This one feels like someone took a horny Mass Effect parody, put it through a blender, forgot the lid, and just went with the mess. In a good way. Mostly. The whole thing starts with your guy waking up in the wreck of his apartment after someone tried to blow him to pieces, which is honestly pretty relatable if you ever had a landlord. The galaxy is all shiny and far away from Earth, nobody even remembers what happened to the old blue ball, and the game just shrugs and says “who cares, go chase pussy and conspiracies.” You’re this male protagonist who should probably be dead, your partner has vanished, and instead of quiet investigation you end up jumping ship to ship, station to station, talking shit, flirting with literally everyone with a pulse, and getting dragged into bigger stuff you absolutely do not have the mental health for. It has that kind of sci‑fi vibe where half the tech doesn’t make sense and the characters treat it like a broken phone: hit it, swear at it, it works again.

The sex scenes are honestly the thing that hooked me more than the story, and I say this as someone who actually likes reading dialogue. The animations are not perfect, like sometimes a hand goes a bit weird, but there’s this dirty energy that feels more like watching amateur porn with a storyline instead of that cold factory stuff. There’s proper voice acting too, and it is wild how much that changes the vibe. Having a girl moan in your ear while she gives a handjob or goes down on you, actually reacting to what’s happening on screen, even if the accent is sometimes like “where are you from exactly, space IKEA?” I was playing on my phone with headphones on in a café and legit almost threw my phone when one of the girls started this breathy dirty talk in the middle of a footjob scene. People looked. I pretended I was just very emotional about Twitter. Sometimes the voice work is weirdly good, then it drops to kind of amateur level again, but honestly that makes it feel more human. Porn with slightly awkward timing is still porn. Also, the game is not shy with vaginal sex at all. You’ll go from small talk about ship repairs to raw pounding with like two lines of transition, and for some reason that harsh cut works better than all those “romantic” fades other games keep doing. Oh, and the harem angle sneaks up on you. First you think “ok, one girl, maybe two,” and next thing you’re in a situation where three women with different attitudes and body types are basically orbiting you, throwing jealousy and jokes, and sometimes getting on top of each other instead of you. There is one blowjob sequence where one girl keeps eye contact the whole time while another character is just offscreen arguing about some mission thing, and I swear that weird mix of plot and throat work is the most “real” porn gaming moment I had in months.

The part that surprised me was how casually it throws graphic violence in between the lewd bits. One second you’re watching your MC get a messy, spit‑heavy blowjob, the next scene shows someone’s body spaced, blood freezing in a way that made me go “ok, that’s actually nasty.” It is not tasteful at all, it is just “yep, space is cruel, anyway want a footjob later?” There’s this one fight where things go south and you see a character get shot point blank, and I honestly thought the game would cut away, but no, it stays there longer than needed. Made the following sex scene awkward in my brain for like five seconds, then there was this slow handjob with nice sound design and my brain just happily forgot the corpse. Brain is cheap like that. The sci‑fi humor is very hit and miss: sometimes it’s solid banter, like your guy roasting some alien for their stupid weapons, sometimes it sounds like Reddit trying to write Whedon dialogue. I actually laughed when a character made a completely wrong reference to some old Earth meme, like they half‑remembered it from corrupted archives. There’s also this tiny thing that annoyed me: the UI button for skipping voiced lines is just a bit too near the auto‑advance on mobile, so I kept fat‑fingering it on my Pixel and losing lines, and I’m still mildly pissed about that and it will never be fixed and I’ll die slightly angry. But then they hit me with another wet, noisy oral sex scene, the camera right where it should be, hips moving in that slow grind that feels heavier than the earlier quickies, and I just forget what I was complaining about. And then remember. And then forget again. Honestly, the whole game feels like that: messy, horny, a bit cruel, kind of funny, very unbalanced, but somehow you keep tapping the screen anyway, like a monkey in a lab that discovered the orgasm button.

