Arthur already has that whole golden boy thing going on, king of Camelot, shining armor, pretty speeches about honor and whatever. But this game basically asks: what happens when all that noble shit hits a wall made of pure pussy and bad decisions. You wake up in his skin, and you can kind of feel it right away, he’s not built for what’s coming. The court still sings about loyalty, about knights and purity, while your wife, Guinevere, is getting slowly pulled away from you by the one guy you should trust the most. Lancelot doesn’t just want her, he wants to ruin everything by taking her little by little, touch by touch, until your proud queen turns into a trembling mess who can’t say no to him anymore. The story doesn’t waste time on side stuff. It’s a straight kinetic ride where you mostly just watch it all unravel, like a slow car crash where the airbags are big tits and messy creampies.

The pacing is actually nasty in a good way. Guinevere doesn’t go from “my dear husband” to “fuck me rough, Lancelot” in one click. It crawls. First it’s that aching guilt in her face when he gets too close, his hand pressed against her lower back a bit too long in the hallway, his fingers brushing over her ass through the dress while he whispers that Arthur is too busy for her. Then you get a scene where he pushes her against a stone pillar, groping her tits through the fabric, and you feel that moment where she should pull away but just kind of… freezes. The CGs lean into that, with those tight shots of her lips slightly open, eyes wet, thighs pressed together, and you know she’s already halfway lost. It’s all very “fantasy courtly drama” on the surface, but every event is basically foreplay for the next betrayal. When they finally cross the line, it’s raw: him bending her over the bed that was supposed to be yours, slapping her big ass as he rams into her, his cum leaking out of her used pussy while she tries to tell herself it was a mistake. Spoiler: it’s not the last time, not even close.

What I liked way too much, as someone who always wants that 100% gallery, is how the sex escalates like a fucked up skill tree. You think, ok, he already fucked her, we’re done. But then there’s a scene in the royal bath where he orders her to get on her knees between his legs, and the camera practically lives in that sloppy blowjob, her hand wrapping around his shaft, drool dripping down, his fingers tangled in her hair. Later, when he titfucks her, those huge tits look almost comical trying to wrap around his cock, but the devs commit, they give you that moment of her looking up, cheeks flushed, nipples stiff, while his dick slides between them and smears pre all over. And they don’t chicken out on group stuff either. Once he fully breaks her, he’s not satisfied with just taking the queen for himself. He brings in “trusted” knights, treats her like a prize on display. There’s this brutal scene in a torchlit chamber where Guinevere is sandwiched between armor and muscle, one guy pounding her pussy raw from behind, another shoving his cock between her lips, her moaning and choking, tearing up while Lancelot watches with that smug look. Cum on her face, cum dripping from her used hole, a messy creampie staining the royal sheets right after she’d sworn loyalty to Arthur in public. It’s netorare at its most mean: you sit there in Arthur’s role, forced to watch your own legend rot from the inside, while your queen turns into the castle’s favorite toy and you can’t click your way to a happy end. The fact it’s all linear kind of fits, like destiny itself is just laughing and pushing you deeper into the mud.

Classes, homework, horny brain that cannot shut up. That is basically the vibe here. You play this dude who is supposed to care about lectures and grades, but his attention lives somewhere between his dick and the bouncing asses walking around campus. The game spends time on that little dead zone between “normal uni life” and “what the fuck did I just walk in on,” and it actually leans into the awkward student feeling. One minute you are in a boring classroom, teacher talking about something you will forget in two seconds, and the next you catch a glimpse of her bending over the desk in a way that makes you instantly forget how to breathe. The camera really loves big tits and big asses, like… worship-level love. There is a scene early on where you are just supposed to look for a textbook in the library, but of course you end up peeking around a shelf, watching a girl think she is alone while she slips her hand inside her panties. It is not subtle, at all. You can either pretend to be a gentleman and look away, or stay, hand in pants, breathing too loud, terrified someone will hear you. Guess which option feels more natural.

It plays like one of those visual novels where you click through dialogue and pray you do not pick the “idiot” answer. The fun part is how often a stupid little choice later drops a plot twist in your lap. You tease a shy student once, like just a dumb joke about her skirt, and hours later you find out she has a secret folder on her phone full of… you. Screenshots. From class. From the dorm. From that one time you thought no one saw you jerking off over your laptop. That hit kinda hard, not gonna lie. The game really likes voyeur stuff, and it does not always keep you in control. Sometimes you are the one peeking through doors. Sometimes you realize someone has been doing the same to you. That moment when you notice a hidden camera in the corner of the common room and remember how many times you adjusted your cock in your pants there? Yeah. Instant cold sweat and instant hard-on at the same time. It gets funny too, in a dumb horny way. There is this running gag where the MC keeps trying to act like a romantic lead, saying smooth lines he probably copied from some dating advice subreddit, and the girls just look at him like, “are you okay?” Then two scenes later they are grinding on his lap in a locked classroom while the teacher is right outside the door asking if everyone finished the assignment. The humor is kind of clumsy, some jokes feel like someone translated them twice through Google, but that actually matches the energy. Like a real uni life: messy, not polished, full of secrets you only learn because you stayed a little too long, watched a little too closely, and touched yourself when you really should not.

