Kislev looks normal at first glance. Streetlights, cheap shops, that one park bench where everyone pretends not to stare at each other. Then you notice how empty it feels, like the city is holding its breath. Officials keep saying “just a weird cold, nothing serious,” while half the people you meet have this strange tired look in their eyes and the other half are just horny as fuck and pretending nothing is wrong. You play this dude who goes “yeah, I’m out, I’m leaving the city until shit calms down,” but of course he’s late, like every protagonist with a big ego and a bigger cock. And somehow running away turns into drifting deeper into this mess of sex, money, and that quiet fear that maybe tomorrow you won’t wake up at all. Or worse, you will.

The whole thing feels like a fantasy about the end of the world where everyone deals with panic by getting freaky. You’re out there sweet talking thick women with soft bellies and massive tits spilling out of bras that never quite fit. There’s something really nice about how the chubby girls are treated, actually. They’re not a joke, not “before the glow up,” they’re just hot. Big asses, big boobs, big everything, and the camera really takes its time. You’re flirting, buying them shiny crap like cars and jewelry, acting like some budget sugar daddy, and half the time you know it’s stupid but it works, so you keep doing it. One milf leans over your new car, huge tits pressed against the window while she asks you if the seats are comfy enough to “test suspension.” And yeah, you say something smooth. Or you try. I misclicked the dialogue, told her something lame, and she still ended up palming my dick through my pants, super slow, teasing like she has all the time in the world even though the city might be dying around us. That scene actually made me pause Spotify because I wanted to hear every tiny sound. Then I put Spotify back, because I’m an idiot.

I like how the MC’s cock is treated like an actual presence. When a thick girl wraps her soft fingers around it for a lazy handjob, the visual really sells the weight, the size, the way her cheeks flush like “fuck, I didn’t expect it this big.” There’s a moment where a bbw presses your shaft between her heavy tits, and you can practically feel the warmth off the screen. It’s detailed, but sometimes weirdly clumsy, like the dev spent 3 days on the curve of a nipple and 3 minutes on the background. Also whoever designed the jewelry shop UI clearly hates humans, I swear one button is half a pixel off and it still annoys me. The game likes to tease too much sometimes: lots of grinding, lots of “almost” scenes before you finally get release, but when you do, it’s thick, messy, and right in her face or over her giant chest, and she looks proud like she just survived the apocalypse by taking your load. The virus, the panic, the lies from the authorities, it all just becomes this excuse for everyone to live harder, fuck louder, and pretend choices still matter. They probably don’t, but you keep clicking like they do.

Esterium feels like somebody’s horny D&D notebook that accidentally grew into a browser game, and I kind of love that it’s still rough around the edges. You get tossed into this messy fantasy world with a body you pick yourself: big-dicked futa amazon, soft trans mage, stacked barbarian girl with tits that look like they’d knock her off balance, or just some unlucky dude who wandered way too far from home. It starts simple, mostly text and some 3D-ish character shots, but the way the game talks to you has this awkward charm. One moment you’re reading about rusty swords and trading junk, next moment the description suddenly spends three lines on how your cock twitches under your armor, or how your nipples brush the inside of your leather top when you climb over a ruined wall. It’s a bit inconsistent, but in a kind of “oh, a real person is writing this while horny and tired” way that feels weirdly honest.

There was this moment where my futa barbarian was barely strong enough to leave the starting area. I thought, fine, gonna grind skeletons like usual. Instead of a big hype combat, the game just quietly lets you bonk a skeleton to pieces with a rusty axe and then spends more time describing the sweat on your abs than the actual fight. I was like, ok priorities understood. Then later I rerolled as a female mage, wandered in the wrong direction, and ended up in a forest that felt way too empty. Just birds, vague paths, some herbs, nobody to fuck, no monster girl jumping out of the bushes. I actually got annoyed, left the tab open, went to scroll Twitter on my phone, came back, and only then noticed I had missed a clickable option in the text. Suddenly, bam, you meet this monster girl with claws and soft curves, and the game flips from “standard fantasy exploration” to “she pins you to a tree and smells your fear before deciding she’d rather smell your arousal instead.” There is no smooth transition. It’s like the writer forgot they were making an RPG and remembered “oh right, porn” halfway through the paragraph.

