Con-Quest is one of those horny little browser things that looks kind of silly at first, then three minutes later you’re way too invested in whether some half-naked Pikachu cosplayer is going to stomp you or blow you a kiss. It plays like an RPG that forgot to be serious, which is good, but if you care about accessibility like I do, it also kinda forgot blind and low-vision players exist. The whole game is just walls of small bright text on bright backgrounds, no text size slider, no contrast options, no colorblind presets, nothing. I tried zooming in with Chrome and Firefox, had to keep dragging the screen around like some weird porn spreadsheet. And yeah, I know, you came here to jerk off, not to read a UI audit, but still. When Vanilla storms around the convention hunting the money thief, you get these fun, snappy lines, but if you have any reading difficulty or ADHD it turns into “click, click, where was I again.” They sped up the text speed which sounds good, until your eyes are slower than the horny dialogue and you’re chasing every line like it is Snapchat. At least the animated portraits are nice and expressive, Ivy’s smug grin is perfect when she’s basically edging you with teasing comments, but they don’t help when you can’t tell which character is speaking because the name text is tiny and there is zero voice indication.

The lewd part is funny and stupid in a good way. You’re running around this con full of cosplayers who clearly did not come for child friendly content. There’s a Meowth girl who basically flirts by bullying you, dressed in ears, tail, tight little outfit that clings like latex, and the “reward” is you humiliating her through battle and then getting this multi-stage animated scene where she goes from cocky to absolutely ruined for you. It is not subtle. Pokemon parody everywhere, bootleg mons jokes, sexy Flygon girl pinned into this “oops I fell on you” pose, Mia and Nia doing this twin act that feels like it wants to be wholesome and still ends up about you undressing them with stickers. The sticker book is basically your porn gallery, of course, but cycling characters with keyboard or screen reader? Forget it. I tried NVDA and JAWS out of habit, they both just saw a pile of unlabeled buttons and decorative images. No alt text, no focus order that makes sense, just “button, button, button” so if you play by ear it is like trying to masturbate while somebody reads you the settings menu of Microsoft Word. The new second floor is fun to explore, the whole “Vanilla might have this thief killed” plot gives her a mean streak that is kinda hot, kinda scary, but if you’re sensitive to flicker or fast motion, the quick sliding portraits in dialogue and sudden UI shifts can be a bit much and there is no toggle. Funny thing is, they clearly know how to tweak code, optimize performance, hook up animated rewards, tease you with topless alt portraits, but a simple “bigger font” button or high-contrast mode is still missing. I keep grumbling about that while also chasing every new horny cosplayer quest like a dog with a bone, which probably says more about me than about the game.

This thing feels like somebody smashed a horny flash game from the 2000s together with a rage platformer and then just said “yeah, that’s fine” without polishing anything. You’re dropped into this gloomy castle maze, no long intro, no walls of text, just you, some shitty floor patterns, and the quiet knowledge that every shadow is probably either a sex monster or yet another trap waiting to snap your ass in half. You move with arrow keys, simple, but the level layout keeps trolling you. You think “ok, straight line to the door, I’m not stupid”, then a invisible spike pops from the floor, or the wall suddenly opens and something slimy with way too many parts drags your character back into the dark for a full-on hentai-style workout. The game pretends it’s about escaping. It’s actually about getting ruined in new ways while pretending you didn’t secretly walk into that tentacle’s hitbox on purpose.

The best part is how the monsters all feel like different flavors of bad decisions. You walk into a narrow corridor, there’s a weird breathing sound, your brain goes “nah, I can make it”, then boom, some towering beast pins you against the stones and the screen turns into a whole porn scene that would get banned on half of the “safe” platforms. Some are huge, some are more sneaky, some come from the floor like gross vines that just wrap around your legs and drag you backwards while your character flails. It’s messy, wet, a bit cruel at times, and yes, there are scenes where the monster clearly doesn’t know what “gentle” means. Sometimes they don’t even give you that much build up, no foreplay, no romance, just “you touched the wrong tile, now you get railed”. The funniest thing is how you start learning the level layouts, not because you want to survive, but because you’re hunting for that one specific monster again like some pervert completionist: “yeah yeah, I know the way to the exit, but what if I let the big winged bastard catch me in that side room one more time”. One time I dodged everything perfectly by accident, reached the exit door without triggering a single scene, and I actually felt robbed. Imagine being mad that you escaped too clean.

