HeartProblems looks like one of those games you open just to “check it for five minutes” and then suddenly you’re clicking through scenes like a horny raccoon searching in the trash. On the surface it’s the usual porn VN setup: young guy, dead parents, moves in with uncle, house full of women that absolutely should not be as hot as they are. Milf energy in the kitchen, stacked bodies, tight clothes, that kind of slow-burn teasing where nothing “really” happens at first but your brain is already writing fanfic. Feels a bit like when you open X and see one “harmless” clip, then the algorithm decides you’re never seeing normal content again.

What sells it for me is how dirty it gets while pretending to be wholesome. You start as this awkward dude just walking around the house, talking, doing little choices that look innocent: help with the laundry, watch TV together on the couch, massage a sore back. The game loves to put you in those “accidental” skin contact situations. Hand brushing over that thick ass when you squeeze past in the hallway. Waking up with her on the sofa, your face basically in her tits, and she acts annoyed but does not move away. Corruption here is not some instant switch, it’s death by a thousand horny cuts. One day she slaps your hand for groping, later she just sighs, later she pretends not to notice, and then suddenly her leg is opening a bit more when you sit down. I caught myself saving before every dialogue just to try the slightly more perverted line and see if I can push one step further without getting shut down.

The 3D style is a bit uneven, which somehow fits. Some scenes look like they belong in a premium Patreon post, others feel like they were rendered while the dev was alt-tabbing to Telegram. Tits are huge, unapologetically so, bouncing and squeezed into outfits that clearly lost the fight with gravity. Asses too, like, “there is no way this character can find jeans in her size” big. Sometimes the proportions feel almost too much, but that might be exactly why it works. It reminds me of those cursed TikToks where the filter stretches everything and yet people in comments still type “link?” The humiliation angle hits when the MC gets caught peeking, or when one of them talks to him like he’s still a kid while his dick is obviously reacting in the shot. There’s a really fun scene where you get caught staring at her cleavage at breakfast, and the way she leans forward, half mocking you, half secretly enjoying your discomfort, is actually hotter than the later explicit stuff. And the mobile build is nice; playing this in bed with brightness low like some shameful little goblin feels exactly right. It’s weird, messy, sometimes clunky, and that’s kind of perfect for what it is.

First thing you notice is how tall she is. Not just tall, but that kind of unfair, “I could crush your skull between my thighs and you’d say thank you” tall. The castle feels built for her, not for you. Doors are too big, ceilings too high, shadows too long. You start as this regular guy who somehow walks into the worst possible horny nightmare: a fucked up old mansion twisted into a playground for a giant vampire lady who looks a lot like a certain tall queen from that zombie game, but here she’s even more cruel, more smug, and yeah, way more horny. The whole place is like a maze of wet whispers and creaking floors. You move from corridor to corridor, waiting for that click of heels behind you, knowing that when she catches you, it’s not a game over. It’s a different kind of punishment.

What surprised me is how the game mixes horny and horror without trying to be subtle. One moment you’re creeping through some dark library, watching dust in the beam of a flickering lamp, and the next she’s got you pinned against a stone pillar with one massive hand around your throat, nails at your chin, staring down with that “you’re nothing but a toy” look. She teases the fact you’ve got these weird powers, like the world is broken and you’re some glitch that can slow her, shove things with your mind, twist reality a bit. Sometimes you use them to push a wardrobe in front of a door while she’s hunting you. Sometimes you fail and she catches you, drags you off, and then it turns into this obscene little trial where she decides if you get milked with her tits, jerked off lazily while she yawns, or just taken straight, hard, with your legs shaking and her laughing when you cum too fast. She treats creampies like trophies. There’s one scene in a ruined chapel where she rides you in a broken pew, stained glass behind her, and after you explode inside her, she stands up and you literally see it drip down her thighs while she calls you “useful.” I hated how much I liked that. I also hated that the inventory menu sound is too loud and it annoyed me every single time, and the game never fixes it.