The sex so far is short, but it hits specific buttons. There’s this focus on size, on how heavy your tits feel when you run, how your cock strains against your gear when a merchant leans over the counter and you get a hint of cleavage. It’s not super poetic, more like horny forum roleplay with slightly better grammar. Sometimes the pacing is just weird: a whole careful explanation of basic trading, then suddenly one sentence like “her tongue traces the vein along your shaft” and you’re like, wait, we’re doing this now? I like that you can be any of the three main body flavors and the world mostly reacts to your genitals instead of treating it like a big identity lecture. You’re a futa or trans type? Cool, here’s how your underwear feels when you walk, here’s how monsters grab you by the hips and test your “endurance” in a way that has nothing to do with hitpoints. I wish the combat and leveling were less prototype and more “I’m scared to fight that demon because she might absolutely break my back in the fun way”, but also, if they ever polish it too much, it might lose that sleepy, horny energy it has right now. It’s like catching a kink game at that stage where it’s still shy and a bit clumsy, but you can already see it wants to drag you into a dark alley and see how much your character can take before their legs stop working.

Nyvalis looks harmless at first, like one of those cozy fantasy islands from a chill JRPG. Then you realize it is basically a giant thirst trap built by a dying fertility goddess who is way too desperate to see some dick. You drop in as this guy who literally just died, no memories worth a damn, suddenly surrounded by women who haven’t seen a real man in generations and treat you like a mix of sacred relic, breeding tool, and slightly confused porn star. It feels a bit like if a hentai doujin and a low-budget fantasy VN had a messy baby on Patreon, with enough humor to stop it from feeling too serious while still going pretty hard on the whole “your cum might save our people” thing. The game knows exactly what it is: harem fantasy with a fantasy gloss, a lot of boob physics, and a main character who keeps pretending he’s overwhelmed while drilling anything the goddess points at.

The whole corruption angle is more playful than edgy. You start with these kind, almost holy priestess types and then slowly you push them into slutty territory, and they pretend to resist but their clothes keep getting shorter, their tits keep getting more on display, and pretty soon the “ritual blessing” is just you ramming them from behind in some temple while stained glass reflects on her huge ass. There is male domination here, but it’s the porn version: they beg, they tease, they act innocent, then you grab their hair, push them to their knees, feel that wet tongue around your cock and the game doesn’t shy away from showing the spit and the twitching. First time you cum in one of them the camera goes in close, you get that POV rush, her legs shaking, your cum leaking out while she clutches her belly because fertility goddess magic is doing its thing. Later, when pregnancy actually kicks in, it’s kind of wild how casual they treat it. “Oh, I’m knocked up now, we should celebrate” and your celebration is literally a titfuck on the balcony while she talks about “expanding the tribe” with your next load. I liked that. It feels like fan-service written by someone who actually watches hentai instead of just reading tags on F95.

I’m not gonna lie, the game is rough in spots. Some animations look great when you’re fucking a MILF priestess from a low POV, watching her tits bounce while she rides, but then another scene has three girls in a group sex ritual and suddenly one head is clipping through an arm and you’re like, “Ok, sure, we’re doing PS2 energy now.” I still replayed that scene, though. The group stuff is fun because they lean into the whole “village of desperate women” vibe: one girl is sucking you off while another strokes your balls, and a third is pressed against your back, whispering that the goddess is watching, and you kind of feel like a hentai protagonist who accidentally downloaded the harem DLC. One minor thing that annoyed me for zero logical reason: the way one of the girls keeps doing this half-laughing “teehee” sound right before you shove your cock between her tits. I don’t know why, it just pulled me out of it every single time and I kept waiting for an option to tell her to shut up and just squeeze, but nope, it never shows up. The transformation bits are a fun surprise too, like when Seraphyne tweaks a girl’s body mid-routine, giving her even bigger tits or changing her ears, and the scene keeps going as if “sorry, goddess just upgraded your ass” is an everyday thing. It feels dirty in that cosplay way, like trying on different versions of the same waifu. The humor keeps popping in at weird times, like you’re balls deep in a “holy ceremony” handjob, and the girl starts cracking a joke about you being the only guy alive who has to rest between rounds while the entire island is waiting for creampies. But that chaos is kinda why I kept playing; it never feels clean or perfectly planned, more like horny fantasy scribbles that somehow became a game, which honestly fits the whole fertility goddess losing her mind and dragging a dead dude across dimensions just so she can watch a village of big tit, big ass girls fight over his dick.