Thief of Hearts feels like someone mashed together a heist movie and one of those horny late night VN titles you only admit playing on alt account. You start as this young guy who is way too calm about doing crime, sneaking around a flashy city that pretends to be clean while you basically fuck your way through all its dirty corners. The whole thing is built around planning robberies and at the same time slowly corrupting, teasing or straight up seducing people who should absolutely call the cops on you, but instead end up with your cock in their mouth. One moment you are checking security cameras, the next you are pressing a stacked woman against a school hallway wall, palming her huge tits while she tries to keep her voice down so no one hears how hard she is breathing. It has that vibe of “I know this is wrong, but I also really want to see what happens if I click the pervy option again.”

The school setting is used as a comfortable home base and also as a hunting ground. You get this fun contrast of doing serious planning with your crew and then walking into class to watch a shy girl pretend she does not see you checking her big ass every time she bends over her desk. There is animated stuff in the sex scenes, so when you finally push things too far, you actually see bodies move, asses bounce, lips wrap around your shaft. First time the game let me secretly watch two characters going at it in a locker room, I just sat there with that dumb grin like “ah, ok, we are doing voyeurism properly.” You can jerk off while spying on them, or wait and use what you saw to blackmail them later. It is fucked up, but also kind of hot how the story keeps mixing moral choice with “do you want to cum again?” The family angle sits right in that line too: you come home from a job and there is this milf relative in tight clothes, huge tits barely staying inside, bending to clean something and you get a dialogue option that is clearly not what a normal person should pick. You go from “innocent” hugs to fingers sliding under her clothes, to her on your lap, grinding slowly while pretending this is still just “comfort.” The game treats incest like another forbidden treasure to steal, not some big dramatic plot. It just quietly escalates until you are fucking her hard on the couch with her moaning your name and trying not to say the word that actually defines your relation.

Sex variety is solid and also a bit rude in a good way. There is teasing everywhere. Characters lean over your desk so their cleavage fills the whole screen, or “accidentally” press their ass on your crotch in a crowded bus, and you can either act cool or start groping, slipping your hand under skirts or inside tight jeans. Group scenes show up once your little team of specialists stops being just professionals and starts acting like horny thieves who celebrate every successful job with bodies instead of champagne. At one point I had two girls on their knees, taking turns with a messy blowjob while another sat on my face, grinding and losing control. Handjobs happen casually, like someone helping you “relax before the mission,” and then they suddenly pull your pants down and slide you inside, turning it into full on vaginal sex without much warning. There is stripping where a character starts just teasing, slowly removing clothes while you pick how rough or gentle you talk to her, and if you push the right buttons she ends up naked on the table, legs open, fingers working her clit while you watch, before you finally move in. The game pretends to care if you are a lone wolf or team player, but honestly I kept picking whatever choice looked like it would give more skin. It still somehow feels like a real heist story though, with tension and backstabbing and all that, only in this version everyone has a big ass, big tits, and half the important conversations end with somebody cumming.

So you're telling me someone made a Simpsons porn game where you're basically reliving high school but with all the MILF characters from Springfield? Yeah, that's... actually kind of brilliant in the most degenerate way possible. The setup is weird as hell - you're this college-aged dude who somehow ends up living with the Simpson family and attending adult education classes filled with women who couldn't finish school on time. Like, why is Marge there? Did she drop out to have Bart? The logic doesn't matter because honestly, who's playing this for the plot consistency?

The whole thing plays like someone's horny fever dream crossed with a life simulator. You've got your basic needs to manage - shower regularly or just spam deodorant like some kind of antisocial gremlin, get a job to afford gifts for the ladies, and navigate this bizarre social ecosystem where you're flirting with everyone from Lisa's teacher Ms. Krabappel to that country singer Lurleen who appeared in like three episodes. The corruption mechanics are pretty standard fare, you know the drill - start innocent, gradually push boundaries until you're balls deep in cartoon pussy. What gets me is how they included deep cuts like Janey Powell and the Mackleberry twins. Someone really did their homework on Springfield's female population.

But here's where it gets actually interesting - the sandbox nature means you can completely ignore half the cast and just focus on your favorites. Want to spend the entire game trying to bang Marge while Homer's at work? Go for it. More interested in the school setting with younger characters? They got you covered. The voyeurism elements add this creepy layer where you're basically stalking these women around town, which... look, it's fucked up but it works for what this is. The animated scenes aren't anything revolutionary but they do the job, and there's enough variety in the handjobs and vaginal scenes to keep things from getting too repetitive. Though honestly, the humor is hit or miss - sometimes it captures that Simpsons wit, other times it feels like bad fanfiction written by a horny teenager.