You’re broke, pissed off at everything, and kind of numb already when the game just tosses Rei at you like some bugged NPC that wandered off the tutorial area. She’s sleeping on the sidewalk, dirty, hungry, weirdly cute, and clearly fucked by life even harder than you are. You poke her awake, expecting some quick “thanks” then she runs off. Nope. She sticks. That’s where this thing actually starts to feel fun: two losers trying to pretend they’re adults while everything around them screams “game over” in slow motion.

It’s half “try not to starve” and half “try not to jerk yourself raw”, and the balance is way more fragile than I want to admit. One moment you’re counting every coin, juggling shitty jobs on your phone like it’s some cursed version of a finance app, checking if you can afford basic food for both of you. Next moment, Rei’s in that tiny room, wearing clothes that might as well not count as clothes, asking if you “want a break”. You’re like, yeah, obviously, but also rent exists. And it kind of becomes the loop: work, feed her, talk to her, spy a bit when she thinks you’re not watching, unlock new scenes, repeat. There’s this stupid thrill when she leans over you with those huge tits and gives this shy-but-not-that-shy handjob, and the game treats it like you just hit some romance flag you didn’t deserve. Then she does something ridiculous, like trying to “thank you properly” with a messy titfuck after a shitty day, and you forget you were supposed to be planning your budget at all. I actually laughed once when she tried to make giving you a blowjob sound like some noble reward and then gagged halfway, eyes watering, and still pushed through because she didn’t want to “fail”. That hit my corruption braincell and my “this is terrible but hot” braincell at the same time.

It’s also kind of fun how the story wanders around like it’s drunk. Sometimes it plays like a parody of every poverty romance you ever saw, making fun of your pathetic room and your tragic wallet. Sometimes it suddenly drops a bit of sweetness that feels like you walked into the wrong genre, like when she curls up on your bed just to sleep and you can choose not to touch her at all, just watch, like a creep with feelings. Then later she’s straddling you, pussy grinding over you, moaning way louder than that cheap room’s walls can hide, and you get hit with that “I really shouldn’t be doing this but I’m already in balls-deep” vibe. There’s a bit of that harem teasing too, like the world is full of other girls that might fall into your orbit if you push the sandbox parts hard enough, but Rei feels like the main disaster you’re signing up for. It’s messy, a little trashy, sometimes oddly tender, like a dating sim that got lost on a porn site and decided to stay. You’re poor, horny, watching this girl slowly change under your influence while you sc*** by, and somewhere between the voyeur peeks, the cheap dates, and the rough sex on a bed that looks like it smells, it kind of starts to feel like a fucked-up fantasy that never pretends to be anything else.

You start as this washed-up ex-child actor in LA who peaked before puberty, which is already kinda hot in a fucked up way, because the game never lets you forget he’s a mess. He’s broke, clingy, horny, trying to squeeze fame out of a podcast that no one sane would listen to. The whole thing is built around this dumb but perfect idea: a sleazy “sex-adjacent” podcast with hot girls who are supposed to talk about clout and drama while low-key getting dragged into this spiral of blackmail, cheating, and public humiliation. It feels less like “build your dream harem” and more like “weaponize people’s trauma for clicks and pussy,” which I mean as a compliment, kinda. The humor is actually funny sometimes too, not that Marvel quip bullshit, more like “wow you really said that on camera?” nasty.

The girls are exactly the type you’d expect around a thirsty LA podcast setup: big tits, big ass, big mouth, tiny filter. They’re not just sex dolls though, they roast you, they tease you, they bully you, they drag you on your own show. One of my favorite bits is when you’re trying to keep two of them from absolutely destroying each other on the couch while you’re still rolling, and at the same time you’re trying to angle the conversation into “so, what’s your type in men?” so you can line up some pussy later. There’s a lot of femdom energy floating around, not in a leather-and-whip way, more like they know you’re desperate and they use it. Sexual harassment in both directions too, guys and girls just crossing lines like it’s a sport. One minute you’re getting a lapful of big ass during a fake “twerk contest for the fans”, next minute that same girl is using your fuck-up on stream to blackmail you into quietly helping her cheat on her dude. Or worse, she lets you fuck her and then laughs that she’s going to describe every second of it on TikTok as “content”.

The netorare stuff hits that specific dirty brain itch. It’s not just “oh no, my waifu is stolen”, it’s more like everybody is playing this clout game where loyalty is negotiable and sex is currency. You run into situations where another guy gets invited as a co-host or guest and suddenly he’s charming the girls on-air, touching their thighs while the camera “accidentally” stays too low, and your MC is forced to smile for the audience while his brain screams. There’s this one bit where you help set up a collab to boost your view count, and it slowly turns into you literally watching one of the girls slide closer to him on the couch, hand on his chest, and you can tell she’s deciding if she’s going to ride his dick later purely because it’ll piss you off and make better drama. The game leans into that, like “yeah, you wanted fame, here’s your girlfriend getting fucked for engagement numbers.” Or maybe she’s not your girlfriend. Or maybe she was, but only between ad reads. The sex itself can get surprisingly tender or straight-up nasty depending how you play it, from teasing strip moments during “body positivity talk” to full-on vaginal scenes that feel like you’re sneaking them past the algorithm. Half the time you’re trying to keep sponsors happy and the other half you’re wondering if that shadowy group pulling strings cares more about views or about watching you crumble while someone else makes your girl moan on a couch that smells like cheap perfume and broken promises.

