Apartment looks normal in the afternoon. Cheap rent, cracked wall, neighbor’s TV bleeding through the concrete, the usual city trash. Then the lights twitch once, your Spotify glitches, and suddenly you’ve got two naked ghosts in your living room arguing over who gets to sit on your lap first. The game just throws that at you, like, “yeah, this is fine.” They’re not the “booo I will kill you” type either. More like “I will ride your face and then maybe cry about my tragic past later.” You move back to your hometown thinking about CVs and boring job hunt hell, and instead you’re juggling spectral titties the size of your head and trying to remember which dialogue option raises which hidden stat. Honestly feels like Excel, but horny.

The daily loop is weirdly chill and horny at same time. You wake up, check your messages, maybe go out for a side gig to get some money, then come back to this cursed apartment where the real grind starts. One ghost leans into the shy, soft thing, boobs pressed against your back when you cook, acting like she “doesn’t know what a handjob is” while obviously knowing exactly how to milk your cock slow enough to make you beg. The other one? Gremlin energy. She floats upside down, skirt hanging, ass in your face, making fun of you for blushing while she wraps her toes around you and starts a footjob on the cheap sofa like it’s just another Tuesday. I had a moment where she literally popped through the wall while I was trying to sleep, sat on my chest, pinning me, and whispered in my ear that if I didn’t touch her she’d “haunt my balls.” That scene escalated into sloppy oral so fast I forgot I was supposed to be scared. The game calls itself horror, and yeah, some of the midnight events actually hit that creepy “why is the hallway longer than before” vibe, but then you’re groping a ghost’s huge tits in a dark bathroom while the mirror reflects nothing but your own hands. Honestly I got more scared of missing a route flag than of any jump scare.

The messy part is the sandbox structure. You kind of wander between work, random paranormal events, and slow unlocking of their “memories.” Each ghost has scenes gated behind affection, lust, and some mysterious value I still don’t fully get because I forgot to track one variable on my notes and now my spreadsheet looks like a crime board. One night you get a tender blowjob where she’s on her knees, drool running down your shaft while she tries to keep eye contact like it’s important for her soul or something, and the next night the same girl phases through the floor, grabs your dick from below the bed, and the game just calls it a “playful surprise.” I loved that. Actually, no, it annoyed me, because I could not figure out what time slot combo triggered it again. There is a tiny spirit thing that acts like a horny tutorial and lore dump, floating around telling you where to poke the curse, but half the time I ignored it and still got scenes to trigger, so I’m not even sure if it matters. Some routes feel polished, with multi-stage events, like the progression from clumsy handjob on the couch to her confidently riding you, tits bouncing so hard they clip through your view and you kind of forget it’s 2D, and other times you just get a short tease and nothing after. I kept waiting for more intense paranormal horror in the corridors, then got distracted because the busty ghost bent over the kitchen table and asked if you wanted to “test how solid her ass feels from behind.” So yeah. This apartment is a mess, the pacing is janky, the boobs are ridiculous, and I’m still counting flags like a nerd while getting sucked off by a dead girl who moans your name like you’re the only thing keeping her in this world.

That resort game, the one mixing all those anime worlds together, feels like it was made by a group of sleep‑deprived modders who somehow hit the exact kind of chaos that’s actually fun. You show up as this nobody, supposed to manage a handful of “special guests,” and within ten minutes you’re knee‑deep in half‑serious flirting with characters who definitely don’t act like they did in their shows. Yoruichi teases you like she knows she’s the hottest woman walking that beach, and Hinata - yeah, Hinata - is way too forward for someone who used to blush at eye contact. I laughed when Momo starts discussing work schedules while half‑undressed like that was a normal HR meeting. The writing’s nowhere near perfect, but it has that unfiltered vibe that makes you forget you’re reading a script.

There’s a weird rhythm to the sandbox bits. You wander around pretending to manage resort stuff, but mostly you’re hunting for the next scene that’ll ruin your concentration. The choices matter only half the time, and when they don’t, it’s almost better - like the game’s winking at you, saying “yeah, we know what you’re here for.” I got stuck once because I kept getting distracted by Mitsuri’s pool animations (don’t judge me). The transitions between locations feel choppy, sometimes even glitchy, but then a random scene with Nobara saying something filthy just resets your patience. It’s like being scolded and rewarded at once. Also the music - why is Miku on the speakers? Feels cursed but in a way that fits.

There’s something kind of honest about how it doesn’t try to be subtle. One moment you’re sunbathing, next you’re part of some ridiculous love triangle where Makima pretends she’s not manipulating the whole mess. Every “romance” route is written like a fanfiction draft that someone forgot to edit, yet it somehow nails the messy excitement of it all. You’ll roll your eyes, you’ll screenshot things you shouldn’t, and you’ll probably tell yourself “just one more scene” before realizing the resort has already swallowed you.

Imagine Stardew Valley went on Pornhub, got corrupted by horny aliens, then forgot what crops are and only remembered tits and ranch fences. That’s Starlewd Ranch in the brain. You roll in as this clueless dude who’s supposed to “help on the ranch,” but every single girl looks like she escaped from a gacha game where the only stats are boob size and how hard she moans when you touch her. The first time the blonde ranch girl bends over to pick something and her huge ass just fills the screen, I literally forgot there were menus. She talks about feeding animals and all I’m thinking is “yeah I got something to feed right here,” and then the game actually lets you go there. Not right away, but you see the road. And that’s worse. Or better. Depends how lonely you are.

