Phil is the kind of old bastard you see in hentai and think, “nah, nobody is like that in real life,” and then the game spends about ten minutes proving you wrong. He used to be this self-proclaimed sex god, king of the boarding house, panties thief, the whole package, and now he’s broke, humiliated, and somehow still horny as fuck. The plot is simple on paper: someone screwed him over, he got kicked off his throne, and now he claws his way back up by joining the local mafia and turning his own house into this weird mix of crime HQ and pervy playground. It sounds ridiculous, and it is, but that’s kinda why it works. One moment you’re helping him deal with shady guys in suits, the next you’re peeking through keyholes to watch a girl ride a dildo she swears is “for back pain only.” The game just shrugs like, yeah, that’s normal. Helga, Olga, Mirian, Layla, Ronda, Phoebe… every name drops like some bootleg crossover of childhood cartoon parody and cheap soap opera, and they all come with their own flavor of fuckery. Helga being a tsun brick with big tits is probably the least surprising thing in here. The first time Phil accidentally walks in on Layla, ass in the air, playing with a toy in front of her phone camera, I actually paused and laughed, because of course the old pervert doesn’t back out. He just stands there, breathing heavy, and the game lets you drag that voyeur moment out longer than it should. The teasing is constant, insanely slow at times, like the devs are edging you on purpose. You grab tits, you grope asses, someone complains, someone moans, and the line between “oops” and “he totally meant that” is very blurry. It’s a sandbox structure, so you bounce around the house, repeat scenes, poke at characters until new stuff unlocks. Sometimes it’s hot, sometimes it’s just Phil being a creepy old fuck and you go “okay dude, relax,” but then you click the same option again anyway, so who’s the real problem here.

What I didn’t expect is how much the game leans into Phil being old, not in a sad way, but like a filthy legend past his prime trying to speedrun a comeback. He talks about his “glory days” while staring at a teen with a big ass bent over the kitchen counter and whatever sympathy you had just melts. And yet, the game still lets him be this weird charm bomb. He flirts with Milfs and teens like it’s all the same sport, one minute groping some big tits in a cramped hallway, the next sabotaging some poor bastard’s date so he can swoop in. There’s a scene with Olga where he “helps” her with yoga, and you can practically smell the sweat and desperation when he pretends his hands just “slipped” to her ass. Anal stuff shows up more casually than I expected too, like Phil is just ticking off a bucket list he started thirty years ago. The parody angle pops out more in small jokes: little nods to “Hey Arnold” style names, some girl literally named Ronda who looks like she walked out of a bootleg hentai version of a kids show, and the game never points at it directly, it just sits there and lets you be the one who feels dirty for noticing. Sex toys appear in random places, like a vibrator casually on a coffee table, and Phil’s reaction is always the same horny old man energy, half shocked, half delighted. I only really got annoyed at tiny things, like how the same teasing line repeats in certain scenes and the timing of some events feels off, you walk in, get blueballed, leave, come back, same half-finished seduction, like the universe is lagging. But then you hit a new voyeur moment with Phoebe showering, water dripping over huge tits pressed against the glass, and the irritation just fades into the background noise. Nothing feels polished, not the pacing, not the transitions, not even the way Phil talks, but in this type of game it kind of fits. It’s like dirty fanfic that escaped, got some code slapped on it, and decided to become your new guilty habit without asking.

Everything about this game feels like some horny fever dream of a lazy knight who just wanted gold, boobs and trouble in the woods. You play this very average dude, not some shining hero, who gets shoved into this “kill the monster, get the treasure, impress the Hooters girls” kind of quest, and the whole thing leans hard into parody. It knows it’s ridiculous. The fantasy world feels like one of those cheap tavern wallpapers on Steam, but then the milfs show up with these insane curves, perfect for those big soft-tit moments, and suddenly you forget you were supposed to be a brave adventurer and not just a walking erection. The game lets you wander around like a sandbox, poking at places you shouldn’t, teasing big-ass monster girls, getting sucked off by women who absolutely know better, and everything has this messy, horny energy that feels more like a dirty joke that went too far than a “serious” adult story.

