It’s weird how this game feels both filthy and kinda wholesome at the same time. Like, you’re just a farmer, right? Doing your chores, minding your crops, and suddenly there’s this pig-girl princess showing up in your barn acting like she owns the place. She’s spoiled as hell but somehow adorable, rolling her eyes while asking you to “show her how humans do it.” The writing doesn’t even pretend to be subtle - one second you’re talking about feeding pigs, next thing you’re milking something that definitely isn’t a cow. The transitions are janky in a funny way, like the devs knew exactly what they were doing and didn’t care if it made sense. Honestly, I respect that kind of chaos.

The humor hits that perfect spot between dumb and clever. There’s a scene where the royal advisor tries to lecture you about “proper conduct with livestock” while you’re literally hiding behind hay bales with the princess moaning your name. It’s stupidly hot and stupidly funny. And the futa twist? Didn’t see that coming (pun totally intended). The first time it happens, you just stare for a second like - wait, did that just grow? But it works because the tone never shifts into serious mode; it stays playful, teasing, constantly flirting with absurdity. There’s even a lactation gag that somehow turns into a group scene, and by then you’ve stopped questioning logic entirely. You just go with it.

I kinda wish the farmer had more dialogue options though; sometimes he just grunts or blushes when you want him to say something dirtier. But maybe that’s part of the charm - you project your own filth onto him. The art style’s got that soft, round look that makes everything feel warm even when it’s absolute debauchery. And yeah, I laughed out loud when the princess called herself “royal pork” mid-handjob. Who writes that? Whoever they are, they get it. It’s horny, messy, self-aware, and doesn’t apologize for any of it.

Clara Loft shows up on screen and you instantly know the game is not pretending to be “serious archaeology”. She opens her mouth, that smug British accent hits you, and suddenly you’re way less interested in lost temples and way more curious about what’s under the shorts that are absolutely not work-appropriate. The whole thing feels like some horny fan project that escaped from a Discord server and grew just enough muscle to become a real game. In a good way. Mostly. You’re the new assistant, which sounds important, but quickly turns into “guy who carries the bags, gets insulted, and maybe, if he plays his cards right, ends up with his cock somewhere near those ridiculous tits.” The story acts like it’s about relics and curses and puzzles, but half the time it’s just an excuse to put Clara in one more situation where her ass is sticking out while she complains she “can’t quite reach”. Sure, professor. Of course you can’t.

The teasing is honestly the main event here. She talks a lot, and it’s actually voiced, not that weird text-to-speech flat stuff. She’ll roast you for staring, then lean forward anyway, then pretend she doesn’t notice your character literally masturbating in the tent while she’s humming on the other side of the canvas. There’s this one scene where you’re supposed to be guarding some artifact and instead end up watching her bathe through a hole in the wall. That moment is so stupidly predictable and still works. She keeps doing that “half annoyed, half amused” thing, like she knows exactly what you’re doing with your hand. And yeah, the game does not shy away from going all the way. Blowjobs, handjobs, riding you until her tits bounce way past realistic physics, sliding them around your cock like she’s trying to polish a trophy, and eventually some heavier stuff if you keep pushing her down the more corrupted path instead of playing the sweet gentleman. It leans into parody, so one second she’s moaning in your ear, next second she’s cracking some meta joke about “player choices” while you’re balls deep in her ass. Completely ruins the mood and somehow makes it hotter.

Mechanically, it’s like a horny choose-your-own-mistake adventure with some actual puzzles sprinkled in just to make sure you’re not clicking with one hand the whole time. A few of the “combat” bits feel like they exist only so the dev can say, see, this is a real game, not just porn, look, there’s a health bar. Nobody is fooled. The AI art gives everything this slightly off, dreamlike vibe where Clara’s boobs seem to grow a bit from one scene to the next and you’re not sure if it’s the supposed “breast expansion” angle or just the model losing its mind. Sometimes her face shifts a little weird mid animation and it’s like she’s turning into a different hot cousin for half a second. I kind of liked it, even while my brain was going, what the hell, pick a version and stick with it. Also, small complaint: there is one button in the UI that looks like it should open a proper settings menu but only gives you like three options and none of them are the one you want and it irritated me way more than it should. Anyway, if the idea of a smug, big-titted archaeologist slowly turning into your personal plaything while she pretends to still be in charge sounds fun, this thing absolutely leans into that fantasy and then trips over its own jokes, stands up, and shoves your dick between her boobs again.