Rebirth Balance is that kind of horny fantasy story where the world is burning, elves and humans want to kill each other, and somehow your biggest problem is choosing which pair of tits to focus on first. You wake up in some other guy’s body, with a dick that looks way too confident for the situation, and a divine being basically tells you: “Hey, fix the world, also here, have some superpowers and a front row seat to every orgasm in a fifty meter radius.” It sounds epic, but it feels more like being dropped inside a porn convention where every booth is run by racists, sex addicts, or both. One moment you’re trying to talk politics between humans and non-humans, next moment an elf MILF is on her knees, drooling around your cock, pretending diplomacy means “oral exam”. The game throws you into that mood very fast, like Discord mods arguing for ten pages on lore, while you’re just there clicking “next” waiting for the tits to bounce again. And yeah, the tits do bounce. The models are that 3dcg style where skin has that slightly too smooth thing, like everyone moisturizes with lube. It’s janky in a good way. Sometimes a boob clips into an arm and I swear it made the titfuck more funny, not worse. Felt like watching porn in VLC, pausing at weird frames just to laugh, then going right back to stroking.

The sex itself is not shy at all. You get your usual “save the world with charisma” thing, but your real stats are more like: how deep she can take it, how wide her eyes roll back, and how ugly the ahegao gets before the scene fades. There’s an elf slave girl who tries to act all cold and noble, and I blinked and suddenly she’s riding you raw, hands tied, making that messy open-mouth face like she just got hit by a truck of orgasms. The camera loves to sit low when you go in vaginal, so you see the whole slide, every wet push, that shiny stretch where you think “okay, this is probably not safe but whatever, fantasy world”. Then out of nowhere, the superpower thing kicks in and you’re basically cheating in sex. You touch her, her legs turn to jelly, and it feels unfair in the most porn logic way. Same with the MILF scenes: one of them acts like she’s mentoring you on how to talk to non-humans, but the entire time the game keeps zooming in on her lips and her cleavage, like the plot is just foreplay you forgot to skip. When she finally wraps her tits around you, the animation goes full worship mode, soft flesh pressing, nipples brushing along the shaft, spit dripping down like someone spilled energy drink on a joystick. It’s messy. It’s hot. And then suddenly you’re back to dialogue about balance between races, pretending your cock is not still throbbing. I had a Chrome tab open with a Google Doc for work, and another tab with this game, and honestly, switching between “professional email” and “animated elf masturbation scene” should be illegal. Anyway, the world is in danger, people are angry, politics are tense, and you’re out there making peace one blowjob at a time. Priorities.

Game feels like somebody mashed a porn comic, a goofy superhero show and one of those messy family dramas from Netflix, then said “yeah ok, what if everyone was hot and kind of a pervert.” You start as this dude who’s basically the walking center of gravity in a house full of ridiculous curves and way too little shame. There’s school stuff on the side, but it’s mostly there so the girls can wear tight uniforms, bend over desks and pretend they’re focusing on homework while you’re staring at their asses. The whole thing has that 3D render vibe where boobs are just slightly too perfect and every milf’s butt looks like it was optimized in Excel for maximum surface area. I kind of respect that, professionally.

The story is split in a weird data way in my head: “story mode” is your main plotline with the incest harem, twins, powers, family secrets, etc., and “free roam” is like the sandbox dashboard where your KPI is “how many holes filled concurrently.” You pick which girl’s storyline to go deep into first, and that actually changes the emotional tempo. Go with the milf aunt early and the game instantly feels like a corruption chart trending up: slow teasing, long eye contact at breakfast, her walking around with a towel that keeps almost slipping, then suddenly she’s riding you on the couch while some dumb sitcom plays in the background. Pick the twin route first and it’s more like a broken A/B test where both variants are just “sisters competing to see who can drain you faster.” One scene has you “helping them study” and you end up with one sister under the table sucking you off while the other pretends to quiz you, cheeks red, nipples poking through her top. The tension is less subtle there, more “everyone in this house is two seconds from a gangbang.”

