The Dimitrescu Trial starts with a splash screen so janky I almost hit backspace. Like, this is a browser game. We all know what we're here for, stop pretending with the ominous castle shot that clearly took five minutes in a posing tool. Then she walks in. Lady D, all 3DCG glory, tits like ballistic missiles, ass that could smother a small family, and the framerate dips on my phone. My actual phone, not a potato. The audio is a loop of what I think is a windchime being tortured.

And yet. I keep resetting. Not for the "horror" or the "monsters" (there's a paranormal tag, sure, some tentacle thing with ahegao faces that looks like it escaped a different, more confused game), but because the fail states are the draw. You mess up a QTE and suddenly it’s a handjob scene with zero context, just her giant hands working you with a bored expression. Another path, you get lost in a hallway the exact same gray cobblestone texture repeated seventeen times and end up in a vaginal sex scene where the clipping is so bad your character's torso phases through her stomach. It's the kind of slapdash nonsense that loops back around to being fascinating. The superpowers tag is doing a lot of heavy lifting for what's basically a stamina bar that depletes when you stare too long at her ass. Romance is listed, which is a lie, it's pure, transactional female domination with a dystopian flavor that means the lighting is dim.

One time I purposefully failed a logic puzzle, I think it involved colored torches, and got a titfuck scene that actually had some decent animation. The creampie finish that followed felt almost sarcastic. I wish the exploration bits had any purpose beyond being loading screens between the sex, but that's never getting fixed. The whole thing feels like someone ripped the assets from a proper Resident Evil parody, shoved them into a basic adventure engine, and then got distracted halfway through adding the "game" parts. Downloading Grindr was a better use of my data, probably, but here I am wondering if there's a Lady D handjob scene I missed behind the third left turn. There isn't. I checked.

You wake up in this game like your brain just alt‑tabbed back into your body. No epic prophecy, no dramatic music, just "oh shit, I'm alive again" and suddenly there is a catgirl sitting on your bed staring at your face like you are the last snack in the fridge. She talks like she already knows you, her tail twitching, ears flicking, and she has this weird mix of horny and awkward energy that feels too real. Then she casually drops that her best buddy is a robot that can literally record stuff, project stuff, help you peek, help you… "study" bodies. Of course. Totally normal morning. Nothing strange here except almost everything.

The whole world feels like someone smashed a cozy dating sim into a horny sci‑fi fantasy fever dream. One second you chat with your short‑haired childhood friend, muscles tight under brown skin, tanlines sharp like someone painted them on with a ruler. She tackles you to the mat to "practice wrestling" and somehow your face ends up between thighs more times than is statistically possible. Next second your catgirl drags you into some haunted corridor where the lights flicker, and there is this tall monster girl with claws, and you're thinking, "okay, I will die now" but no, she wants you on your knees, shaking, humiliated, dripping, and half the horror turns into something way more filthy than any ghost movie. It should be scary. It kind of is. Your dick does not care.

There is a weird freedom to how everything flows. One evening you are fooling around, just lazy handjob under a blanket while pretending to watch Netflix on your second monitor, and then she stops right before you cum, smiling like a demon, whispering that you are not allowed yet. Another time the same girl straddles you, breaks that perfect hymen in a messy, sloppy way, squirt all over your stomach while you pump her full, and the game lingers on the creampie, like it wants you to count drops. Later you see her belly slightly rounder and you realize the pregnancy thing is not just flavor. You get punished for staring too long at the jiggle when someone bends over. You get slapped for groping in the wrong place at the wrong time, or rewarded when you do exactly what they told you not to do, which makes absolutely no sense and somehow fits perfectly.