The best part is that it often feels like you’re playing some fucked up dating sim from hell, where romance is twisted into this toxic, possessive thing. She’ll act gentle for ten seconds, stroking your hair, almost soft, then flip and use you like a living stress toy. You can try to play smart, pick dialogue that pushes back, use your powers to resist, but honestly, half the fun is failing and seeing her switch into full female domination mode. There’s a section in the dungeon where a monster girl variant of her shows up, more feral, claws scraping the floor, and if she catches you, she doesn’t bother pretending to be classy. She just tears open your pants and uses you. It’s rough, messy, and still weirdly romantic in this fucked up way, like you’re the one sane person stuck in a dystopian porn dream and the universe keeps asking if you’re sure you want to say no. The whole thing feels like a parody of that survival horror game everyone knows, but it leans hard into the “you’re prey and you kind of like it” angle. It’s ugly in some places, awkward in others, but when she bends over, tits spilling out of that dress, smirking because you can’t stop staring at her ass while ghosts whisper in the walls, all the weird edges suddenly make sense.

You start the game literally as a corpse, which already feels different from all the usual “new semester at horny academy” stuff. You’re dead, you’re on the table, and then your childhood friend drags in an angel and a demon, does this sketchy ritual that looks like something she half-learned from hentai and half from a scam YouTube occult channel, and suddenly you’re back in your own body. Kind of. You’re still you, just with this creepy awareness that these three girls basically own your second life. And they act like it. From the first POV scene you can feel that vibe: you’re the male protagonist, you talk, you react, but they keep grabbing your face, pushing your head between tits, grinding their big asses on you, like you’re some resurrected toy they saved for their own fun. It slips between teasing and straight up domination pretty fast. One moment the angel girl is all “we only want to help you adjust” with this choir-like soft music in the back, next moment she’s riding you, wings spread, drooling a bit, ahegao face and everything, saying she needs your “holy seed” to stabilize your soul. Sure. Totally medical reason.

The fantasy angle makes the harem thing feel almost logical. You have the childhood friend, who acts like a tsundere milf trapped in a younger body, always pretending she cares about your “safety” while sitting on your lap in just a shirt, rubbing your cock with lazy hips while lecturing you about not dying again. Then the demon girl shows up with horns, tail, big tits barely staying in some cosplay-looking outfit, and she’s pure chaos. She’ll pin you down, sit on your face, use your tongue like it’s contract payment, then five minutes later let you ram her ass until she’s shaking, only to smirk and call you her “pet hero”. There’s this scene where she gives you a handjob under the table while the angel talks about “spiritual balance” and you’re trying to click dialogue options without blowing your load too early. By the way, the clicking sound effect is weirdly loud, I kept thinking my neighbors could hear it more than the moans and that annoyed me way more than it should. Anyway. The monster girl race that killed you is also in the mix, but instead of hating them you basically end up fucking them. There’s a furry type with fluffy ears who pretends to be shy, then suddenly she’s giving you a sloppy blowjob, licking all the way to your balls, looking up with those wet eyes, then pushing your dick between her tits for a messy titfuck that ends in creampie between her breasts and she’s giggling like it’s the best thing ever. Game just shrugs and moves on.

I liked how the camera hugs the POV angle most of the time. When someone gives you a footjob, you really feel like you’re the one pinned on the bed, her toes curling around your shaft, heel pressing against your balls, and the sound of slick skin and her tiny breathy laughs in your ear. There’s a voyeurism bit where your resurrected body isn’t quite “stable” yet, so you wake up half transparent in a room and watch Misaki-like teacher character masturbate on her desk, fingering herself, pressing her big ass against the chair, whispering your name even though she thinks you’re dead. You can’t touch, you can only watch, camera slowly sliding around her as she grinds on her own hand, and then later, when you finally get solid again, she corners you in a corridor and calmly tells you she knows you were looking. Then she grabs your hand, presses it against her ass, makes you grope her in this quiet hallway while students walk somewhere offscreen. She smiles like a predator and edges you on purpose, only letting you cum when she’s got you buried in her pussy, milking you dry with these slow, deep thrusts that feel almost too intimate compared to the wild group sex scenes where everyone is climbing on top of you, swapping from oral to anal to vaginal like it’s a competition. The moans sometimes loop a bit awkward, and a couple of lines sound like they recorded them in a closet, but honestly that roughness kind of fits the whole “forbidden ritual brought you back just to turn you into a walking sex magnet” mood. Also, the way one girl keeps calling you “small fry” even while she’s riding you raw until your cum spills out of her and drips down her thigh really annoyed me. I kept waiting for a scene where you finally shut her up properly, never got it.