College spits you back out, you drag your suitcase up the old familiar stairs, and the first thing that hits you is that weird mix of nostalgia and horny frustration. You’re supposed to be the “grown up” version of yourself now, but the house still smells like coffee, furniture polish and that floral perfume your grandma’s friend wears. She’s the one waiting inside. Not some generic landlady with rented room rules, but this older woman who clearly remembers you as “such a cute kid” and now can’t stop staring at the outline in your jeans when you stretch. The game leans hard into that shift, that strange moment where polite family-adjacent small talk slowly, painfully tilts into something that should probably be illegal in five different ways. It does not rush. It pokes at you. Constantly. Morning wood scenes, shower doors that never really close, “accidental” brushing of her tits against your back when she squeezes behind you in the tiny kitchen. You’re not being told “this is a porn game, go click sex.” You’re stuck in that half-realistic, half-fantasy zone where you creep around the hallway at night, phone screen low, pretending you’re going to the bathroom while you secretly hope to catch her bent over the washing machine again.

What hits hardest is how much of the actual play is just you existing in this cramped domestic space with people who all want something from you. Some want comfort, some want cock, some pretend they don’t want either. You spend a lot of time in small interactions: a hand on your thigh lingering just a bit too long during a movie, toes sliding up your calf under the table, a “help me with this zipper” that clearly doesn’t need help. One scene that stuck with me was when you’re on the couch with her, late, both tipsy, and she falls asleep half on your lap. Your hand ends up resting on her ass almost by accident. You can pull away like a good little boy, or you can let your fingers sink in a bit, feel that heavy warmth, smell her skin. If you push your luck she doesn’t jump, she sighs, like she’s been waiting for this exact mistake. It’s slow burn, but when it finally snaps, the game is not shy. You go from stolen glances to her on her knees, spit on your cock, mumbling how long she waited to taste you. There’s worship here, a lot of it. Your body is treated like a toy and a shrine at the same time: cock kissing, balls cradled, her laughing while she edges you with lazy strokes and then scolding you for almost cumming on her face without permission. At some point you realize half the house has their own angle on you, from the sweet virgin type who just wants cuddles and suddenly finds herself riding you until she squirts on your stomach, to the pushy one who uses your face like a seat and then pretends it never happened at breakfast. There is some goofy stuff too, like a cosplay night that starts as a silly joke and ends with you in handcuffs, her in a way-too-tight outfit, using a toy on herself while you’re forced to watch until she lets you join. The writing swings between affectionate and filthy in a way that feels messy, a bit clumsy, but honest. Sometimes the pacing drags and you’ll click through way too many “good morning” scenes for one butt squeeze, and a couple of side characters feel like they exist only to feed your dick without much personality. But then there is this tiny quiet moment where one of them curls up against your chest after a crazy group scene, tracing circles on your skin, whispering that she hopes you don’t leave again, and you realize the game is not only about fucking every hole in reach. It pretends to be just cheap smut, then throws in pregnancy talks, jealousy, cheating, a weirdly wholesome cuddle after you have her bent over the sink for anal. It’s messy, horny, a bit wrong, and strangely cozy in a way that will probably say something about your brain you didn’t want to know.

Star Periphery feels like someone smashed a lewd dating sim into a busted space freighter and just left the whole mess running. You’re this skinny space nobody with more hormones than sense, tossed into a universe where every second woman has a thick cock, big tits, a mean streak, or all three, and half the time you’re just trying not to stare while your eyes are glued to their asses anyway. It starts pretty simple, wandering around this rusty station full of flickering neon and suspicious stains, but it sneaks up on you. One moment you’re just checking a cargo manifest, next moment a smug futa customs officer has you pressed to a wall, one gloved hand casually groping your ass while she pretends to be “searching for contraband.” That scene sold me, honestly. The way she keeps her voice calm and bored while you’re clearly leaking through your panties, teasing you with slow strokes over the fabric, then just walks away like nothing happened. Loved it. Actually I hated it because I had to reload after choosing the coward dialog and missing half the scene, but that’s another thing.

The voyeur stuff is weirdly strong here. There’s this bit where you end up stuck in a crappy hostel pod, thin bulkhead, cheap audio insulation, and you can hear a monster girl mechanic in the next room railing some poor femboy trainee. You only see flashes through a broken panel and some flickering HUD readout, but you hear everything. Wet slaps, his breathy little whines, her low voice telling him to “push back more, toy” while she spanks his ass red. No explicit camera angle, no heroic close-up of internal cumshots, just your imagination and some nasty audio. It feels more filthy than most straight up porn scenes. Then later the game turns around and throws full-on internal views at you, showing a massive futa shaft stretching your virgin ass open while some clinical scanner overlays data on muscle tension and depth. It’s kind of hot, kind of medical, kind of fucked. In a good way. Maybe. I’m still not sure. Anyway, the point is, it does both subtle and really not subtle, and sometimes in the same arc, which is confusing and nice.