There’s this moment early on where you end up alone in a barn with one of the “helpers,” she’s got that innocent virgin vibe but also wearing shorts that might as well be a suggestion, not clothing. She’s trying to act shy, eyes all big, then your hand “accidentally” grabs her tit and the game slows down just to show that squeeze. Nipples pushing against your palm, the model actually reacts, and she does this half ahegao face like she’s not ready but also absolutely ready. You finger her against the stall door, hay sticking to her back, she’s biting her lip trying not to scream because people might hear outside. Of course you keep going. You feel her get wetter, she starts grinding on your hand, and the camera angle goes lower, almost between her thighs. That little tremble when she cums on your fingers, with her legs shaking and tits bouncing… yeah, that scene lives rent free. Then five minutes later the same girl is calmly talking about chores like you didn’t just make her soak the entire barn floor, and honestly that mood whiplash is kind of hilarious.

What got me is how the game pretends to be this chill sandbox thing where you just wander around the ranch, talk to people, do simple tasks, but it’s lying to your face. Every route leads to you surrounded by a harem of big tit ranch girls, each one with her own “please sexually harass me a little more” energy. You go from brushing a horse to accidentally pressing your dick against someone’s ass, from “can you help me with this” to her on her knees giving you a sloppy blowjob in a storage shed, drool dripping, eyes rolled up like a full ahegao meme. There’s titfucks where those ridiculous boobs wrap around you, animated enough that you actually see the slide, and oral scenes where you can almost feel the warmth through the screen. Strip scenes are nice too, like when one of them awkwardly strips out of her overalls in your room, trying to act confident, failing, then finally standing there naked and blushing while you just stare. I wish the day-to-day stuff on the ranch mattered more, but it won’t, because the game clearly knows everyone came for that moment when three girls crowd you in a bedroom, arguing who gets the cock first, and you just sit there like some hentai protagonist who tripped and fell into the best ranch in the universe.

TableTop BornStar is that kind of filth that pretends to be a respectable “board game experiment” and then just drags you into a slow, dirty corruption trip where you end up clicking “yes” to things you swore you wouldn’t. You’re this washed-up talent agent stuck in his office with an ankle bracelet, basically a horny goblin in a cheap suit, and you’ve got Mary Jane on the phone and in your cams, this adorable country girl who thinks Hollywood is about “art” and “dreams” and has no idea what cumshot even means yet. Every turn is dice and cards and little choices that feel small, like “take this photoshoot” or “meet this producer” or “try this new ‘acting exercise’ that just happens to involve a vibrator under the table”. Then ten turns later she’s doing anal for a low-budget indie “thriller” and you’re like, ok, maybe that one friendly massage suggestion was the start of a very long fall. It’s fun how the management side is just enough to feel like you’re actually running some crooked porn empire from your phone while you’re on the toilet, checking stats like “fame” and “innocence” and “kink” like it’s a spreadsheet, except the spreadsheet moans and asks if you like her new lingerie.

What really got me addicted is how the game keeps throwing you these decisions that sound sweet or romantic, then immediately gives you a way nastier branch if you’re in the mood to be a complete bastard. You can play the nice manager, hold her hand (and yeah, later, more than hand) and try to keep things “classy”, take her on slow-burn romance scenes, oral under the desk, soft cuddling after a creampie, all that fake Hollywood love story vibe. Or you can push her into exhibitionist gigs where she’s stripping in a cheap club with drunk assholes grabbing her big ass, backstage masturbation sessions just to “relax before the take”, weird board game events where a card suddenly lets you suggest a lesbian scene with her roommate and the only thing stopping you is your own conscience, which you probably left at the title screen. I had one run where she started in this cute sundress, barely kissing anyone, next thing she’s on a casting couch with three guys, toys involved, you’re watching from a camera like some happy little voyeur, and the game just shrugs like, “Hey, you rolled the card.” Then another run I tried to be more caring, focused on romance, and still somehow ended up with pregnancy drama and her asking if you’ll stay with her while she’s rubbing her belly and offering you a footjob because “you helped her so much”. Completely fucked up in the best way.

What I didn’t expect is how funny it is sometimes. There’s these stupid jokes about Hollywood, failed movies, directors who think they’re geniuses because they added one artsy black-and-white sex scene, and your character is just roasting everyone while also setting up gangbang auditions. The humor kind of hides how rough some choices are. One card event I got had Mary Jane doing a “serious” acting workshop which turns into blindfolded “trust exercises”, and the sound of the dice roll made me way more nervous than it should. Speaking of sounds, the audio is surprisingly decent: little gasps when you push her too far, slaps during spanking scenes that feel almost too real on headphones, wet sucking during oral that made me close other tabs fast so nobody hears. I wish there was a bit more variety in some moans, sometimes they loop in a way that made me think my browser bugged out, but I still kept playing, so whatever. The animated bits are short, kind of rough, but that fits the late 90s Hollywood trash vibe, like watching old bootleg porn tapes someone recorded over daytime TV. And those multiple endings sneak up on you: one time she was broken, fully corrupted and still smiling on red carpets, another time she was this successful “serious actress” who secretly sends you nudes between shoots, and I’m pretty sure there’s at least one path where you actually don’t ruin her completely, but I keep accidentally pulling cards with sex toys and group sex offers, so maybe I’m the problem, not the game.