I didn’t expect to laugh this much during what’s basically a porn game about rebuilding civilization with your dick, but here we are. “Dickcare” doesn’t even pretend to have subtlety, which somehow makes it better. It’s like the dev looked at every crossover hentai fantasy - Velma squinting behind foggy glasses, Raven pretending she’s not into it, Tatsumaki rolling her eyes while secretly moaning - and said, yeah, let’s just throw them all in one ruined world and call it salvation. The writing’s half self-aware and half deranged sincerity; the voice lines swing between awkwardly horny and genuinely funny. There’s one scene with Frankie in a busted gym locker room that made me pause, not because it was hot (though it is), but because she calls you “hero” in this weird soft tone right before things get messy. It stays in your head longer than expected.

What’s wild is how much *sound* adds to everything. You can tell someone cared about the way a zipper slides down or the slap echoing off concrete walls. The sandbox part? Looser than it sounds. You wander, talk, get distracted by some zombie side plot that doesn’t matter, and suddenly Velma’s stuck halfway through a ventilation shaft. It’s ridiculous, yeah, but also... kind of perfect. There’s no grind, no fake moral choice. Just dirty, absurd freedom. Though, I swear one moaning loop cuts off too early - it’s such a small glitch but now I obsess over it. Maybe that’s the point: perfection would ruin the charm.

It’s funny how a game full of cum jokes and cartoon parodies ends up feeling more alive than most serious stuff. Maybe because it doesn’t care if you take it seriously. One minute you’re saving humanity, next you’re wiping something off Raven’s cape while she pretends not to blush. If there were awards for “Most Unnecessarily Emotional Cum Scene,” this one wins without competition.

You wake up on this ugly rust bucket of a fishing ship, wearing an orange sweater that keeps trying to crawl up over your borrowed tits, and everyone is calling you Vilma like that is totally normal. You know that feeling when you're lying to every single person in the room and your dick is half hard at the same time? Yeah, that feeling is basically the whole game. The dev clearly loves Halloween junk and classic mystery cartoons, but everything is twisted just enough that it looks like the cheap porn parody DVD you find in the wrong section of the store. Scrooby keeps shivering, Saggy looks like he smells like wet dog and weed, and you are the “smart girl” with the big ass who is supposed to solve a murder in five minutes or get blown the fuck up by some letter bomb. And of course the real Vilma is naked and tied up in a storage room, annoyed, horny, and way too clever for her own good.

The fun part is how the timer hangs over your head while you are trying to decide if you should drag another clue out of Nymphne with actual logic or just bend her over a crate and fuck her until she starts talking. I wasted two full runs trying to see how much I could get away with before the bomb went off, just speedrunning bad decisions. Took me a bit to realize the “deduction table” is not just flavor text. You slap evidence on it like a crazy wall, except instead of red string you have your cock and some pretty mean dialog options. One run I focused only on interrogations, squeezed Ford until he spilled half the plot, solved the murder like some nerd god, and then realized I had barely touched Vilma in the hold. Next run I did the opposite: ignored half the questions, kept going back downstairs, playing good cop / very bad cop with her. Her reaction when you pretend to be her, while she is tied up and watching you strip off “her” sweater, is nasty in the best way. Also, the jiggle in some of the animated loops is honestly stupid good, then on the next scene a hand looks like it was drawn by someone using a mousepad in a bus. It made me laugh, then still made me horny, which is kind of impressive and also annoying.

What really sold me is how the voyeur stuff is baked into the whole structure. You’re pretending to be the smartest girl on the ship while the real one is naked furniture in the next room, and the game keeps tempting you to leave her there just a little longer so you can wander around and peek at everybody’s secrets. I kept pausing on the same detail: her glasses. When you put them on and walk into an interrogation, people suddenly trust you, but you know they actually belong to the girl who is currently gagged and getting her ass toyed with below deck. The contrast between playing the clever detective and then going downstairs to use her like a cum-dump clue dispenser is filthy in a way screenshots don’t show. Some of the humor hits hard too, like when Saggy tries to tell you he “respects women” while staring at your chest, or when Scrooby freaks out at the idea of anal like that is somehow worse than the murder. I had one run where I solved the case perfectly, unlocked a fancy sex scene with Nymphne, then realized I had missed a tiny conditional flag in the storage room so the Vilma finale variant didn’t trigger and I actually growled at my monitor. Still going back to clean up those last few CGs like a pervert completionist.