The castle itself is full of those cheap tricks that would be annoying in any normal platformer, but here they’re strangely welcome. Fake floors, moving blades, pressure plates that summon something horny out of nowhere, tight jumps over pits where you already know if you fall, your character’s clothes are getting destroyed first and their dignity second. There is this tiny delay between getting caught and the scene starting, just a small heartbeat, and that moment becomes addictive. You watch your own failure in slow motion, like “ah shit, here we go again”, then the game slams you with another ridiculous position against a cold wall or on some weird altar in the dungeon. Sometimes the pacing is all over the place, like you trigger three scenes in a row and then spend a long stretch of time with nothing but careful slow walking, squinting at the floor like a paranoid rat. Also, the way some traps blend into the ground is actually kind of bullshit, but, yeah, you’re not really here for fair design. You’re here because this game turns “oops I fucked up” into softcore and hardcore at the same time, trapped between fear of the next spike and curiosity about which monster is going to fuck you stupid if you miss that jump by one pixel. And you will miss it. On purpose. Eventually.

This thing throws you into a horny death maze again, same redhead bait, same cursed castle vibe, just dirtier and somehow cheaper and better at the same time. You spawn as this stacked redhead chick in a tiny outfit that looks like it’s begging to fall off, in a castle full of slime, spikes and way too many tentacle holes in the walls. The game pretends to be some old arcade run and jump, you use arrow keys, simple as hell, but the whole time you’re not thinking “platformer”, you’re thinking “ok, which corner will fuck me next”. Every step feels like a trap, and the game is laughing at you. You get a little corridor, feels safe, and then boom, floor eats you and suddenly she’s hanging upside down with tentacles spreading her legs open like it’s nothing. Animation kicks in, you get a full scene, and yeah, it’s pretty damn explicit. No shy camera angles, you see everything: slime, cum, jiggling, her face going from scared to actually kind of liking it, that usual hentai “oh no, but yes” thing.

What’s funny is, half the time I forgot I’m supposed to escape this dungeon nightmare and I just started walking into traps on purpose to see what else is hidden there. There are reused scenes from the previous game, you can totally tell, same positions, same monster patterns, same wet sounds, but they sprinkled new ones in between and it plays with your head. One moment a tentacle is just wrapping her arms and teasing, next scene in another room you get a whole gangbang pile of slimy limbs stuffing every hole she has and one she probably didn’t. There’s this one part in the castle basement where you jump over saw blades, and if you screw the timing a tiny bit, the floor panel collapses and she ends up pinned to the wall with vines, legs spread, vines acting like ropes and toys at the same time. Honestly that was my favorite and also the most annoying, because it’s locked behind this tiny stupid jump that feels just a hair too floaty. I kept dying there and yeah, “dying” basically means getting railed again. Not the worst punishment.

The controls are fine until they aren’t. Sometimes she skids like she’s on ice, sometimes she stops like she hit glue. Hitboxes are janky, you think you cleared a blade by a pixel, nope, your tits grazed it and now the floor opens and tentacles grab her ankles. I kind of hate it, but also the surprise is what makes the scenes actually hot, since you never know which trap triggers which animation. Some rooms give you fake safety: long quiet corridor, little torch flicker, nothing happening. Then last two tiles before the exit door? Hidden pressure plate, and she’s getting dragged into a wall gap with this wet slurp and suddenly you’re watching her being used like a toy by some unseen monster hiding in the darkness. You see tentacles sliding out of the black, wrapping her neck, slipping between her cheeks, pushing into her while she squirms. And the worst part is that after the scene ends you get reset back like nothing happened, and yeah, you immediately try to trigger it again like a degenerate.