Superpowers pop up in a way that’s actually kind of funny. Not deep Marvel-level, more like “hey, I can freeze time long enough to pull down the teacher’s shirt and stare at her tits while she’s stuck mid-sentence” or using some mind trick to nudge a shy girl into showing you what her panties look like. That voyeur angle is everywhere. You catch the milf masturbating in the shower, spying from a crack in the door. Or you watch the two girls making out on the bed, hands all over each other, one grinding her thigh between the other’s legs, and you just sit there like some creepy analyst, tracking their moans, waiting for the right second to walk in and “help.” Then the game lets you replay that same scene later in free roam and push it harder: add anal, swap positions, bring a third girl, turn a soft lesbian moment into full-blown group sex where faces are messy and nobody’s even pretending to be innocent anymore. I wish the UI for the free roam scenes was less clicky and more like a flow, but it’s not going to change and whatever, I got used to it.

Sex variety is nuts, by the way. One minute you’re doing slow, almost romantic vaginal with your “relative” on her bed, her legs wrapped around you, whispering shit she should absolutely not be saying to a family member. Next moment you’re in a kind of half-joking threesome with her and another girl, choking on laughs and dick at the same time, cum dripping down her chin while the other girl holds her hair like it’s some friendly team activity. Anal shows up often enough that it feels like anyone over 30 in this universe just defaults to offering up their ass once they trust you. There’s this late scene where you pin the milf against the wall, her huge tits bouncing while you push into her ass, her moans loud enough you’re sure the “kids” can hear, and she just doesn’t care anymore. Lesbian content is not optional; girls lick each other like they’ve been waiting their whole lives for you to leave the room so they can finally taste some pussy. One of my favorite moments is in the school setting, on a rooftop, where two girls are pressed together, kissing slow, one sliding her hand down the other’s skirt, wet sounds way too loud for outside. You show up, they pretend to be shy for two lines, then you’re balls-deep in one while the other rides your face, both of them held up by your “mysterious power” like some messed up vertical bar chart of naked bodies.

The humor is stupid in a good way. Characters throw horny jokes around all the time, like the milf calling your cock her “favorite workout equipment,” or one twin telling the other to “share the resource, I saw him first but I don’t mind concurrency.” It makes the hardcore scenes feel like you’re in on some private joke, not just clicking porn stills. At the same time, some transitions between serious story and horny comedy feel like someone forgot to switch tabs in their brain. You go from tragic family secret to a titjob gag in two lines. Speaking of titjobs, they look great even though sometimes the camera angles are a little weird, like the dev really loves close-ups of nipples more than faces. Not a crime, just funny. And the violence tag? It spikes here and there when the fantasy plot kicks in: a fight where powers clash, blood on the ground, then directly after that you’re comforting a bruised girl with your tongue between her thighs because that’s how this universe handles trauma apparently. There’s no NTR, which I kind of appreciate as someone who likes clean ownership in his mental dashboard. Everything belongs to the main dude, period, including the twins, the milf, the schoolgirls, the side chicks. It’s pure harem math, and the game leans hard into that, like a line going straight up on a chart that probably should worry somebody in a real-life ethics meeting. But here, it just makes sense.

It’s weird how this game keeps slipping between being horny and being kinda sad. Like one moment you’re scavenging a half-broken supermarket for canned beans, and the next you’re watching Tiffany bend over in that torn tank top, and you *know* the camera’s doing it on purpose. I thought it’d be just another zombie clicker thing, but then it starts poking at your nerves. You play as Mark, but you’re not really him, because half the time you’re watching what happens when he’s gone. It’s uncomfortable but also… hot? I don’t know. The animations are surprisingly smooth, not glossy, more like something someone obsessed over too long in a dark room. Her skin looks sticky in the flashlight. The moans sound too close, like she’s right next to your ear, whispering something you shouldn’t hear.

I wasn’t expecting the teasing parts to be so drawn out. There’s this bit where Alex “accidentally” touches her thigh, and you can tell she notices but pretends not to. Then later, the game just lets you wander around while that tension sits there, heavy. I thought I’d hate the sandbox thing, but it actually makes it worse - like you’re the one choosing to look away or not. The monsters outside barely matter after a while; they just groan in the background, a reminder that everything’s falling apart while something even messier happens inside. There’s a scene with oral that I didn’t think would hit me, but it’s messy and awkward and somehow more real than most. I wish the sound balance wasn’t so off though, the wet noises drown out the dialogue sometimes. Maybe that’s on purpose.

