This merchant simulator hits different when you realize the "trade goods" include way more than spices and silk. Valencia's got this weird energy where everyone's horny and politically charged at the same time - like walking into a brothel during election season. Your shopkeeper protagonist isn't just counting coins, he's navigating a web of futa merchants, trans nobles, and regular folks who all want something from his... inventory.

The political angle actually works here because selling weapons to rebels while also supplying the crown creates this constant tension that bleeds into every interaction. One minute you're haggling over sword prices with some gruff captain, next minute she's bent over your counter asking for a "personal discount." The AI-generated dialogue can be janky as hell sometimes - characters will switch from discussing trade routes to propositioning you mid-sentence like they're having a stroke. But honestly? That unpredictability keeps things interesting when you're trying to figure out which faction leader wants to fuck you versus which one wants to fuck you over.

Multiple endings mean your choices actually matter, though some paths feel rushed compared to others. The futa content is surprisingly well-integrated - not just tacked on fetish fuel but actual characters with motivations beyond having dicks. There's this one storyline with a trans guild leader that starts as pure business negotiation and evolves into something genuinely compelling, even if the sex scenes feel a bit mechanical. Valencia itself becomes almost like another character - this living, breathing city where your reputation shifts based on who you're literally and figuratively screwing. The fantasy setting lets them get away with some wild political scenarios that would be impossible in a modern context, and the 2D art style keeps everything feeling cohesive even when the writing gets messy.

Friday night, cheap beer, sticky pub floor, and this girl walks in like she accidentally spawned from a different game. Proper 10/10, the kind of face that makes you close whatever you’re doing on your phone, even Pornhub, which is already a big sacrifice. She talks about modeling, and your horny little brain goes, yeah, sure, “art.” Next thing, you invite her for a “private photoshoot” at your studio. And the game is basically what happens after that, but with way more close-up shots of skin than any camera sensor actually needs. You’re in control of this dude who is half photographer, half dumbass, and all his charm is basically you picking lines that are either smooth or cringe. Sometimes you pick the flirty answer and she melts a bit, sometimes you pick it and she looks at you like you just farted into her handbag. Those tiny reactions are the fun part. Like, one second she’s teasing, biting her lip, letting you adjust her pose, and the next you say something slightly too thirsty and her whole vibe tightens up. It’s awkward, in a real way, which is hot as hell when the game lets you fix it and slide back into that soft, slow build, where she starts trusting you with riskier poses, less clothing, more touching that is “just for the photo,” sure.

The sex doesn’t drop on you out of nowhere. You kinda grind your way there, choice by choice, all the way from her standing shy in jeans and a top to you convincing her to try lingerie, then topless, then sitting in your lap while you “check the lighting.” There’s that nice escalation where simple things feel dirty. Like when you tilt her chin up to find the right angle and the game just lingers a bit too long on her lips. When she finally drops the act and starts grinding on you, that’s where the game says, ok, we’re doing this, and you get the full menu: her on her knees, wet messy blowjob with spit that actually looks like spit, not some weird clear slime. You can push it to titfuck, and the dev clearly likes boobs, because the camera just sits there and worships them. You get her on the couch, panties hooked off to the side, you eating her out slowly while she pulls your hair and legs shake. Sometimes the animations are almost too smooth, like TikTok filters had sex with a fleshlight, but they do hit that “I should probably mute my speakers” level. Vaginal, anal, the game lets you switch positions, and when you finally go for her ass it actually feels like a moment, not just “extra hole unlocked.” She tenses, you talk her through it if you didn’t screw up your choices earlier, and when she relaxes and starts pushing back, yeah, that part stayed in my head longer than I want to admit. The romance bit is weirdly sweet and also kinda fake, like Tinder chat that went way better than it should, but it works enough that when you cum all over her belly or inside her, it doesn’t feel random. My only real complaint, and this will annoy me forever, is there’s this one line she repeats about “trusting your artistic vision” that pops up twice in different scenes, and every time I see it I stop thinking about sex and start thinking about copy-paste. Anyway, if you’ve ever pretended your phone camera makes you a photographer just to see more skin, this feels like someone made a horny little simulator of that exact fantasy and turned the dial all the way past “wholesome romance” into “I’m absolutely jerking to this.”

Grand Butt-Sex Hotel feels like the kind of game teenage me always dreamed about finding on some shady Flash site, except now it actually runs smooth on my phone and doesn’t crash when the good part starts. You play this kinda hapless dude who walks into this fancy hotel thinking “oh cool, job, money, normal life maybe” and instead you get thrown into a place where the managers and guests are mostly tall smug futa ladies with thick thighs, huge tits and way too much money, who look at you like you’re a walking stress toy. The whole vibe is luxury mixed with porn parody, like someone mashed a five-star resort with one of those cursed hentai doujins you pretend you “found by accident”. You’re basically staff and chew-toy at the same time. One second you’re talking politely at the front desk, the next a classy futa businesswoman is pushing you against the counter and making you suck her cock while the elevator dings in the background. The game treats that as completely normal, which is honestly kinda funny and hot at same time.

