Thief of Hearts feels like someone mashed a crime thriller with a horny family soap and then forgot to take out any of the messy bits. You play this young guy who is supposed to be a smooth criminal, sneaking around a city full of cameras, cops and idiots, but somehow most of your “heists” end with a naked ass pressed against something expensive. One second you’re planning a break in at a fancy apartment complex, studying guard routes on a shitty tablet UI, the next second you’re peeking through a door and catching your voluptuous “relative” bent over the couch, skirt around her waist, boobs swinging while she fingers herself to some cheap porn audio. Game just lets you stand there and watch, zoom in on her big tits, listen to all those needy little moans, while a small timer in the corner is like “leave before she notices”. Of course you don’t. You stay, you get caught, you get called a pervert, and then five dialogue lines later she’s pressing your hand between her thighs and asking if you’re “as hard as you look”. Morals die very fast here.

The pacing is weird in a nice way. You’re supposed to be building a crew, doing jobs, choosing who to trust, but the real choices feel more like “do you grope her on the bus or wait until she’s in the shower” and somehow both paths end in a blowjob anyway. There is a whole school arc where you pretend to be a normal student, but half the time you’re staring at thick asses in too-tight uniforms, helping some innocent looking girl “practice stripping” for a party that obviously turns into a private dance for you. Clothes slide off, bra hits the floor, she tries to act shy while her nipples are already hard and your hand is under her skirt. The animations are not perfect, sometimes the hips move like they forgot basic physics, but when she’s on her knees and you see that slow, wet handjob morph into sloppy oral, with drool on her chin and this lazy eye contact, it suddenly doesn’t matter. You get a lot of teasing too, women grinding on your lap during group meetings, lips brushing your ear while they talk about “targets” and really mean your cock. There is milf content all over the place, thick moms with heavy tits who pretend they’re oh so worried about your criminal life and two scenes later they’re riding you in the kitchen, tits bouncing, calling you their “bad boy” like that excuses the incest vibes at all. Vaginal, oral, mutual masturbation, some voyeur stuff when you spy on more than one person at once, it all stacks up until the actual robbery feels like a polite excuse to get everyone naked in the same room. I kinda hate how one of the best animated scenes is just a small thing in a stairwell where you pin her against the wall, yank her panties aside and slide in while she tries not to be loud because the rest of the crew is right below you. Also the save menu icon is ugly as fuck and I think about it every time I climax and then forget what I was mad about.

Game feels like somebody ripped a horny Overwatch fanfic out of an old Discord server, glued a point and click shell on top, then actually bothered to give it different endings instead of just spamming “good girl, now swallow” until credits. You’re this nobody guy who somehow ends up on a date with D.Va, and it starts pretty cute, like awkward flirting, small talk, her showing off a bit, lots of teasing. Then you blink twice and suddenly her lipstick is smeared, her mascara is half ruined, and you’ve got her on her knees between your legs, looking up with that fake innocent smile and an ahegao that would get banned on Twitch in one second. It goes from “omg senpai noticed me” to “yeah, you belong on your knees, don’t you?” so fast my brain lagged harder than my old laptop opening Chrome with 20 tabs.

What I like is how the game lets you be either soft yandere or full corrupted asshole without telling you “this is the good route” in big friendly letters. You can actually romance her a bit, take her on what feels like a real date, be gentle when you touch her thighs, enjoy her being bratty and smug. She flirts, she jokes, she pretends she’s in control. Then you can casually twist it: a bit of blackmail here, public teasing there, one choice where you “accidentally” grope her ass too long, another where you push her to show more skin in front of others. The humiliation creeps up slow, like a virus, until she’s jerking you off under a table with people right behind the door, trying not to moan while you call her a filthy little camgirl. It’s actually kind of romantic in a fucked up way, which makes it worse, so of course I loved it. Although, I’m still annoyed the text box sometimes covers her feet right when the footjob scene starts. I kept trying to drag it with my mouse like an idiot, like this is Photoshop, not a porn game. Still pisses me off and there’s no option for UI scale.