What I liked most is how the romance sneaks into all the filth. There’s this MILF captain, big ass, heavy tits, looks like she bench presses starship engines for fun. At first she treats you like a disposable cabin boy, orders you to your knees for a “stress relief” handjob after a bad run, uses your mouth while checking navigation on her tablet like you’re just another system. The first time she titfucks you, she doesn’t even look down, just talks about fuel prices while your cock is sliding between her slick cleavage and you try not to cum too fast or she’ll mock you. Then hours later she quietly asks if you want to sleep in her bunk instead of the cold cargo bay, spoons you from behind, hard cock pressed between your cheeks, no sex at all, just this heavy warmth and her arm over your waist. It feels almost wholesome, then she wakes you up in the morning by grinding against your ass and whispering “open up for your captain” and you remember this is still a dirty game about turning a shy guy into a proper slutty trap. Or not, depending on choices. Sometimes you can dodge the sissification paths completely and stay a more standard sub guy, and sometimes you walk straight into a shop that sells sex toys and walk out in a thong, collar, stockings and a remote vibrator inside you because a smug futa tech-girl convinced you it improves your “crew performance.” I swear I was trying to play it cool and avoid that content, then I clicked one flirt option in a bar and suddenly I’m kneeling while she adjusts my stockings and spanks me for fidgeting. It’s messy, half-polite, half-degrading, and I kept clicking anyway.

Game drops you in the shoes of this worn out crypto trader guy who honestly feels a bit like that dude who kept refreshing Binance while watching his life burn. You’re not some jacked hentai protagonist, just a dude who peaked during the meme coin bull run and then everything went to shit. Then Megan shows up, small-time actress, broke, stressed, but still trying to smile like she’s in some cheap Netflix drama that got cancelled mid-season. It sounds cheesy, but the game kind of leans into that and then spits on it, in a good way. One moment you’re talking about rent and auditions and gas fees, next moment she’s in your lap teasing you through your pants, acting like it’s nothing, and your brain goes completely blank. The wild part is how normal it feels before it gets dirty. Like, she’s scrolling TikTok on your phone, roasting your playlist, and then casually asks if you’re “always this hard when helping a girl with her portfolio” while her hand is already inside your boxers. That switch from “aw, she’s struggling actress” to “oh, she’s got your cock in her hand” is stupidly good.

The erotic stuff itself hits that mix of soft and filthy that most games completely fuck up. At first there is all this slow burn teasing. Megan wearing this oversized shirt, no pants, walking around your place like she owns it, brushing her tits against your arm “by accident”, stretching on the couch so her ass cheeks basically eat the panties. Then when things start, they really start. Handjobs with her watching your face more than your dick, little thumb strokes that make it feel personal, not like porn autopilot. Titfucks where her boobs are big, heavy, actually moving, not those stiff balloon things. Footjob scenes that are way more intimate than they should be, like she traps you with her heels on your chest, grinning, toes wrapped around the tip while she asks you why you’re breathing so hard. And yeah, normal stuff too: oral where she slobbers and gags, deep kisses that feel almost too romantic for a game with creampies and anal, her riding you with that “I pretend this is just to blow off stress” face while clearly catching feelings. Sometimes it even gets messy, like group scenes where you suddenly realize you might not be the only guy in her life, and that slightly ugly, jealous knot in your stomach makes the orgasm hit harder. There are routes where she chooses you, routes where she kind of doesn’t, endings where you’re filling her up like she’s your whole world, and others where you’re left wondering if you were just a step on her way up. It’s weirdly honest about romance and cheating and how sex can be both healing and fucked up. Porn game, yes. But also that thing where, after finishing inside her for the third time in one night, you catch yourself staring at her asleep on your chest and thinking, “Yeah, this is going to end badly,” and still not wanting it to stop.