What really hit my nostalgia brain is how the humor and horny stuff are glued together. The dialogue is full of dumb jokes, weird “rich people fetish” lines, and that slightly awkward English that somehow makes the dirty talk work better. There’s this scene where a petite “trap” guest shows up looking cute and shy, then calmly pulls out a suitcase full of toys and asks if you’re “hotel-certified” for anal service, like it’s spa menu item. You get the dating sim vibe, picking how polite or thirsty your responses are, and it actually changes how hard they ride you later. One futa with a giant ass teases you for being “vanilla” if you only go for oral, then drags you to her room, bends you over the bed and you feel like you’re signing a contract with your asshole. Some of the animations are nicely timed with the moans, especially the oral shots where your head is bobbing and her balls tap your chin, but then sometimes a loop will reset at a weird moment and my brain just goes “why did her hips teleport”. And the loading between scenes on mobile Chrome lagged right during a blowjob payoff, which annoyed me more than it should, but I still kept playing, because of course I did.

The hotel setting lets them throw in all kinds of guests: tall dark-skinned futa with big tits who treats you like a room amenity, some smug white CEO type who wants you on your knees under the table during “business calls”, a nerdy girl with glasses who secretly has the thickest cock and uses a vibrating toy in your ass while she scrolls on her phone, barely looking at you. There are races mixed, body types, a lot of big asses pressing you into fancy sheets. Sometimes the female domination goes pretty hard, like humiliating dirty talk while they make you lick their shaft clean after anal, and other times it’s oddly sweet, like a futa patting your head after using you and tipping you like a good bellboy. It’s funny, because the game pretends to be this outrageous fetish buffet, but the thing that stuck with me most was one quiet moment in a hallway, where you’re exhausted, cum probably still dripping somewhere, and a guest just smirks, adjusts her bulge, and tells you she booked you for “wake-up service” tomorrow. That tiny little line hit way harder in my head than half the loud scenes. Also, the hotel lobby music slaps in the weirdest way. I caught myself humming it while opening TikTok, which is completely wrong for this kind of game and now my brain is cursed forever.

Miki looks like the kind of guy your eyes slide past in a train. Soft voice, polite, boring on purpose. That is exactly why watching him slowly get tangled up with Sara hits so hard. The game drops you into his head, and it is not dramatic or poetic, it is mostly quiet, horny, and a little pathetic in a way that feels way too real. He notices the tiny things about her first: the way she presses her lips together when she lies, the way her blouse is always buttoned one hole higher than it should be for that body, the way her voice lowers when she says she is “fine.” The sex stuff does not jump out from nowhere, it leaks in. First a lingering look at the mole on her chest, then the camera stays one second too long on her thighs when she sits down on the low couch, then the text sits there describing the very specific shape of her bra strap under thin fabric. By the time she shows up in those tight home leggings and an old shirt with no bra, you already know Miki is fucked. And you kind of are too.

What surprised me is how “adult” here is not just the porn, it is the awkwardness around it. There is this early scene where he accidentally overhears her on the phone, talking all polite to some guy, then the route quietly forces you to sit with his jealousy while absolutely nothing “bad” happens. No music sting, no big twist. Just him scrolling his messages, not sending anything, horny and angry and ashamed in one go. Then later, the game rewards that slow burn with Sara dropping the act during a late visit. She is exhausted, her makeup half gone, her blouse wrinkled. She asks him to stay a bit longer, and the choice menu appears in the least sexy moment possible. If you pick the bolder option, the kiss is not smooth. Teeth knock, she pulls back, actually laughs a bit, then grabs his shirt and pulls him in again harder. When it finally goes full erotic model mode, it stops pretending she is just a classy office lady. She rides him with her hair messy, shirt open, tits out, saying filthy things in this low voice that does not match her “graceful” public image at all. There is a handjob scene in the kitchen where she keeps apologizing while stroking him faster, which is absurd and hot at the same time. The camera is unnecessarily obsessed with the veins on his cock there, like the artist had a personal mission, but I was not complaining. What did annoy me a bit is that sometimes the script leans too hard into Miki’s inner monologue, circling the same insecurity for too many lines, right when I just want him to shut up and put his mouth on her nipples again. Also the auto mode is weirdly fast on emotional lines and slower on the dirty ones, like the game knows exactly why you are here but is shy about admitting it.

The milf angle with Sara is handled more like a slow confession than a joke. You feel the age gap without the story screaming it at you. There is a moment when she is looking at herself in the mirror, fixing her hair, and the text makes her think about the small wrinkles at the corner of her mouth. Not in a tragic way, just like, “Yeah, I am tired and not 20.” Right after that, she drops her towel and asks him if he still wants her. That insecurity turns into this hungry, almost greedy sex where she climbs on top and uses him like she has decided this is her last chance to really feel wanted, which is way hotter than any fake porn confidence. The game lets you push her a bit too, like making her say what she actually fantasized about, making her spell out that she thought of him while touching herself. They could have gone further there. A DLC where she has to pretend to be all proper in front of other people while wearing something only he picked under her clothes would be perfect, with text messages popping up while she tries to keep her face straight. There is definitely room to mess with public risk and more explicit control, since the base story already toys with the idea that this “ordinary” woman has been hiding a dirty voice and now Miki has his hand right on her throat, literally in one route, during a slow, breathy fuck against the wall where she keeps whispering his name like she is scared the neighbors will hear and also kind of wants them to. I caught myself alt-tabbing from Discord just to rewatch that one scene and read the lines again, which is stupid and also exactly why this game works. It makes you feel like you are intruding on something actually private, then lets you keep going anyway.