Con-Quest is one of those horny little browser things that looks kind of silly at first, then three minutes later you’re way too invested in whether some half-naked Pikachu cosplayer is going to stomp you or blow you a kiss. It plays like an RPG that forgot to be serious, which is good, but if you care about accessibility like I do, it also kinda forgot blind and low-vision players exist. The whole game is just walls of small bright text on bright backgrounds, no text size slider, no contrast options, no colorblind presets, nothing. I tried zooming in with Chrome and Firefox, had to keep dragging the screen around like some weird porn spreadsheet. And yeah, I know, you came here to jerk off, not to read a UI audit, but still. When Vanilla storms around the convention hunting the money thief, you get these fun, snappy lines, but if you have any reading difficulty or ADHD it turns into “click, click, where was I again.” They sped up the text speed which sounds good, until your eyes are slower than the horny dialogue and you’re chasing every line like it is Snapchat. At least the animated portraits are nice and expressive, Ivy’s smug grin is perfect when she’s basically edging you with teasing comments, but they don’t help when you can’t tell which character is speaking because the name text is tiny and there is zero voice indication.

The lewd part is funny and stupid in a good way. You’re running around this con full of cosplayers who clearly did not come for child friendly content. There’s a Meowth girl who basically flirts by bullying you, dressed in ears, tail, tight little outfit that clings like latex, and the “reward” is you humiliating her through battle and then getting this multi-stage animated scene where she goes from cocky to absolutely ruined for you. It is not subtle. Pokemon parody everywhere, bootleg mons jokes, sexy Flygon girl pinned into this “oops I fell on you” pose, Mia and Nia doing this twin act that feels like it wants to be wholesome and still ends up about you undressing them with stickers. The sticker book is basically your porn gallery, of course, but cycling characters with keyboard or screen reader? Forget it. I tried NVDA and JAWS out of habit, they both just saw a pile of unlabeled buttons and decorative images. No alt text, no focus order that makes sense, just “button, button, button” so if you play by ear it is like trying to masturbate while somebody reads you the settings menu of Microsoft Word. The new second floor is fun to explore, the whole “Vanilla might have this thief killed” plot gives her a mean streak that is kinda hot, kinda scary, but if you’re sensitive to flicker or fast motion, the quick sliding portraits in dialogue and sudden UI shifts can be a bit much and there is no toggle. Funny thing is, they clearly know how to tweak code, optimize performance, hook up animated rewards, tease you with topless alt portraits, but a simple “bigger font” button or high-contrast mode is still missing. I keep grumbling about that while also chasing every new horny cosplayer quest like a dog with a bone, which probably says more about me than about the game.

Argleton looks like some sleepy small town from those old Facebook farming games, but it feels more like your horny browser history got stuck inside a dating sim and started breathing. You just show up there, like it is normal that a whole city is cut off from the world, and nobody questions it. People just flirt, joke about weird stuff, and somehow every second “innocent” chat at the coffee shop ends with somebody talking about dicks or chakra or some Marvel-level mutation. It has that lazy sandbox feeling, where you’re supposed to “relax”, but every click wants to drag you into another scene with big tits in your face and a choice like “be a gentleman” or “bend her over the sink”. Sometimes both. Sometimes you pick the “nice” option and somehow still end up with her riding you in POV while making ahegao like she is trying to catch flies with her tongue.

What kills me is how the game pretends it’s all just goofy humor and slice of life, then suddenly you are in a cosplay bar talking with a Milf dressed as Chun Li, and she is asking if you prefer anal or titfuck while she strokes you under the table. You think, “ok, it is just chat teasing”, and then she pulls your cock out and starts a handjob in full view, like exhibitionism is just Tuesday here. The dialog tries to be funny, sometimes it really hits, feels like a dirty Reddit comment, sometimes it sounds like Google Translate had a stroke, which honestly fits my soul. I played on my phone in a bus with brightness too high, and of course that is exactly when some X‑Men lookalike mutant girl is sucking me off with glowing eyes and the guy next to me pretends he does not see. The animations are not Hollywood, but when a girl with thick ass bounces on you, tits jumping all over, it’s enough. Creampie shots look sticky and rude, in a good way. Then ten minutes later you are just clicking around town map again like nothing happened, stalking icons like Instagram stories.