Combat is this simple turn-based thing, but it’s used more like foreplay than real challenge. You’re in a fight, you’re trading hits, then the scene slows down and the monster isn’t just a monster. She’s got thick thighs, obscene cleavage, and she leans in close, her tits almost spilling over your screen, and suddenly the “attack / defend / skill” thing gets weirdly erotic. Sometimes when you win, the reward isn’t just gold, it’s a full-on lewd scene: sloppy handjob with her drooling over your cock, tits pressed together and she’s milking you while making fun of how fast you cum, or you get pinned down by some big-titted fantasy milf who rides you like you’re just another loot chest. The AI CG is surprisingly expressive too, not perfect, it has that slightly off vibe here and there, but the faces when they tease you, the way lips wrap around nipples during boob-sucking scenes, the way their asses look in motion during the animated bits, it all creates this low-key hypnotic rhythm. I caught myself just staring at a jiggle loop longer than I want to admit, like some brain-dead caveman.

The pacing is weird in a good way. Sometimes things are slow, lots of teasing, a milf leaning over you, her top barely holding those giant tits, she makes you wait, strokes you lazily with her hand, spits on it a little, whispers stupid fantasy lines that still hit, then suddenly the game jumps into another silly quest or random joke and you’re like, “wait, I was about to cum, wtf.” It’s horny, then silly, then horny again, like switching tabs between Pornhub and YouTube memes. And yeah, the UI is a little clunky, some buttons feel like they got placed by a drunk goblin, one sound loop in the forest kept repeating and I wanted to smack my speakers, but then there’s this one scene where a thick milf pushes your head into her chest, you hear wet sucking, her moans get louder, her hips grind on your leg, and the sound mix suddenly just clicks. That heavy breathing, the sloppy mouth sounds when she licks your nipples, the wet strokes when she jerks you while staring into your eyes, it pulled me right back. The whole game is like that: a horny little adventure that pretends to be about slaying some beast, but really it’s about being used, teased and drained by big-tit fantasy women who know exactly what they’re doing and are having way too much fun with your poor hero.

Yellow County looks like that fake postcard California you see in old OVAs, all palm trees and boobs and nothing smells like piss. You roll in as this young guy whose life just fell apart, parents dead in this “accident” everyone keeps repeating like a broken VHS, and instantly the place feels wrong. Sunny, yeah, but the kind of sun that makes you sweat under your clothes and stare at every milf in yoga pants walking her tiny dog. The game leans hard into that feeling. One moment you’re talking with some cop about your parents’ case, next moment you’re pressed against a kitchen counter with his gorgeous older sister grinding on your thigh while she “comforts” you. She does the slow teasing thing, hand resting too long on your chest, nails dragging over your neck, pretending she’s just being motherly. Then her fingers slip under your shirt and you know you’re not her little anything. That first time she drops to her knees and starts licking the shaft from base to tip like she’s testing a popsicle flavor, you kinda forget you were supposed to be sad.

What I liked is how the sex scenes don’t just pop up like in those old Flash games. There’s that build up. Like the scene at the beach house, when you’re helping the hot landlady pick up some boxes. She bends over just a bit too far, bikini top fighting for its life, and the camera just sits there, slowly tracking her ass while you’re pretending to look at the ocean. She “accidentally” backs her butt into your crotch, feels how hard you are, and instead of freaking out she gives this smug smile. Next thing, she has your hands on her tits from behind, telling you in a low voice that a real man grabs tighter. You’re squeezing soft flesh, thumbs brushing her nipples, and she keeps talking about rental contracts while your dick is throbbing against her ass. When she finally gets on her knees in that fancy living room with the huge window behind her and takes you in her mouth, the animation actually sells the wetness. Lips sliding, spit dripping, her tongue swirling around the tip, cheeks hollowing as she goes deeper. It’s messy in a good way, like old-school ero anime where they actually cared about the way the jaw moved. She gags a little, wipes her mouth, smiles, and then goes back down, faster this time, until you grab her hair and fuck her throat. No romance there, just raw “I earned this discount on the rent” energy.