Rockford is one of those MCs who looks like he has his whole shit together on paper, but you can tell the guy is emotionally scuffed as hell. You play him as this hotshot prosecutor who can ruin a gangster’s month with one closing argument, then go home, stare at his phone, and jerk off in the shower instead of actually calling any of the girls who obviously want his dick. It’s kind of funny at first, then it gets weirdly hot when you see how all that control he uses in court starts leaking into the bedroom. The first time he finally gives in and lets a girl go down on him, that scene feels earned. You were sitting through all the courtroom drama, all the macho “justice system” talk, then suddenly he is pinned to a couch while a woman who knows him way too well is on her knees, drool stringing off his shaft, and he’s trying not to make noise because he “doesn’t lose control.” Sure, man. Until she starts stroking him with both hands, twisting just a bit, and you watch his whole persona crack. That slow build is the whole thing here: he tries to stay professional, then the story keeps pushing him next to women who just do not give a fuck about his emotional walls and keep rubbing against them. And him. Literally.

The four main women are where most people are going to lock in. The homicide detective is the classic “we fucked once, never talked about it, still got the chemistry” situation. She’ll be grilling him about a murder, then there’s this moment where her shirt is unbuttoned a little too low, he glances, she notices, and the tension just snaps. There is this sex scene in her apartment, half empty pizza box on the table, TV muted, where she climbs on top still half dressed, riding him with slow, grinding hips while she keeps talking about the case in this low voice. Then she stops mid-sentence when he thrusts up hard and you see her lose the thread. Stuff like that hits way harder than the usual “oh no we tripped and now we’re naked.” The colleague from the office is more of that “I’ve known you since we were kids, I know exactly how to break you” energy. When she finally gives him a handjob in his office, using the desk like it’s just another tool, there’s this mix of affection and just straight-up filth. She spits in her hand, grins at him, and even while she’s pumping him fast, playing with his balls under the table, she’s still talking shop. And when he explodes all over her fingers and her blouse, she just laughs and licks him off her knuckles like it’s no big deal. The romance part sneaks up on you, especially with the sweet teacher girl. First she looks like the “wholesome route,” but then you get her alone, lights off, her panties already damp because she’s been thinking about his voice from court. The blowjob she gives in the car is ridiculous, head bobbing while rain hits the windshield, her tits pressed against the gear shift. She lets him cum in her mouth, swallows without making a show out of it, then kisses him with that faint taste still there. And yeah, eventually he stops pulling out and starts filling girls up, those creampie shots hit hard, especially when one of them hooks her legs behind his back and says “don’t you dare.” The violence on the case side gets rough sometimes, bodies and blood and ugly motives, but that nasty part of the world makes the sex feel more raw, like everyone is clinging to each other because nothing is safe. It plays smooth on phone too, so you’re just there on the couch, thumb tapping through murder files one second, then watching a big-titted woman ride Rockford until her thighs shake and his cum slowly leaks out of her after he pulls out. Not the most polished thing in the universe, some faces go a bit stiff in odd angles and there is one scene where the lighting just decides to be awkward for no reason, but when the MC is buried between a woman’s legs, licking her slow while she fists his hair and gasps his name, you kind of forget all that. Or you remember and just keep going anyway.

Los Angeles 2042 in this game feels like someone took Blade Runner, poured cheap whiskey on it and then asked “ok but where is the pussy.” Neon everywhere, holo ads with bouncing tits, high-tech toys, and then you walking around as this burned out corporate merc who is way too good at hurting people and way too bad at staying out of other people’s beds. You’re supposed to find this girl who suddenly matters to literally everyone in the city, but of course it never stays just “find and deliver.” One moment you’re sneaking through some high-rise owned by a corp that treats human lives like printer ink, next moment you’re balls deep in a milf who’s been playing power games longer than you’ve been alive. And the game doesn’t even pretend it’s classy about it. There’s face fucking, anal, tits riding your cock, cum all over everything. Animated scenes, not those lazy slideshow things. You actually watch her ass bounce while you rail her against some cold futuristic window with the skyline behind her. Very tasteful. And by tasteful I mean zero taste, just pure filth.

