Guy wakes up every morning, brain full of holes, surrounded by women who clearly know way more about him than he knows about himself, and somehow it all turns into a slow-burn porn novel instead of a mental breakdown. That’s pretty much the vibe here. This is not the usual “click two times, tits appear, everyone moans like a broken Pornhub loop” thing. The game just sits you down and goes, “Sit, read, feel things,” then quietly slips a hand in your pants half an hour later. You start as the male MC before all the happy family stuff, still trying to remember who he was and what kind of man he wants to be. Which in practice means: you walk around, talk a lot, flirt by accident, flirt on purpose, say the wrong thing, reload, pretend you didn’t say the wrong thing, and somehow this path leads to multiple women wanting to ride you raw like it’s a full time job with benefits. The romance creeps in first, then the clothes start disappearing much later, and that delay is exactly what makes the first handjob scene hit like a truck.

There is this slightly evil pleasure watching the MC pretend he is just being “nice” while every woman around him is stacked like someone lost control of the breast slider. Nothing subtle. Big tits pressing into him during a “totally innocent hug”, thighs wrapping around his waist while she pretends it was just a joke, that one slow thighjob scene that goes on a bit too long, to the point where you start noticing tiny details like vein textures you didn’t plan to think about on a Monday. Animations are actually there and not some awkward two-frame shuffle, which helps a lot when she’s riding him and you can see her whole body bounce, stomach, chest, the way her ass hits his lap, then he finishes inside and you get that creamy overflow that makes you go “yeah, that’s not a safe day.” Virgin stuff is handled nicer than expected too; instead of the usual “oops I tripped and landed on your cock” circus, you actually get buildup, nervous fingers, shy kisses that turn messy, and her clinging to him while he slowly pushes in. It still ends with creampie of course, this is not a church simulator, but it feels like the game at least pretended to care about her feelings first.

Weird thing, for a harem game it really leans hard into that “caring husband, protective dad material” angle. You can see the MC gradually shifting from clueless guy getting accidental boob contact to someone who genuinely wants to protect these women, even while he is absolutely stuffing them full of cum. Milf content fits that perfectly: older women looking at him like he is their second shot at happiness, then five minutes later they are on their back with legs shaking and nails in his shoulders while he pounds them and whispers romantic crap that would be cheesy if it wasn’t paired with actual vaginal sex that looks sweaty and needy instead of plastic. The only small thing that annoyed me is sometimes the pacing trips over itself: one minute you are knee-deep in emotional monologue, next moment there is a blowjob starting in the same scene like someone hit a hidden flag. But then she is stroking him slow with her hand, watching his face, teasing the tip, sliding her thumb over that little sensitive spot, and when he finally unloads, it spills on her fingers and she just lazily licks them clean. After that, you forgive the pacing. Or you pretend to, while you click “next” with one hand.

Queens nightlife, shitty subway delays, thumb going numb from swiping left, and suddenly your phone actually vibrates for something that isn’t a spam bot or your bank yelling at you. Three matches. Same day. All real faces, no “follow my OnlyFans” garbage, no stolen Instagram pics. The game drops you right in that moment where your brain goes from “whatever” to “ok, don’t fuck this up” and it stays locked in that feeling the whole time. It’s not some fantasy harem bullshit where girls fall on your dick just because you exist. You’re a guy who’s been losing on the apps, kind of tired, kind of horny, kind of lonely, scrolling at night in Queens while Netflix auto plays crap in the background. Then those three women show up like the algorithm finally felt guilty.

What I really liked is how human the dates feel when they actually start. You sit across from her, she laughs at something you didn’t even think was funny, and you’re already overthinking your next line. The game really milks that small awkward silence before a first kiss, or when you’re not sure if you should move closer on the couch. There’s a bar scene where you’re both half tipsy, and she leans in to tell you some stupid story about an ex, and the camera just lingers too long on her lips while your answers change how flirty things get. You say something a bit bold, her eyes linger on you a second longer, hand brushing your thigh like “oops” but absolutely not an accident. If you play safe, you still feel the tension, like her body is a half step ahead of her words. Third date with each woman is where the clothes finally start to lose the battle. Soft moans, a bra strap sliding down slow, fingers under a skirt while she pretends to keep talking about music. Nothing hardcore, but the game knows exactly how to make “her breath catching when your hand moves higher” feel obscene in the best way. The sex is more about how she looks at you when you unzip her than about angles and fluids, which honestly hits harder than some extreme porn stuff.

The cool thing, or maybe annoying thing, is how much the full motion scenes lock you into her vibe. When she smiles, it’s not a perfect porn star thing, it’s messy, real, like she’s actually into you and maybe a bit nervous herself. One of the dates has that cheap apartment lighting with a lamp too bright in the background, and it feels like every shitty real-life hookup, except here the girl is actually interesting and not checking her phone mid kiss. The choices you make across the three meetings slowly crank the intimacy, like going from “safe small talk at a coffee shop” to “her grinding on your lap in a dark corner where you definitely should get caught but don’t care.” Sometimes the game blue-balls you when you think you’re getting more than softcore, but that denial actually kind of works, like she’s teasing you on purpose and not giving you everything yet. In one route she keeps her panties on during the whole oral scene and you can see that wet spot growing while she bites her lip and pretends she’s still in control, which is honestly hotter than a lot of games that show everything. You’re juggling three women, three different chemistry patterns, trying not to say the same lazy line to all of them, because the writing actually calls you out if you act like a copy paste dude. You feel that little stab of guilt when you’re making out with one on her couch while remembering how another one laughed at your dumb joke the previous night. It’s a slow burn, full of kisses that go on for just a little too long, hands slipping where they shouldn’t, and the heavy question hanging in the air after date nine: who are you going to actually keep fucking, and who are you going to leave on read.