What really caught me is how it goes from soft lesbian teasing, tongue sliding over big tits, slow sucking, milk running, to brutal lez dom scenes where one girl is strapped, begging, orgasms denied over and over while a toy pulses inside, and the other one barely even smiles. Then, five minutes later, the same dominatrix is in cosplay doing goofy poses and asking if her ahegao looks good. It is ridiculous. The harem thing creeps up without the usual "you are chosen hero" speech. Suddenly there are three, four, more girls orbiting you, elves with tight asses, a shy virgin monster girl who blushes while you spank her until she squirts, some slave contract that you kind of signed by accident because you were busy staring at boobs. Exhibition scenes happen in corridors, labs, classrooms, you watch them through cameras like a total voyeur and sometimes the robot gently nudges you toward the nastiest option. The game pretends to be a simple horny sandbox, but then it drops little superpower tricks, like pausing time to grope someone mid‑motion, or forcing them to cum in sync just by focusing, and you barely get any explanation. Stuff just works. Stuff just gets wetter. Sometimes the animations glitch a bit, hair clipping into tits and all that, and I weirdly liked it. Makes the world feel like a broken dream where sex is the only system that never crashes. Dare to play it alone, or invite company?

Tali's pilgrimage. Remember how that was supposed to be about finding something useful for the Migrant Fleet? Between all the shooting and the Reapers, this game takes a hard left into the gutter. It's a proper sandbox mess, all 3D with animations that kinda jitter, and you're bouncing around as young Tali before she ever had a Shepard. And look, the whole thing is a trap. No big surprise there if you know the tags. A batarian named Jedore, who's basically a walking war crime, has set up some kind of fucked-up experiment, and you walk right into it.

What gets me is the combat. It's there. It's janky and about as polished as a vorcha's backside, but you do shoot things. Gets you from one sex scene to another. Miranda shows up for some reason, her tits are massive, the usual. Ashley too, looking less like a soldier and more like she wandered out of a bad dream. The corruption meter ticks up, and Tali's dialogue gets you know. It's a slow burn from "keelah" to getting on her knees for a monster that's got more tentacles than sense. The whole thing is like watching a fanfic written by a very horny teenager with a grudge against the quarian people.

Forgot to mention EDI! She's there, all chrome and teasing, but half her scenes feel like they were coded by someone who just discovered how boob physics work. You spend a lot of time just clicking, walking through ugly corridors, and somehow, between all that, there's a surprisingly detailed anal scene with the batarian that made me close my browser for a second. Not because it was bad, but because the sound design for the squelching was so aggressive, like someone stirring a bowl of macaroni. The masturbation bits are fine, Tali's model is cute in that early 2000s CGI way but you ever notice how no one in these games knows how hands work? It's just a lot of clipping. A lot. I wish the sandbox felt less like a proof-of-concept, but it won't ever be finished, you can just tell. All that potential with the Flotilla's dirty politics and instead you're watching Tali get spit-roasted by a freak and some corrupted Alliance chick. The whole thing is a glorious, broken disaster.

You ever notice how in these parody games Hermione’s tits are always massive? Not complaining, just observing. This one, a little sci-fi twist on the Potter thing, starts with her in some kind of stasis pod, already half naked. The 3DCG is... well, it's got that specific look. Like someone learned Blender from horny forum tutorials in 2016. The skin textures are weirdly shiny, like everyone's been oiled up for a photoshoot that never ends. But the eyes, man. They track you. Not in a creepy way, more like a "I know what you're here for" way.

The mind control stuff kicks in fast. Some ancient evil, a tentacle thing that's more bored than menacing, gets inside her head. There's this one moment where she's arguing with herself, one hand fighting the other as it slides down her stomach. The voice acting, if you can call it that, is just these breathy moans looped slightly out of sync. It’s jarring but also, I don't know, hypnotic? You click through dialogue that’s basically just "...yes... more..." and watch the corruption meter fill up. The game forgets it's supposed to be a parody about halfway through and just becomes a slideshow of positions. Vaginal, oral, a scene with another witch who might be her twin? The story is a suggestion, a whisper you ignore while scrolling for the next explicit render.

