Mark drags his ass back to his hometown thinking he’s just crashing at the old house for a while, and the whole thing instantly turns into a slow-motion sex disaster. Dad is gone, ran off to the Caribbean with his side piece after quietly robbing his company blind for years, and left behind a wrecked family home, a broke ex-girlfriend, and a pile of debts that might as well scream “you’re screwed” in neon. The “solution”? Turn the house into a college-style dorm and stuff it with girls who already know Mark way too well. Childhood friends, twins who used to tease him when he was still a virgin, a neighbor milf with that tight yoga-ass that makes you pause the game just to stare, and a couple of ex-crushes who suddenly don’t seem so out of reach now that everything is falling apart. The mood jumps all over the place: one moment you’re joking about the house turning into a horny hostel, the next you’re in a quiet POV scene where an old flame is jerking you off on the couch, voice quivering, whispering how she missed “this” while you were away, and yeah, she means exactly what you think.

What hits first isn’t some big dramatic twist but the way the girls remember things you forgot. Like that one scene with the chocolate cake in the kitchen where one of the twins licks cream from her finger way too slow and says “you used to watch me do this when we were kids, you perv” while her tits basically rest on the counter. You get options that look harmless, then five clicks later she’s on her knees giving sloppy oral, moaning in your language headset-style, and you realize you dug your own horny grave. The humor keeps undercutting the filth too: you can be elbow-deep in a lactation scene with a milf who “just needs some relief” and in the middle of a titfuck she cracks a joke about charging rent for every creampie you leave in the house. It should kill the mood, but it somehow makes it hotter, because it feels like real people messing around, not plastic porn robots. Some routes lean pure romance, like falling asleep after anal with a girl who cuddles you, talking about future babies and maybe pregnancy, while other paths let you drift into group sex chaos where three girls fight over whose turn it is to ride you, one sitting on your face, another grinding on your dick, someone else just quietly masturbating in the corner because she “likes to watch.” There are endings you can feel coming and others that sneak up, like screwing the wrong person behind someone’s back, that little netori twist where you pretend it’s just a handjob in the shower and suddenly you’ve ruined a relationship you were actually starting to care about. Best way to enjoy all of it? Be a little reckless. Say yes when the twins ask you to help them “study,” don’t skip the teasing scenes, let people get jealous, let mistakes pile up, and save often so you can go back and see what happens if you let the shy girl be the one who finally climbs on top and fucks you until she’s shaking.

Become Alpha is a porn game with tons of memes, kickass branching storyline, quests, RPG-like experience system, and a possibility to have sex with many partners. It's also pretty damn funny. The story is about Harry Panuchkin who's a nerd and a wannabe gangster. He has a big dick, but never actually used it. It's your job to help him get the pussy and make him a proper alpha male, that he always wanted to be.

You know what's weird? I downloaded this thinking it'd be another cheap cash-grab using stolen assets, but honestly... there's something oddly charming about how janky everything feels. Like, you've got Bowsette right next to Tsunade having coffee while Android 18 complains about her hair, and somehow it works? The whole thing runs on Koikatsu cards which means the character models look decent enough, though don't expect AAA polish here.

The dating sim mechanics are pretty straightforward - you pick a girl from this massive roster spanning everything from My Hero Academia to Dragon Ball to fucking Vocaloid characters, then try to sweet-talk your way into their pants. Some conversations feel genuinely funny, especially when the writers clearly had no idea what they were doing with certain franchises. Watching Frieren act like a horny teenager is... an experience. The sex scenes range from vanilla missionary with Princess Peach to some wild tentacle stuff with monster girls, and yeah, there's plenty of titfucking and footjobs if that's your thing. Oral scenes are animated well enough, though the physics can get wonky.

What really got me though was stumbling across this random voyeurism scenario with Komi-san where you're basically just watching through a window, and it felt more intimate than half the actual sex scenes. The game doesn't take itself seriously at all - you'll have Harley Quinn making Batman references during foreplay while Yor Forger somehow ended up in the same room discussing assassination techniques. It's absolutely ridiculous and I kept playing just to see what bizarre crossover would happen next. Sure, the UI looks like it was designed in 2005 and sometimes characters clip through each other during the steamier moments, but there's something endearing about this chaotic mess of anime waifus all existing in the same horny universe.

I swear this game messed with my head more than any so-called “psychological” visual novel ever did. You wake up rich, spoiled, surrounded by girls who look like they stepped straight out of some fever-dream crossover - like, imagine Asuka Langley arguing with Hinata about who gets to sit closer to you at breakfast, and then Merlin just casually walks in wearing nothing but a towel that doesn’t even try to do its job. It’s ridiculous, yet there’s something weirdly believable about it. Maybe because the dream logic fits too well: everything looks perfect, but your brain keeps whispering that something’s off. I liked that uneasy feeling until it got buried under all the moaning and skin. Then again, maybe that’s the point - when reality breaks, people reach for pleasure first. Or I’m overthinking pixels again.

There’s this scene - I won’t spoil too much - but you’re supposed to choose between helping Yor Forger study or letting Jinx drag you to her room. I picked Yor, thinking it’d be wholesome. Yeah, right. Five clicks later she’s on the desk, glasses half-off, saying things no spy should ever say. The animation isn’t flawless; sometimes her eyes lag behind her face, which made me laugh when I shouldn’t have. But that glitchy charm stuck with me longer than any of the polished stuff. And the sound design? Way too real. My cheap headphones couldn’t handle Tsunade’s voice purring through them. Still, I kept replaying the same moment like an idiot chasing déjà vu.

Funny thing: I started playing for the sexy chaos, but ended up stuck thinking about that blank-memory setup. Like maybe the main guy deserves the confusion. Maybe we all do. It’s a horny game pretending to be philosophical - or a philosophical game pretending to be horny. Doesn’t matter. When Nami whispers something about “remembering the wrong things,” I actually paused. Then I unpaused, because, well… she was already moving.