But then, weirdly, the game flips and gives you that soft stuff too. There’s a scene later with another older woman who’s closer to your parents’ old circle, she’s elegant, more serious. You come back from chasing some lead about the murders, totally burned out, and she just pulls you into her bedroom like it’s the most normal thing. She sits you on the edge of the bed, climbs into your lap, and kisses you slow. Not porn-fast. First just lips, then she opens, and her tongue moves like she’s done this a thousand times but still wants to make you feel special. When you slide your hand under her dress she stops you for a second, looks in your eyes like she’s checking if you’re really there, then guides your fingers to her pussy herself. She’s already wet. You feel her shiver when you rub her clit, and the sound design here is almost too much, those tiny gasps, the soft moans when you push two fingers inside. When she finally sinks down on your cock, riding you slow, her big tits bouncing with every move, it actually feels like something between you, not just cheap fucking. She wraps her arms around your neck, whispers that she’s proud of you for trying to find the truth, then starts slamming her hips harder and harder until her ass is just clapping against your thighs. Right after that she flips you on your back, grabs your wrists and pins them above your head while she keeps riding, then suddenly slaps your chest and tells you to spank her. That switch from caring to filthy is peak ero game energy. You smack her ass, red palm prints blooming on her cheeks, and she moans louder every time, begging you not to stop while you pound her soaked pussy like the world outside doesn’t exist. And somewhere in the middle of all that sweat and spit and cum you remember this whole thing started with your parents’ death, which is kind of fucked up, but also exactly the sort of tonal whiplash we were eating up in the old days.

High Street on a Friday night feels like that horny fever dream you get after scrolling too much Reddit and forgetting to clear your history. CineRush is just a tiny cinema, but the game treats it like a messy little porn sandbox where everyone’s half working, half flirting, half pretending this is still about movies. You play the dude who somehow has keys to all the drama and all the panties, and yeah, you’re technically “on shift”, but we both know you’re here to click on every girl and see what happens when they think nobody’s watching. The air is full of popcorn, sweat, and bad decisions. It’s nice.

Becky is supposed to be your safe option, the long-term girlfriend, the “we know all the regulars by name” type. She’s got that clingy loyal vibe, like a tab that’s been open in Chrome for six months. She pretends she’s cool with everything, but the game keeps letting you push that line a bit more. You’re chatting up Lily behind the counter, Lily leans a little too close, laughs at your shit jokes, brushes your hand while pretending to pass tickets, and you just watch Becky’s face freeze for a second before she looks away. Tiny stuff like that hits harder than a straight-up sex scene. Then later you’re cleaning the hallway and suddenly Lily’s shifting her skirt in the security camera blind spot, teasing you like she knows you’ve already mentally railed her over the popcorn machine. And no one says “hey, this is a moral choice”, the game just lets it hang there. Ugly in a good way.

Chloe and Ella are the chaos pair. Chloe is the fixer, the one who “just wants everyone to get along” while low-key pushing you into risky shit. She’s the type to dare you to sneak into an empty screen with Becky, then conveniently send Lily in with a fake “manager needs you” excuse, letting your dick write the plot. Ella doesn’t even pretend to be subtle. She’ll bend over in the aisle while “picking up trash”, flash you just long enough that you panic-click the wrong thing like an idiot and miss the better path. One second you’re just taking tickets, next second Ella is asking how far you’ve gone with Becky, then suggesting you “test the seats in the back row” with her instead because, hey, research. The game loves these tiny point and click spots where you go “if I click this poster, is it just flavor text or does someone end up stripping behind it”. Half the time it’s just some dumb joke, half the time you stumble into a scene where the lights flick off mid-movie and someone’s hand lands on your crotch while the audience pretends not to notice. It’s horny cinema-staff roleplay mixed with party energy, teasing just long enough to make you swear at the screen when an auto-trigger interrupts a strip tease you worked like four decisions to line up. I still hate that one empty popcorn bucket in the lobby that looks clickable but does absolutely nothing. I kept poking it for way too long like a clown.

Hailey’s story hits that weird spot between hot and kind of painful in the chest, and I liked that more than I want to admit. You start as this regular guy who clearly loves his wife, and she’s exactly that fantasy mix of cute and dangerous: big soft tits under casual clothes, ass that fills the whole screen when she bends even just a little, smile that makes you think “yeah, she knows what she’s doing”. At first it feels innocent, just playful teasing in the kitchen, her brushing past you so her boobs press into your arm, little flashes of panties when she stretches on the couch. The kind of stuff where you know she’s doing it on purpose, but she pretends she’s not. Meanwhile she keeps talking about this coworker, like he’s “just helping with a project”, and your guy is trying so hard to act chill while you, the player, are already imagining him rail her against the office desk. The game knows you’re thinking that and keeps poking the thought until it hurts.