What I liked is how it mixes that heavy sci-fi mood with straight up horny trash. You’ve got corporate wars, merc squads, people getting shot in the head at close range with blood painting the walls. Then, ten minutes later, you’re pinning some virgin hacker girl against a desk, pushing her legs open while she’s still pretending she only needs you for “protection.” She says she’s never done it, your character basically goes “yeah sure” and then you see how tight she grabs you, how her body shakes when you slide in slowly the first time, and you kinda realize she really was a virgin and you just wrecked her. There are moments where the domination vibe is heavy too. Hand on throat, ass up, spanking her till her cheeks are red, then slipping a thumb inside to watch her squirm, then full on anal with her face buried in the pillow. Sometimes it’s romantic, you actually get those quiet scenes after the chaos, naked bodies tangled in a shitty apartment with neon bleeding through the blinds, soft kisses, slow vaginal creampie where she pulls you deeper with her legs wrapped around your waist. Next scene you’re watching two people fuck from the shadows, full voyeur creep mode, zooming in on her big ass bouncing on top of a futa whose cock is way too big to be legal, and you just stand there like “yeah, this is fine.” I still hate how one character constantly takes her clothes off by stripping super slowly like she’s on some cheap cam site, while another girl will just dump her top in half a second and shove your face in her huge tits, but maybe that’s part of the charm, this messy mix of romance, brutality and absolute porn brain, all wrapped in neon and broken dreams.

Ashe feels like that coworker you barely notice at the office, the one who always wears the same hoodie and keeps staring at her phone like it owes her rent money. Except she’s packing a ridiculous cock under those jeans, huge tits barely contained, and somehow every woman in her orbit is either a walking temptation or a walking trauma. The game drops you into her life right when everything starts cracking: old crush coming back into town, secrets that should have stayed buried, and Ashe trying not to jerk off in the shower every morning thinking about the girls she never had the guts to touch in school. It’s very lesbian and futa focused, nothing “no homo bro” here, just shameless girl on girl and futa on girl, plus the occasional futa on futa “ok now who’s actually going inside who” situation. The writing leans a lot on teasing, like long scenes where hands linger on thighs, where someone’s face is way too close to Ashe’s bulge, where a tongue almost touches but doesn’t, and you’re screaming at your screen “just put it in already” while pretending you’re totally fine. Then suddenly the game goes from slow build to “oh, there’s a futa pounding a virgin against the kitchen counter and a MILF watching from the hallway rubbing herself under her robe.”

It has that voyeur vibe that makes you feel like a creep in the best way. You get scenes where Ashe accidentally walks in on two girls making out, one of them with a strap on already glistening, and she freezes in the doorway, and instead of closing it like a normal human she keeps watching, grabbing her own shaft under the pants until they notice her and things turn into messy group action. I ended up collecting screenshots like a degenerate archivist, with my folder full of half censor-barred nipples from my Android gallery app and Google Photos deciding one day to “create a memory” from my collection of Ashe giving handjobs in a parked car. There is actual anal too, not just mentioned once and forgotten. The kind where the camera lingers too long on a tight asshole being opened slowly, fingers first, then Ashe pushing in while the girl claws at the sheets, biting the pillow, muttering she can’t take it and then very clearly taking all of it. Interracial comes up casually, like it should, you get brown thighs, pale thighs, thick asses of all shades grinding on Ashe’s lap while she’s trying to pretend she’s in control. One scene with a gym locker room, wet skin, dripping hair, and Ashe loses it and ends up on her knees between a tall dark skinned futa’s legs, throat fucked until her eyes water while another girl squeezes Ashe’s tits from behind.

There is a bit of NTR flavor in one route that made me pause, but it’s more like emotional cuckquean drama than cheap shock. Ashe watching a girl she clearly wants getting touched by someone else, hand involuntarily sliding inside her panties while she “totally just happens to be there.” You can avoid that, but even when I did, the game still slaps you with messy feelings layered over filthy sex. One moment you’re laughing at a dumb joke about lube and coffee, next moment you’re watching Ashe masturbate alone in her dark apartment, phone in one hand, cock in the other, scrolling through old photos of a girl she can’t forget. The pacing sometimes drags, like the dev got lost in their own feelings and forgot we’re here to see Ashe fuck the insecurity out of women, but then you get this crazy exhibition scene in a public place where she’s getting her dick sucked behind a half closed door while people walk past, and it pulls you right back. Boobs are big, asses bigger, there is more oral than a pornhub compilation, and some of the groping scenes in tight clothes honestly turned me on more than the full nude stuff. It’s messy, horny, awkward, sometimes way too real if you ever had that “I want her so bad but I’m a coward” phase, and I kept clicking forward just to see how far Ashe can spiral before she either fucks everyone or breaks completely. I still haven’t decided which outcome is hotter.

