Thief of Hearts feels like someone mashed a crime thriller with a horny family soap and then forgot to take out any of the messy bits. You play this young guy who is supposed to be a smooth criminal, sneaking around a city full of cameras, cops and idiots, but somehow most of your “heists” end with a naked ass pressed against something expensive. One second you’re planning a break in at a fancy apartment complex, studying guard routes on a shitty tablet UI, the next second you’re peeking through a door and catching your voluptuous “relative” bent over the couch, skirt around her waist, boobs swinging while she fingers herself to some cheap porn audio. Game just lets you stand there and watch, zoom in on her big tits, listen to all those needy little moans, while a small timer in the corner is like “leave before she notices”. Of course you don’t. You stay, you get caught, you get called a pervert, and then five dialogue lines later she’s pressing your hand between her thighs and asking if you’re “as hard as you look”. Morals die very fast here.

The pacing is weird in a nice way. You’re supposed to be building a crew, doing jobs, choosing who to trust, but the real choices feel more like “do you grope her on the bus or wait until she’s in the shower” and somehow both paths end in a blowjob anyway. There is a whole school arc where you pretend to be a normal student, but half the time you’re staring at thick asses in too-tight uniforms, helping some innocent looking girl “practice stripping” for a party that obviously turns into a private dance for you. Clothes slide off, bra hits the floor, she tries to act shy while her nipples are already hard and your hand is under her skirt. The animations are not perfect, sometimes the hips move like they forgot basic physics, but when she’s on her knees and you see that slow, wet handjob morph into sloppy oral, with drool on her chin and this lazy eye contact, it suddenly doesn’t matter. You get a lot of teasing too, women grinding on your lap during group meetings, lips brushing your ear while they talk about “targets” and really mean your cock. There is milf content all over the place, thick moms with heavy tits who pretend they’re oh so worried about your criminal life and two scenes later they’re riding you in the kitchen, tits bouncing, calling you their “bad boy” like that excuses the incest vibes at all. Vaginal, oral, mutual masturbation, some voyeur stuff when you spy on more than one person at once, it all stacks up until the actual robbery feels like a polite excuse to get everyone naked in the same room. I kinda hate how one of the best animated scenes is just a small thing in a stairwell where you pin her against the wall, yank her panties aside and slide in while she tries not to be loud because the rest of the crew is right below you. Also the save menu icon is ugly as fuck and I think about it every time I climax and then forget what I was mad about.

This thing starts with the most majestic form of suicide I’ve ever seen in a porn game: the dude literally beats himself to death trying to set a jerk-off record. Not “dies in battle”, not “hit by truck-kun”. No. He just goes for 100 handjobs in a row and his heart taps out. Peak gamer grind. I respect the hustle. Then boom, he wakes up in another world with a special power that basically turns his cum into party buffs. The game even calls it something cute like “Baby Seeds” but let’s be honest, it’s magical power jizz. You fuck girls, they get stronger. Classic isekai logic. Zero shame, full commitment to the bit.

The whole world feels like somebody mashed together hentai tropes, fantasy JRPG, and horny Reddit threads, then gave up on subtlety. You got monster girls that want to eat you and ride you, elves who look like they walked out of a hentai search filter, big tit milfs who act like they’re doing you a favor while they suck your soul out through your dick, and then tiny flat-chested troublemakers who pretend they hate you while still ending up bent over a table. And they’re not just decoration, they all want a piece of that “power up” sauce. You walk into a village and suddenly elf warrior girl wants to “test your abilities” by making you choke on her thighs while you finger her, then some furry mage is like “for magic research” while she’s grinding on your lap. I had one run where I tried to play it safe and focus on just one girl, and ten minutes later I’m balls deep in a monster girl with tentacle hair that won’t let me go until she’s drained like five rounds. The game pretends there is choice, but your dick is the main questline.

It calls itself sandbox and it actually leans into that. You wander around, poke random places, suddenly you’re groping a drunk warrior milf in a tavern corner and she’s laughing while she pushes your hand harder onto her ass. You go to some forest to “train” and instead end up getting your cock cleaned by an eager wolf girl who thinks oral is a greeting. Sometimes you’re trying to be the cool dominant hero, shoving a proud elf onto her knees and making her swallow every drop while she glares up at you, and then next scene you’re flat on your back with a crazy strong amazon warrior riding your dick like it’s a siege weapon and you’re just holding on and praying your character doesn’t get another heart attack. The sex is not shy about angles either. Anal scenes where you grab hips and just slam into them while their tits bounce all over the screen, messy throating where her eyes go watery and she keeps going anyway, stupidly long cumshots that feel like the dev really needed to make a point. And in the middle of all this horny chaos, you still end up laughing because the protagonist is a complete idiot who somehow turned jerking off too much into the most broken fantasy power in the world. Honestly, the game is kind of trashy, kind of janky, kind of perfect.