It’s not pretty, but that’s what makes it stick. The game doesn’t care if you feel guilty. It kind of wants you to. I kept thinking I’d stop after one more scene, but then I’d catch a glimpse of Tiffany walking past a broken window, the light hitting her skin just right, and I’d forget whatever I was supposed to be doing.

The whole thing feels like someone took my Pinterest boards of “soft fantasy aesthetics” and then just went, “yeah but what if everyone had a cock and zero self-control.” You start as this kinda naïve girl in a world that absolutely knows more about your body than you do, and I liked that it didn’t waste time pretending you’re some badass warrior. You’re basically fresh meat with nice tits and way too much curiosity. First I was just clicking around like, oh cute forest, nice colors, love the little elf village vibe. Then suddenly I’m in an alley with an orc woman twice my size pushing me against a wall, hand between my legs, and the game is like, “you can refuse, you can submit, or you can pretend to resist and still end up dripping.” That pretend to resist one is filthy, by the way.

What hooked me was how every area feels like a different moodboard. The catgirl inn feels warm and sticky and a bit suspicious. There’s this one scene where you go in just wanting a room and the neko receptionist is doing that fake innocent thing, tail flicking, tits resting on the counter. If you pick the “tired, need rest” answer she actually offers a “special nap,” and I thought it was going to be a normal massage, nope. You end up face down, ears being licked, her cock sliding between your thighs, and she keeps calling you her “soft little pillow.” I screenshotted that dialogue, closed the tab, and opened it again later because my brain needed a minute. And then later she acts like she barely remembers you, which kind of pissed me off, but also fits her whole chaotic-cat energy.

The futa stuff is all over the place in a good way and also kind of annoying. I love how different bodies are treated: thick orc with abs and a huge cock that actually looks heavy, smug elf with this long elegant shaft that feels like it’s judging you, shy virgin girl who turns out to be packing and you can decide if you let her ruin you or keep her untouched. There’s a pregnancy angle that sneaks up on you. One moment you’re just letting an orc breed you in some ruined temple because the text made it sound too hot to skip, a few scenes later your belly is starting to show and suddenly characters react differently. Some get more protective, some get more possessive, and one elf basically calls you “community property” which made me laugh way too hard. I wish there was more control over who can knock you up, but I also weirdly like that the world doesn’t revolve around your plans. You can play nice, you can try to stay pure, the game still keeps putting you in situations where your choices are like: “say yes,” “say yes harder,” or “say no and still get edged until you’re begging.” It’s messy, horny, sometimes a bit mean in that femdom way, and honestly it feels less like a heroic quest and more like getting lost in a horny scrapbook that keeps adding new pages while your legs are shaking.

Dragons, horny idiots, and way too many bad decisions, that’s kinda the tone here. You start out in this messy fantasy world where everyone either wants to stab you, fuck you, or make you solve some weird little puzzle before they tell you where the next dragon clue is. The game lets you pick who you are right away: guy, girl, or futa, and it actually matters because people react to you a bit different, and some scenes just hit different when you’re a shy virgin futa trying to act cool in front of a monster girl with more confidence than common sense. It’s not subtle. One moment you’re trying to think through a puzzle with glowing runes and pattern matching, next moment, you click the “wrong” symbol and suddenly you’re on your knees in first person, mouth full, and the camera just stays there a little too long while the animation loops. In a good way. Mostly.

The “visual novel plus sandbox” thing is a strange mix that kinda works and kinda annoys me. You’ve got this hub where you wander around to find your companions, poke at side quests, and sometimes you just want to jump directly into the next romance scene, but no, the game makes you trot across the area, poke some shiny object, do a small puzzle, listen to a bit of lore about dragons, then, boom, here’s the lesbian scene you were actually waiting for. There’s a moment where my female MC finally hooked up with this monster girl with claws and soft voice, and the build up was cute as hell, all tension and “is this really happening,” then it cuts to animated vaginal and oral, lots of wet sounds, POV angles that actually show what’s going on instead of hiding everything behind a single static shot. I liked that the creampie isn’t just a flash, it lingers, drips, the camera actually respects that people want to stare. But the accessibility side is honestly rough sometimes. The text box has decent font size, but there’s no real text-to-speech, no configurable high contrast mode, and some of the puzzle highlight colors blend into the background like it’s 2010 again. I had to squint more than once, and I’m already using Windows magnifier because devs keep pretending everyone sees fine. Keyboard navigation is half-baked too: you can tab through some choices, but not all, and some mini-games want mouse precision without any assist options. Makes me want to yell at my monitor a bit.