Dirty little fairy tale, that’s what this feels like. You start out broke in this hot, dusty “Arabian nights but hornier” city, doing chores for people who are way richer than you and absolutely know it. Half the time you’re running errands, half the time you’re staring at someone’s ass thinking “yeah I’d totally ruin that if the game lets me.” It runs in this nice POV style where you really feel like the main guy is just stumbling upwards through life, tripping over gold, magic, and way too many people who want to get inside his pants or the other way around. One minute you’re polishing some noble’s fancy floor, next minute you’re on your knees in the same room but polishing something else with your tongue. The jump from poor street rat to “kind of a hero, sort of, maybe” is played for laughs, and it works. There’s jokes about pirates, gods, magic carpets that do not exist, and somehow the writing still remembers to turn you on between all the snark.

Sex-wise it’s messy in a good way. The game really likes variety, like it’s trying to use your whole body as a toybox. You’ve got soft femboys that look like they belong in a harem painting, tough muscle girls that could snap you in half and you’re weirdly fine with that, and those “is that a girl, is that a guy, why am I so hard right now” trap moments. You can stay pretty straight if you want, or just slide face first into futa and gay scenes and pretend you “accidentally clicked the wrong option” on purpose. I had one scene where my character is stuck on a ship with a pirate crew and it turns into this chaotic group fuck with a stacked viking brute, a mouthy femboy with anklets, and a smug captain who clearly knows he’s hot. There’s oral everywhere, hands everywhere, feet on your face if you go looking for that, and yes, your ass is absolutely on the menu. Or theirs. Or both. Anal gets treated as casually as kissing, which is honestly refreshing and also kind of terrifying in a good way. The game doesn’t shy away from blood either; one battle had me splitting a guy open in a pretty graphic way, then later I’m getting a lazy handjob in a bathhouse like it’s just another Tuesday. Whiplash, but it fits this whole “world might end, but we’re still horny” tone. And somehow, in between all the sucking and fucking and questionable life choices, you’re actually curious where the story goes next, even while you’ve got a muscular warrior pushing you face-down on a fur rug and asking if you can take one more round.

Vault Wanderer is one of those horny little parody projects that feels like it started as a shitpost between friends on Discord and somehow became an actual game. You play this guy who crawls out of a comfy underground vault into a wasteland that is less about radiation and more about who is fucking who, and with what. The whole thing mixes classic turn based RPG combat with stupid jokes and very explicit scenes that just kind of slam into you out of nowhere. One second you are clicking through some goofy dialogue about bottle caps, the next you are watching a futa raider get her dick sucked in a surprisingly long animated loop while your character pretends he is not into it. The game loves voyeurism like crazy. Almost every location has some “oops I walked in on them” moment, except it is never really an accident and everybody is cool with you standing in the corner jerking off. Or pretending to “research.” The writing knows exactly what it is doing: it makes fun of the wasteland clichés, then uses the same clichés to justify a harem route where every big tits, big ass, wrong-race-for-this-town waifu somehow ends up in your camp.

What surprised me most is how messy but confident the sandbox structure is. You are just dropped on the surface with this point and click map and told to explore, and the game absolutely does not care if you go straight to a lesbian futa bar and stall your “main quest” for two hours doing nothing except footjobs and blowjobs in different outfits. There is real RPG stuff happening in the background: stats, turn based fights, random encounters that sometimes end in actual combat and sometimes turn straight into oral sex scenes if you pick the horny dialogue option. I lost one fight because I was too distracted watching the enemy’s boobs bounce in the attack animation, which is a stupid reason to reload, but here we are. The art is simple 2D CG but the animations have just enough motion to make the scenes feel alive without turning into weird rubber people. Some of the interracial setups are actually hot, then the game drops a joke so bad it short circuits the mood and you kind of hate it for ten seconds, until the next harem scene where three girls are roleplaying “capturing” you and you forget you were mad. The mobile support is oddly good too; I tried it on my phone while half-slouching on the couch with Chrome open and it ran smoother than some serious games on Steam. Sometimes the text spacing gets fucked on smaller screens and nobody bothered to fix it, which annoyed me for like a full minute while I was trying to read a masturbation scene and the last line wrapped in a stupid way, and then I clicked next and forgot. That is basically the whole vibe here: horny, rough around edges, a little broken, but when the wasteland mommy with huge boobs kneels down for oral and the camera zooms in just right, your brain stops caring about polish completely.