The monster girl tag is a lie. There's a single scene with what looks like a sexy Dementor, but it's just a shadow with boobs. Total cop-out. I spent ten minutes trying to trigger a group scene that was teased in the gallery, clicking on every pixel of the background, but nothing. The male domination path is just a series of faceless torsos. It's efficient, I guess. Like the dev knew we'd skip the dialogue anyway. The romance path is broken, by the way. I picked every "nice" option and still ended up in a magical gangbang. So much for agency. The whole thing runs in a browser tab, and I had to mute it because the squelching sounds are mixed way too loud. My cat stared at me. Not judging, just... observing. Like Hermione’s eyes.

World here is trashy in a good way. City feels like some neon prison where futas run everything and regular guys like you are basically walking toys with a student loan. You start as this clueless dude dumped in a matriarchy that doesn’t even pretend to respect you. The game doesn’t waste time with fake equality. You want to date a hot futa? Cool. You also want to avoid ending up naked, collared, and used as a public stress relief station? Also cool. Too bad those two goals keep fighting each other every time you click “next day”. Classes, jobs, gym, shopping, weird little BDSM errands that definitely don’t sound like errands. One minute you’re grinding stats, the next you’re on your knees in some alley doing a blowjob scene that probably tanked your “dignity” stat but hey, money is money. This thing plays like someone took an old school dating sim, injected it with porn brain, then said “ok but what if everyone dominating you has a dick and the government is fine with that”.

Fun part is how ordinary the daily loop looks until it suddenly twists into fetish hell. Go to class, pick choices, flirt a bit, check schedule. Sounds calm, right. Then you fuck up a dialogue with a futa officer and she decides you need “attitude correction”. Screen cuts, you’re bent over a table, getting your ass pounded while she lectures you about respect and you’re stuck watching text options that are all some version of “moan harder”. I had one run where I tried to play it “pure”, just studying, staying polite, avoiding weird sex jobs. Thought I was being smart. Nope. Ended up getting tricked into a “medical checkup” that turned into a forced anal exam, cock in my throat, and a casual suggestion that I’d make a good sissy maid if I “cooperated more”. Game basically laughs at the idea that your male protagonist gets to stay in control. Kinda refreshing, kinda fucked, works for what it is.

Sex scenes themselves are wild in a very pornhub-scroller way. Futas with big cocks, strap-ons even when they don’t need them, lots of oral, lots of anal, the usual “you’re my property now” dirty talk. Sometimes the writing hits perfect, like when a futa dom makes you lick her boots first, calls you “future slave”, then actually softens a bit if you manage the right answers. Other times it gets a bit too wordy and tries to be deep while your character is literally gagging on cum. Still hot, just accidentally funny. The whole sissification angle sneaks up on you too. You think “ok, I’ll wear girly clothes to get better reactions, purely tactical choice”. Fifteen in‑game days later you’re in a skirt, lipstick, kneeling at your crush’s feet, getting praised for being a “good girl”, and the game treats it like the most logical outcome possible. It never pretends you’re the hero. You are the reward, the toy, the boyfriend-shaped pet in a dystopian sci-fi matriarchy that sees your hole as public utility. And somehow that feels more honest than half the fake-empowerment porn out there.

The first time you can grab Mira's ass in the temple ruins, the animation stutters like a scratched holo-disc and her voice line cuts off mid moan. Something about that brokenness actually works better than the polished scenes later. Like finding a dirty magazine with pages stuck together, the imperfection makes it dirtier somehow. This whole Knights of the Lust Temple thing runs on that energy. Apulaz and Crossbow Pussycat clearly know their KOTOR lore, I'll give them that, but they also know exactly when to abandon it for a scene where Cova Nell gets bent over a console by three Sith troopers while Xiu Hua Jhang watches and touches herself in the corner. The character models look like someone sculpted them out of butter and then left them in a warm room, but the sheer variety of holes getting filled, the way the creampie scenes just keep going until you're almost bored, that's a choice I respect.