Sex scenes are messy in a good way. You’ve got her riding you in POV with her tongue out, cum dripping down her belly, then suddenly a branch where you can shove her face into the mattress and go anal, or keep it sweet and just keep thrusting into her pussy until she begs for a creampie. Sometimes the game lets you share her, too, and watching her get used by more than one guy while she pretends she hates it, then her eyes roll back when they cover her face, that hits a very specific brain kink. There’s also a route where you switch from dominant to kinda submissive, letting her sit on your face, grind that big ass on your mouth and talk down to you while she uses a toy on herself, and it’s weirdly adorable and degrading at the same time. You can screw up and get endings where she leaves you, or where she’s just broken, used, a little doll who masturbates for strangers’ approval while you watch from behind a screen like some creepy producer. My only real complaint, besides that damn text box, is that some transitions feel like someone skipped a couple pages in the script; one moment she’s just blushing from a kiss, next moment she’s being filmed covered in cum in front of other people, like I missed three important choices. But honestly, it still felt closer to late night horny roleplay on Telegram than a clean, polished porn VN, and that chaotic energy kind of fits her.

Mike Oxmaul is the kind of guy you look at and think, “yeah, that dude’s gonna have a normal college life.” Then you play ten minutes and realize, nah, this poor bastard is cursed by the porn gods. He’s short, he’s under-equipped, everyone around him seems bigger, hotter, more confident, and the game just loves to rub it in. Half the time you’re laughing, half the time you’re clenching because the humiliation hits a bit too close.

The setting is standard university stuff at first: dorms, classrooms, clubs, parties, a bit of sandbox wandering where you click around the campus and see who’s available. What makes it hook you is how every little choice you make about Mike’s ego spirals into something filthy. Say the wrong thing to the smug futa roommate and suddenly she’s got him on his knees, making him “prove” he deserves to stay in the room. Pick the cocky option with the tall redhead milf professor and you get this scene where she slowly unbuttons her blouse in her office, sits on the desk, and then laughs when she sees what he’s packing. She still lets him bury his face in her tits, then calls him her “tiny little toy” while he tries not to cum in his pants. It’s mean, but it’s hot, and the game just keeps doing that mix of arousal and bullying.

The sex is all over the place in a good way, and the 3dcg animation actually manages to sell the dirty stuff. There’s a scene in the locker room where Mike is hiding in a shower stall, watching two thick girls share a shower and start playing with each other, and you can either stay quiet and jerk it or “accidentally” knock a shampoo bottle. If you fuck up, they catch him, push him against the tiles, and one of them starts stroking his cock with her feet while the other films it on her phone, laughing at his size, threatening to leak it unless he does exactly what they say. Later there’s a club sequence where a drunk married woman grinds on him on the dance floor, her wedding ring right in your face, and if you go along with it you get pulled into the bathroom for messy cheating sex, her bent over the sink, whispering how her husband could never make her gush like “this little loser.”

The game swings hard between humiliation and actual romance in a way that feels weirdly real. One moment Mike is used as a cum rag in a group scene, taking turns giving sloppy oral and getting painted by bukkake while a crowd laughs at his ahegao face, and then a few events later you’re on a quiet date with a shy classmate who admits she’s still a virgin and kind of into smaller guys. You can actually choose to be gentle, focus on kissing and slow vaginal sex, her clinging to him and whispering his name while he tries not to blow too fast. Or you can lean into corruption, turn her into a needy mess who ends up begging to be creampied in a public place, risking pregnancy because “no one notices us anyway.” That mix of sweet and fucked up gives the story more bite than I expected.

There’s a lot of kink variety buried around the campus and nearby streets. Street corners with girls clearly doing prostitution on the side, where Mike can either pay to be dominated by a tall trans escort who makes him lick her heels and then rams his ass with a toy, or stumble into a cheap quickie behind a bar with a big ass milf who demands a titfuck first, squeezing her lactating nipples all over his face. One of the most ridiculous moments for me was a “study group” that turns into a gangbang when a popular girl decides she’s bored, strips naked, and invites everyone to use her while Mike awkwardly watches. You can have him join in and get lost somewhere between thighs and ass, mostly ignored while the bigger guys pound her, and then she still pulls him in at the end, jerking his pathetic cock until he shoots on her face for the final messy finish.

Pacing is a little weird sometimes. You’ll have this intense anal domination scene where Mike gets pegged by a smug futa who keeps calling him her “practice girlfriend,” sticks a vibrator in his ass and makes him walk around campus, then next thing is a goofy humor bit in a classroom about a stupid group project, like nothing happened. The jokes land more often than not though, especially the self-aware ones. There’s one event where Mike is watching porn on his phone, and the video is basically a parody of the kind of inflated hentai bullshit the game itself is flirting with: huge tits, impossible ahegao, milk everywhere, furry ears, the works. Then his real-life neighbor, this curvy girl with glasses, walks in on him, sees what he’s watching, and quietly asks if he wants to try “something smaller, but real.” That switch from meme-level ridiculous to intimate POV oral, with her slowly licking his shaft and teasing the tip while staring up, made me actually shut up and pay attention.