What really messed with me is how many different flavors of horny they cram in without making a big speech about it. One scene you are giving a shy virgin a soft first-time vaginal sex in romantic candle light, POV, trying not to scare her, then later you are spanking a cosplayer dressed as Kitana, pushing a dildo in her while she laughs and begs for more. There is a lesbian thing in the park where two girls start groping each other for “practice” and drag you in like a living sex toy. A Milf neighbor with big tits uses “yoga” as excuse to grind on you until you accidentally cum on her feet and she just shrugs, wipes it, and offers a footjob “to relax you properly”. Some storylines are sweet, almost too wholesome, romance and dates and small talk, and then suddenly you are choking a girl who asked for more domination, pounding her ass and watching her roll her eyes back. The point and click stuff is simple, you tap, you choose, sometimes you grind money or affection, classic mobile time waster, but with groping in changing rooms and girls sending you masturbation clips at night. I kept taking censored screenshots for my folder and laughing, because half of them look like normal town life, and the other half is just some girl in cosplay costume, spread wide, filled with your cum like that is part of the local tourism program. It should not work, but it does.

You start with this half-dead hotel that looks like it smells of cheap cleaner and old sex, and somehow it becomes this weird little universe where every floor has a different flavor of horny drama. It looks like a normal dating sim at first, like “oh yeah, I’ll just talk to the girls, raise some stats, classic stuff”, and then three scenes later you’re holding a trembling elf maid by the hips while she tries to act all proper and obedient and ends up squirting all over the new bedsheets you saved up to buy. And you’re thinking: ok, I just wanted romance, why is there a menu option for nipple clothespins in the housekeeping budget. But you still click it.

The hotel thing works too well. Everyone is under your roof, so you bump into them doing absolutely everything. You go into a hallway thinking you’re just going to check repairs, and you catch one girl “cleaning” a window with her tits pressed against the glass, tongue out, full ahegao, while someone down in the street could totally see her. It counts as voyeur and exhib stuff at the same time and the game doesn’t even wink at you, it just lets it happen, like yeah, this is just Tuesday here. You can be the pure romance guy and still the world keeps trying to corrupt you. There’s a religious girl praying in one scene, acting shy like a virgin, and later you’re there timing her orgasm denial with your phone while she begs for just one more thrust and you’re like, ok, maybe I’m not “pure” anymore. I kept telling myself I’m avoiding the nastier paths, and two minutes later I’m watching a lactation event where I was only trying to give comfort and suddenly there’s warm milk and a helpless girl calling you “master” in this shaky voice. Total accident. Kind of.

What really got me is how your role shifts without a big “you are a trainer now” sign. One moment you’re like a soft-spoken manager who buys cute maid outfits and simple cosplay ears, the next you’re running what is basically a private bdsm spa on the top floor, where you decide who gets the collar and who just gets spanked until their ass is bright red and they can’t sit in the café. Some girls push you around too, it’s not just male dom. There’s a yandere type that goes from clingy to “if you fuck anyone else I’ll break their legs” energy, and she rides you so hard you legit feel like the slave instead of the trainer. Then later the same night another girl kneels down in the lobby and gives you a slow, careful blowjob like it’s a love letter, and you remember why you came here for romance at all. But then there’s some fucked up family route on the side, anal stuff mixed with “we shouldn’t do this” whispers, a footjob in the laundry room, a titfuck in the elevator when the doors keep almost opening, group sex in a suite where everyone’s moaning your name at once, and somewhere in the middle of that mess you’re still checking income stats on your phone and thinking about upgrade costs like an idiot. The hotel keeps growing, the harem keeps getting bigger, some girls get their breasts reduced while others suddenly swell up like a fantasy elf breeding project, and you’re walking around your own building knowing exactly which room has a girl quietly masturbating, which one hides a camera for your voyeur habit, and which bed has fresh cum drying in the sheets because you didn’t even bother with pulling out after that last creampie. It’s romantic in the trashiest way, and trashy in a way that somehow still feels kind of sweet.

For the next seven days, the campers at Camp Merriment will enjoy the wonders of nature like never before. They will partake in filling meals cooked over an open flame, kayak in beautiful rivers, and see wild, yet friendly, creatures native to the forest. Their week will be spent in utter bliss, with campers taking home naught but fond memories… It's a shame you won't be joining them. Welcome to Camp Bearfoot; the abandoned camp ground where your instructor has accidentally led your group. With no provisions, and no sign of help arriving anytime soon, will the four of you manage to survive a week? Sexy antics and tensions are sure to rise as the days without help go on. Features: Play as a male or female protagonist Fanservice visual novel with lighthearted comedy Lesbian subplot between two of the girls Potential romantic encounter with one of the girls Uncensored content available for free