold, which is a damn shame because the writing for a character named Lily is fantastic, she's got this sharp, sarcastic edge that cuts through the summer haze, but I guess we'll never see her full story animated. The whole thing feels like a promise that might not be kept, a summer that ends too soon. You're just left there, in Salem, with the scent of salt and unfinished business.

The whole thing feels like a sticky note app got drunk and horny. Pic2Jelly, right? You grab a picture, any picture, and then you make it... jiggle. That's the core loop. I spent twenty minutes making a photo of a toaster bounce up and down because the UI is that simple. Sliders, a few buttons, no manual needed. The "diy" tag is no joke, you're literally just poking at a static image until it looks like it's breathing heavy.

The pre-loaded animations are a mixed bag. There's this one with a character who has absolutely massive, physics-defying tits, and the default bounce cycle is set to "earthquake." I cranked the speed slider to max and watched her chest move like it was trying to escape her body. It's stupid. It's perfect. The audio pack by Mimi is just a bunch of wet slaps and squishes that you can layer on, and I layered them on everything. The toaster sounded obscene. I haven't laughed that hard since I accidentally sent a corrupted gif to a discord server full of degenerates.

But here's the thing. It's a WIP, and it shows its ass. The animation tool only lets you pin a few points, so complex movements are out. You can't make a limb bend, only wobble. I wanted to make a character do a little dance, but all I got was a seizure. The app on itch.io promises you can use your own images, which is the whole selling point, but the browser version here is locked to their samples. Feels like a demo for a tool I already want to use on my own cursed folder. The "hentai" tag is doing a lot of heavy lifting for what is basically a motion tweening experiment. Still, watching a static drawing of a slime girl ripple like a pond in a storm has a certain charm. The "application" tag is accurate, it's less a game and more a fidget toy for perverts.

The first thing that hits you is the bullet patterns. Not the tits, not the fox ears, the bullets. Fox Fire is a spin off from some yuri visual novel I never played, but it works standalone as a stripping bullet hell. You fly a little anime girl around, shooting other anime monster girls until their clothes fall off. That's the whole deal. No complex story, no deep lore. Just dodge, shoot, strip.

The alpha build has two difficulties. Normies mode gives you health regen, which is nice because I am bad at these games. Bullet Hell mode is for people who hate themselves. Your default shots got bigger in an update, and you have homing bullets now too. Green ones. Enemy health went up to compensate, which feels like they gave you a cookie then took away the milk. The spawn intervals are longer on Normies, so it's not a total panic attack. But still, some of those later waves get messy. The homing enemy bullets are a different color now, which helps. I died a lot anyway.

The stripping part is the hook, obviously. Each boss or enemy type has a little cut-in image when you damage them enough. The art is cute, kawaii style, not super detailed but charming. It's a free alpha, so I shouldn't complain too much, but I wish there were more characters. Only a few enemies and one main girl to play as. The volume controls work, the pause menu got a facelift, and there's a tutorial now. The death animation for enemies got fixed to display on the correct layer, which sounds like programmer talk but it does look cleaner.

Scorecard time. Story: none, but who cares. Visuals: cute, needs more variety. Spice: decent, the stripping is satisfying but not super explicit. Replay value: low right now, but it's free and they update it. The Trello board shows they're listening to feedback. For a first public alpha, it's a fun little time waster. Just don't expect a full meal.

The slime girl in the second zone has this little animation where she sort of wobbles before the turn based battle starts and I kept resetting just to see it again. Not because it's hot, though it is, but because the wobble has this weird charm like a dog that knows it's about to get a treat. Monster Ambassador is rough. The text skip with Z is a blessing because some dialogue drags like a minotaur with a pulled hamstring. But then you meet a tentacle creature in a cave and the whole screen gets this purple filter and suddenly the jank feels intentional, like a fever dream you don't want to wake from.

The battle system is basic. Attack, defend, maybe use an item if you remembered to buy one from the weird merchant who only appears on Tuesdays in game time. I forgot what I was talking about. The creature designs carry the whole thing. A slime girl who drips more than she should, a minotaur with a chest wider than my car, tentacles that don't even pretend to be subtle. The humor lands sometimes, other times it's like a dad joke at a funeral. But the fantasy setting means nobody questions why you're befriending monsters instead of killing them, which is refreshing.

One thing that bugs me. The sound effect when you level up is way too loud compared to everything else. Scared my cat off the couch twice. No option to adjust it separately. Anyway, the adventure structure is loose, more like a series of encounters than a real story, but the promise of new monster scenes keeps me clicking. The turn based fights get repetitive after a while, but then a new creature shows up and I forget the grind. It's not polished, it's not deep, but it knows exactly what it is. A weird little monster fucker sandbox with heart. And slime. So much slime.

The loading bar just sits there, man. Like it's mocking you. And then when it finally crawls to 100%, you're hit with this orc invasion backstory that feels like it was scribbled on a napkin at a D&D session that got way too horny. Your dad's dead, left you a mystery box, and now it's your job to, I dunno, save the village or whatever. The writing has this weird charm though, like a translated light novel where someone forgot to edit out the author's barely disguised fetish. The voice acting kicks in during scenes and it's so jarring you'll either alt-tab in a panic or lean in closer. That Katrin voice from Listening_Always? Actually pretty solid, gives off this desperate energy that works. But then Xerana's lines sound like they were recorded in a bathroom, and not in a good way.

The art is a total frankenstein job. You got sprites from one deviantart person, backgrounds from another, and the actual H-scenes from a third artist entirely. Sometimes a character's face changes shape between the dialogue portrait and the sex scene and it's like, did she shapeshift? The orc elder's sprite looks like it wandered in from a completely different game, which I guess it literally did since it's by DuoDevelopers. But here's the thing, when the scenes hit, they hit. Over 60 of them, all fully voiced with those awkward wet sounds and moans that make you check if your headphones are plugged in all the way. The drow scene in particular, I won't spoil it but let's just say the anatomy gets creative in ways that defy both physics and common sense.

The patreon link is right there, they're not hiding that this is a work in progress. And it shows. Sometimes dialogue options just... end. You'll pick something and the game forgets you made a choice. The mystery box mechanic from the description? Barely matters. I kept waiting for some big reveal and instead got sidetracked by a three-way with characters I met five minutes ago. Not complaining exactly, but the pacing is shot. The fantasy quest stuff is just scaffolding for the next encounter, and honestly that's fine because the adventure parts read like someone's first RPG Maker project. But I keep coming back to it. The jank is part of the appeal, like finding a weird VHS tape at a garage sale. You don't know what you're gonna get, and half the time it's a mess, but the other half... well, there's a reason I've got that Lady Death scene bookmarked.