What I didn’t expect was how much time you actually spend alone with the main guy’s dick in his hand. Not in a boring way. More like he’s spiraling. You get home, she’s late again, phone face down, new text sound, and suddenly you’re in the bathroom, jerking off to the idea of your own wife sending nudes to another man. Masturbation scenes feel sweaty and pathetic and still insanely hot. One time he’s stroking while listening through the bedroom door because she’s “just changing clothes” after coming back from drinks, and the game gives you this small pause where you think you hear another voice. Might be nothing. Might be him in your house. The art is simple 2D but the body language sells it: her flushed cheeks when she lies, that slightly different way she sits on the bed, legs a bit too open, like she’s used to being watched now. Sometimes she flashes you her bra and laughs in that “you’re safe, he’s not” kind of way, which somehow hurts more than if she just said she was cheating. The corruption is slow, but you feel every small step. You let her go out in that tight dress you know isn’t for you, you don’t say anything when she “forgets” panties, you pick the softer dialogue options because you’re scared to lose her, and that just opens the door wider for this coworker to fuck his way into your life. It’s honestly a bit depressing, but then she bends over to get something from the fridge, her huge ass filling the screen, and your brain just shuts up and says: yeah, ok, ruin my life again.

This one hits different in a weird, slightly fucked up, very horny way. You start as this guy who vanished as a kid and just strolls back into the house like, “yeah, I’m alive, also here’s Saeko, she’s hot, don’t ask too many questions.” The game doesn’t rush anything, it kind of lets you sit inside the awkward silence of the family seeing him again. That slow burn is what made it feel sexy for me, because every little touch, every stolen look, feels louder. When your “relatives” hug you a bit too long, when the Milf leans in close and her tits press into your chest and the camera just lingers, the room feels heavy. It’s not just generic porn clicking, it’s like you’re creeping closer to a line everyone pretends is still there even when they already crossed it in their heads.

The sound helps a lot. There’s this low ambient hum in the house, some soft music that’s not trying to be epic, just enough to make it feel like late evening when everyone’s a bit tired and horny. Breathing is loud. Little gasps and wet mouth sounds during oral scenes stand out more than usual because the game doesn’t spam music on top. I liked how some scenes are almost too quiet, just skin rubbing and the bed creaking while you’re groping someone who’s supposed to be asleep. It’s fucked, but that’s the point, and the game doesn’t pretend otherwise. Sleep sex moments are shot close on the hands: fingers sliding under clothes, grabbing a big ass carefully first, then bolder. I caught myself holding my own breath during one scene, when the MC is jerking off in the dark just a few steps from her, whispering her name like a confession. The models have that thick, juicy 3dcg look, like everyone was built out of curves and oil. Big tits, shiny skin, a Milf with that “I’m trying to be proper” face while your hand is between her legs. Sometimes the facial expressions go a bit weird and plastic when things get too intense, and a couple of animations feel like the hips move on a different rhythm, but it weirdly adds to the dirty vibe, not less.

Romance here is fake soft and real filthy at the same time. People say “I care about you” in one line and then swallow cum the next. There’s proper kissing, cuddling on the couch with slow teasing, and then out of nowhere she’s grinding on your lap, pretending it’s innocent until you feel how wet she is. Anal scenes, when they show up, are treated like a big deal: lots of lube, some whining, some “it won’t fit” that obviously it will. Saeko feels less like a side girl and more like a secret partner in crime, like she knows exactly what the family did to you and what you’re going to do back. There are moments where she just sits there, smirking, while you flirt way too heavy with a “relative,” and it feels almost like a tag-team corruption thing. You get those masturbation scenes where the MC watches someone sleep or shower and just loses it, pumping hard while whispering stuff he’d never say out loud, and that hits that pervy voyeur itch pretty good. I kind of wish there were more small random sound triggers, like phone buzzing or distant TV, just to sell the feeling of being caught at any second, but yeah, that’s not happening. Anyway, it’s one of those games where you tell yourself “I’m just gonna check the story” and ten minutes later you’re edging while some Milf you absolutely should not be fucking moans your name into a pillow.