Still, the character stuff sticks with me. There’s this companion quest where my futa MC decided not to romance the guy, just help him deal with his dragon-related trauma, and the game actually respected that. No forced sex, no “secret” romance flag, just quiet scenes and then later I went for the soft, clingy romance with a female character instead, and that route spiraled into pregnancy talk that did not feel like an afterthought. Watching the belly show up later in a scene while she rides you, full on animated, is weirdly intimate and also kinda filthy, in a good way, because the story mentioned it earlier so it doesn’t appear out of nowhere. There are also handjob scenes where the camera goes very close to fingers and shaft, very deliberate strokes, cum shots that actually match the motion instead of the usual lazy splash. It’s horny, sure, but sometimes it slows down and lets the romance breathe, and then ruins the mood again by tossing in a puzzle with tiny icons that are absolute hell if you’re playing on a trackpad. I kept thinking “why is there no option to simplify this for people with shaky hands” while my character was getting railed from behind in another scene ten minutes later. Also, whoever mapped the skip and auto-advance buttons clearly never used a screen reader, because the clickable zones are tiny, and I almost clicked past a really good scene with a futa-on-futa blowjob followed by a messy double creampie that honestly deserved its own replay gallery filter. But no, you just scroll and scroll and scroll. Not fixing that, I guess.

Everything about this game feels like some horny fever dream of a lazy knight who just wanted gold, boobs and trouble in the woods. You play this very average dude, not some shining hero, who gets shoved into this “kill the monster, get the treasure, impress the Hooters girls” kind of quest, and the whole thing leans hard into parody. It knows it’s ridiculous. The fantasy world feels like one of those cheap tavern wallpapers on Steam, but then the milfs show up with these insane curves, perfect for those big soft-tit moments, and suddenly you forget you were supposed to be a brave adventurer and not just a walking erection. The game lets you wander around like a sandbox, poking at places you shouldn’t, teasing big-ass monster girls, getting sucked off by women who absolutely know better, and everything has this messy, horny energy that feels more like a dirty joke that went too far than a “serious” adult story.

Combat is this simple turn-based thing, but it’s used more like foreplay than real challenge. You’re in a fight, you’re trading hits, then the scene slows down and the monster isn’t just a monster. She’s got thick thighs, obscene cleavage, and she leans in close, her tits almost spilling over your screen, and suddenly the “attack / defend / skill” thing gets weirdly erotic. Sometimes when you win, the reward isn’t just gold, it’s a full-on lewd scene: sloppy handjob with her drooling over your cock, tits pressed together and she’s milking you while making fun of how fast you cum, or you get pinned down by some big-titted fantasy milf who rides you like you’re just another loot chest. The AI CG is surprisingly expressive too, not perfect, it has that slightly off vibe here and there, but the faces when they tease you, the way lips wrap around nipples during boob-sucking scenes, the way their asses look in motion during the animated bits, it all creates this low-key hypnotic rhythm. I caught myself just staring at a jiggle loop longer than I want to admit, like some brain-dead caveman.

The pacing is weird in a good way. Sometimes things are slow, lots of teasing, a milf leaning over you, her top barely holding those giant tits, she makes you wait, strokes you lazily with her hand, spits on it a little, whispers stupid fantasy lines that still hit, then suddenly the game jumps into another silly quest or random joke and you’re like, “wait, I was about to cum, wtf.” It’s horny, then silly, then horny again, like switching tabs between Pornhub and YouTube memes. And yeah, the UI is a little clunky, some buttons feel like they got placed by a drunk goblin, one sound loop in the forest kept repeating and I wanted to smack my speakers, but then there’s this one scene where a thick milf pushes your head into her chest, you hear wet sucking, her moans get louder, her hips grind on your leg, and the sound mix suddenly just clicks. That heavy breathing, the sloppy mouth sounds when she licks your nipples, the wet strokes when she jerks you while staring into your eyes, it pulled me right back. The whole game is like that: a horny little adventure that pretends to be about slaying some beast, but really it’s about being used, teased and drained by big-tit fantasy women who know exactly what they’re doing and are having way too much fun with your poor hero.