In my spreadsheets this thing looks like a total outlier. Every month I track genre tags from F95 and itch with some janky Python, and you can literally see this spike where “teasing + sci‑fi + humiliation + milf” starts overlapping with “investigation adventure”. That cluster used to be basically zero. Now there’s this weird nebula of games where the main mechanic is “solve the case with your tits”. This one sits right in the center of that mess. You play a young investigator dumped into a grim, gothic far future city, but nobody gave her proper gear, so her skill tree is basically: tongue, fingers, thighs, and a very low shame stat. First screen I walked into the church district, clicked a random suspicious guard, and suddenly the dialogue tree shifted from normal questions to “offer him a better view”. Chose it, camera framed her ass while she leans forward, pretending to search him, and his suspicion bar actually dropped because he was too busy staring. It’s stupid and hot at the same time, which is kind of the whole game.

The loop feels like someone glued together a point and click detective game with a slow corruption porn comic. You poke around the city map, find traces of the missing officials, and every clue is guarded by people who want something from her body. Not always full-on sex. Sometimes it’s just “take off your armor plates one by one” or “sit on his lap while he explains cult symbols”. The stripping scenes are animated just enough that you can see her hesitate, then keep going, robe slipping, boobs bouncing a little too much for anything standard issue. In one quest I had to get fingerprints from a suspected cultist nun. Expected the usual interrogation, got a “body search” mini-event where she lets the nun grope under her clothes “for contraband”. There’s this nice little moment where the protagonist pretends to complain, cheeks red, but you can tell she’s pressing closer instead of pulling away. The game keeps doing that: pretending it is about duty, while camera focuses on how wet her panties are when she has to “prove her devotion” to some monster-shaped relic. Also the interface is slightly annoying, tiny icons for inventory that you keep misclicking, but then you drag a relic on her body by accident and trigger a possession scene where tentacle shadows slip into her and make her masturbate on the altar while she’s still trying to ask questions about the case. So bug or feature, no idea, I just logged it mentally as “unexpected KPI of hand movement per minute”.

From data side, the funniest part is how many archetypes they cram into one woman. Statistically, games pick one: either cute rookie investigator or heavy milf with giant tits. Here she starts like a normal rookie, then the way the art exaggerates her body in each new outfit, by midpoint she basically turned into the office milf of the Inquisition. Big ass wrapped in pseudo‑holy straps, huge boobs squeezed into uniforms two sizes too small, and every lesbian encounter leans into that. There is one alley segment where a female cultist corners her, forces her to strip under threat of “summoning the beast”, but instead just spreads her on some cold machinery and eats her out while mocking how quickly she’s moaning for a woman she just met. It is half romance, half humiliation, and the dialogue is cheesy as hell, like fanfic written on a phone during commute, which somehow works better in porn than in normal games. You get combat segments too, but they are almost like foreplay that failed: lose a fight, and she gets pinned, fondled, maybe turned into a puppet for a while so the thing inside her can make her flash crowds in the market square. Win the fight, she still ends up rubbing herself off alone in a dark corridor, frustrated, fingers buried deep while she mumbles about “staying focused on the mission” and clearly does not. I actually wanted one clean, non-sexual interrogation, just to see how it feels, but the game keeps pushing her into situations where using her brain is the last resort, and her body has a much faster cooldown. Honestly, my notes are a mess, but the trend line is simple: every choice slowly turns her investigation into a public kink show, and the city reacts, stares, grabs, worships, laughs. Not very subtle, not very polite, but my charts say people are clearly into this filthy mix right now.