Whole thing feels like somebody mashed a Christmas movie with a porn forum argument and then forgot to put on the brakes. You load in expecting some cozy family holiday thing, and it is that for like three clicks, then the food drama kicks in, the surprise guests show up, and suddenly this “nice dinner” is just an excuse for every pent-up, wrong-as-hell fantasy to boil over. It’s very much about that pressure, everyone pretending to be normal while mom is stacked, the aunt has this huge ass that basically has its own gravity, the “kids” are way too grown to be acting cute, and half the room is eye-fucking the other half. The teasing is relentless. Long looks across the table, brushing hands when they pass the dishes, the way a character “accidentally” presses her tits into someone’s shoulder to reach a glass. There’s this moment where one of the older women leans over to pick something up, skirt rides up, and the camera just sits there like it’s hypnotized. It’s such a stupid little shot, but it sells the whole vibe: everyone is starving, and not for the turkey. Then the game starts pulling you between different heads. One moment you’re in the son’s place, barely keeping it together while his milf of a mom keeps bending over; next you’re riding in the mind of an older guy who’s pretending to be the responsible one, while fantasizing about double-stuffing two relatives on the same couch. Then there’s the girls, some of them already half corrupt in their thoughts, some pretending they’re straight laced while they’re literally thinking about eating each other out in the kitchen. The lesbian stuff sneaks in like a side dish, then becomes its own full course, especially when they drag a third person in and it stops being “innocent experimenting” and turns into full-on group mess, with hands and mouths and tits everywhere. The pacing is weird in a good way. It doesn’t rush straight to everyone fucking on the table, it circles around. There’s a titfuck that happens way later than I expected, like the dev forgot they had made these ridiculous boobs and suddenly remembered, “oh right, those can do things.” The way the corruption builds is honestly kind of funny. At first, everyone is very “we shouldn’t, this is wrong,” and five scenes later they’re doing anal against the fridge while trying not to knock over the leftovers. There’s a scene where a character gets groped in a crowded room and pretends not to notice, but her dialogue choices totally give away she’s enjoying every second. And yeah, it leans into the forbidden angle hard. The incest stuff is not shy. It’s not like “maybe they are just close friends,” no, they’re family and the game points the camera right at that line and then just walks over it. Creampies inside the house, on the bed that clearly belongs to someone else, and repeated. Multiple penetration shows up mostly later, when the group sex kicks in and all the “we shouldn’t” barriers are already broken. There’s this one family girl who goes from being shy and annoyed to taking a cock in her ass and another in her pussy like it’s the most natural holiday activity and I honestly laughed, because the jump is wild. Also there is this dumb little thing where someone keeps moving a plate in the background between shots and it slightly changes position every time, and now I can’t unsee it. Oral scenes are pretty heavy and sometimes borderline worship, especially when the younger characters finally give in and start sucking off the men they’ve been flirting with all evening. There’s a good moment where she wipes a bit of spit off her chin and it’s not even animated big, just a tiny touch, but it makes the scene feel way more nasty. The anal is not a side attraction either; once it appears, it becomes part of the rotation, often with a creampie just to underline that nobody here is thinking about anything except filling each other. Some routes feel more developed than others, like one milf route gets this surprisingly sweet lead up before she lets herself be corrupted fully, while another character basically flips from “this is inappropriate” to “please fuck me from behind in the laundry room” in one dialogue branch. Vaginal, anal, mouth, tits, it all cycles through like a holiday menu where you’re supposed to try every dish at least once, and the group scenes stack bodies in a way that feels almost stupid but also kind of perfect for a porn game. It’s messy, wrong, full of big asses and big tits and bad decisions, and when that final family member joins in like it was all planned from the start, it actually feels weirdly coherent for something this filthy.

You start as this painfully average guy who just crawled out of another dead-end workday, and then the game throws that roadside girl at you like some porn VN cliché, but it actually leans into it in a fun way. You bring her home, expecting the usual “cute freeloader with big tits and no boundaries” route, and yeah, there’s that, she’s stacked, she clings to you, she walks around your place in tiny clothes that absolutely are not made for actual walking. But pretty fast you realize she’s not just random eye candy. She’s tied to this weird power stuff and suddenly your boring schedule turns into juggling morning classes, shit-paying side jobs, turn-based fights you probably aren’t ready for, and figuring out why the hell she moans like that when her powers spike. It sounds like too much, and sometimes it is, but that’s also where the sex hits harder. One evening you’re grinding stats and money like some Excel goblin, and the next you hit a specific affection threshold and suddenly she’s in your bed, on top of you, breathing in your ear, whispering how she wants to “thank you properly” for taking her in, riding you slow while the voice actress nails that shy-but-soaking tone. And yes, the MC starts as a virgin, and the game milks that for all it’s worth, from awkward hand-holding to full-on “I didn’t know it would feel this tight” penetration lines that sound way too real.

