You start as this kinda clueless guy dumped into a “totally not official” region, phone in one hand, half a chub in the other, and suddenly you’re supposed to be both monster trainer and professional horndog. The game plays it like a classic monster RPG, turn based fights and all, but every win feels more like you’re grinding Tinder than grinding levels. You throw balls at monsters, then five minutes later you’re throwing something else at Misty in a changing room. I was half expecting it to be all tease, but nope, it goes hard on the porn side. Big asses, big tits, tiny shorts, way too much bending over. Cynthia shows up with that smug “I know you’re staring at my boobs” energy, and the game absolutely rewards you for being a thirsty idiot. You can wander around like a sandbox, poke into houses you clearly shouldn’t, get sidetracked by some milf asking for “help with her Pokémon” who definitely does not mean her Pokémon. At one point I was supposed to go beat a gym and instead spent 30 minutes trying to trigger a specific sex scene with Nessa because someone on a Reddit thread said it was animated differently on the second try. They were right, by the way. Worth it.

The pickup line stuff hit me harder than I expected. You actually choose dialogue in some scenes, and it feels like speed dating with cheat codes turned off. One option is polite, one is horny, one is just straight up degenerate. I tested them like a weirdo doing field research. On Telegram I even sent screenshots to a language exchange buddy asking “does this line sound like a real fuckboy?” He said yes and I felt strangely proud. Sometimes being bold pays off and Misty basically jumps your dick in the locker after a battle. Other times you try something dirty on Dawn, and she goes “wow, creepy” and the scene turns colder, you still get sex later, but the vibe is different, more rough, less cuddly. It actually teaches you something weird about tone, even if the game itself is mostly about shoving your cock into every trainer with a pulse. The monsters are just there like foreplay excuses, beat one, unlock a new way to rail someone. I wish there was an option to mute the moaning without muting sound effects, but the game doesn’t care what I want and honestly that fits. At one point I forgot the main quest completely and just walked in circles trying new lines on Cynthia to see which one made her blush the most. Felt like using OkCupid in a fantasy world where every match wants to fuck you five minutes after small talk. Dare to play it alone, or invite company?

Mr. SmallCockMC sounds like a joke name a drunk Discord server would come up with, but here it actually fits the whole vibe of the game weirdly well. You drop into this world as this average dude with a not-so-average problem in his pants, married to a wife who looks like she wandered out of a porn hub thumbnail: huge tits barely fitting in any of her tops, thick ass, soft belly, that kind of “I had kids but I got hotter” milf energy. And the game just leans on that. Hard. She walks around in clothes that are technically outfits but basically just invitations, and everyone around you notices way more than you do at first. Bartender staring down her cleavage, neighbor “accidentally” brushing against her ass, random guys drooling when she bends over. You’re this smaller dude trying to act normal while every scene screams “someone is going to fuck your wife.”

The fun is in how it slowly stops being just background teasing and turns into actual decisions for you. One moment you’re at a small house party, drinking beer, watching her laugh too hard at some dude’s joke. Next moment you’re in the kitchen, and she’s cornered between the fridge and this tall black guy, his hands on her hips, kissing her like he already owns that pussy. The game lets you watch, interrupt, pretend you don’t see, or, you know, lean on the doorframe like a creep while her lipstick smears on his cock when she drops to her knees. That first proper oral scene with her on the floor, gagging a bit, trying to keep eye contact with you while his dick actually fills her mouth bigger than anything you can give, hits way harder than I expected. I was sitting there with my mouse, half annoyed at the janky menu buttons, and still thinking “ok yeah, this is hot as fuck.” The UI looks like something someone set up in a weekend, but when she’s riding him on the couch, tits bouncing, your character awkwardly jerking off in the corner, you kinda forget the rough edges.

And yeah, the game is petty about size, in a funny way. Every time she pulls out another dude’s cock you almost hear the dev giggling. Thick shaft between her huge boobs while she squeezes them around him, your character looking tiny and useless. Later there’s a swap night with another couple where it goes from “sharing a few drinks” to “her moaning on top of the other husband while the wife straddles you and literally calls you cute instead of hot,” and that stings more than any stat screen. There’s even a scene with a very feminine “trap” character who looks better in stockings than your wife does, and of course your girl ends up pressed against them, kissing while you watch, then both of them grinding on some guy like they forgot you exist. Double penetration shows up too, in a way that almost feels like the game is bullying you personally: she’s pinned between two dudes, one in her pussy, one in her ass, big hands on her waist, and you’re the one holding a camera so they can “remember the night.” It’s kind of messed up, kind of hilarious, kind of hot. Like watching a long Pornhub playlist that accidentally got plot and humiliation mixed in. The art is still rough in spots, some faces look off, and sometimes the pacing feels like edging that goes too long, but when she’s standing half naked on a balcony letting some stranger grope her tits while traffic passes below, you forget all of that and just think “yeah, this guy really is Mr. SmallCock.”