Garth is that kind of idiot hero I secretly like. He swings a sword like it’s his first day holding anything sharp, gets distracted by every pair of tits bigger than his helmet, and somehow still ends up being the “chosen one” who has to punch a Lich King in the face. The game throws you into Gronia and just kinda shrugs like: “Yeah, figure it out.” No hand holding, no “go here, do that” on a perfect path. You wander, get lost, hit a random cave thinking it’s a shortcut, and suddenly you’re watching a milf mage push her boobs together around the MC’s cock while making those stupid ahegao faces that somehow work here. One moment you’re picking a turn in combat like a normal RPG, next moment you’re choosing whether to dump a load in her pussy or paint her stomach because your weak willpower stat got bullied by cleavage.

The funny thing is, the whole thing feels a bit janky and that actually helps. Combat is turn based, sure, but the real fight is you trying not to click “romance” every single time instead of “attack.” I spent way too long grinding goblins just to afford some dumb enchanted necklace to impress a barmaid with huge tits, just so I could unlock a scene where she rides Garth so hard the bed squeaks in the text. And yeah, that creampie is described in detail, like “warmth spilling out” and all that, the whole erotic novel treatment. Then right after that, the game just throws a stupid joke about sticky sheets at you like it’s nothing. The humor is actually good, not that forced Reddit stuff. Sometimes the timing is off and a serious moment gets undercut by a horny gag, but honestly, in a world where your main plot is “kill the Lich King while fucking half the population,” it fits. Also, tiny rant: the map icon in the top corner is ugly as hell, and I kept clicking it by accident when I just wanted to skip text, and now I hate that thing with passion and I’m not over it.

The slow-burn romance bits surprised me the most. There’s this older healer woman in one village, proper milf energy, and you don’t just get her naked in two lines. You help with some boring chores, small quests, listen to her talk about the past. At first I was annoyed, like “okay lady, shut up and bend over the table,” but then when the scene finally hits, it hits. She pulls Garth into her room, drops the robe, huge soft breasts bouncing, gets on her knees and gives him a titfuck while whispering how she hasn’t felt a young cock in years. That build-up made the creampie inside her feel earned, not just a random porn gif. And because of the sandbox style, you can totally miss stuff or screw a dialogue choice and lock yourself out of an ending. I stumbled into one “bad” route where the girl I was chasing ended up with somebody else, and the game just went “yeah, tough luck, try another path” instead of rewinding. Pissed me off, but in a good way, like a VN that respects you enough not to babysit. My advice if you jump in: don’t rush from sex scene to sex scene like it’s Pornhub. Wander around, talk to NPCs you’d normally ignore, lose a couple fights in combat just to see what happens, and actually read those flirty lines before you click the option that leads to your dick. That’s when Gronia starts feeling less like a quick wank and more like a horny fantasy world you kinda want to stay in.

This one starts all soft and tragic, like some old countryside BL drama that somebody spliced with a horny RPG Maker fever dream. You’ve got two boys growing up in this busted farming village where everyone’s hungry and everything looks like it smells like wet soil. They swear they’ll love each other forever, super pure, super cheesy, you can almost hear some sad J‑pop playing. Then the queen shows up in the story like a total tax-obsessed psycho and just throws the whole village into this hellhole prison. It sounds serious, but the game doesn’t even pretend it’s classy. The “forced labor facility” is basically a dungeon where half the monsters are trying to kill you and the other half are trying to fuck you against a wall. Sometimes both.

The main guy, Rascal, runs away and starts training with this old man in another village, and that’s where the horny really turns up. The old guy looks like he should be giving magic tutorials, but the “training” feels like some kinky bootcamp. One moment you’re fighting slimes, next second a tentacle thing wraps around Rascal’s legs and yanks his clothes off, and the game doesn’t even wait. Cock out, censor bar slapped right on top like a joke, and the creature is rubbing, milking, slapping his thighs, dripping weird goo everywhere. It’s that classic Japanese censorship, so you see everything except the tiny part you actually want to see clearly. Normally that annoys me, but here it kinda works, because the rest of the CGs don’t hold back at all. Rascal’s face is flushed, drool at his mouth, abs tight, you can tell exactly what’s happening even if pixels are over the tip.

There’s a mix of boys, traps, futa and these soft femboy types that just show up as you go deeper into the story. Some monsters look like cute anime girls until they pin you to the floor and you realise they’ve got a thick dick or a nest of tentacles hidden under the dress. There’s this one fight in the prison where a monster girl with big tits and slick purple skin grabs Rascal by the hair, pushes him to his knees and makes him service her while her tentacles jerk him off from behind. The game still pretends to be about “love” and “rescuing his childhood crush” but it constantly throws him into situations where he’s moaning, begging, body giving in while his mouth says he wants to save his “beloved”. I liked that stupid contrast way too much. Also the romance is funny, because the core is this sweet promise between boys, but on the way you can end up getting railed by some buff yaoi demon who calls you “bride” and fills you until white stuff’s leaking down your thigh in the CG. The battle system is basic RPG but the way losing on purpose opens new scenes is the real meat here. Half the time I forgot I was supposed to be heroic and just let the monsters win to see what fucked up thing they’d do to him next.