Eric is the kind of guy you walk past ten times and never really notice. Quiet, normal, owns a cozy little coffee shop, same playlist every day, shirts that probably came in a pack of three. Then suddenly his life turns into the kind of shit you only see on those late night Patreon posts. One moment he’s cleaning cups, trying not to burn the croissants again, next moment there’s this gorgeous girl leaning over the counter with her tits about to escape from her top, asking about “special blends” in a tone that has nothing to do with coffee. And he thinks it’s just a flirty customer. It’s not. It’s the warm up.

What I like is how slow it pretends to be at first. You get all this teasing, these small moments where a hand lingers too long, a skirt rides up when she sits, someone “accidentally” brushes against his crotch in that tiny storage room that doesn’t even look big enough to fit two people but somehow fits a girl on her knees. There’s one scene early where Eric is closing shop, and one of the girls stays behind. She’s helping wipe the tables, bends over just a bit too far, and you see the curve of that big ass under her skirt. It doesn’t jump straight to fucking, she starts asking him weird questions about “other realms” while she slowly runs her finger around the rim of his coffee cup, and you can feel he’s half confused, half hard as a rock. I wish more games paced the build like this. Except later it just throws subtlety out the window and you’re balls deep in a monster girl on a couch that definitely isn’t health code approved.

Once the non-human side starts showing, it gets fun in this horny, slightly dumb way. There’s the moment one girl reveals she’s not exactly human in the middle of a blowjob. She’s under the table, Eric is trying to keep talking to a customer, and then her tongue suddenly feels a little too long, a little too strong, wrapping around his shaft while she keeps sucking. He’s sweating, trying not to moan, the customer is rambling about milk alternatives, and you just know he’s about to cum in the worst possible timing. Then you see her real form later and think, yeah ok, I’d still fuck that. Some of the bodies are ridiculous in the best porn logic: huge tits that bounce even when they breathe, thick thighs that look like they could crush him if she rides too hard, asses that fill half the screen when she climbs on top. There’s a nice mix of soft romance and “I need your dick right now” energy too. One girl wants slow, deep, almost tender vaginal sex on his bed after a long talk, kissing him and holding his face while she sinks down on him. Another one climbs into his lap in the back room, pulls his cock out, spits on it, and starts grinding like she hasn't seen a man in a century. Sometimes it leans into the emotional stuff, with Eric really trying to understand what these girls are, where they come from, how his quiet little world suddenly got teeth and claws and horny eyes. Then other times it just goes straight to her sitting on his face, using him like a toy, and the “plot” takes a nap. At some point you realize the coffee shop is basically a front for a harem of supernatural trouble, and if you’re anything like me, you keep clicking anyway, pretending you care about lore while actually waiting to see who sucks him off next.

Champion of I: Luxuria feels like someone mashed together a horny tabletop campaign, a twisted VN, and one of those old browser RPGs you secretly played in the school computer lab, then sprinkled futa demon dick on top just to see who flinches first. You play a male Guardian tossed into this trial continent thing, Eden, where every second NPC is either trying to kill you, fuck you, convert you to their weird cult, or some chaotic mix of all three. It’s fantasy, but not the comfy kind. More like “congrats, you survived the ambush, here’s a monster girl who wants to drain you dry through your cock” kind. And the game just looks at you like, well, what do you do now, genius. The whole thing runs as a sort of point and click story flow with turn based combat stapled into it, where you’re juggling stats, conditions and relationships while also trying to remember which character you promised anal to. Scenes swing pretty fast from tense combat to filthy sex, and sometimes both bleed into each other in this way that feels kinda wrong and kinda perfect for this setting.

The sex itself is not subtle at all. You get vaginal, oral, anal, futa on male, monster girls who are way too into your suffering, weird swinging situations where your supposed harem members are trading fluids like it’s a Discord server gone wild. There’s this one moment early where you “save” a monster girl and the game quietly checks if you’re the kind of degenerate who offers your ass as a thank you or if you play the noble hero and just, you know, fuck her normally. Later on, I ran into a futa priestess who basically turned a victory scene into a full on worship session around my cock, and the game let me either lean into the goddess of lust vibe or resist it and feel like an absolute idiot. The writing is talky, sometimes too dramatic, then suddenly drops a line that sounds like it was written by a horny shitposter on Reddit. I kinda love that, but also sometimes it reads like the dev wrote it at 3% brain battery while scrolling Twitter on another monitor. The combat is fine, sometimes actually brutal, with status effects that stick around and make the next sex scene hit different because your guy is exhausted, cursed, or literally marked by some chaos thing. There is a sandbox feel, lots of routes, lots of choices that don’t hold your hand, and yeah, you can absolutely screw yourself out of content by choosing badly without the game apologizing. It’s messy, thirsty, dark as hell, but in that way where you keep telling yourself “one more scene” while Discord pings stack up and you ignore them.

This one hits different because the main guy is supposed to be a clown, but he literally can’t lie. Not even a tiny white one. So you’re walking around this fucked up city that worships fake smiles and cheap jokes, and every time you open your mouth, you just drop brutal honesty like a sledgehammer. People ask if their ass looks big and he’s like, “Yeah, it does, and it’s distracting in a good way,” and suddenly the whole scene goes sideways. The comedy isn’t just there for memes, it actually drives the porn. Half the lewd moments start because you said something too real, too sharp, and someone decides to punish you or reward you for it. It’s like watching a stand-up show that slowly mutates into a hentai, but the punchlines are basically social suicide. You’ve got this harem orbit forming around a dude who’s bad at pretending, which is kind of hilarious because every other game in this genre is about smooth talk and here you’re just blurting out the raw shit no normal person would admit.

The women are ridiculous in the best, trashy way. Big tits that look like they’re about to punch gravity in the face, asses so huge you start wondering about back pain, monster girls that belong in someone’s cursed browser history. There’s this one monster girl scene where she asks if you’re scared of her claws and instead of doing the usual “wow you’re so beautiful” routine, he tells her she looks like a horny nightmare from a hentai subreddit. She goes quiet for a second, blushes, then climbs on top of him with this “oh, you think that’s scary?” vibe and suddenly you’re watching her ride him like she’s trying to erase reality. Simple choices like “tell the nice lie” or “tell the ugly truth” keep turning into either humiliation, rough affection, or masturbation scenes where he’s just furiously jerking off while overthinking everything he said that day. I actually hated how often the game makes you click through his internal monologue in those jerk-off scenes, but then I kinda liked it because it feels like watching a clown take the makeup off while still stroking his dick. The pacing’s weird too, like eating a cake that keeps switching between chocolate and chili without warning, but when it hits a good stretch of comedy with sex right behind it, it absolutely works. Some of the parody gags feel like they’re trying too hard, like that one bit that’s clearly riffing on superhero movies and drags a little, yet a few minutes later there’s a romance moment where a girl with a massive ass sits on his lap, asks him what he really thinks of her, and you pick the blunt answer. She stares, cheeks go red, then quietly grinds on him until you both forget there was ever a joke in the scene to begin with.