You wander through this dead, sunburned Egypt where the sand is full of bones and broken tech, and somehow your biggest problem keeps becoming “who am I fucking tonight and how hard.” The game throws you in as this desert scavenger who is supposed to be hunting relics and old-world junk, but every time you push deeper into the ruins you just keep stumbling into more messed up, horny situations. One second you are negotiating with some half-feral tribal girl who wants water, the next second she is on her knees between your legs in a crumbling temple, sand dust falling from the ceiling while she gags on your cock and tries to keep eye contact like it’s some kind of ritual. The story pretends to care about fate, old gods, this artifact that can twist the future and all that, but the real tension is always “do you ruin this person, or do you pretend to be her savior while still using her body.” It feels wrong and hot at the same time, like you are playing with a broken toy that still smiles at you.

What actually keeps it interesting is how many different flavors of messed up it has. You have girls who melt the second you humiliate them in front of others, being dragged by a collar through a ruined street while people stare. You have this strict, icy woman who acts like she owns you, spitting orders and making you lick her feet, only for you to later chain her up in some underground chamber and fuck her until she cries and drools milk all over herself. One girl is shy and flat, another stacked and leaking, and the game really doesn’t care if you want to turn the whole ruined pyramid complex into your personal harem, breeding them, sharing them with your allies, or letting them “serve” as slaves in some filthy market. Sometimes the sex is slow and almost tender, bodies pressed together on dusty sheets in a half-collapsed apartment, sometimes it jumps into full-on horror, with blood, screaming, and you still hard while something awful drips down her thighs. You get pissing scenes in dirty showers, public use in alleys, group scenes in torch-lit chambers where everybody is sweaty and no one really knows who is fucking who anymore. There are moments where you feel like a monster, forcing a girl to strip in front of her own family, or making a daughter watch what you do to her mother, and the game just lets that hang there, no hand holding, no “good boy” message, just your choices and the way these broken people cling to you anyway. Then five minutes later you are clicking through some dialog that feels like it came from a hentai shitpost and laughing because it is so blunt and stupid. It is rough, filthy, sometimes too much, sometimes not enough, but it sticks in your head like the taste of sweat and sand on someone’s skin.

I didn’t expect a porn VN to remind me of old YouTube prank videos and shitty MSN chats at the same time, but this one kinda does. Early 2000s vibe hits right away: chunky phones, ugly clothes, random posters that look like they were stolen from Limewire, and three girls who are absolutely not ready for “professional” porn at all, which is why I liked them. They’re messy, horny, loud, and half the time they’re laughing in the middle of a blowjob like it’s a blooper reel. You’re this clueless fisherman with big himbo energy, trying to pretend you know what you’re doing while these girls drag you into making “content.” Every scene feels like a mix of awkward home video and real romance, like someone put softcore cable TV and a shitty cam show in a blender and forgot the lid.

What really made me stay was how the game treats the lewd stuff like it’s normal life, not some sacred ritual. One moment she’s joking about your clothes smelling like fish, next moment she’s sliding down to your lap, stroking you slow with one hand, still talking trash about your haircut. There’s this scene on a shitty old couch where two of the girls are arguing about camera angles, and you’re sitting there with your dick out, and then one just shrugs, climbs on your lap and starts grinding while the other keeps filming and giggling. It feels like you’re all just playing around, but then the animation hits that perfect rhythm and her ass is bouncing in your face and it suddenly gets way too hot. Bodies look thick in a good way, tits that actually move when they get grabbed, asses that don’t look copy-pasted. Sometimes the faces go a bit weird during certain angles, then the next shot is gorgeous and you forget you were just judging it two seconds ago.

I like how the group scenes never feel like some cold porn studio script. There’s one moment where all three girls are crowded around you in this tiny room, joking about “auditions,” and they start teasing one by one. One is rubbing her chest against your back, another is on her knees working your shaft with slow, lazy strokes, the third is just there to whisper the filthiest things in your ear like she’s trying to brainwash you. It’s cute and fucked up at the same time. They’ll laugh, shove each other around, smack your ass for no reason, then suddenly get serious and look at you like you belong to them and only them. That’s the part that hits my yandere brain, honestly. They pretend it’s all fun and business, but the way they look jealous when someone else gets more attention? Yeah. If this was real life, somebody would slash someone’s tires. Sex scenes feel like they’re halfway between a joke and a confession, and you’re stuck in the middle, leaking all over their hands while they decide how far they want to go on camera this time. I kept pausing just to stare at their bodies like a creep and then pretending it was for “plot,” but whatever, that’s their fault for making it this horny and stupid and sweet at the same time.