The whole thing feels like someone ripped a flash game from 2007 and slapped a League skin on it. You get Sona and Poppy, but not in any way that makes sense. The summoner is there, I guess, doing whatever summoners do in these fever dream parodies. The quiz is the gatekeeper, and it’s so stupidly easy it’s almost insulting. Questions about lore nobody cares about, just busywork before the pixelated payoff.

And that payoff. One animation. That’s it. You answer five braindead questions and you get a loop of rough, hard sex that looks like it was animated by someone learning the software for the first time. Poppy’s scene has this weird stiffness to it, like her joints don’t bend right. The oral part is there, technically, but it’s so janky I laughed instead of anything else. Sona’s is slightly better, if you’re into that specific brand of unpolished desperation. The sound design is a crime. Just a wet slapping noise on repeat that doesn’t sync with anything. I’ve heard better audio on those scammy mobile game ads.

I keep thinking about the color palette. It’s all muddy browns and greens, like the whole thing takes place in a swamp. Which, for a medieval journey, maybe that’s the point. But it makes the skin tones look sickly. There’s a moment in Poppy’s animation where her expression is supposed to change, I think, but it just glitches out and resets. I replayed it three times to see if it was a bug. It’s not. It’s a feature. The whole thing is so barebones it’s almost charming, like finding a crumpled drawing in a teenager’s notebook. You know exactly what they were going for, and the failure is the only interesting part. The replayability is zero unless you have a fetish for broken quiz games. Which, no judgment, but maybe just go scroll Twitter instead.

The Ahri splash art is spot on, that specific fox tail curve from the original skin, but then the top down pixel sprite just looks like a blonde smear. I spent way too long in the first room just tapping left click on a wall because the impact effects are new and honestly more satisfying than the combat for the first ten levels. The wall crack pattern is weirdly detailed.

The voice acting. I need to talk about it because nobody else will. During the first Sona encounter, her moans have this slight reverb that doesn't match the tiny dungeon room acoustics. But my brain filled in the rest because the bust art is so accurate to her League splash that I forgot I was playing something made in what feels like a fever dream version of RPG Maker. You hold left click to skip text but I didn't, because the backstory dump for the reworked champions is surprisingly coherent for a game where you can also just right click enemies with a weapon and dash with shift like it's Hades but horny.

The minion conquering option. Three new girls plus a super rare one. I found two. The super rare one never spawned and I circled the same dungeon floor for fifteen minutes wondering if the loot drops were tied to it. They're not. The shops are there, I bought a potion, pressed E, it healed me. Revolutionary. Achievements pop up for things you didn't know you did, like hitting a wall enough times probably. The game forgets it has a story sometimes and just becomes a loop of killing things and hoping the next champion bust appears with torn clothes because entering the next stage is manual now, so you can just stare at the aftermath. I did that. The music track loops aggressively but the sex scenes are detailed enough that you stop noticing.