Akabur doing TMNT. Yeah, that Akabur. The one from those Princess Trainer games everyone and their mother has probably seen. So you know the drill, that very specific style where the girls look like they're constantly on the verge of something, that glossy sheen to everything. It's about April O'Neil, obviously. And the turtles. And Splinter, because of course.

The whole thing is broken into chapters, which is a fancy way of saying it's a slow burn you're clicking through. The art is what it is, you've seen it. I remember getting to the first real scene and just staring at the dialogue choices like an idiot. Do I pick the obviously lewd one or play it cool? Who am I kidding, it's an adult game. You pick the lewd one. The tension isn't really in the choice, it's in waiting to see how Akabur draws the payoff. And with April, it's exactly what you'd expect, that exaggerated body language. I got so focused on unlocking the next image that I completely forgot there was supposed to be a plot about mutagen or whatever. Something about a mating season, the title is right there, I'm not stupid.

The group stuff, the gangbang tag, that's the whole point of the later chapters. It's messy and ridiculous and leans so hard into the parody that you can't even be shocked. It's just funny. The mutant designs are... well, they're turtles. But the way they're posed is pure Akabur. I did get annoyed at one point because a specific scene with Splinter felt like it took forever to trigger, I kept clicking the same damn room. But then the next April scene loaded and I forgot what I was complaining about. It's a flash game from a bygone era, basically, running in a browser like it's 2007. Don't expect a masterpiece, expect to click and grin.

Right, so the loading screen is literally just a jpeg of Kitty Pryde with her tits out. Not even a good jpeg, looks like it was compressed by a potato. And I'm sitting there thinking, okay, this is the level we're at. The whole thing runs in a browser and feels like a Flash game that escaped from 2006. You click around a barely drawn mansion, and the first "puzzle" is just clicking on Jean Grey's ass until a bar fills up. I spent way too long on that. Not because it was hard, but because the animation loop was so janky it became hypnotic. Her spine does something that physics shouldn't allow.

The premise is you're some new mutant and your power is apparently making every woman in the X-Mansion instantly DTF. It's a sandbox, so you just wander into rooms and there's Storm, looking like she's about to critique your life choices before a dialogue box pops up with "I need your... help with something." And then it's a handjob scene. The writing is this glorious trainwreck of broken English where Rogue's accent is spelled out phonetically in a way that feels like a hate crime against the state of Mississippi. There's a "corruption" mechanic that's just a number that goes up. No idea what it does. Maybe it unlocks the monster girl version of Mystique? I don't know, I got distracted by the fact that the "big ass" tag is doing a lot of heavy lifting for a character model that's just three circles.

The harem management is nonexistent. You just collect them. There's a rogue-like element? I think? Sometimes a sentinel shows up and you have to click on it, but failing just sends you back to the main menu with no punishment. The real challenge is not closing the tab when Emma Frost's dialogue starts looping. But then the Milf tag kicks in with a surprisingly detailed scene with Mystique and... look, the artist definitely had a favorite. The proportions are absurd. Like, medically concerning. And the teasing mechanic is just edging a meter. It's so on the nose it wraps back around to being art. I hate that I want to see if the redhead version of Jean Grey has different scenes. Probably not. The game is a mess. I'm going back in.

The whole thing feels like someone found a half finished Newgrounds animation from 2007 and just slapped some clickable hotspots on it. You know exactly what you're getting when you see "My Life as a Teenager Robot" in the tags, and yeah, it's Jenny Wakeman getting railed by these weird rock mutant things. The art style is deliberately crusty, like the creator stopped caring about line weight halfway through but honestly that adds to the charm? Or maybe I'm just nostalgic for when internet porn looked like it was drawn with a mouse in MS Paint.

There's this one scene where she's giving head and her eyes go all glitchy, pixels scattering for a second before she resets. That's the kind of detail that makes me wish the whole thing was more broken on purpose. Instead you get these stiff looped animations where the rock guys just sort of vibrate against her. The cumshot at the end is comically excessive, like a fire hose of white pixels, and I laughed out loud which I don't think was the intended reaction. The threesome bit has some weird clipping issues where one mutant's arm phases right through her torso and nobody acknowledges it. Jenny's just there with her permanent robot smile, taking it like a malfunctioning toaster.

I spent way too long trying to click on background elements hoping for easter eggs. There's a poster on the wall that looks like it might be a reference to something but the resolution is so crunchy I can't tell if it's a joke or just noise. The oral scenes have this wet sound effect that loops badly, cutting off mid squelch every three seconds. It drove me nuts. The android tag is doing a lot of heavy lifting here because without it you'd wonder why she doesn't need to breathe or why her joints bend backwards during one particularly ambitious position. The parody aspect is paper thin, just character designs and nothing else from the show. No Dr. Wakeman cameo, no Vexus, missed opportunity for some truly cursed material.