The first thing that hits you is the sound. Or lack of it. The music loop is like a mosquito trapped in a jar, and the hit sounds? Someone slapping wet cardboard with a fish. You pick Shinobi Girl, this anime ninja with physics that make no sense, and immediately the controls feel like you're telling her what to do through a bad translation app. Press jump, she jumps half a second later. Press attack, she does a little twirl then punches the air three feet from the alien. It's a side scroller beat em up, right, so you expect to flow through levels. Instead you're fighting the input lag more than the space creatures.

The aliens themselves. What even are they. Green blobs with tentacles that clip through the floor constantly. One grabbed me and the whole screen just froze for like ten seconds while the sound stuttered. I thought my browser crashed. Nope, that's just the rough sex scene loading. And when it finally loads, the animation is this jerky puppet show where limbs bend backwards and the xenophilia tag is doing a lot of heavy lifting because it's just her getting ragdolled by a glitching polygon. The author says it's not finished. No shit. There's a whole menu option for moves that just says "coming soon" and clicking it resets your progress. Why is that even there.

But here's the thing. I kept playing. The brokenness has this weird charm, like watching a bootleg anime where the subtitles are all wrong but you can't look away. Shinobi Girl's idle animation has her breathing so hard she looks like she's about to pass out. The second level just dumps you into a boss fight with no warning, some giant purple thing that spams the same attack. I died six times because the dodge button works maybe forty percent of the time. And the adult scenes trigger randomly, sometimes mid combo, so you'll be punching an alien and suddenly it's sex time with no transition. The whole thing feels held together with tape and hope. I hate it. I'm going to play more later.