I also kinda hate how sometimes the teasing never pays off. There’s a footjob scene in a lecture hall where a girl slips off her shoes under the desk, starts grinding his crotch with her toes, and the camera angles are great, you feel every twitch, but then the professor calls Mike to answer a question and it just cuts without a finish. No climax, no punishment, nothing, and the game just moves on like it never happened. It bothered me for way too long, I kept checking the walkthrough and everything, and yeah, it still annoys me. At least the voyeur stuff makes up for it. Creeping around dorm corridors, catching quick looks through half open doors, seeing titfucks, anal, some interracial rough sex where Mike can only watch and jerk, hoping nobody notices him, that stuff is done dirty and right. And when a tall, dominant girl finally drags him out of his hiding spot and makes him strip in the hallway as payback, forcing him to stand there naked while she strokes him by hand and makes him cum in front of a small crowd, you realize the game really understands how to mix shame, lust, and a bit of twisted romance into one messy university fever dream.

The main guy in Hot Property looks like the sort of dude who keeps breaking stuff in his own house and then somehow gets rewarded with more tits. That is kind of the whole vibe. It starts out feeling like a silly porn setup you see on TikTok edits, this unlucky guy suddenly getting a shot at some ridiculous situation, and then it keeps leaning into the chaos instead of pretending to be “serious storytelling”. One moment he is trying to act cool and professional, the next he is face first between a huge ass and completely losing control while two girls laugh at him. It feels half erotic, half “how is this idiot still alive”, and that actually works. The game knows it is horny trash and just runs with it. Sometimes it even trips on its own jokes, but it keeps going, like a drunk dude speedrunning Pornhub categories.

When the scenes really start, they do not waste time. You get long, slow teasing with hands sliding over those big curves, close shots of lips brushing skin, the kind of stuff that makes you want to pause and just stare. Then the rhythm jumps, suddenly one girl is on her knees, stroking him while the other leans in and kisses him, and you see the whole thing animated with nice weight to the bodies. It is not “perfect” animation, you will notice little stiffness here and there, sometimes hair moves weird or the loop is a bit too clean, but there is a lot of personality inside the cuts. Breasts bounce heavy when he grabs them, asses jiggle when they ride him, tongues slip in and out during oral, and the camera gets really shameless with low angles. There is one group scene where he is getting his cock sucked while another girl sits on his face and a third one just watches, stroking herself, and the game holds the shot on his overwhelmed expression long enough that you actually feel the comedy and the lust mix together. It almost feels illegal to laugh while you are this turned on. The lesbian bits are surprisingly sweet and filthy at the same time, with the girls teasing each other first, sharing a slow kiss, then going straight to fingers and wet thighs while he just stands there like a background prop until they decide to drag him back in. I do not like the tiny font for the dialogue boxes though, it looks like it came from some random early mobile VN and nobody fixed it. Also I opened Discord once during a loading and when I came back the music glitched for a second, like an old Flash game, which annoyed me more than it should.

The humor actually lands more often than not. Jokes about his bad luck, little sarcastic comments from the girls, weird surreal moments that almost feel like a meme edit placed in the middle of a hentai scene, like “how is this my life” energy. At the same time, the story never pretends to be deep, it just uses the plot as excuse to throw him into more trouble and more naked skin. The big tits are front and center, literally, and the game loves pushing them in the frame, having them pressed together during handjobs, smearing spit and precum on them while he tries to keep a straight face. Vaginal scenes are firm and detailed, you can see bodies grinding, hips slamming, the kind of thrusting that makes you hear the slap in your head even if the volume is low. There is this one oral scene that is honestly better than some full sex moments, the way her cheeks hollow when she goes down on him, then pulls back with a thin line of saliva, smiling like she knows exactly what she is doing to both him and you. It is horny, messy, not very realistic, and strangely charming. Or maybe it is not charming at all and I am just too weak for a dumb protagonist surrounded by horny women who keep calling him out and still ride his dick like it is their job. Hard to tell.