The female protagonist angle gets weird because the game can't decide if she's reluctant or insatiable. One dialogue tree has her begging for it, the next she's being held down. The *** tag is there for a reason, and the groping scenes in the cantina on Taris, you know the ones, they don't pull punches. But then you get a fully consensual lesbian scene with Mira that's almost tender, and the whiplash is real. The group sex sequences are where the engine really chugs, four or five characters clipping into each other while the sound effects loop like a broken droid, and honestly I spent way too long trying to line up the camera angle for the anal penetration scene with the Twi'lek dancer. The sci-fi setting is just window dressing for the most part, lightsabers exist but nobody uses them for anything creative, which feels like a missed opportunity. The masturbation animations are surprisingly detailed though, especially the one where she uses a broken training remote. Don't ask why that's hot, it just is. The big tits and big ass tags are accurate, physics set to maximum jiggle, no subtlety whatsoever. You'll either uninstall after ten minutes or finish the whole thing in one sitting, there's no middle ground with this kind of parody.

Captain, this thing feels like somebody took Mass Effect, ripped out the morality system, stuffed a horny brain into the Normandy, and said: “Ok, now every decision is about who you’re fucking first.” You start as this human dude basically holding the last shreds of humanity in his pants, I mean, hands, surrounded by four alien girls who all look like someone saw Tali and Liara on Pinterest and went “yeah, but horny.” The vibe is half sci fi rescue mission, half “HR would have an aneurysm if this was real.” One minute you’re checking ship status, the next you’re getting a face full of blue alien tits and pretending it’s part of the mission briefing. Feels professional, in a very unprofessional way.

What I liked is how the game pretends to be a real RPG for like five seconds before you remember you just clicked that exploration node because you wanted to see if the busty insect girl would sit on your face after the fight. There are little battles, simple as hell, not Dark Souls, more like “tap here, watch numbers go brrr, ok good boy, here’s a porno reward.” The best part is when you’re talking to the crew and the “serious” sci fi dialogue suddenly slides into “by the way, captain, I need a ‘physical’ check-up” and you know damn well this is going to end in some animated oral scene where she’s on her knees in the engine room, giving you a blowjob next to a reactor that’s probably not OSHA compliant. Tali-like girl? Total nervous wreck with big tits spilling out of her suit the second you get a private moment. Liara-like one? Brainy, soft-spoken, then you unlock a group scene and she’s getting titfucked while still trying to explain some alien artifact lore like that’s important.

It gets stupid in the best way when the game just throws multiple penetration at you like “yeah, captain, the fate of the species depends on you fucking all of them at once, no pressure.” One scene you’re pinning some monster girl to the captain’s chair, groping all over her, she’s riding you, and another alien slides in to sit on your face and you’re like “this is what Starfleet dreams are made of.” Vaginal, oral, creampie, group sex, it’s all there, and half the time you’re finishing inside them while some quest log in the corner quietly updates like “objective complete.” I wish the sandbox part let you wander the ship more freely and just harass everyone, but whatever, it still lets you poke around, talk, fuck, do a tiny mission, fuck again. Also, one dialogue choice early on is worded in such a scuffed way I had to read it three times, and now I keep thinking about that instead of the plot, which is hilarious because the plot is literally “save humanity with your dick.” Anyway. It’s a very serious heroic sci fi game where you accidentally end up with alien girls dripping cum on the bridge chair and nobody cleans it up.

so i'm tracking routes in this thing like it's my job, got a spreadsheet and everything. 27 endings apparently but i've only found 14 and three of those were basically the same scene with different hair colors. the catgirl shows up in the first 30 seconds and honestly i forgot about the robot friend for like two hours because i got stuck in this weird loop with the childhood friend who has tanlines and wants to wrestle. you lose that match on purpose and suddenly there's a whole domination thing with her sitting on your face while calling you names. didn't expect the ahegao expressions to be that intense, the eyes actually roll back in a way that's kind of unsettling if you stare too long.

the superpower mechanic is weirdly inconsistent. sometimes you can read minds and other times it just doesn't work and nobody explains why. used it on an elf character and got a scene where she's lactating while getting spanked by some monster girl with tentacles. the koikatsu models are doing a lot of heavy lifting here because the writing is... look, the dialogue has more exclamation marks than my uncle's facebook posts about politics. but the animations during the group sex scenes are surprisingly smooth, especially the squirting physics which i definitely spent too much time analyzing frame by frame for my spreadsheet.