Grand Butt-Sex Hotel feels like the kind of game teenage me always dreamed about finding on some shady Flash site, except now it actually runs smooth on my phone and doesn’t crash when the good part starts. You play this kinda hapless dude who walks into this fancy hotel thinking “oh cool, job, money, normal life maybe” and instead you get thrown into a place where the managers and guests are mostly tall smug futa ladies with thick thighs, huge tits and way too much money, who look at you like you’re a walking stress toy. The whole vibe is luxury mixed with porn parody, like someone mashed a five-star resort with one of those cursed hentai doujins you pretend you “found by accident”. You’re basically staff and chew-toy at the same time. One second you’re talking politely at the front desk, the next a classy futa businesswoman is pushing you against the counter and making you suck her cock while the elevator dings in the background. The game treats that as completely normal, which is honestly kinda funny and hot at same time.

What really hit my nostalgia brain is how the humor and horny stuff are glued together. The dialogue is full of dumb jokes, weird “rich people fetish” lines, and that slightly awkward English that somehow makes the dirty talk work better. There’s this scene where a petite “trap” guest shows up looking cute and shy, then calmly pulls out a suitcase full of toys and asks if you’re “hotel-certified” for anal service, like it’s spa menu item. You get the dating sim vibe, picking how polite or thirsty your responses are, and it actually changes how hard they ride you later. One futa with a giant ass teases you for being “vanilla” if you only go for oral, then drags you to her room, bends you over the bed and you feel like you’re signing a contract with your asshole. Some of the animations are nicely timed with the moans, especially the oral shots where your head is bobbing and her balls tap your chin, but then sometimes a loop will reset at a weird moment and my brain just goes “why did her hips teleport”. And the loading between scenes on mobile Chrome lagged right during a blowjob payoff, which annoyed me more than it should, but I still kept playing, because of course I did.

The hotel setting lets them throw in all kinds of guests: tall dark-skinned futa with big tits who treats you like a room amenity, some smug white CEO type who wants you on your knees under the table during “business calls”, a nerdy girl with glasses who secretly has the thickest cock and uses a vibrating toy in your ass while she scrolls on her phone, barely looking at you. There are races mixed, body types, a lot of big asses pressing you into fancy sheets. Sometimes the female domination goes pretty hard, like humiliating dirty talk while they make you lick their shaft clean after anal, and other times it’s oddly sweet, like a futa patting your head after using you and tipping you like a good bellboy. It’s funny, because the game pretends to be this outrageous fetish buffet, but the thing that stuck with me most was one quiet moment in a hallway, where you’re exhausted, cum probably still dripping somewhere, and a guest just smirks, adjusts her bulge, and tells you she booked you for “wake-up service” tomorrow. That tiny little line hit way harder in my head than half the loud scenes. Also, the hotel lobby music slaps in the weirdest way. I caught myself humming it while opening TikTok, which is completely wrong for this kind of game and now my brain is cursed forever.

High School Hobby Harlots feels like someone mashed together a horny comic, an old-school hentai dating sim and a messy sandbox life sim, then laughed and said “good enough” and hit upload. You play Amara, this spoiled rich troublemaker dumped into a “reform school” that is about as holy as a Pornhub comment section. The whole vibe is super tongue in cheek: nuns with dirty thoughts, students who look like they’re one bad decision away from starting an OnlyFans, and teachers that definitely should not be left alone with anyone. The art is 2D comic panels, kind of fanzine style, sometimes clean, sometimes rough, but it fits the “I’m not supposed to be doing this” mood perfectly. It feels like reading a dirty webcomic where you keep clicking for the next punchline and suddenly you’re knee deep in anal, voyeurism, and girls showing way too much skin in the chapel.

The fun part for me was how the game quietly turns you into a little sex manager. You’re not just clicking through scenes. You’re juggling stats like Fun, Energy, Allure, Sexperience and Money, and they actually matter. You wanna drag a classmate into your corruption spiral, you better have enough Allure and the right timing, because some events only trigger when Amara is in a certain mood or you pushed a girl just far enough. One moment I was in the dorm teasing a shy girl with a toy, just casual masturbation training, and a bit later she’s sucking dick on camera for Amara’s iFap channel like it’s no big deal. The pacing of that fall is nice and dirty. Corruption here isn’t just a label. You can feel it when a girl that refused to flash her tits earlier suddenly agrees to public exhibition in the showers while other students “pretend” they’re not watching. The camming storyline is hilarious and sleazy at the same time: you push them into doing oral, playing with themselves, trying anal plugs on stream, and the game keeps throwing in those quips that make you grin like an idiot. Then you level them up even more and suddenly escorting on iFuq is on the table, with group sex events and weird little interracial scenes that pop up like “oh ok, we’re doing this now.” Some of the sandbox routine gets a bit grindy, like you’re repeating similar actions hoping for the next random sexy event, and sometimes the timing feels like Ren’Py rolled a nat 1 on your libido. But then you get a new event with Amara taking two girls to a “study session” that somehow turns into lesbian foreplay, a spanking lesson and finally everyone stuffed and covered, and you kinda forgive the jank. It’s messy, it’s horny, it’s funny in a dumb way, and the game doesn’t pretend to be classy. It just hands you a reform school full of difficult girls and asks, very politely, how filthy you feel like making them today.