Frank's prison break goes about as well as you'd expect - which is to say, absolutely terrible. One shipwreck later and this guy's washing up in Bikini Bottom looking like he got chewed up by Davy Jones himself. But here's where things get weird (and I mean WEIRD): instead of doing the sensible thing like finding help or maybe not impersonating cartoon characters, Frank decides the best survival strategy is pretending to be SpongeBob. Yeah, that SpongeBob. The yellow square dude who flips patties and annoys his neighbors.

What starts as a desperate con job turns into something way more fucked up than you bargained for. Frank's not just wearing the square pants - he's living the whole twisted fantasy, and apparently everyone in Bikini Bottom is way more... accommodating than the original show ever suggested. Sandy's got that Texas-sized appetite for more than just science experiments, if you catch my drift. The animation work is surprisingly smooth for what's basically underwater cartoon porn, though sometimes the character expressions look like they're having existential crises mid-scene. Can't blame them honestly. The sandbox elements let you wander around causing chaos at your own pace, which is perfect because rushing through this fever dream would be doing it a disservice. You'll find yourself clicking through dialogue just to see how much more absurd Frank's situation can get, and trust me, it gets pretty damn absurd.

The whole thing feels like someone took childhood nostalgia, threw it in a blender with adult fantasies, and hit the "completely unhinged" setting. Frank's supposed to be this hardened criminal but half the time he's bumbling around like he's never seen a talking starfish before. The male domination stuff works better than it should given the source material, probably because everyone's so committed to the bit. It's crude, it's ridiculous, and somehow that makes the sexy parts hit different. Just don't expect any deep character development - Frank's basically a horny plot device with commitment issues.

Epifania looks like some luxury fashion week gone rotten in the sexiest way. Neon on wet concrete, everyone pretending to be high class while they’re literally lining up for a hole in the wall. You arrive as this nobody with big hunger and zero connections, just you and this building that looks like an abandoned outlet store someone forgot to bulldoze. Then that Devil Investor shows up, all smug and perfectly dressed, like the kind of client who sits front row at a fetish runway show and buys the entire collection with one bored click. She doesn’t ask if you want in. She just throws you the mission: turn this wreck into the most profitable and depraved brothel in the city. And suddenly you’re balancing spreadsheets and cumshots in the same breath, which, honestly, feels familiar to anyone who tried to run an Etsy store while doomscrolling Pornhub.

First thing that caught my designer brain: the girls are not copy-paste dolls. You start “training” them and it feels weirdly like fitting models for a very, very illegal lingerie line. You watch them change from shy little things clinging to basic underwear into total predators who know exactly how to use lace, heels, and a dripping mouth. Some are sweet mom-types with soft tummies and milk-heavy breasts, the kind you’d shoot for an expensive maternity fetish catalog. You push them into public booths where strangers use them like shared accessories. That whole gloryhole section? It’s like designing a collection where the face is irrelevant, only the silhouette of thighs and tits matters. I hated how it turned me on. I loved how it turned me on. It’s messy like that. One night I focused on a single “pure” girl, double-checking her stats on my phone between Instagram stories, trying to keep her first time special then casually booking her into a gangbang room right after because the numbers looked good. The game doesn’t guilt-trip you. It just quietly asks: more clients or more conscience? And you already know the answer, you capitalist slut.

The management part is sneaky. You think it’s just clicking upgrades, then you realize you’re planning who gets which kink like you’re coordinating outfits for a runway lineup: anal queen here, bondage star there, the tall milf with heavy lactation in the VIP lounge that smells like perfume and sweat. There’s this weird thrill watching your building go from dusty warehouse to multi-floor pleasure machine, with private rooms, voyeur windows, and that one office where you handle “contracts” with potential corporate partners who want their own harem branch. I kept pausing, thinking how I’d design actual lingerie sets for them: soft leather harnesses for the submissive accountant type, transparent body stocking for the market manipulator who ruins competitors while taking a footjob on her desk. At one point I was negotiating prices for public use sessions on one screen and sketching a crotchless bodysuit in Procreate on the other, and it all just blended. The game lets you push the girls into pregnancy deals like they’re limited edition drops, fill them up, send them back out, watch clients line up for that. It’s fucked up. It’s hot. I still wish the interface didn’t hide some details in tiny menus like some cheap fast-fashion site, but then I catch myself zooming in on a courtesan getting her ass filled and I forget what I was annoyed about. Anyway, the city doesn’t care. You start with nothing, you end with a building full of moaning, swollen, used bodies and a bank account that keeps climbing every time someone walks through your doors. It feels like running a fashion brand where the models never leave the show, they just keep getting fucked harder behind the curtain.