there's this one route where you end up as a slave to a demon lady who does orgasm denial for like 20 minutes of real time. you just sit there clicking through dialogue while she edges the protagonist and laughs. my data shows the average player probably gives up and reloads a save but i powered through because i'm documenting everything. the hymen breaker tag is misleading btw, it's one optional scene with an elf and it's not even animated well. the pregnancy content is locked behind some convoluted choices involving a sci-fi lab and honestly i haven't figured out the exact sequence yet. the horror elements show up randomly, like you're doing a normal dating sim thing and suddenly there's blood and screaming. doesn't fit at all but somehow that makes it funnier. the exhibitionism scenes are mostly in the sandbox mode where you can just walk around town naked and NPCs react with the same three lines over and over. my spreadsheet has a column for "times NPC said 'woah'" and it's at 47.

Tali sneaks off on her pilgrimage thinking it will be quiet, simple, almost boring, and suddenly you’re dragging her through this messy, horny spiral where every “small errand” for the Flotilla turns into corruption, blackmail, and getting her cute quarian ass stuffed in places the Migrant Fleet probably doesn’t mention in official reports. It feels like someone grabbed Mass Effect, shook it until the serious parts fell out, then kept all the girls, all the tech, and all the excuses for fucking. You start small, doing these little jobs, poking around ships, stations, weird labs, with Tali trying to stay the responsible engineer. That lasts like five minutes. One moment you’re checking some broken system, next moment a monster is pinning her to a console and using every hole while alarms blink behind her and she pretends she’s still “on duty.” The more you push, the more the game stops caring about canon and just says “yeah, what if Liara walked in right now?” or “what if Miranda decided Shepard’s quarian pet needed discipline?” and suddenly there’s a scene about that.

The sandbox vibe is messy in a way I kind of like. You wander, poke stuff, trigger scenes that feel almost accidental. You go into a sector just to see if there’s loot and instead run into Kasumi offering some shady deal that obviously ends with Tali on her knees, visor fogged, gagging on cock while credits rain in the background like some fucked-up sponsorship. Sometimes you get proper combat first, blasters, powers, you actually have to not play like an idiot, and if you win, nice reward, if you lose, well, Tali’s suit has “emergency access panels” now. I’m still annoyed the UI makes me misclick during teasing scenes and skip a line I wanted to linger on, and no, I will never forgive that. One run I had her trying to stay pure, saying no to corruption options, and still the game found ways: accidental masturbation in a quiet bunk, a “medical check” from Shiala that turns into full-on pussy inspection, anal exam, the sort of thing that would get a doctor shot out of an airlock. It’s like the universe is allergic to her staying innocent.

The fanservice is ridiculous and I mean that as compliment and insult at same time. You’ve got big tits, big asses, tight suits, those slow animated loops where Tali’s getting pounded from behind, her hips slamming into a console, screens flickering while she moans into her mask. Sometimes the animation looks hot and fluid, sometimes a little stiff and goofy, and both moods kinda work. Seeing EDI take a more… humanoid approach with Tali, strapping into synthetic bodies and “testing flexibility,” made me immediately think about drawing fanart where the suit is half open, gel lighting from the Normandy, everything sweaty and wrong. The game throws in Ashley, Samara, Miranda, Liara, all popping up like erotic side quests, but not in a neat checklist way, more like “oh, she’s here now, guess Tali’s getting her face sat on.” Oral, anal, vaginal, monsters, teasing that turns into rough fucking, Tali trying to keep her dignity while her pilgrimage slowly becomes this long, filthy tour of getting used like property. I kind of wish the corruption had one or two quieter moments where she just masturbates alone, watching some dirty extranet video on her omni-tool and whispering Shepard’s name, but the game mostly prefers to shove her straight into group scenes and move on. It’s messy, horny, playful, and so obviously made by someone who loves this universe a bit too much in the dirtiest way, which is honestly the best thing about it.