Game feels like somebody ripped a horny Overwatch fanfic out of an old Discord server, glued a point and click shell on top, then actually bothered to give it different endings instead of just spamming “good girl, now swallow” until credits. You’re this nobody guy who somehow ends up on a date with D.Va, and it starts pretty cute, like awkward flirting, small talk, her showing off a bit, lots of teasing. Then you blink twice and suddenly her lipstick is smeared, her mascara is half ruined, and you’ve got her on her knees between your legs, looking up with that fake innocent smile and an ahegao that would get banned on Twitch in one second. It goes from “omg senpai noticed me” to “yeah, you belong on your knees, don’t you?” so fast my brain lagged harder than my old laptop opening Chrome with 20 tabs.

What I like is how the game lets you be either soft yandere or full corrupted asshole without telling you “this is the good route” in big friendly letters. You can actually romance her a bit, take her on what feels like a real date, be gentle when you touch her thighs, enjoy her being bratty and smug. She flirts, she jokes, she pretends she’s in control. Then you can casually twist it: a bit of blackmail here, public teasing there, one choice where you “accidentally” grope her ass too long, another where you push her to show more skin in front of others. The humiliation creeps up slow, like a virus, until she’s jerking you off under a table with people right behind the door, trying not to moan while you call her a filthy little camgirl. It’s actually kind of romantic in a fucked up way, which makes it worse, so of course I loved it. Although, I’m still annoyed the text box sometimes covers her feet right when the footjob scene starts. I kept trying to drag it with my mouse like an idiot, like this is Photoshop, not a porn game. Still pisses me off and there’s no option for UI scale.

Sex scenes are messy in a good way. You’ve got her riding you in POV with her tongue out, cum dripping down her belly, then suddenly a branch where you can shove her face into the mattress and go anal, or keep it sweet and just keep thrusting into her pussy until she begs for a creampie. Sometimes the game lets you share her, too, and watching her get used by more than one guy while she pretends she hates it, then her eyes roll back when they cover her face, that hits a very specific brain kink. There’s also a route where you switch from dominant to kinda submissive, letting her sit on your face, grind that big ass on your mouth and talk down to you while she uses a toy on herself, and it’s weirdly adorable and degrading at the same time. You can screw up and get endings where she leaves you, or where she’s just broken, used, a little doll who masturbates for strangers’ approval while you watch from behind a screen like some creepy producer. My only real complaint, besides that damn text box, is that some transitions feel like someone skipped a couple pages in the script; one moment she’s just blushing from a kiss, next moment she’s being filmed covered in cum in front of other people, like I missed three important choices. But honestly, it still felt closer to late night horny roleplay on Telegram than a clean, polished porn VN, and that chaotic energy kind of fits her.

Chicago has never looked this filthy and I mean that as a compliment and also a threat. You’re not just some random thug in a hat, baby, you’re the hungry little bastard in a cheap suit trying to claw your way up while the city smells like smoke, cheap liquor, and bad decisions. One second you’re in a backroom with your dick in your hand because some animated bombshell just whispered the right thing in your ear, the next you’re choosing whether to sell someone out to the cops or shove them in the trunk. It’s very “suck a cock, shoot a snitch, light a cigarette” in that order, and the game really does not care about your moral panic. I went in for the porn, I stayed because suddenly I was like, “hold up, did I just talk my way out of a massacre and into a blowjob on a dusty office desk?”

What kills me is how it flips from horny to tense without asking permission. You’re staring at this older lady, right, she’s got that full MILF vibe, dress hugging her hips, voice smooth like old jazz on a bad speaker, and she’s talking about money, territory, respect. She’s also clearly checking you out. I picked one flirty line just for fun, expecting the usual “haha, maybe later” and instead my character is on his knees in some smoky lounge, tongue working, her hand tangled in his hair while she talks business like this is a normal Wednesday. And the camera does not shy away. Mouth, spit, lipstick a little ruined, that slow head movement, the way she uses you like a toy while deciding who gets shot tomorrow. If you’re into oral, the game understands you at a real spiritual level. It’s not just “he puts it in mouth, scene over.” They linger on it. Rhythm, control, humiliation, praise, all in one sloppy little loop. And yes, I replayed that scene with different choices. For research. Obviously.

But under all the cum and crime, there’s actually this weird feeling that your choices matter more than usual porn junk. Sometimes you go in thinking, “yeah yeah, I’ll pick the rude options, I’m the big bad gangster, rawr,” and suddenly some side character remembers that you threatened them three scenes ago and now the meeting goes sideways. Or that hot married MILF who teased you earlier? She might push you down on the sofa and ride you just because you backed her against her husband, or she might ignore you completely if you played the loyal nice guy. And it stings when she ignores you, I won’t lie, I sat there like a clown. Also, little detail that got stuck in my brain for no reason: there’s this one moment where you’re jerking off alone, tension high as hell, looking out over the city through a dirty window, and it actually feels pathetic in a good way. Like, you’re this “big” criminal, yet you’re still just a horny idiot with your hand on your cock, trying to forget that half the city wants you dead. That mix of sleaze and anxiety is kind of the whole mood. The story doesn’t always hit perfectly, some scenes feel like they fast forward just when it’s getting spicy, and the pacing is a tiny bit drunk, but honestly that also kinda fits. Gangster life. Messy, horny, badly timed, full of guilt and spit.