Offcuts feels like that moment when you come back to your old town, think everything will be quiet, and suddenly your dick is running the whole schedule. You play this guy who returns home after a few years away, and instead of boring nostalgia you get thrown into a mix of horny reunions and way-too-young-looking uniforms that definitely weren’t cut to school regulations. The whole thing plays like a visual novel you’d sneak on your phone at work, pretending you’re checking Slack or Outlook while actually tapping through a blowjob scene behind a spreadsheet. There is this weird comfort in it: old streets, familiar places, and then your ex-classmate in a tight school uniform bending over a desk in the same classroom you probably failed math in. It hits that “home, but dirty” feeling, where every hallway and locker looks normal until somebody’s on their knees and the camera gets real close.

What sells it for me is how the story flips between romance and straight-up filth without asking permission. One moment you’re having a quiet talk on a bench with a girl you used to know, helping her deal with her own drama, and five minutes later she is swallowing your cock in the back of the gym like it is the most natural conversation option. The game lets you poke at relationships: some scenes feel soft and romantic, like “I actually like you,” and some are "face pressed to the blackboard while you push into her ass and she tries not to moan too loud because class is next door." The anal stuff is not an optional side garnish either, it shows up in places that feel almost too casual. There is this one scene where you are supposed to be helping with school festival prep and it somehow turns into anal on a pile of decorations and I still don’t understand how the route logic got there, but I was not complaining. Well, I did complain about the text box being a bit too small on Chrome Mobile and I kept misclicking the skip button, and now I will stay annoyed about that forever, apparently. The 3D-style visuals give bodies a lot of weight and curve, especially in those bent-over angles, and uniforms stretch in that delicious “this is absolutely against dress code” way. Sometimes the romance goes a bit cheesy and sometimes the dialogue feels like the writer opened Twitter and got distracted, yet that also makes it feel more like a messy real guy stumbling through old crushes, jealous punks who might break his legs, and classmates who look innocent until they close the door behind you and drop to their knees. It is not subtle, it is not trying to be art, but when you are on Android in incognito tab on Chrome, tapping through a girl in a school skirt sucking you off in the old music room while you pretend to check WhatsApp, subtle is not what you came for anyway.

Office jobs are already kind of horny if you think about it too long, and this game just goes “yeah ok, let’s stop pretending” and cranks that shit up. You’re this awkward guy dumped into a “professional” environment where half the people want promotions and the other half just want something inside them, and those two groups overlap way too much. On the surface it looks like some boring corporate ladder stuff, but the second your boss leans over your shoulder and that blouse dips a little, you realize what kind of story this is. She’s a total milf, all tight skirt and smug face, acting like she doesn’t know what she’s doing when she bends over the desk. Then later she’s staring at you with that fucked-out ahegao face while you’re trying not to cum too fast like a damn teenager on his first porn site.

What got me is how the whole thing is wrapped in this office “productivity” vibe, with this weird drug floating around the company like it’s just another motivational tool. Drink this, get more focused. Take that, be more confident. Sure. Then suddenly your shy co-worker, who could barely look you in the eyes, is pushing you into a copy room with her panties already wet through her tights, whispering that she “doesn’t know what’s coming over her” while grinding on your thigh. It’s not subtle. One minute you’re clicking through emails, next you’re balls-deep in someone over a desk, watching her makeup smear as she tries to keep eye contact while sucking you off. The corruption angle is kind of sneaky at first, but then you start noticing how their clothes get shorter, how the conversations shift from “did you see that report” to “I keep thinking about your dick during meetings.” You end up half-playing it like a dating sim, half-like some horny lab experiment, testing how far you can push each woman just by steering your choices a little more toxic.

The animated 3D scenes are way filthier than I expected on a phone game, too. There’s proper movement, spit shining on lips during a blowjob, hips slapping, that little shiver when you finally slide in, and the expressions go from cold office mask to full-on ahegao, tongue out, eyes rolled, mascara running. Some of them are sweet and romantic, like when you actually try to be nice and you get this slow, shaky first time with a virgin character who’s clearly not ready and still wants you anyway, and yeah, it feels a bit fucked up in exactly the way your dick responds to. Others are just raw, like your boss kneeling between your legs under her own desk, trying to talk about quarterly results with a mouth full of your cock while someone knocks on the door. It’s messy, horny, sometimes a bit too cruel, sometimes weirdly tender, and the tone keeps swinging around just enough that you don’t know if you’re supposed to be the hero, the asshole, or the guy who just accidentally turned the whole office into his personal sex dungeon and kind of… went with it.