The whole school setting stuff actually matters, which surprised me. It isn’t just “classroom equals sex backdrop”. You manage your time like some obsessive planner: attend classes, train, work, stalk girls’ schedules, hope the RNG doesn’t bully you. You want that lesbian route with the cool senpai and the bookworm girl? Better figure out when they hang out together, trigger that one event at the rooftop, pick the right teasing choice, then not screw up by being broke the next day. Some scenes are just deliciously mean. Like one where you walk into the locker room at the wrong time, get caught, and instead of a game over you get pinned by two girls who decide to “teach you a lesson”. One strokes you with her foot while the other pushes your face into her soaked panties, talking trash in your ear, and the game lets you pick if you beg or act cocky. It feels interactive in a horny way, not in a “checklist” way. Then you go back to grinding stats and thinking about how to min-max intimacy points like an idiot. The sandbox stuff sometimes drags, yeah, especially when you’re short on cash and need to repeat the same mini job just to afford condoms or a date, and I hate how the flyering mini-game feels like it’s mocking my bad reflexes. But when it finally clicks and you line up a chain of events that ends with a quiet after-class scene in an empty clubroom, lights off, your girl sitting on your lap, your cock slowly sliding inside her while she tries to keep her voice down because there are still students in the hallway, and she accidentally lets out this sharp little whine that’s fully voiced and makes you stop clicking and just listen for a second, all those dumb spreadsheets in your head suddenly feel very, very worth it.

Everything in this game feels like it started as a joke in a Discord call and then somehow turned into a full porn project. You’re this laid back dude who clearly does not deserve the women around him, wandering around a new city pretending you have a plan, while your fired corporate-queen girlfriend Mia is actually doing the real work. Officially you’re “building a business”. In practice you’re stumbling into horny situations with every insane woman that gets within arm’s reach and hoping it counts as networking. It’s like LinkedIn if LinkedIn involved a lot more spit on dicks and girls grinding on office chairs.

The whole thing leans hard into humor that’s actually funny, not that try-hard meme garbage. The MC keeps throwing stupid lines, and half the time the girls roast him so hard you almost feel bad. Mia teases you like it’s a full-time job, switches from soft caring girlfriend to “I own your dick” boss energy in one click, then pretends it never happened and asks if you’ve answered your emails. One moment she’s talking budgets, next she’s on her knees under the desk, choking a little while she tries to keep eye contact, and you’re mashing options trying not to nut too early because the animation actually sells it. The 3D scenes are pretty detailed, with a lot of focus on mouths, tongue, lips sliding over shaft, all that wet movement that makes a blowjob scene feel alive instead of just puppet-mouth on loop. They even throw in teasing stuff like slow handjobs and that infuriating “she licks the tip and stops” thing, just long enough to make you want to punch your mouse.

It’s not just one girl either. Once Jade shows up, everything goes chaotic. She’s that eyeliner demon that drinks too much and flirts like it’s a knife fight. She’ll grab your crotch in the middle of a serious talk, laugh in your face, then dare you to keep up. There’s a scene where she’s pressed against you in a cramped corner, moaning into your neck while she palms your shaft through the clothes, and Mia walks in, and instead of the usual drama, it turns into this messed up, half-jealous, half-turned-on vibe. Then later you catch Jade with another girl, hands between soft thighs, slow lazy lesbian play that is more about staring and smirking than going straight to scissoring. Lots of groping, fingers teasing over nipples, kissing, one girl grinding on the other’s thigh while you watch like an idiot. Group stuff creeps in naturally, like “oh this business meeting really did just become three mouths and a very busy dick”. Tits get a lot of attention too, with proper titfuck angles where you see your shaft disappear between slick, squeezed breasts and a tongue slipping out to catch the tip. And somewhere in between all the cumshots and quick office hookups, the game pretends you’re making real choices about “partnerships” and “strategy”, which is adorable, because everyone knows you’re just clicking through emails until the next time someone lets you lick them open on the couch.