Henry’s Adventures starts all quiet and cozy in this little mountain village, and then five minutes later you’re balls deep in trouble, literally and not. You walk around thinking “ok, classic fantasy, nice trees, simple quests,” and then an elf girl with ears sharp enough to cut paper bends over a table and the camera just zooms in on that ridiculous ass like the game knows exactly why you’re here. It’s very honest like that. One second you’re talking about bandits, next second she’s on her knees, drool running down her lip while she works your cock with both hands, and the dialogue is trying so hard to stay serious that it becomes kind of funny. Henry himself is this young dude who looks a bit too clean to be hiking through monster nests, but the moment he starts fucking he goes full bully mode, grabbing hair, pushing heads down, stuffing girls full and then acting like it’s normal village routine.

What actually stuck with me is how horny the world itself feels. You go into a cave thinking “ok, some generic monster fight,” and instead there’s a thick green orc girl with arms like a gym bro and tits that almost spill out of her armor. She pins Henry to the rock wall and you think you’re dead, but it turns into this rough, messy scene where you end up fucking her stupid while her muscles twitch around you. Then later there’s this vampire chick in an old ruin, pale skin, red eyes, tits barely contained in that corset joke she’s wearing. She pretends she wants your blood, then drops down and starts licking your shaft like it’s some rare wine, slow and teasing, until you finally grab her head and fuck her face. The animation sells it well when she gags and her throat bulges around you, and when you finish she doesn’t just swallow, you actually see the cum spill out and slide down her chin before she smears it with her thumb and licks it. Real nice detail. Kind of annoying that sometimes the dialogue boxes cover exactly the part you want to watch, and you keep tapping on mobile praying you don’t accidentally skip the good frame, but whatever, I still kept going from scene to scene like a degenerate squirrel hunting nuts.

The game really loves threesomes too. At one point you stumble into a campfire scene with an orc girl and an elf sharing a drink, and somehow that turns into both of them arguing who rides you first. You lie on your back, elf bouncing on your cock, her big tits jumping everywhere, while the orc sits on your face and grinds so hard you almost feel it through the screen. When you pull out at the end and creampie the elf, it’s not just a quick white flash. It’s slow, you see her pussy stretching around you, then thick cum pouring back out while she clenches and moans like she can’t decide if she wants more or less. Later there is a spider girl or something like that, I still don’t know what she was exactly because I skipped her talking too fast, but she gave a handjob that went from gentle to full-on abuse in three clicks and I liked it way more than I want to admit. Not all scenes hit the same. Some feel a bit rushed, like the build up is there but then the actual sex is over too quick, and sometimes faces look weird when they’re moaning. Still, the way Henry just walks around this fantasy land and casually fucks anything with fangs, ears or claws like it’s part of the adventure, that part is burned in my brain more than the “save the world” stuff. I opened it “just to check it” on my phone while waiting for a download on Steam and ended up finishing three times before I even remembered what I was supposed to play in the first place.

Thief of Hearts feels like someone mashed a crime thriller with a horny family soap and then forgot to take out any of the messy bits. You play this young guy who is supposed to be a smooth criminal, sneaking around a city full of cameras, cops and idiots, but somehow most of your “heists” end with a naked ass pressed against something expensive. One second you’re planning a break in at a fancy apartment complex, studying guard routes on a shitty tablet UI, the next second you’re peeking through a door and catching your voluptuous “relative” bent over the couch, skirt around her waist, boobs swinging while she fingers herself to some cheap porn audio. Game just lets you stand there and watch, zoom in on her big tits, listen to all those needy little moans, while a small timer in the corner is like “leave before she notices”. Of course you don’t. You stay, you get caught, you get called a pervert, and then five dialogue lines later she’s pressing your hand between her thighs and asking if you’re “as hard as you look”. Morals die very fast here.

The pacing is weird in a nice way. You’re supposed to be building a crew, doing jobs, choosing who to trust, but the real choices feel more like “do you grope her on the bus or wait until she’s in the shower” and somehow both paths end in a blowjob anyway. There is a whole school arc where you pretend to be a normal student, but half the time you’re staring at thick asses in too-tight uniforms, helping some innocent looking girl “practice stripping” for a party that obviously turns into a private dance for you. Clothes slide off, bra hits the floor, she tries to act shy while her nipples are already hard and your hand is under her skirt. The animations are not perfect, sometimes the hips move like they forgot basic physics, but when she’s on her knees and you see that slow, wet handjob morph into sloppy oral, with drool on her chin and this lazy eye contact, it suddenly doesn’t matter. You get a lot of teasing too, women grinding on your lap during group meetings, lips brushing your ear while they talk about “targets” and really mean your cock. There is milf content all over the place, thick moms with heavy tits who pretend they’re oh so worried about your criminal life and two scenes later they’re riding you in the kitchen, tits bouncing, calling you their “bad boy” like that excuses the incest vibes at all. Vaginal, oral, mutual masturbation, some voyeur stuff when you spy on more than one person at once, it all stacks up until the actual robbery feels like a polite excuse to get everyone naked in the same room. I kinda hate how one of the best animated scenes is just a small thing in a stairwell where you pin her against the wall, yank her panties aside and slide in while she tries not to be loud because the rest of the crew is right below you. Also the save menu icon is ugly as fuck and I think about it every time I climax and then forget what I was mad about.