The castle itself is just corridor after corridor of “ok, which horny death is here”. Dungeon cells with chained-up positions, ceiling slimes that drop on her head and then you’re stuck watching them pound her into the floor, weird fleshy pods that open when you step near them and suck her inside for a close-up breeding loop. Sometimes you’re super close to the exit door, you can literally see it, and there is this single tiny spike trap placed in the stupidest possible spot. You misjudge, you trip, and bam, the floor transforms into this living tentacle pit that yanks her under. I complained out loud at my screen and then sat through the whole scene anyway, so whatever, I’m part of the problem. The game is basically one long argument between “I want to win” and “I want to see her get grabbed again”. It’s rough, it’s horny, it’s unfair, it reuses old stuff, and I still kept pressing restart like some lab rat that learned the button gives porn instead of food.

Yoruichi walks straight into this mess like she always does, cocky, hungry for a fight, and absolutely not ready for what “futanari Bankai” actually means here. It’s one of those porn game setups where the story is basically a flimsy excuse, but this one leans hard into the Bleach logic and somehow makes it feel like a stupidly believable punishment ritual. Rangiku decides that leaving Soul Society for so long is not just a political issue, it’s a “you’re going to choke on my cock until your mascara runs” kind of crime. Then Haineko joins, not as a sword, but as this smug spirit with her own thick meat swinging, like the show suddenly forgot what a Zanpakuto is and replaced it with a pair of hungry futa bullies. And it weirdly works. Yoruichi is locked into this space that feels half training room, half sex dungeon, where every camera move is about her throat, her ass, her tits shaking when she gasps for air around Rangiku’s cock. There is no romance, no soft prelude. Just immediate facefuck, spit, and that messy power imbalance that Bleach always had but never admitted out loud.

What hit me fast is how the pacing is basically porn logic, not shonen logic. No warmup fight, just Yoruichi already on her knees, choking on Rangiku like she forgot how to breathe without a dick in her mouth. Her lips stretch around this thick shaft, nose pressed against orange pubes, tears forming when Haineko grabs her head and forces that deepthroat angle that makes her neck bulge a little. There is this one bit where Yoruichi tries to pull away for air and Rangiku just grabs her by the hair and starts fucking her face in short, rough thrusts, balls slapping her chin while Haineko laughs in the background. That laugh is too modern, it sounds like something you’d hear on TikTok audio, which annoyed me way more than it should and then I forgot about it because the game cuts straight to a titfuck. Her boobs are huge here, like exaggerated curves that barely look practical, but the way both cocks slide over them, smear pre-cum on her brown skin, then unload all over her cheeks and forehead, it becomes almost ritualistic. She gets painted like a perverted battle mark. The semen ropes look heavy, stringy, sticky, landing on her eyelashes, sliding down to her lips where she licks some of it because of course she does after pretending to resist. And in the same moment it feels like humiliation and a weird sort of worship of her body.

Once they flip her onto her back and then onto all fours, the whole thing shifts from “punishment” into this extremely physical power trip. Rangiku rams into her pussy from the front while Haineko presses against her ass from behind, and there is that slow second where both tips push, stretch, and then sink inside together. Double penetration is always a bit abstract in most games, but here you see Yoruichi tense up, muscles tight, jaw dropped, like her whole body is trying to process being filled in two places at once. It looks brutal and hot and a bit too intense, which is exactly the point. Her ass gets used hard, you see the cheeks ripple with every slam, hear wet sounds when both cocks grind inside her. They take turns switching holes, anal to vaginal, back and forth, until she is just moaning in that raw, broken way that sounds less like anime and more like someone who forgot there is a microphone on. She tries to hold herself up on her arms and fails, face pressed down, boobs mashed under her while they keep driving into her. When the final creampies hit, it is excessive in that hentai “this is biologically impossible” style, warm white loads flooding both her pussy and ass, then pushing out in thick spurts. Cum leaks down her thighs, drips onto the floor, spills back out around the cocks still twitching inside her. They don’t just fill her, they cover her, stomach, tits, ass, even her back, until she looks less like a former captain and more like a used toy left on autoplay. Somewhere in there she starts enjoying it, hips pushing back on her own, like the act of being punished becomes the only kind of connection she accepts now. It’s fucked up, loud, and weirdly honest about how power, shame, and pleasure can melt together into something you can’t fully defend in a seminar paper, but you still keep replaying in Chrome incognito while pretending you were just “studying fan culture”.